This is another one of my blog experiments. But one that could be very lucrative to YOU!!In improv class this week Andy Goldberg came up with a great exercise. (Andy’s book on improv is the gold standard by the way.) He essentially gave us a MATCH GAME question. We then wrote out our answers and compared them. And I thought, “Hey, this would make a great contest!”
So here’s the challenge to you great comedy minds out there – I give you the first part of the sentence and you finish it. File your entries in the comments section. A noted Emmy winning comedy writer (not me) will pick the five finalists. (I won’t divulge who that is so that everyone who doesn’t qualify hates him/her.)
Once I announce the finalists, YOU will vote for the winner.
Enter as often as you like (within reason). They don't have to be Rated G but if the judge goes "Yikes" reading your entry you're pretty much dead. Oh, and this should go without saying but I'll say it anyway -- unless you leave a name your entry will be disqualified. "Anonymous" will not be the winner.
Deadline is 11:59 PM PDT Monday, April 14. That still gives you a day to fill out your taxes.
One final note: Please just enter the kontest and not comment on those who have. As is the case with writers rooms, writers need the freedom to pitch anything without fear of being ridiculed. And sometimes the most off-the-wall pitch is the one that hits a home run. So I have deleted a number of these non-pitches and will continue to if more appear. Come on, people. This is all in the spirit of fun.
"And what do I win?" you say, and "It better be good." Don't worry. It IS. As you know this is a BIG money blog. So I hope you’re sitting down because the winner of Ken’s Komedy Kontest will receive ...(drumroll)
A personally autographed collector’s edition script from AfterMASH!!!!! In mint condition!!!!
I know. How does he do it??
So now, with that amazing prize up for grabs, here is the sentence.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he __________________ .
Good luck laugh meisters.
Couldn't finish this sentence.
ReplyDeletecouldn't clean his banister with pledge
ReplyDeletehad three pellets removed from his left buttock after a failed shotgun wedding.
ReplyDeleteforced his sister Mary to change her name to Gertrude.
ReplyDelete...avoided the Good Humor man. Anyone in a white jacket, really.
ReplyDelete...bought a set of just "His" towels.
...got hives whenever someone did the Chicken Dance.
...leased his blowup doll.
...rolled a D20 on a first date to decide how much to tip.
...dated Liz Taylor.
...wore running shoes to his wedding.
had the words MY SUNNY DISCLAIMER tattooed on his penis.
ReplyDeletebroke out in hives after seeing the epilogue of that romantic comedy.
ReplyDeletehad a doormat with the word LEAVE on it.
ReplyDeleteStopped in mid-air after jumping off a building.
ReplyDeletedivorced his parents when he was in kindergarten.
ReplyDeletekept a framed picture of Bill Clinton on his nightstand.
ReplyDeleteWhat part of "don't submit an entry as Anonymous" did I not make clear???
ReplyDeleteDON'T SUBMIT AN ENTRY AS ANONYMOUS!!!!
It will not be considered. Thank you.
...answered Ken's challenge as Anonymous.
ReplyDeletenamed his cat "we'll see how it goes"
ReplyDelete...got pulled over because he couldn't pick a lane
ReplyDeletenever burned down the mental hospital.
ReplyDeletechecked his swing.
ReplyDeletepulled out.
asked the waitress how much he should tip.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he posted as "Anonymous" wherever he went.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he wore a condom when masterbating.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he didn't tune into shows after watching the pilot.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he considered AfterMASH out of his league, especially after staring at MASH from across the bar for 11 years and never having the courage to say Hi.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he handed his fiancee his wallet and the keys to his house after she proposed marriage to him.
...ended up getting committed.
ReplyDelete...couldn't be sure he had a fear of commitment.
ReplyDelete...became president.
...asked the audience whether he should phone a friend.
...posted his personal ad in the obituaries.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he once got married nine times in a week.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he took his Mom to bachelor parties.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he got a parking ticket choosing food at the drive-thru restaurant.
Oopsy Daisy. Sorry Ken. My excitement for the contest rendered me temporarily unable to read/follow directions.
ReplyDeleteI'm the dunce responsible for the above Anonymous posts.
...let himself go.
ReplyDelete...burned down a string factory.
ReplyDelete...is waiting to see if the tenth dentist comes around.
ReplyDelete...let the guys at National Lampoon kill that dog.
Are corrections allowed? If so,
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he once married nine different girls in a week.
Hell, I tried.
...he wanted a chance to "see other mothers" in the Maternity Ward before agreeing to go home with his own.
ReplyDeleteOnly dated women on death row.
ReplyDeletehis wife had to include an $8 million signing bonus.
ReplyDeleteDID have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.
ReplyDeletecouldn't decide who to vote for: the purple or turquoise M&M.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but could I amend mine to...
ReplyDelete"...just let himself go."
Thankyaverymuch.
. . . he only stayed in Rev. Wright's church for ten years.
ReplyDelete...only dated Alzheimer's patients.
ReplyDelete...always wrote love letters in disappearing ink.
...wouldn't eat beans, broccoli or any other food that might repeat on him.
...wouldn't have any pets - except mayflies.
Danny had such a fear of commitment, that he reminds his psychoanalyst about it at every session.
ReplyDeleterented his toothbrush.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he's just had his 13th sex change operation.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he divorced his third wife while in the womb.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he became ambidextrous.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would keep his eyes closed in a singles bar.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would break out in hives at the hint of lingerie.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he only engraved his name inside his wedding ring.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he visits the Mosque on Friday, the Synagogue on Saturday, and the local parish on Sunday.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he abandoned every blog comment before fini...
doesn't buy any two-DVD sets.
ReplyDeleteOh my lordy! I loaned that book to a friend of mine several years ago and he has yet to give it back.
ReplyDeleteanyhow.
"Danny had such a fear of commitment that he bought out the warranty on his dishwasher."
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he never looked into his tissue afterwards...
ReplyDelete...divorced himself.
ReplyDelete...became a Superdelegate.
...went FiCore.
... broke out in cold sweat and rusted through his platinum wedding ring the moment his wife slipped it onto his finger.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he fed the rest of Madeleine McCann to his dog.
ReplyDeleteToo soon?
In the word's of the immortal Gene Rayburn, "Danny had such a fear of commitment that he blanked."
ReplyDeleteCharles Nelson Reilly?
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he married Rhea Perlman?
Oh.
Nevermind...
...stepped only on the cracks in the sidewalk.
ReplyDelete...he is still deciding whether to leave the womb
ReplyDeleteis still deciding whether that breathing thing is worth it
ReplyDelete...never tore off the "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law" tag from his mattress.
ReplyDelete...he began his prayers with "To whom it may concern..."
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete... had "Whatsername" tatooed on his bicept.
... changed his name to Undecided Voter and moved to a purple state.
... never received any Netflix DVDs because he couldn't decide what films to put in his queue.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he cut off his ring fingers.
ReplyDelete...didn't buy green bananas.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he ...
ReplyDeletethat he ...
ReplyDeletethat he ...
ReplyDeletethat he ...
ReplyDeletedammit! nevermind.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDeletewouldn't even walk through the pet food section of the grocery store.
Danny had such a fear of commitment, he refused to use rechargeable batteries in his penis pump.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he wouldn't renew his Viagra prescription.
... couldn't even give his girlfriend ringworm.
ReplyDeleteThat he sent love letters without a return address.
ReplyDeleteThat he signed his love letters “anonymous”.
That he always turned back in the middle of a cross walk.
That he only dated Iraqi female suicide bombers.
That when asked as a boy “what do you want to do when you go up” responded, “Whoa, who said anything about being on board for this growing up thing?”
That after his wedding, he had his “I do” redacted on the marriage license.
...bought his house with a sub-prime loan.
ReplyDelete...booked his honeymoon flight on American Airlines.
... dated Sybil.
ReplyDelete(Or he had such a fear of dignity that he dated Cybill)
... that he would only watch new TV Series starring Jason Alexander.
ReplyDelete...only bought "Fun Size" candy bars.
ReplyDelete...his favorite candy is "M"
(OK, so I'm hungry this morning. Sue me.)
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he wrote a spec script for Firefly.
ReplyDelete...was married at the Yearning For Zion Ranch.
ReplyDelete...that he could eat just one.
ReplyDelete...that he only dated the terminal.
cut his own umbilical cord.
ReplyDeleteleases his socks.
only wears a stop watch.
jobed out of preschool.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he never watched a mini-series.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he rented socks.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he --
ReplyDelete....only went to the first Harry Potter movie.
....chokes every time he tries to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
....would only vote in the Democratic primaries if he was a resident of Florida or Michigan.
....declined to be bailed out by JP Morgan Stanley.
....refused to pass "Go" whenever he played Monopoly.
....repeated sixth grade four times when he found out seventh grade was at a different school.
....fakes orgasms during sex.
....is still using Windows 98 on his computer.
....doesn't sign his income tax return.
....will only run the first three miles of a marathon.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he came after she left.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he took thirty-five minutes to choose a lab partner.
ReplyDeleteThese are all great. Keep 'em coming!! (I'm not a writer or a comedic writer, just a lover of funny shit.)
ReplyDeleteStacey
PS: I noticed a lot of you are confusing indecision with fear. My husband can't make up his mind over which process cheese slices to get at the grocery store, but when we got married, he was calmer than I was. Just pointing that out. :-D
...only bought unisex clothing. Just in case.
ReplyDelete...only drove a rental car.
...only dated men. In Iran.
...rehearsed his break-up speech before his first dates.
wouldn't even sleep with himself.
ReplyDeleteOne more (for now):
ReplyDelete....never Super-Sized his meals at McDonald's.
Too bad this one was submitted under Anon. It's quite funny.
ReplyDelete"divorced his parents when he was in kindergarten."
If this one is yours, resubmit it with your name. Seriously.
Stacey
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he swore a "Let's Just Be Friends" of Allegiance.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he refused to take his parents' name.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he only dated fictional characters.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that his artificial heart was rent-to-own.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he was never married to the mob, they just kinda hung out together.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he only had Rice Bubbles that went Snap and Crackle.
ReplyDeletepuked on his lady everytime the word came up.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that --
ReplyDelete....his ringtone played "Don't Bother Me" by the Beatles.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he never knew who Kaiser Soze was.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he never gave his dog his real name.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete...practiced Houdini's straight jacket escape every night.
...bought his psychiatrist twelve kinds of couches.
...got a second opinion on his eye color.
...dated only sexually ambivalent Emo chicks on Facebook.
...always ordered a Tall, Vente, and Grande at Starbucks.
...ate only surf and turf.
...was murdered by customers behind him at Baskin-Robbins.
...He starved to death.
ReplyDelete...Only dated women with short-term memory loss.
Danny had such a fear of commitment the he wouldn't commit to his fear.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he said he'd get married only after the Tampa Rays win the World Series.
ReplyDelete..used only paper plates and sporks.
ReplyDelete...doesn’t own furniture.
...always buys refundable tickets.
...doesn’t own a freezer.
...doesn’t use Tupperware.
...doesn’t even have preset radio stations.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he couldn't even give his bathtub a ring.
ReplyDelete...writes "No Thank You" in the SPOUSE field on his taxes
ReplyDelete...is a member of DEharmony.com
...never talks to the same girl twice - including his mom.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...took a solemn oath, there and then, to never commit to anything ever again.
ReplyDeletecan't even engage himself in conversation.
ReplyDeleterefuses to read "Us" Magazine.
his favorite song is "Tea for One".
He signed his Marriage License in invisible ink.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he/she couldn't decide if he/she was male or female.
ReplyDeletethat he got NBC to cancel Las Vegas before the baby could be born.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he underwent shock therapy in '87 and has been happily married ever since.
ReplyDeletebolted from his mother's uterus after 3 months.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he wears a fake wedding ring since 8th grade.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete…was known to his friends as “Dan the man-woman”
…died of chafe from wearing boxers AND briefs.
…stroked out in the checkout line after being asked “paper or plastic?”
...kept his paranoid ravings to himself.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete... always brought out his Hannibal Lector cookbook when making a romantic meal for his latest girlfriend.
... refuses to vote in California elections because there's always a proposition or two on the ballot.
... he thinks Sleepless in Seattle is a tragedy.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete...renewed his restraining order on r.a. porter and mikeyb.
Seriously, stop polluting the vote, sock puppets!
Danny has such a fear of commitment he...
ReplyDelete... can't even pick his nose.
... shouts his own name during sex.
[here's one for the cynics]
... lived a long and happy life.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he signed up at eHarmony.com and they gave him frequent flyer miles.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he considers himself the one that got away.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he called Dr. Laura and she wept.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he --
ReplyDelete....became a programming executive at NBC.
....never went into the closet to start with.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he was banned from Hometown Buffet.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he roots for the NFC West.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he killed himself and lived happily ever after.
ReplyDelete... demanded a prenuptial disagreement.
ReplyDeletereplaces his wardrobe weekly, for fear of dating himself.
ReplyDelete...he only eats waffles.
ReplyDeleteA. This must be a new record for number of comments -- 100+!
ReplyDeleteB. Danny had such a fear of commitment that he made his mother sign a pre-nup before he would come out.
C. Picking a winner will be a tough job.
...willingly took his medication.
ReplyDelete...he rents his dates.
ReplyDelete...doesn't use his real name.
...still hasn't chosen his Final Four teams.
...rents his toothbrushes.
Danny was so afraid of commitment that he never eats Mexican food, Chili, or talks to people from the South.
ReplyDeletePerforming on the Rosie Cruise only reinforced this notion after the disastrous after party...
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete...spends every Tuesday night dialing 1-877-IDOLS-ALL.
...refused to ring in the new year.
...freezes up every time he hears a ring tone.
...wouldn't even play with chinese fingercuffs.
...won't wear any jacket, much less straight one.
hid his ring finger. Permanently.
ReplyDelete...buys his grapes one at a time.
ReplyDeleteconsiders "He's Just Not That Into You" a How-to book.
ReplyDeletesent a "dear John" letter to his proctologist.
(I'll be here all week. Try the veal)
could never watch a TV show longer than ten minutes and was therefore doomed to only watch commercials for the rest of his life.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete...could not communicate for he couldn't bear to use the same word twice.
(yeah, I know about the -anon but I don't want to register...)
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDeleteconsidered speed dating a life sentence.
wouldn’t date anyone unless he was wearing his “The end is near” T-shirt.
would greet his date with “You lost me at hello.”
thought future planning meant, “Should we eat Mexican or Italian?”
tried foreplay once and complained he was feeling crowded and just needed to be on his own.
dumped his blow-up doll saying she needed more air than he was willing to give.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete...tivoed through shows to watch the comercials
...wouldn't program the presets on his car radio
...theater hopped at a short-film festival.
...had a penis...er - that is - he had such a fear of commitment because he had a penis.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he married himself.
ReplyDeletePlease just enter the kontest and not comment on those who have.
ReplyDeleteAs is the case with writers rooms, writers need the freedom to pitch anything without fear of being ridiculed. And sometimes the most off-the-wall pitch is the one that hits a home run. So I have deleted a number of these non-pitches and will continue to if more appear. Come on, people. This is all in the spirit of fun.
...spent three full nights weeping during every monthly menstruation period because he knew that each passing month meant he was one step closer to tying the knot with his long time sausage fingered girlfriend, Olga.
ReplyDelete.....dumped himself for constantly leaving the toilet seat up, saying “It’s not me, it’s me.”
ReplyDelete.....always drives down the center line of the highway. Oh, wait – drove.
.....voted for Ralph Nader.
.....didn’t call Jenny back after she left her number on the wall.
.....waited until after his suicide attempt to write the note, just in case.
...kept hitting {refresh} for the answer.
ReplyDelete...his bachelor party was a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he would only date women named Maybe. Danny thought that if he was ever at the altar and the preacher asked “Do you take this woman, Maybe, to be your lawfully wedded wife”, even if he answered “I do” there would remain some wiggle room.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he would only put his shadow in the shower.
…understood Dave and Maddie’s relationship on Moonlighting.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete…audited LaMas class.
…couldn’t make it past the second line of any “knock knock” joke.
…never got to Scotland afore ye.
Oh, shoot. It never occured to me others would think I'm pre-voting or suggesting they vote by pointing out one person over the rest. Sorry, everyone. That wasn't my intention. Just trying to keep you all movtivated is all.
ReplyDeleteEven thought I'm not entering, I'm having fun reading the submissions, and I'm a jaded sitcom viewer who prefers the humour from Dexter and Six Feet Under to whatever else is on the alphabet channels.
I can't wait to read about who wins and what was the winning line ends up being.
Stacey
... couldn't even stay for the happy end at his regular message parlor.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he has no hangers in his closet.
ReplyDelete.. he only wanted to be introduced to my parents if I told them he was a hungry guy I met on the train.
ReplyDeleteUh ... I may be playing amateur psychologist here, but I don't think "fear of commitment" and "inability to choose" are the same thing. If that helps with judging.
ReplyDeletegot a temporary tattoo on the bottom of his foot.. of hillary clinton sitting on a fence eating a waffle.. but had it removed.
ReplyDelete...swore to the court-appointed shrink that he'd take his meds, despite the dry mouth, heart murmur, diarrhea and sexual side effects.
ReplyDelete...took short breaths.
ReplyDelete...only ate Ex lax.
...blinked slowly.
...rented toilet paper.
...died sad and lonely.
...bought abridged Cliff notes.
said, "A revolving door is my own personal Jesus"
ReplyDelete...wound up not committing.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he would only take dates to a restaurant in his neighborhood, get a table near the door, leave his car idling out front, order a rare steak and minute rice, fake an "emergency" phone call to cut the evening short, speed-dial a taxi for his date, stop by a pet store to buy goldfish, then rush home to over-feed them while watching streaming online video of unsold TV pilots.
ReplyDeletewas his own pain-in-the-ass from sitting on the fence.
ReplyDeletewas terrified by Dolly the cloned sheep.
ReplyDelete...he made all his calls from a land line.
ReplyDelete...trades in his car every week.
ReplyDelete...changes long distance providers every time they call.
...has never worn the same clothes twice.
turned eighteen and demanded his Rabbi give him his foreskin back.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he...
ReplyDeleteLeaves a penny but never takes one.
He washes, rinses but never repeats.
He loves Mustang Sally but hates the Commitments.
He proposed to his girlfriend over the phone.
Has never finishes the maze on the back of a diner placemat.
Only yells “NO DEAL” at the T.V.
**great contest!
never took the wheels off of his trailer house.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he . . . pulled out when the drinks came.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he . . .leased his vehicle in a township whose municipal ordinances charge an 8% lease transaction tax against each lease payment in addition to the capitalized cost reduction (down payment) at time of acquisition, adding an additional seventh of the cost of the vehicle over the 36-month lease agreement! (This’ll play big in Chicago.)
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he . . had a waste basket full of undercooked Uncle Ben’s.
cut his palms and feigned stigmata.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he ...
ReplyDeletefell in love with his high school sweetheart, dated her from junior high on, went to different Colleges but phoned her every night and drove to see her every weekend, proposed to her as soon as he saved enough money from his first job, had a long and romantic marriage that produced three kids, never spent more then a three days apart for over sixty years. When Danny turned 89 he became very sick and laying on his death bed, feeling the clammy hands of eternal sleep reaching out for him, motioned for his wife to come close. He used all his strength to raise his head off the pillow and with his last dying breath whispered in her ear “I think we should see other people”.
Danny was so afraid of commitment that he had to stop following the Knicks. That salary cap situation was straight up untenable, homey... plus the images of Stephon Marbury's wonderously flaw-free bald head and Isiah Thomas' cherubic smirk would torment his soul at night.
ReplyDeleteDanny was more of a baseball guy, anyway. Steinbrenner's management style and hiring practices always managed to bring a tear of joy to his eye. He would weep said tears, but you all can guess the reason why he chose not to. That Danny... at least he's consistent?
never got married?
ReplyDelete... that I didn't get to know him that well
ReplyDelete...the sight of a committee would send him screaming.
...that he couldn't finish writing this joke.
.... he wouldn't read THE HOBBIT.
... he found terminal ward patients "Too clingy".
...he keeps insisting LOST is lousy.
...always writes a shark into the pilot episode.
...only watches CBS's "Hip" shows.
...has just selected Nixon over Kennedy.
...skipped his father's funeral because "I hardly knew him."
...has a dog named "Dog".
... is still at the first Starbucks he ever went into.
...told his mother he "Wanted to see other moms."
...told Death he "Wanted to see other revenants."
..parties like it's 1899.
...caused a three-state traffic tie-up when asked by Jack "Do you want fries with that?"
...had his apartment's walls padded.
...Houdini died waiting for him to pick a card.
...could never select a woman to cheat on his wife with.
... wouldn't even engage his clutch.
ReplyDelete... rejected a woman because her name was Mary.
... rents his apartment minute-to-minute.
...that he served red AND white wine, no matter what the food was.
ReplyDelete...his drink order was always "I'll have the lot."
...Shook AND stirred.
...married me.
changed his name to Simon Cowell.
ReplyDelete("My Sunny Disclaimer" kills me.)
Danny had such of fear of commitment that he....
ReplyDeletewouldn't even tie the knot with his shoelace.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he continuously test drives a new car every week.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he calls his dates the night before and tells them that it's not going to work out and they should just cancel their plans.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he had the worlds largest Venn diagram with all the women he has ever slept with, trying to figure out what his "type" is.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he only uses pay phones because he can't pick a long distance plan.
...has a goatee.
ReplyDelete...dated only women who were in town for the weekend.
ReplyDelete...dated only married women. Who had husbands who were rich. And possessive.
...would give a fake name when ordering coffee at Starbucks. In case they got too chummy.
Danny has such a fear of commitment he could crash weddings to cure his hiccups.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDanny doesn't smoke crack. He smokes MC's with his ferosh mic skils.
ReplyDeleteJust kidding, he smokes crack.
...only hung out with Gene Simmons.
ReplyDelete...thought the House Unamerican Activies Committee was the person sent to the assylum
...named neutrons as his favorite atomic particles
... called for Switzerland to stop being so damn hegemonic
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDanny was so afraid of commitment that he...
ReplyDelete...regularly received code reds as a kid. From his mother.
...only listened to his radio. Set to scan.
...accepted a scholarship offer from the University of Kansas, became the original Manning brother, and continues to let a magic 8 ball call the shots.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he came out, and then went right back in again.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he went to all the peep shows in town and nailed shut all the glory holes.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he:
ReplyDeletekilled his conjoined twin brother because he felt he was getting too attached to him.
...had his account at the sperm bank foreclosed.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he went to S&M clubs as a "middle".
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he only drank Mountain Coca-Pepsi Pepper Sprite.
ReplyDelete...he only used inaction verbs
ReplyDelete...he couldn't decide which Law & Order was his favorite. But he does love Jerry Orbach...RIP
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he couldn't accept it.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he thought he was Hawkeye Pierce.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he "is still deciding whether that breathing thing is worth it", no, wait, "he began his prayers with 'To whom it may concern...'", no, no, "that when asked as a boy 'what do you want to do when you go up' responded, 'Whoa, who said anything about being on board for this growing up thing?'", or better, "he became a Superdelegate", stop, rewind, "he became a programming executive at NBC", oh, forget it. Give the prize to someone else.
ReplyDeleteCredit goes out to LouOCNY, Hauke, Spike, chimezatmidnight and Tom Quigley respectively.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that being a noted Emmy winning comedy writer who unable to pick five finalists he wrote five entries, posted them as anonmous and made them the winners.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he went to the electric chair hungry.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he used to play Hide & Go Seek, but when it was everybody elses turn to hide, he just went and got a sandwich.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he thought Timmy always fell into the well... and just died there.
ReplyDeleteBecame President of CBS News.
ReplyDelete...bought milk with the EARLIEST expiration date.
ReplyDelete...wouldn't even date his checks.
...blew-up the asylum.
...wouldn't sign the back of his credit cards.
ReplyDelete...wouldn't eat his dates. (Sorry, but I like "Two and a Half Men")
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he told her 'we'd still be friends'.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he thought Catch-22 was a self-help book.
ReplyDeletewouldn't set an alarm clock
ReplyDeletepretended he was sane
ReplyDelete...had his parents keep rescheduling the moyel.
ReplyDelete...insisted his covenant with God include an escape clause.
...turned down the Governor's last minute reprieve.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDanny had such a fear of commitment that he is committed to never committing.
ReplyDelete...almost decided to do something about it.
ReplyDelete...buys a ticket to every movie at the cineplex.
ReplyDelete..."50 First Dates" could be autobiographical.
...used to write 'Dear John' letters to his teddybears.
...buys a new pre-paid cell every time he starts seeing someone.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he married a man.
ReplyDelete