Another of our lost episodes

This is a real "Show 'n Tell" weekend.  But these episodes I want to show you are starting to stack up.

So here's another episode of ALMOST PERFECT.  This is one of my most requested, and if you look real closely there's a brief homage to Dave Niehaus, the Mariners' announcer who sadly just passed away. 

Kim (Nancy Travis) gets to direct her first episode of the TV cop show she runs and she allows her boyfriend, Mike (Kevin Kilner) to be an extra.  Hilarity hopefully ensues.  This episode was written by George McGrath and directed by Jeff Melman.  As before, on Monday Comedy Writing 101 will be in session and I will break down the episode and discuss our thought process.  

A quick note:  I still don't know how to edit so fast forward through the first 30 seconds. 

What's on my desk - revised

A question for writers that has been circulating the blogosphere recently is “what’s on your desk?” It's the same question I answered a couple of years ago but a few items have changed, so what the hell?

My iMac desktop computer .

Mouse on a UCLA mouse pad.

Printer.

Froggy Gremlin childhood toy.

Bob Hope in Dodger uniform bobblehead. (next to Koufax he was my favorite Dodger.)

Cup o’ pens.

Fathers Day cards.

Family photos.

A Gary Larson FAR SIDE card showing the BEWITCHED writing staff brainstorming in the fourth season. Brilliant notions like: “What if Endora casts a spell on Darren?”

Allstate accident report I was supposed to fill out in 2003.

Box of Ralphs market Oyster Crackers. There are some things it's okay to buy the generic brand.

Plastic Bob’s Big Boy (I’m a Bob’s Big Boy fanatic and can never figure out why that checkered jumpsuit look didn’t catch on.)

Five old drafts of my musical, with practically every page dog eared.

Lucite encased Real Don Steele KHJ business card.

A hard bound copy of GREAT PRETENDERS: MY STRANGE LOVE AFFAIR WITH ‘50’s POP MUSIC by Karen Schoemer. (Fun reading. I recommend it.)

My SPORTS ILLUSTRATED 2010 swimsuit model desk calendar. This week it's this picture of Julie Henderson!

A spec pilot from my rabbi.

A spindle of CD’s that includes albums from Frank Zappa and Joanie Sommers.

Dodger Stadium and Pauley Pavilion replica paperweights.

Lucite encased picture of me with AfterMASH writing staff (that includes Larry Gelbart).

Vintage typewriter from 1890 with the carriage return arm on the right side. Still easier to write on than using FINAL DRAFT.

93/KHJ Boss Radio mike flag.


Box of brads and paper clips.

My bobblehead collection which includes Harry Caray (pictured), Speedy Alka-Seltzer, and Jesus Christ.

WHO IS HARRY NILSSON? documentary DVD. Run out and get this. It's fucking amazing!

And -- Oh God – I think there’s still a sandwich.

A sitcom story I bet you haven't seen before

Here's another episode of the MARY show my partner, David Isaacs, and I created for Mary Tyler Moore.  We always like to do stories you can't see on other sitcoms.  I'm particularly proud of this one.  I think it's one of the more ingenious stories we've ever come up with.  The teleplay is by Tom Straw and directed by Will MacKenzie.   


And for you John Astin fans, he is heavily featured in this episode.   Thanks again to friend-of-the-blog, Dave Benson, for posting it.  

Why John Cleese never appeared on CHEERS a second time

Time for Friday questions. First though, thanks so much for all the lovely comments and remembrances of Dave Niehaus from yesterday’s post. Like I said, he was the best broadcast partner I ever had. Nice to know that the genuine affection and respect came through on the air between us.

Okay, to your questions. The first will be answered by David Lee, former CHEERS producer (later FRASIER co-creator), who along with his partner, Peter Casey, wrote the classic John Cleese episode of CHEERS.


The query comes from John Trumball.

I've long thought that the episode of Cheers where John Cleese guest stars and provides some pre-marriage counseling to Sam and Diane is one of the all-time great sitcom episodes. Is it true that there was a sequel planned where Cleese's character returned to get the money that Fraiser Crane still owed him from his first appearance? And if so, why was it never produced?

David Lee: This episode was filmed just after I left the show, but I was around for the lead up to it. Though my memory isn't the best, this is the gist of what I remember from being around campus at the time.

Season 7, episode 22. "The Visiting Lecher" . The script was written by David Lloyd and was originally intended as a vehicle for the John Cleese character, Dr.Simon Finch Royce. Mr. Cleese had expressed an interest in returning to the show, and everyone was thrilled that he was interested in coming back to revisit the character. A story was broken specifically for him, and David went enthusiastically to work. A great script resulted and was put into the production schedule. Shortly before they were scheduled to go into rehearsal, Mr. Cleese's people called up to inform us that he was, as I remember, "too tired" or something and would not be doing the episode. It was quickly rewritten (if you knew Mr Lloyd you can imagine what he had to say about that!) and John McMartin was hired to play Dr. Lawrence Crandall, who, if you look closely, is very very similar to Dr. Finch-Royce. It turned out to be a fine episode, but the once fondly remembered name of Mr. Cleese was- how shall we put this? -- Not.

Thanks, David. I must owe you eight lunches by now.

Max Clarke asked:

I just looked at SFgate and their coverage of the documentary about Glenn Burke.


The article mentions your interview for the doc, and how you did an episode of Cheers based upon Burke's experience.


That was a good episode, it was a test for Sam Malone as well. He picked the wrong day not to read a book, but he stood by his baseball teammate.


Would be good to hear your background on this, I always thought it was a gutsy episode to run way back then.

The documentary you referred to is called Out. The Glenn Burke Story, shown on Comcast in the Bay Area and Direct TV. It’s terrific and I highly recommend it.

The episode of CHEERS was called “Boys in the Bar” and a couple of years ago I posted this background piece on it.

From Carol:

It could just be due to the nature of my favourite British shows, but it seems to me that British television writers get more credit than American ones do. Many times the writers are as least as important to the fans as the actors are. Stephen Moffatt being a good case in point. Do you think that's the case?

I only wish that were the case in America. TV writers are held in much higher regard in the U.K. Writers are even listed in British TV Guide loglines. Jessica Alba and Katherine Heigl will both sleep with me before that happens in the U.S.

For an American TV writer to achieve any notoriety (without having to shamelessly start his own blog) he has to create a huge hit. Or six. Matt Weiner, David Chase, Chuck Lorre. Otherwise, watch for screen credits but don’t blink because they go by faster than subliminal messages.

Stephen asks:

Did you see Michael J. Fox's guest appearance on The Good Wife this week? He played a character who had a similar disease to the one Michael has in real life. He clearly relished the freedom he had in not needing to restrict his symptoms.

I did see that. THE GOOD WIFE is fast becoming my favorite show. I thought he was amazing. The scene where he’s trying to pour a glass of water to distract the jury during a cross-examination was brilliant, hilarious, and something I had never seen in a courtroom show.

What do you think of actors who continue to work despite illness (a recent example is Jill Clayburgh who died after working consistently through 21 years of chronic leukemia)

I find them enormously courageous. Unfortunately, I observed this first-hand with Nick Colasanto during his final season with CHEERS, and with Mary Tyler Moore, who is in a constant battle with diabetes. There are quite a few other examples including: Teri Garr, (multiple sclerosis), Richard Burton (epilepsy), Ingrid Bergman (no one knew she was in the later stages of cancer while filming GOLDA), and who could possibly be more inspiring than Christopher Reeve?

And finally, from Bob Gassel:

Did Gene Reynolds contribute much as 'Creative Consultant' when he left MASH?

He contributed much more than most creative consultants. I’ve never worked with a writer who had a better sense of story than Gene Reynolds. We would meet with him once a week and run our outlines by him. He would then fix them, solve them, find more inventive ways to tell them. He could zero in on problems and almost instantaneously formulate solutions. I’d walk out of his house every week shaking my head and saying, “We’re not worthy”.

In over thirty years I’ve never encountered another writer who can do what he does. We’re NOT worthy.

What’s your question?

Dave Niehaus 1935-2010

The best way for a baseball announcer to endear himself to a new audience is to be with a winning team. You report good news every night and the fans will love you. Piece of cake. On the other hand...

When I first became a broadcaster for the Seattle Mariners in 1992, I joined Dave Niehaus, who had been their voice since day one back in 1977. He said to me, “I figured it out, Kenny. For me to get to a .500 record, the team would have to go 2042-0.”

And yet, he became the second most treasured icon in Seattle, right behind Mt. Rainier. 

Can you imagine how many truly bad, ugly games he called over the years? Not a lot of good news to impart there. The Mariners for the first twenty years were just God awful.

Still, people in the Pacific Northwest clung to his every word. The attraction was not the team; it was listening to Dave. His passion for the game, vivid descriptions, and magnificent voice made any baseball game sound exciting, even a Mariners’.

Prior to joining Seattle, Dave worked alongside Dick Enberg calling games for the then-California Angels. Team owner Gene Autry once said to Dave, “You call a hell of a game. It’s not the one I’m watching but it’s a hell of a game.” Actually that’s only half true. It was the game you were watching, only better. Because Dave had something that so few announcers have today – SHOWMANSHIP. You were not just getting play-by-play, you were being told a tale by a master storyteller. Name me a better way of spending a warm summer night sitting out on the front porch.

Dave Niehaus passed away yesterday at age 75. Like all of Seattle, I’m devastated. We didn’t lose an announcer; we all lost a member of the family. Personally, Dave was the greatest broadcast partner I ever had. I’ve been very lucky to work with some of the best, including four Hall-of-Famers. I greatly respect them all and am eternally grateful for their friendship.

But I loved Dave Niehaus.

Summer will never be the same. And neither will Christmas, at least for me. My yearly tradition was to call Dave on Christmas morning. That’s what the holidays are all about, right? Reaching out to the people who mean the most to you, and bitching about the Mariners’ pitching.

There are many tributes to Dave today, along with replays of his classic calls and glowing testimonials. Nice to see that some ballplayers, like Ken Griffey Jr. and Jay Buhner, have already weighed in.

But I’d like to share some off the air memories. No one was more enthusiastic, laughed harder or as often, and looked better in white shoes than Dave Niehaus.

On the 4th of July he always wore this ridiculous red, white, and blue jacket. I tried to get him to wear it all year.

He still would go to movies with me even after I made him sit through Woody Allen’s SHADOWS AND FOG. To this day I still feel guilty about that.

It could be twelve degrees in Cleveland in April and he’d keep the window open in the booth because he felt it was cheating the audience to not be “in the game”. I told him in 1992 this was not good for his health! I was right!

I don’t remember just how it started but whenever the Mariners were down by ten runs or more, Dave and I would sing the “Wabash Cannonball” on the air. Unfortunately, we sang it so often we no longer had to consult the lyric sheet.

He referred to himself as “the Veteran Spieler”.

Three years ago, when I filled in for him, (and that was like Steven Seagall filling in for Brando), he called me after the first inning to say how great it was to hear me again. What made that even more touching was that I was rusty as hell. He called me anyway.

He was a great joke teller. His telling was far better than most of the jokes.

He knew every advance scout, coach, owner, reporter, umpire, official scorer, PR person, PA announcer, organist, clubhouse attendant, pressbox attendant, and commissioner in baseball.

I was forever in awe of the descriptive images he would just routinely toss off. A high pop fly one random night in Baltimore was “a white dot against a black sky”. A ground ball down the line would “rooster tail into the corner”. How did he think of these things?

He knew great restaurants in every town. Some of them have since burned down.

If you worked for the Mariners, he knew your name and your kids' names.

Dave's broadcast booth led the league in laughter every season.

He had several offers to go to other teams in larger markets but always turned them down. He loved Seattle.

On the road he never took the team bus to the ballpark. We always caught an early cab. It could be September, three weeks after the team had been mathematically eliminated, a thousand degrees in Texas with hail and locusts in the forecast, and Dave was at the park four hours before game time doing his prep. Every day. Every game. No exceptions. Ever.

He personally welcomed every new player to the team. In the years I was there, that was probably close to a hundred.

He never refused an autograph, a handshake, picture request, or invitation to emcee a program for a local charity.  

He's still remembered fondly in Los Angeles and he hasn't broadcast there for 45 years.  

No one loved the game or knew the game better than “the Veteran Spieler”.

I was so glad he was inducted into the Hall of Fame last year. And I am so sorry he never got to call a World Series game.

Dave will always be remembered in Seattle. If Yankee Stadium was “the House that Ruth Built”, then Safeco Field is the “House that Haus Built”.

He was a loving husband, father, grandfather, broadcaster, mentor, ambassador, Hoosier, military veteran, citizen, and proud to say – Hall of Famer. I will miss him terribly.

Dave Niehaus enjoyed life and made everyone else’s life more enjoyable.

But Dave, your calculations were a little off.  According to me, your record as a Mariner broadcaster was 5,284-0.  That's well above .500.

Movies with great beginnings and disappointing middle and endings

The new movie, HEREAFTER, opens with an extraordinary sequence. You’ve probably seen the trailer. A giant tsunami rips through a Southeast Asian resort. SPOILER ALERT: You don’t want to be on the beach that day.

The giant wave advances past a luxury hotel and roars through the town, destroying everything in its wake. It’s awesome and terrifying. Sensational filmmaking. Fortunately for the actors, Clint Eastwood was directing. He usually gets it in two or three takes. Imagine poor Ms Cecile de France, who gets swept along like a rag doll, hearing: “Okay. From the top, everybody. Take 46. Cue the water!”

The only trouble with that sequence is… the rest of the movie is dull and lifeless by comparison. And it got me thinking about other movies that had amazing beginnings but fell flat after that. You go into a theater, it starts, you’re blown away, you think you’re in for a really great ride, and then the movie just fizzles.

Probably the greatest example of this is SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. Spielberg’s depiction of the Normandy Invasion is maybe the most gripping twenty minutes on film. You watch it and say, “Y’know, I think I’d prefer the tsunami.” But once the doughboys land the movie turns into this trumped up story.

That first sequence was so effective that Spielberg could have come on the screen himself and said, “Well, folks. That’s what war is really like. Pretty fucking incomprehensibly horrific, wouldn’t you say? I don’t know what else there really is to add. I mean, every soldier had his own story and many are compelling and heartbreaking, but let’s face it – after that invasion – the scope and devastation – how am I gonna follow one or two guys and still have the same impact? I’m good but I’m no David Lean. So instead of making you sit for another hour and a half of “more of the same but not as good”, I’m gonna just let you go. I’m guessing these images I just showed you are going to stay with you for awhile. That’s good. Go have coffee and talk about the brutality of war. Maybe head home and go to that new internet thingy all the kids are raving about and search for information on D-Day. Anyway, thanks for coming. Sorry it was so short, but I’ll make it up to you. MUNICH will be twice as long as it should be.”

What other movies can you think of that had great beginnings but never lived up to its promise? Here are a few that I can think of:

BODY HEAT – Steamy and sexy for the first twenty minutes. My glasses fogged up. If only they didn’t then get into the story.

Most of the last 20 Bond movies (the last two excluded). Wow zowie action sequences that had nothing to do with the plot, followed by Tim Dalton or Pierce Brosnan thwarting supervillains and rescuing Denise Richards (who, we’re supposed to believe in THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH, is a noted nuclear physicist).

I loved the first half-hour of INDIANA JONES 4 (the real title is too long and doesn’t mean anything anyway). I wish Spielberg had broken in and made a speech in that one too.

FULL METAL JACKET – Stanley Kubrick’s first act in basic training was riveting. Then they go to Viet Nam and since they couldn’t take the Drill Sergeant (the great R. Lee Ermey) along with them the movie goes flying off in fifteen different directions. Their “shit was definitely flaky” as the DI might say.

And finally, TOUCH OF EVIL – Disappointing movie and Charlton Heston playing a Mexican is laughable, but this opening tracking shot is nothing short of phenomenal. Especially when you consider it was made in 1958, well before Industrial Light & Magic. Directed by Orson Welles before he succumbed to ego and Pinks’ hot dogs.



Okay, so help me add to the list.

I can't believe ESPN let Jon Miller go

ESPN’s decision to replace Jon Miller as the TV voice of Sunday Night Baseball is a colossal mistake. Other than Vin Scully (who’s in a class by himself), Jon Miller is easily the best baseball announcer in the game. No one else comes close. Having been his partner in Baltimore and having had the privilege to watch him work on a daily basis I was continually in awe of his knowledge of the game, respect for its history, preparation, use of the English language, and showmanship.

His highlights alone can give you chills. And it’s not because he has any bullshit signature home run calls, it’s because he communicates a genuine excitement and joy. Add to that an exquisite voice (although I must admit I hate him for that). And something else very rare to the field – a real sense of humor. In this age of generic, safe, plastic sounding play-by-play guys, Jon truly entertains. And let’s face it – Sunday night baseball in the middle of the season. The Indians at Oakland. Who other than fans of those teams or diehard baseball freaks is going to watch? You’ve got to offer them something more. K-Zones ain’t gonna cut it. Jon Miller gives you a reason to tune in even if you don’t give a crap about the game. His humor, flair for the dramatic, and unique style makes him frankly, not just the perfect choice for that job; the only choice for that job.

I know Dan Shulman and like Dan Shulman. He’s a terrific broadcaster. He’s good on baseball and sensational on basketball. But he’s not Jon Miller.

I don’t understand making a change just for change sake. That’s like NBC booting Johnny Carson because they wanted to try something else. You’ve got the best. Leave it alone.

Jon’s been offered Sunday night baseball on ESPN radio. I don’t know if he’ll accept it. He remains the voice of the World Champion San Francisco Giants, so it’s not like he has to go on Craig’s List to see if there’s anything he can do to make ends meet.

Sooner or later Jon will be back on the national stage. Another network will hire him, and I’m sure when the sports director is applauded for his foresight he’ll just shrug his shoulders and say, “Are you kidding? It was a no-brainer.”

Conan's debut

It's good to have Coco back.  But I’ve got to be honest, by the time he got to Lea Michele I was reaching for the remote. And after a six-month build-up to this show and the whole internet full court press (I'm still pissed that he has 10,000,000 more Twitter followers than me), that’s not a good sign.

The Conan I love is the one who is irreverent, loose, and unpredictable. At his best, he presides over inspired anarchy. What I disliked most about his move from late night to THE TONIGHT SHOW was that it felt more conventional. To broaden his appeal he toned down the lunacy (until the end of course, when he just didn’t give a shit). I always assumed that was a mandate from the network.

And so I was hoping when he relocated to basic cable that he’d throw off the shackles and really go for it. And maybe he still will. It was just his first night. Also, I assume the amped up nervous energy will dissipate once he settles in and realizes he’s on the same network that reruns sitcoms literally twenty hours a day. He’s on the ACCORDING TO JIM station.

But what I saw Monday was just another late night talk show. After an inspired filmed opening, Coco settled into the usual talk show format. Monologue, schmooze with co-host (good to have Andy back, too), tedious celebrities shilling their latest projects, a musical guest rushing through one quick number, and “goodnight, everybody!” Come on, Conan. This is the time slot once filled by FRANK TV and even worse, the stupifyingly unfunny, George Lopez. You can trim your nose hairs for an hour and it will still be better. It’s a no-lose! So take advantage.

Like I said, the opening film showing his journey from NBC to TBS was funny. Loved the interview with Don Draper. And the opening monologue made me laugh a lot. A few NBC shots but not belabored. This was my favorite:

But the weird thing is this: I put myself and my staff through a lot because I refused to go on at midnight. So I get this job at eleven. Then, yesterday, Daylight Savings Time ended --- so right now it’s basically midnight. In fact, it’s 12:05. I’m an idiot!

I laughed out loud (which is one time more than I think I ever did during a Jay Leno monologue).

The schmooze-at-the-desk-with-Andy segment also had its moments. The “Ex-Talk Show Host” mask was a riot. And you can never go wrong with a Ricky Gervais bit.

But then came the guests. Here’s where the show crashed and burned. Conan is clearly uncomfortable in the role of straight man/interviewer. He goes from being a gifted comedian to a census taker at the end of a twelve hour shift. And his first two guests didn’t help. Seth Rogen (sporting his new Mark Feuerstein look) was painful. He shared the hilarious story of proposing to his wife while she was topless. And he managed to get in the word “titties”, too! Nicely turned, Mr. Rogen. Then he promoted a movie that doesn’t come out for two months.

Up next was Lea Michele from GLEE, yammering about her father not thinking she could sing at age eight. At that point Conan himself looked like he wanted to change the channel to see what Colbert was doing.

Things improved in the two-minute musical segment with Jack White, mostly because Conan participated. The fact that he can play an instrument and sort of carry a tune makes him unique among talk show hosts. Anything Coco can do to distinguish himself is a plus. Instead of robotically feeding Lea Michele questions it would have been fun if Conan had tried to sing with her. With Seth Rogen, I don’t know what you do.

Practically all of the laughs this first night came from Conan’s career turmoil. Very funny, yes. But it’s time to move on. You’ve got a good job. Jeff Zucker is out of work. Jay is losing to Dave. On to the next great masturbating bear.

So stop downing 5 Hour Energy Drinks as if they were shots of tequila, let Seth Rogen hawk his crap on LOPEZ TONIGHT, and be that crazy goofy guy I first met in the SIMPSONS writing room that I thought was so enormously talented and disturbed.

Font of youth

So as you can see, I went back to the original font size. Since it is the standard and anyone can easily enlarge their own screen, it seemed the best way to go. Thanks to everyone for joining the discussion.

Looking forward to Conan’s debut on TBS tonight. Will let you know tomorrow what I thought. And as always, I’m more interested in hearing what you thought. Except for the Anonymous crazy people, but they’re probably too busy still ripping me for criticizing the airlines and Traci Lords.

Following up on Jessica Alba's dopey statement...

In light of master thespian, Jessica Alba’s recent comment that good actors don’t follow scripts and instead just say whatever they want, I’ve had a number of readers ask if that is true.


For the most part, no. Some improvisation does go on in features if the director embraces it. Mike Leigh uses this approach (although I’d be surprised if Jessica Alba even knows who Mike Leigh is). Many directors will allow actors to improvise during rehearsals as a way to help them lock into the characters but when the camera is rolling they go back to that pesky script.


Actors in CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM work off a detailed outline but rehearse and refine scenes until they might as well be scripted. Plus, Larry David uses actors who are well-skilled in working off-the-cuff.


I would love to see Jessica Alba join the improv workshop I attend. She might find that creating a character, moving a story forward, and holding her own with other gifted actors without a script requires more than nice breasts.


In the theater, actors must perform the script verbatim. But this doesn’t apply to Jessica Alaba since I can’t imagine her ever doing theater… except maybe a one-woman show as the Statue of Liberty.


By the way, I always find it curious that actors will claim, “I can’t say this” but in a play where they’re legally not allowed to change anything they somehow manage to deliver the lines as written.


In sitcoms, especially multi-camera sitcoms, it is imperative the actors don’t stray from the script because, among other reasons, cameras move on line cues. A hint to the studio audience that an actor is ad libbing is when three cameras crash into each other.


I wish those actors who dismiss scripts, like Jessica, could sit in a writers’ room. They’d be amazed at how much thought and time and effort goes into crafting each line. Debates over whether a certain word in a set-up needs to be in the middle or the end of the line. Long discussions on ways to make the lines sound more natural. The Jessicas would be surprised by how concerned we are with making the dialogue easy for actors to perform. If something is a tongue-twister or clunky we change it so they don’t have to struggle with it. On MASH, before we sent a script down to the stage, we read it aloud ourselves and tweaked any lines we felt the actors might stumble over.  You're welcome, Jessica.


Bottom line: I think actors who share Jessica Alba’s disdain for scripts are in the vast minority. Yes, there may be tension between writers and actors, but (if forced to take truth serum) I believe you’d find that most actors do have respect for writers and writers do appreciate the skill and discipline that actors exhibit to fully realize their characters.


Jessica, I just think you need to spend more time with writers (or any time at all) to really understand how they work. Fortunately, there are ten thousand of them who have personally volunteered to meet with you. That’s the kind of pride and dedication we take in our craft.

The votes are in!

You'll see in the morning.   Thanks for participating.

Does size really matter?

As you know, I’m always looking to improve the blog. And by that I mean cosmetically. The content is what it is.

Today, quite by accident (I mean, after months of focus groups and detailed research) I used a larger font size. It has really caused quite a reaction. Many love it, some don’t, others (like me) didn’t even notice the difference.

But I might as well just ask: Do you like the larger font or not? I know – it’s not like you haven’t voted enough this week. Still, it would be good to know. Leave your thoughts in the comment section. Thanks.

What is a Creative Consultant?

A reader wanted to know just what it meant to be a “Creative Consultant” on FRASIER. First of all, these titles are arbitrary and completely made-up. They can mean anything and nothing. For my responsibilities on FRASIER I could just as easily have been called “Teleplay Consultant”, “Script Captain”, “Producer for a Day”, “Supervising Shecky”, or “Power Forward”. In the theatre the job was called “Play Doctor”.

Essentially you come in one night a week and help to rewrite the script currently in production. You attend the runthrough and go back to the room and help fix the show. Primarily it’s punching-up the jokes but it can also be story help too. Often times the staff can get too close to a story and it helps to have a pair of virgin eyes. Even mine.

In this day and age of tightening budgets, “creative consultants” are a luxury most shows can no longer afford. It’s too bad. A good consultant can not only contribute to the script but also provide a welcome boost to the rest of the weary staff. Another screen credit could be "Part-time Buddy Sorrell".

I’ve done that job on many series including CHEERS, FRASIER, BECKER, WINGS, SIBS, MAMA’S BOY, IT’S ALL RELATIVE, LATELINE, and countless pilots. It can be great fun but also long hours. And when you’re working on two or three shows a week, and each rewrite goes until 3 AM your life become the Night of the Living Dead by Thanksgiving. The late Jerry Belson, one of the funniest punch-up guys EVER, worked on two shows a week at one time. LOVE SIDNEY on Monday and CHEERS on Wednesday. Except LOVE SIDNEY was in New York. Jerry would commute back and forth every week.

I’ve had the privilege of working with some of the finest “Creative Consultants”. In addition to Jerry Belson, there’s David Lloyd (unfortunately he too has passed on) and the all-time king of this field – Bob Ellison (pictured).

I marvel at Bob Ellison. The man is just a machine. He can come up with more jokes and BETTER jokes faster and more plentiful than anyone I’ve ever met. Most writers look for any excuse to get out of the room for a short break. They’ll call their agent, use the bathroom, make some coffee, agree to a root canal if it’ll buy them an extra four minutes. Not Bob. He’ll sit down at 4:00 and not move until 2:00 AM. And during that time he’ll pitch great joke after joke. Bob can come up with more quality material in one night than most accomplished comedy writers can deliver in a year. And for twenty years Bob worked on as many as four shows a week. How he does this and remains so sharp and funny and consistent – night after night after night -- I will never know.

An example of Bob (and there are literally millions): There's a writer who always wore black. Bob crossed paths with him while walking across the Paramount lot and noticed he was wearing a white shirt that day. Without missing a beat Bob asked, "Who died?"

Like I said Bob Ellison is the King. Maybe that’s the screen credit he should be given. “King of Comedy” or even “Executive King of Comedy” if they want to spruce it up.

Tragedy at the Playboy Mansion and what cartoon they're showing

So I saw this news story from the LA DAILY NEWS and immediately went to Hugh Hefner’s Twitter account to see if he Tweets about it. As you know, he really keeps us informed. Here is the article and the resulting Tweets. This should clear up any confusion about the case. Thanks, Hugh.


MAN FOUND DEAD AT PLAYBOY MANSION


LOS ANGELES — A man was found dead today at the Playboy Mansion.


It was unclear exactly where on the property the body was located, said Officer Cleon Joseph of the Los Angeles Police Department.


"We don't really know much at this point," Joseph said. "As of now it is a coroner's case."


The Coroner's Office picked up the body, but the cause of death, the man's name or why he was at the mansion have not been determined.

# @Katayaxx Our love to Katie from the Mansion. about 1 hour ago

@chrystianti The Saturday night cartoon is Bugs Bunny in "Baby Buggy Bugs."

@3POINTGROTTO After my death, my autobiographical scrapbooks will be shared by Playboy & the Playboy Foundation.

@happyRAFproject Happy birthday, Rafael.

Don't miss the start of the new season of "Kendra" on E! Sunday night. And don't miss Kendra in a hot December issue, about 1 hour ago via Twitterrific

@aphrodite092 Happy birthday, Jay!

The Saturday night Mansion movie is Steve McQueen & Faye Dunaway in the cool caper film "The Thomas Crown Affair."

While I'm editing cartoons & working on my scrapbook, Marston is playing tennis with Keith, Ray Anthony &Berry Gordy

I guarantee you will laugh at this scene

I had the good fortune to direct this episode of FRASIER, called ROZ & THE SCHNOZ. It was brilliantly written by Jeffrey Richman.

The premise: Roz is pregnant and meets the father's parents (played to perfection by Kevin Kilner and Jordan Baker). She is horrified to learn they both have huge noses. Will her baby have one too? This is the dinner party scene when everyone arrives and gets their first look.

There are times when it appears the actors are about to lose it. Those moments are real. David and Jane especially.

It was a tricky scene to stage, finding different ways to do the reveal as each character entered. But at the end of the day I couldn't be happier with the results. I think this is one of those rare scenes where you can watch it over and over again and laugh every single time.

Enjoy. I know you will.

Unchained Melody

"Unchained Melody" (written by Alex North & Hy Zaret) is one of the most beautiful and emotional songs of all-time. Most of you I'm sure have heard the Righteous Brothers' classic rendition of it. If not, here it is.

Click To Play

There are over 500 versions of this song, but maybe the best, certainly the most powerful is by Vito & the Salutations. This is a master class in interpretation. I warn you -- you're going to need a hanky.

Click To Play

Jessica Alba is an idiot

In the recent edition of Elle magazine, Jessica Alba had this to say:

"Good actors never use the script unless it's amazing writing. All the good actors I've worked with, they all say whatever they want to say."

What a moronic statement.  Especially from someone whose only talent is her looks. Good luck winging Shakespeare, Jess.  Oh wait.  You don't do Shakespeare.   You do great movies like THE LOVE GURU and GOOD LUCK CHUCK.  And fine television work like THE LOVE BOAT and FLIPPER.

Oh...and if your theory is correct, Jessica, then Flipper can say whatever he wants, but you need to stick to the script.

German Comedy Schools

Time for Friday questions.

The first one comes from Kaan in Germany.

My whole life I have this crazy passion for American television, especially comedy shows. Comedy is really my passion and so many people say I really have a talent for that.


But every German TV Show suck! They are just not funny.


There are some writing programs/schools in Germany. But I'm afraid if I go to these programs/schools they will screw up my writing. Because these are the same programs/schools that produce these terrible writers who write the terrible German TV Shows.


Should I go to these schools to learn at least something, which is most probably wrong or should I wait until I'm in the US, which will take two years at least?

I find it hard to imagine a German comedy school. I don’t know any personally so I can’t vouch for them good or not. You don’t usually think of the Rhineland as the Mecca of comedy.

But the best way to learn how to write American sitcoms (besides reading this blog of course) is to watch and study American sitcoms intensely. This is easier to do now with DVD’s and ON DEMAND and websites like HULU.

Take a full season of a show you admire. Outline every episode. Then begin comparing. Look for patterns in how they break down the stories. What kind of jokes do they tell? Are they set-up/punch line? Or more observational? Or snarky?

It’s all there for you. You just have to deconstruct it.

There are also some good books you could read on the subject by Alex Epstein and William Rabkin & Lee Goldberg.

Gluck.

Michael asks:

It's common to hear about network interference, but do you have any examples where network suggestions or notes actually improved a series or particular episode?

Yes. I’ve mentioned this before but Tim Flack, when he was at CBS was amazing. Every project we did for him benefited greatly from his input. Sadly, Tim passed away. Were he still here I’d be running my pilot ideas and stories by him to this day.

There have been a few others but Tim was a star.

From Eduardo Jencarelli:

What's the criteria for hiring freelance directors on any show?

This is tricky. Imagine you have an office full of workers. And you hire someone to come in for a week and be their boss. That’s the roll of the freelance director. He has to come onto the set as an outsider and somehow garner everyone’s trust, fit in with whatever rehearsal schedule has already been established, and deliver not only a good show but one consistent in tone and style with all the other episodes.

Another key factor is whether he's hands-on or hands-off.  Some casts really like to be directed.  Others don't.

We look for experience, personality, sensibility, style, and talent. We like our sets to be low-key and relaxed so we hire directors accordingly. No screamers. No highly intense guys. Other producers may want just the opposite.

On the other hand, as a frequent guest director myself, I always felt like a substitute teacher coming into an unruly classroom.

Brian Phillips has another directing question:

While watching episodes of "Becker" and "Frasier", I noticed a few scripts credited solely to David Isaacs. Have you ever directed one of his scripts? If so, did you find it any easier or harder directing your writing partner's scripts?

I’ve never directed a script written solely by David but have directed episodes that we’ve written together. And those were easy because in writing it we had talked through practically every moment.

I assume it would also be easy directing one of his scripts because we’ve developed such a shorthand between us over the years. David could convey to me something I was missing with relative ease.

However, I will say this – I threw him off the stage once. It was after a runthrough. I said to him I always wanted to throw someone off the stage but I couldn’t afford to dispatch anyone from the cast and crew. I needed them all. So David got the heave-ho instead.

I did direct an episode of BECKER that I wrote on my own. The writer-me and the director-me fought all week. It was ugly.  I can't tell you how many times I wanted to throw myself off the set.

And finally, Andrew Wickliffe wonders:

When you have a supporting cast member who never talks in the background--I'm thinking of the woman who works for Roy on WINGS--does she never speak because then her pay would be different?

Bingo. Once they speak a line their pay scale shoots up dramatically and they come under SAG’s jurisdiction (Screen Actors Guild) vs. SEG’s (Screen Extras Guild).

Still, every so often it was worth it to give an extra a line. We did that one time on CHEERS. There was some bar run and the payoff was “Sinatra”. Rumpled barfly Al Rosen was assigned the line. It got a huge laugh. Al was then given more lines here and there over the subsequent years. And this is how he was always referred to in scripts: “Man Who Said Sinatra”.


What’s your question?

Sparky Anderson 1934-2010

When Sparky Anderson was 30 he looked 75. And now that he’s passed away at 76 I still think of him as 30. No one had more energy than George "Sparky" Anderson. Even the last time I spoke to him, which was only a few months ago at Dodger Stadium, he still had that twinkle. The sharpness wasn’t there but the enthusiasm was. He came out when the Tigers were in town. The above picture is one I took. How often do you see three Hall-of-Fame managers (Joe Torre, Jim Leyland, and Sparky) together?

It was the first time I had seen Sparky in years. He looked the same. Of course, he always looked the same. He circulated, greeting people and shaking hands. Judging by the respect and affection everyone had for him, you’d think the Pope was hanging around the batting cage.

Later he was up in the press dining room regaling scouts and long time cronies with stories. There was much laughter. That signature Sparky grin was ear-to-ear. I wondered why he didn’t come out more often. He got to be beloved and see a game. Not a bad way to spend a summer’s day. I must say, I never thought of his appearance as a farewell tour.

I’ve known him for almost twenty years, since I started broadcasting for the Orioles and he was managing the Tigers. Sparky and MASH producer, Burt Metcalfe, went to high school together at Dorsey High in Los Angeles. Whenever Sparky saw me down through the years, the first thing he always said was give Burt his best. This summer at Dodger Stadium was the first time he didn’t. I figured something wasn’t right.

Sparky gave the best interviews. The English was fractured but his answers were refreshingly candid and straight-forward. Once, when I was with the Mariners I asked how he planned to handle Ken Griffey Jr. and he went on for five minutes about "that kid is not going to beat me.  I don't care if I have to walk him nine times.  I don't care if everyone else in that line up hits a home run.  That so-and-so is not going to beat me!"  He was a throwback – back to the days when managers were colorful and made decisions based on gut, not Sabremetrics. The passion and joy he had for the game was infectious.

He was the Casey Stengel of my generation.

Will I miss him? Will baseball miss him? To use his favorite expression: “No doubt about it!”

Thanks for all the great years, Sparky.  And that's from a Dodger fan.

Adventures in pilot casting

The most important decisions you as a producer/creator/writer/whoever will make is casting. Everything else can be fixed. But the wrong people will kill you. On the other hand, the right people can send your project soaring. This is why networks today routinely replace actors in pilots. These decisions are often the result of testing but truthfully, actors are given a quick hook today if they don't score immediately in rehearsal.  Too quick in many instances, if you ask me.

Okay, on to THE MARY show.  You can see the pilot here.

We had several advantages while casting that show. We had a firm series pick-up. This made our project more attractive. Also, there was less network interference. We were asked to bring two choices for each role to CBS when we felt we were ready. And even then, in a couple of cases, we only came in with one person. The other big advantage we had was Molly Lopata, our extraordinary casting director.
Molly discovered Katey Sagal. Our other choice for the part was Kathy Bates, who was also marvelous but Katey just seemed so fresh. Kathy Bates survived the rejection by winning an Oscar. (Aside: You should see Katey in SONS OF ANARCHY. She’s amazing. As is Ron Perlman. And I love the fact that this series about bikers stars two Jews.)

Proud to say John Astin was my idea. We had been searching for months for the theater critic role. Lots of excellent actors came in and played him very pompous, and that was a major facet of the character. But the danger was he could become insufferable. John brought a sweetness, goofiness, and dignity to the role. John came in, started reading, said "Ed LaSalle" and that was it.  We knew he was the guy. We didn’t even bring him to the network. CBS approved him over the phone.

For the part of Lester, the shady guy that Mary’s friend Susan was engaged to, we pictured James Tolkin when we wrote the pilot. He too came in to read and was exactly what we imagined.  That's so nice... and rare when that happens.

Finding Susan wasn’t so easy. We must’ve read at least a hundred actresses including Sandy Dennis, Brenda Vaccarro, Susan Strassberg, and Janet Margolin. We had a wealth of riches. Ultimately, we went with Carlene Watkins who had been so funny in one of the great underrated sitcoms -- BEST OF THE WEST.

But the big challenge was Frank. He had to be handsome, charismatic, could hold his own comedically with Mary (not an easy feat), and be a potential love interest. Here too we read at least a hundred actors, maybe more. Robert Loggia, Jerry Orbach, Robert Vaughn, Ron Liebman (who played him “scary”, an interesting but disturbing choice) were among them. It seems like any leading man who starred in a series between 1965 and 1982 came in to read. 

James Farentino’s name was mentioned and honestly, we were skeptical. We had never seen him do comedy. Molly believed in him so we saw him and were very pleasantly surprised. So surprised that we didn’t believe it. We brought him back. He was even better.

But we were still nervous. Dabney Coleman’s name was mentioned. This intrigued us. Both David and I were huge fans of BUFFALO BILL (and if you haven’t seen it, Netlix it today!), knew he could pull off the comedy, but our concern was that he usually played villains. This character had to keep you guessing. Was he really a cad or just testing people to get the best out of them? We were relatively sure he could pull off the charm but we still needed to see it. Plus, we had never met the gentleman.

And here’s where it gets sticky. A few months before when we were looking for directors there was one we had our eye on. We had never worked with him but were fans of his work. We contacted his agent who said the director wouldn’t meet. We had to make him a firm offer first. To us that was ridiculous. We needed to see whether we were on the same page. The agent held firm. So we moved on.

Next we came up with Danny DeVito. He had directed some TAXIS at the time. Unfortunately, he had that same agent who told us the same thing as before.  No offer, no meeting.  We said fuck that. We knew Danny personally. He’s married to Rhea Perlman who we worked with for years on CHEERS. So we called Danny. He read the script, loved it, and wanted to do it. Now the agent calls us furious for going around him.

Anyway, guess who Dabney Coleman’s agent was. Yep. His client would not meet. There was no way we were going to say hello to our leading man for the first time at the table reading. The network was excited about Dabney. But we wouldn’t budge. Dabney didn’t have to read. Just meet with us, have a cup of coffee. The agent still said no. We enlisted Mary’s help. She had played tennis with Dabney. She called on our behalf and he really wanted to do the part but was entrusting the negotiations to his agent.

This was the day before we were going into production. At 5:00 we said we couldn’t wait anymore and went with James Farentino.

I’ll never know how Dabney Coleman might have been in the role but I think we caught a break. Jimmy was everything we wanted and much much more.

So that’s how we cast the show. Again, thanks to Molly Lopata. 

And here’s the epilogue: For the last ten years I see that agent in my gym. I know who he is and he knows who I am. You’d think it would be very awkward. But it’s not. We get along great. Yeah yeah, I know – that is sooooo Hollywood.