Tuesday, February 21, 2006

More Gina

Wow. I'm tickled by the great response to Gina. There’ve been a lot of requests for more. So since it’s nice to see anybody appreciate an unsold script that took months to write, here’s another scene...along with my thanks.

Gina (Paris Hilton with no money but a sense of humor) has coerced agoraphobic, claustrophobic Hank onto a flight bound for Paris. As reward she wants to initiate him into the Mile High Club. Two notes: She also brought her macaw who parrots back the obscenities he’s heard from her. And a reminder -- this movie is rated R.

****

INT. LAVATORY – CONTINUOUS

It's very small. They enter and Gina immediately throws herself on him. She begins tearing off his clothes which is almost impossible in such cramped quarters.

HANK
Wow. It's a little tight in here.

GINA
This is nothing. Try doing it in a coffin.

Hank winces in pain.

GINA
What's the matter?

HANK
Oh darn. I may be passing a kidney stone. I've had this before.

GINA
Ick.

HANK
But don't worry. It's not going to stop me. I've waited waaaaay too long for this.

GINA
Good. Go down on me.

HANK
What? HOW?!

GINA
How do you think?

HANK
No, I mean, there's not a lot of room.

GINA
Oh, it's big enough to get your face in.

HANK
What? No. What I meant was –

GINA
We don't have to do this, y'know. It's not like I don't have a....(finger "quotes") "bullet massager".

HANK
No, no. I'm cool. (another sharp pain) Aaaaaaaah! (covering) Very into it.

He tries to scrunch down. It's almost impossible. He's in the most uncomfortable twisted position imaginable.
There's a knock at the door. Hank SHRIEKS.

STEWARDESS (O.S.)
Ma'am, please attend to your bird. It just called a child a cocksucker.

GINA
Really? That's pretty funny.

HANK
Gina!

GINA
Stick him in an overhead compartment!

STEWARDESS (O.S.)
The cage won't fit.

GINA
I meant the kid! (off his look) We'll be out in ten minutes. (to Hank) Okay, now where were we?

Sheepishly, he starts to get in position again and his CELLPHONE CHIRPS. He SHRIEKS again.

GINA
That's yours. I'll get it. Just keep going. Don't worry. I can multi-task.

She grabs the phone from his pants on the sink and answers.

GINA
Hello?

HANK
(still in a crouch)
Who is it?

GINA
Your mom.

HANK
WHAT?!

GINA
(on phone)
This is not a good time. Your son was just about to give me skull.

HANK
Give me the phone!

GINA
(on phone)
Me? Laura Bush. (to Hank) Y'know, that would be a great name if I ever got into porn.

Hank crumples to the ground in agony.

GINA
(on phone)
What are you crying about? Jesus, no wonder your son is the Prozac Poster Boy ...No, he's not home. I think we're over the North Pole. (to Hank) You okay?

HANK
No...another kidney stone.

GINA
So what happens?

HANK
I drink a lot of water, I pray that somebody, anybody will kill me, and eventually I pass a little rock out through my penis.

GINA
Ooh. Then for sure I'm not swallowing.

HANK
(shaking his head)
I'm in the eighth ring of hell.

21 comments:

James said...

If ever there was a script that deserved a huge campaing to help get it produced, this has to be it.

I want to read the whole thing.

Ken Levine said...

My initial idea was to play against type...assuming that the actress can pull off the comedy. My feeling is someone like Julia Roberts would either think this would be a hoot to play or NO WAY. Sarah Silverman is still unknown enough by the general public that she could suck the audience in early on to think she's an ethereal goddess. But she has the chops to pull off the comedy. Unlike Angelina Jolie who just can't play funny.

I don't think Jennifer Aniston has the edge needed but I wouldn't "kick her out of bed" as the saying goes.

doggans said...

//(Paris Hilton with no money but a sense of humor)//

So unlike Hilton, she has actual value to society?

I'm definitely enjoying these scenes.

Whaledawg said...

Ken just post the dang pdf already ;)

Tom Quigley said...

Ken,

Having had several kidney stone episodes in my life, I started laughing out loud as soon as I hit that line! I was layering the "kill me now, please!" agony of those experiences on top of the rest of the scene -- you've got tears coming out of my eyes, and I'm not sure if it's from laughter or pain!

Mary Lewys said...

I wish very much we the viewing public were able to greenlight projects. I don't think I could hit my little green light button fast, hard or often enough.

And I agree. Sarah Silverman would be perfect.

I miss funny, strong women.

Ken Levine said...

I don't see Gina as angry, just fun and wild.

I too have passed a couple of kidney stones -- one on an airplane. Talk about claustraphobia....

josh said...

This is quite possibly some of the funniest screenwriting I've read in a long time.

Stephen Benson said...

hilarious! sarah silverman would rule, flat rule in this role. a line like "audrey hepburn never said motherfucker" needs preservation on film.

Whaledawg said...

This begs the question Ken, how much spec writing do you do now?

Ken Levine said...

Less now that I have a blog. Actually it depends on how much else I'm doing. But I do like writing on spec. I've got a couple of indie type screenplays (one a straight drama) searching for a home (with money) and a play.

Thanks again for all the props on GINA. I don't know how to post pdf's and not sure I'd want to put a whole script out there but if you want more GINA lemme know. Especially for the weekend.

Tod Hunter said...

I'm upping the ante. I'm ready to write a check for $20 for TWO tickets right now.

--t

Scott the Reader said...

My nomination? Rachel McAdams. She could rock this.

Boltron said...

Ken:

Have you sent it to Sarah Silverman's agent already? This script is hilarious.

Ken Levine said...

I'll post more Gina on the weekend. Thanks for the great response.

MGK said...

I liked this scene a lot more than the first one. In this scene, I can see Gina as being somebody you'd actually want to be with - in the first she was just bitchy. Arrogant and rude and loud in both, but this is fun and the first one just, well, wasn't.

But I'd definitely like to read the whole thing. The first scene could play depending on how much it's a part of the whole, you know?

Anonymous said...

Very funny, but my first thought was 'cell phones working on airplanes are spotty at best'. Might want to at least acknowledge that.

Ken Levine said...

As the movie unfolds you see many sides of Gina. Usually she's just outrageous and when she does get angry she has no censor and says the things we all wish we could say. When you first meet her (and perhaps that's a scene I'll share this weekend) I want her to be shocking, crass -- an absolute nightmare. I want Hank to want to run away as far and as fast as possible. And then over the course of the movie he begins to see her differently. And we learn more about why she is the way she is.

As for the cellphone. I know EXACTLY what you're saying but decided to take the same creative license they took in AIRFORCE ONE. And hopefully if the laughs are big enough you'll let it go or not even think of the plausibilty factor (he said copping out).

VP19 said...

If Melissa Joan Hart wanted to shatter her Clarissa/Sabrina persona forever, this would be the perfect vehicle for her.

Paul Duca said...

Ken...aren't we ALL looking for a home with money?

Paul Salvi said...

I second the guy who said "make with the .pdf," sir. This is hilarious, PLEASE post it for the good of humanity.