California Dreamin'

Back from Chicago where I guest lectured in my daughter Annie’s writing class at Northwestern. Getting there was no problem. Arrived on time. Zipped out to Evanston. A lot of “Ron Paul for President” signs in front of homes so that scared me, and the entire city looked like one giant mud slushy but all in all smooth sailing. I understand that the first gas powered automobile (circa 1900) won a race from downtown Chicago to Evanston. It took seven hours. Now, even in rush hour, it only takes five.

Since it was Super Tuesday I was sort of hoping my good buddy Barack Obama would invite me over to his downtown Hyatt suite to await results and watch CELEBRITY REHAB but alas he never called.

Let’s see…what happened Wednesday? Oh yeah, a blizzard.

I was trying to make snow angels in front of the Evanston Radio Shack but I got buried. I’m not used to snow blowing and swirling in my face. That’s for Brett Favre not me!

I was easy to spot as a Californian. No boots, no big overcoat (just a Patagonia jacket, perfect for Dodger Stadium in May), a stocking cap that made me look like a used Q-tip, and an umbrella. The umbrella was what really gave me away. I didn’t realize that it’s not much protection when snow is coming at you sideways. Even Mary Poppins wouldn’t be so stupid.

O’Hare was closed (big surprise). There were a thousand flights cancelled on Wednesday including of all things, mine. Fortunately, I had clothes for three days. I was wearing them all at once.

Northwestern cancelled nighttime classes and activities. Annie said that was the first time in four years they’ve done that. Her writing class went off as scheduled however. My topic was supposed to be character development but as a father I thought it was more important to lecture the kids for three hours on abstinence. They all must’ve been in a hurry to get to their next class because no one thanked me when they left.

More disruption: A nearby mall closed for the first time since 1999. People in Skokie had to make do without their Banana Republic and Cheesecake Factory. A local movie theater closed, but that could be because they were showing RAMBO, not the weather.

In the suburbs (where I was) we got a foot of snow. But at least it covered up all the Ron Paul signs.

And yet, for all the doom and gloom, everyone remained cheerful and friendly. There must be some sort of Kool-aid in the Chicago drinking water. Even the local newscasters still had a smile in their voice as they reported that hundreds of people were trapped in their cars. “I bet they’re setting their GPS systems to Florida.” Ha ha ha. “You said it. And turning now to the brutal slaying in Hyde Park…”

All the leaves are brown. And the sky is gray. Chicago has had a grand total of eleven minutes of sun this month.

One way to take your mind off of things was to workout at the Evanston Athletic Club. They have an indoor pool with a posted set of rules. This is – I kid you not – Rule #1: “All persons who are incontinent must wear rubber shorts.” I think I’d rather swim in Lake Michigan.

With all the snow and salt to clean the roads every car in Chicago looks fifteen years old. You can drive a brand new Beemer off the lot and in five minutes it looks like the jalopy used to deliver Domino Pizzas.

O’Hare was a zoo during my departure. People from Tuesday night still trying to get a flight out. I bet on an average night more people sleep in the O’Hare terminal than every Holiday Inn in America.

But it was all worth it to spend some time with Annie. I wouldn’t have minded being stranded another day…or two. Just not three because it’s supposed to get down to minus one. I’d be on Greyhound so fast my rubber shorts would have to take the next bus.