tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post7964215519781443701..comments2023-11-03T06:02:02.128-07:00Comments on By Ken Levine: Celebrity Sex TapesBy Ken Levinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17305293821975250420noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-28246694676742939882009-06-23T11:55:03.221-07:002009-06-23T11:55:03.221-07:00Let's qualify this. I'm all for ATTRACTIVE...Let's qualify this. I'm all for ATTRACTIVE female celebrity sex tapes, but that's it. Watching Richard Simmons or Roseanne Barr would have me gouging out my eyes. You have to admit, though, that the people who do this must have a hidden desire to have them published. No one could be so naive as to trust the guy making them to keep them private.Cap'n Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11783977137812876489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-86635189994197336372009-06-22T20:13:17.242-07:002009-06-22T20:13:17.242-07:00Kermie porked Miss Piggy???Kermie porked Miss Piggy???Rickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09363685364481896091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-70279106208420488302009-06-22T10:04:02.935-07:002009-06-22T10:04:02.935-07:00I'm waiting for the inevitable Miss Piggy/Kerm...I'm waiting for the inevitable Miss Piggy/Kermit sex tape......YEKIMIhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01921751875397071034noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-48935056217334754692009-06-22T09:09:39.080-07:002009-06-22T09:09:39.080-07:00Consumer alert. Please don’t make the same mistak...<b>Consumer alert. Please don’t make the same mistake I did.</b><br /><br />Imagine my surprise and excitement when the wife suggested we consider a sex tape to improve the quality of our love life and bring us closer together. Next thing I know she’s back from <b>Condoms to Go</b> (slogan “What, you were expecting to use them <i>here</i>?”) literally with a roll of 2" tape resembling the duct tape everybody stocked up on after 9/11 – except ribbed for her enjoyment.<br /><br />Not bragging, but I’m married to one of those women who happen to be multi-orgasmic. Had one back in ‘78 and another in 1992 -- although there’s speculation the second may only have been an episode of St. Vitus Dance. I’ve been looking around since the 70s, apparently with little luck, to find that elusive <b>G-spot</b> to try and put an end to this nightmare. The Thompson’s Guide had me somewhere out on Ventura Blvd. The GPS shorted out – twice. The location scout could only tell us where I could park the old “semi” if you catch my drift. <br /><br />What’s a woman to do? We tried ordering the free <i>week’s supply</i> of those <b>Extenze</b> pills guaranteed to make you larger. We know this to be true, because the word “larger” is somehow integrated exactly 187 times into the 60-second late night TV commercial. “Extenze will make you larger. It’s a scientific fact that Extenze will make you larger. Even if you yourself are not a scientist – you can count on Extenze to make you larger…etc.”<br /><br />The primary reason this commercial has been so successful is they run it just as you are getting into bed -- thereby making men all over America self-conscious about their level of endowment at the most inopportune time. Guaranteed to debone a guy faster that a team of Tyson Tijuana turkey pluckers. Ah the power of suggestion.<br /><br />When the “week’s supply” arrives in the mail, I notice there is a precise 12-count in the blister pack. This, of course, also has the exact opposite of the intended effect. “You mean the average guy in America is presented with the opportunity for sexual encounters <b>12 times a week?</b> Try <i>lifetime</i> supply, mister.<br /><br />But I’m getting ahead of myself -- and being a little insensitive, which is another part of the problem. The issue in our marriage is the ability to satisfy one’s partner by reaching that sensitive area of hers without the guidance of some latter day Sacajawea – which is also the sound I have every expectation she will exclaim repeatedly upon reaching said destination.<br /> <br />Much to my astonishment, I awaken to find the good woman has taken the Extenze concept literally. There, taped securely to the old Little Lebowski is the two-and-a-half foot <b>reacher/grabber</b> device that came at no extra charge with the <b>Hoveround</b> I had purchased from another late night TV commercial:<br /><br /><b>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC8x4UdSi50&NR=1</b><br /><br />It my case it wasn’t so much the lack of mobility as the long-suppressed desire to be part of a drill team. Also the knowledge that the inventor, Tom Kruse, seen in another of their commercials, was not only savvy enough to obtain the above music free by shipping a complimentary to Brian Wilson, but also to have been regularly banging Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes, and Mimi Rogers even though gay (and in the latter case, also twelve). <br /><br />After again taking the plunge and still failing to find the old <b>Gräfenberg</b>. (“Oh the humanity! The humanity!”) I do what any other self-respecting male would. McGiver-like, I employ the reacher/grabber to free myself from the headboard – all the while truly wishing I were in a position to video <i>those</i> calisthenics. Then march directly into the master bath (a term of figurative as well as literal significance), re-employing said Rube Goldberg reachy/grabby device to snag the bottle of Cialis off the top shelf of the medicine cabinet. Actually it was the generic brand, “See-Alice,” unfortunately remaining awake all night trying to remember which one to take according to the instructions provided within by Grace Slick.A. Buck Shortnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-79391342224094801222009-06-22T08:04:15.435-07:002009-06-22T08:04:15.435-07:00For the record, Danielle Staub is neither an actre...For the record, Danielle Staub is neither an actress nor hot. And I even question "real" because there appears to be nothing natural about the woman. <br /><br />There, I feel better now.TCnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-45190697334308734272009-06-22T06:44:43.063-07:002009-06-22T06:44:43.063-07:00I'm still trying to poke out my mind's eye...I'm still trying to poke out my mind's eye after seeing the Vern Troyer sex tape! ***shudder***Jaynenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-84791703982587554562009-06-22T06:21:52.434-07:002009-06-22T06:21:52.434-07:00I'm just stunned El Torito's is still arou...I'm just stunned El Torito's is still around.<br /><br />WVW - "Shalow" = The correct Sephardic phone greeting.Joehttp://blog.vinapedia.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-76008223560442082372009-06-22T06:19:53.944-07:002009-06-22T06:19:53.944-07:00If I want to play with matches, I'll play with...If I want to play with matches, I'll play with matches.<br /><br />Not the Olsen Twins...<br /><br />wv: derlegra<br /><br />Es ist das german wort for pantyhose ja ja...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01936042470523695383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-84758584800360295972009-06-22T03:28:09.982-07:002009-06-22T03:28:09.982-07:00Nothing is new under the LA sun - I am in possessi...Nothing is new under the LA sun - I am in possession of some charcoal sketches of a young Tallulah Morehead Circa 1909 holding hands with someone who is clearly not her beau. Or at least i think it is his hand she is holding, the picture is a little smudged there.<br />These sketches are for sale to the highest bidder (or in fact any bidder) individually or in the form of a flip book.playfullhttp://perrywilsher.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-92041143135471271202009-06-22T02:35:08.440-07:002009-06-22T02:35:08.440-07:00You never hear about unattractive actresses having...You never hear about unattractive actresses having sex tapes leaked. Like I doubt we'll ever see one with Tilda Swinton.Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10614326327687523688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-87925082078738336852009-06-22T01:37:05.304-07:002009-06-22T01:37:05.304-07:00Good news Ken. With Dustin Lance Black paving the...Good news Ken. With Dustin Lance Black paving the way, even writers can make sex tapes now.MirrorJameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11567511521728406303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-35295901983084463912009-06-21T22:51:01.462-07:002009-06-21T22:51:01.462-07:00This is all well and good, but I have one question...This is all well and good, but I have one question...<br /><br />Who is 'Gossip Girl'?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19336675.post-50969224118786822502009-06-21T22:49:29.255-07:002009-06-21T22:49:29.255-07:00Ken ..
I'm not saying I do have it. And I'...Ken .. <br />I'm not saying I do have it. And I'm not saying I don't but if I was able to deliver this Sex Tape:<br /><br />Richard Simmons & Jon minus the 9<br /><br />could you be of some assistance?J S Swansonnoreply@blogger.com