My recommended reading list

 A number of you have asked what books/articles/plays I'm having my USC comedy class read.   So here's the list.  I recommend these to you too. 

Required Reading---

John Kennedy Toole – Confederacy of Dunces
Neil Simon – Odd Couple (play)

Recommended Reading --

John Vorhaus – The Comic Toolbox
Dan O’Shannon – What Are You Laughing At?
Ken Levine – Blog: KenLevine.blogspot.com  (archives)
Woody Allen – Without Feathers
Woody Allen – Getting Even
Tad Friend - “What’s So Funny?”
John Morreall – “Historical Theories of Laughter”
Henri Bergson – Laughter, An Essay on the Meaning of the Comic
Steve Martin – Born Standing Up
Douglas McKwan -- My Lush Life
Tina Fey – Bossypants
Marc Maron – Attempting Normal
Andy Goldberg – Improv Comedy

What I expect to happen is this:  You'll recommend a bunch of other ones.  That's great.  Some of your suggestions you may feel are be better than what's listed above, but I have reasons for each selection.   In any event, you can't go wrong.  And I'm not making anyone read Beowulf. 

In the year 5774

Today is the Jewish High Holiday. It's the day of atonement. A chance to reflect and ask forgiveness for our sins and transgressions over the past year. In my case, all my Whitney Cummings cracks. It's a day of fasting (Jewish tradition has it that on all holidays you either fast or eat way too much), spiritual reconnection, and taking a break from your daily responsibilities (I will not be hosting SNL tonight out of respect to my faith and because no one asked me to.)

Staying out of work and school is not always easy or convenient.

I'm reminded of Sandy Koufax not pitching the first game of the 1965 World Series because it was Yom Kippur. Don Drysdale pitched instead. The Minnesota Twins bombed him. He was lifted in the third inning. As Dodger manager, Walter Alston came out to the mound to get him, Drysdale said, "Yeah, Skip, I know what you're thinking. Why couldn't HE be Jewish?"

To all who observe: Happy 5774 (which means Mel Brook's 2000 year-old man is now really 3764).

Friday (the 13th) Questions

Read if you dare.

willieb leads off:

On a recent road trip I saw a Frasier from the last season that was "Written By David Issacs" -- no Ken Levine! Was there a definite point where you went your separate ways as writers, or did you just drift apart? Did you write any scripts solo or did you concentrate on baseball and directing?

First off, we’re still partners and have written a number of things together after FRASIER went off the air.  The most fun I have writing is when I'm doing a script with David.

But we have always been a partnership out of choice not dependence. During that FRASIER period I was doing a lot of directing and we each wrote a couple of episodes on our own.

Partnerships stay together if the members allow each other to grow. I wanted to get into directing. David had no desire to direct. When asked why he facetiously says, “Because I never want to make more than two decisions in any one day.”

His FRASIER episodes are terrific, by the way.  He wrote a two-parter called "Shutdown in Seattle."  Check 'em out.  

Joseph M. asks:

Would you please explain the difference between Christopher Lloyd the actor and Christopher Lloyd, the writer?

Christopher Lloyd the writer (pictured: left) is writer David Lloyd’s son. He is the co-creator of MODERN FAMILY after being a showrunner of FRASIER for many years and Emmys.

Christopher Lloyd the actor played Reverend Jim on TAXI and Dr. Emmett Brown in BACK TO THE FUTURE.

They’re not related.  I'm sure they get each others mail.

From Damien Galeone:

Mr Levine, prolific comedy writer William Froug said that "If you can write hard comedy, you'll need a skiploader to haul your millions away, and soft comedy and a dollar will buy you a cup of coffee."

I was wondering if you might answer what the difference is between 'soft' and 'hard' comedy?

Hard comedy evokes outright laughter. Soft comedy evokes warm smiles of recognition.

Hard comedy tends to be jokes and physical bits; soft comedy is often observational or small bits of relatable behavior.

Looking at most of today’s comedies that are single-camera and rely more of irony and behavior I’d say the soft comedy writer can treat everybody at Starbucks these days.

But the bottom line is this:  fewer people can write hard comedy than soft.  

Simon queries:

When you worked on Cheers and Dharma & Greg, did Kirstie Alley or Jenna Elfman try to recruit you or any of the cast and crew into their creepy brainwashing cult? You know what I'm referring to. The cult of ... watching reality TV. I hear they're big fans of the genre.

What did you think I was referring to?

Yes, I know what you are referring to and the answer is no.

Neither Jenna nor Kirstie nor any actor has ever tried to convert me to anything.  I had a ballplayer try to convert me in a big way and I might've listened if the fucking guy could hit. 

But I have worked with a number of thespians who I don’t see eye to eye with on religion or politics or anything, and I’ve never had a problem. Putting our differences aside, they’re lovely people and wonderful actors. What they do on their own time is their business.

DwWashburn asks:

Ia there ever animosity between members of a writing staff or other people that work "behind the scenes" as to the pay of actors on successful shows? Without the writers they would have nothing to say, without the directors they would have no place to stand, without the camera people they would not be able to be seen, without lighting they couldn't be seen, etc.

I can't speak for everybody but being realistic -- yeah, sure.  It's human nature.  

Honestly, I’m only resentful if they’re not good actors. If they’re wildly successful simply due to luck or their looks than yes, that pisses me off.

But here’s the thing – the hoops actors have to go through to reach that pinnacle is staggering. The odds of winning a state lottery are better. The amount of rejection they endure, the uncertainty and lack of security they face is practically paralyzing. God bless the very few who beat the odds.

Also, when I see the skill and craft and technique that goes into giving a good performance I know I could never do that. So it’s not like these actors are taking money away from me.

Let’s be real – networks and studios don’t pay actors big money unless they bring in bigger money. Either they can open a movie or attract a big television audience. And the minute they can’t, their salaries plummet. That’s a lot of pressure, especially when times change and the audience is always looking for the next big thing.

So I save my resentment for other people.

What’s your question?

The insanity of political correctness continues

 WARNING:  This is another of my rants.

Now apparently there is a group demanding no one can make fun of people who are on gluten-free diets. Did you know that folks who are avoiding gluten in their meals are being ostracized? This sounds like a sketch but it’s real.

The Disney Channel has pulled an episode of their sitcom, JESSIE, because angry parents made a huge stink when derogatory jokes were made about kids who needed gluten-free diets. The episode first appeared on line and Disney responded by pulling the episode off the air.

Here’s one of the offensive jokes. A character says to the dieter: “You call me sweetie again, and you'll be eating some gluten-free knuckles.”

Ohmygod! How could anyone allow that on television?

Yes, gluten-free diets are necessary for people with celiac disease. And I’m sure they’re a pain in the ass. This is not a choice, it’s a burden they’re stuck with. And when it’s so important for kids to fit in, anything that isolates them is like a scarlet letter. As someone who was an outcast and geek in school myself, I can totally empathize.

But come on. Where do we draw the line? The jokes weren’t malicious. At worst they were glib. Have we become so overly sensitive that gluten-free diets are now an incendiary topic?

Where are the asthma zealots? Their activists are dropping the ball. There’s an episode of LEAVE IT TO BEAVER where one of Beaver’s friends has an inhaler. Shouldn’t that be yanked off the air the way AMOS AND ANDY was? I think there’s also an inhaler joke in THE WONDER YEARS. Burn the negatives!

Comedy needs to have edge. It needs to ruffle some feathers. When we’re so afraid of offending anybody we might as well not even do comedy.

You kill the sacred cow; you kill the golden goose.

I will happily grant you that we have a responsibility not to be overly cruel. There are lines of good taste and if we have any humanity we need to observe those lines. There was a big discussion of that just this last weekend in this blog.  But we also need to lighten up. And we as comedy writers (I refrain from using the pretentious word – artist) can’t walk on eggshells. We can’t self-censor ourselves in fear that some whacko parent group will protest. Because here’s the thing: no matter what you write someone will take issue.

I was at a Dodger game recently, sitting in the press box. Nancy Bea Hefly, the stadium organist played the MASH theme between innings, a sweet little nod to me. Well, it so happened the Dodgers had a Korean pitcher working that night. And Nancy Bea got an angry note from someone that by playing the MASH theme she was being disrespectful to the Korean community. Huh??? First of all, we on MASH went out of our way to be respectful of the Korean community. Korean leaders in town praised our portrayal of their culture. And second – really? The stadium organist has an ax to grind and is playing a song to belittle a community? This is insanity!

Now I expect a flood of angry comments (most of them by “anonymous”). I’m insensitive. I have no compassion. This is yet another example of how irresponsible I am. What if a child read this blog? By inference I must also condone torture (I got those trolls when I had the audacity to like ZERO DARK THIRTY).  I’d make fun of handicapped kids too. I’m not funny was never funny. I’m in bed with the insidious Gluten industry. I’m too old to understand anything. This is why I’m no longer producing television shows. And this is proof I have it in for Woody Allen.

But once we can’t make fun of anything we’re on a comedy-free diet. And at the moment there are no activists for us. So please, have a little compassion for me.

By the way, there is a gluten-free dating site.  I'd make jokes except... y'know...

9/11 and David & Lynn Angell

I re-post this every year on this date and always will. 

9/11 affected us all, profoundly and in many cases personally. Two of my dear friends were on flight 11. David and Lynn Angell. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought of them, missed them, and not felt grateful that they were in my life.

David and I worked together on CHEERS, WINGS, and FRASIER (the latter two he co-created). We used to call him the “dean”. In his quiet way he was the one we always looked to for final approval of a line or a story direction. He brought a warmth and humanity to his writing that hopefully rubbed off on the rest of us “schickmeisters”. And he could be funny – sneaky funny. During long rewrite sessions he tended to be quiet. Maybe two or three times a night he’d pitch a joke – but they were always the funniest jokes of the script.

For those of you hoping to become comedy writers yourselves, let David Angell be your inspiration. Before breaking in he worked in the U.S. Army, the Pentagon, an insurance firm, an engineering company, and then when he finally moved out to L.A. he did “virtually every temp job known to man” for five years. Sometimes even the greatest talents take awhile to be recognized.

I first met David the first season of CHEERS. He came in to pitch some stories. He had been recommended after writing a good NEWHART episode. This shy quiet man who looked more like a quantum physics professor than a comedy writer, slinked into the room, mumbled through his story pitches, and we all thought, “is this the right guy? He sure doesn’t seem funny.” Still, he was given an assignment (“Pick a con…any con”) and when the script came back everyone was just blown away. He was quickly given a second assignment (“Someone single, someone blue”) and that draft came back even better. I think the first order of business for the next season was to hire David Angell on staff.

After 9/11, David’s partners Peter Casey & David Lee called me and my partner into their office. There was a FRASIER script David Angell was about to write. (It was the one where Lilith’s brother arrived in a wheelchair and became an evangelist. Michael Keaton played the part.) Peter & David asked if we would write it and for me that was a greater honor than even winning an Emmy.

David’s wife, Lynn, was also an inspiration. She devoted her life to helping others – tirelessly working on creating a children’s library and a center that serves abused children.

My heart goes out to their families. To all of the families.

I still can’t wrap my mind around it.

So tragic, so senseless, and even twelve years later, so inconceivable.

Remembering Cal Worthington

Los Angeles lost another one of its local TV celebrities. Cal Worthington passed away. He was 92. He owned car dealerships in southern California and advertised constantly on local stations. You couldn’t watch an old late night movie without it being interrupted by a Cal Worthington commercial.

In the early days of TV he did the commercials live. Wearing a big cowboy hat and delivering his spiel in a homespun drawl Cal implored you to get down to Bellflower or Downey or wherever the hell he was and buy this Ford or Dodge or whatever car he was selling on that channel. Ten minutes later you’d switch to a different station and he’d be in South Gate or Long Beach selling some other model.

And he’d always break it at just the worst time. Bogart gets shot, he’s lying in a pool of blood – cut to Cal, grinning, chuckling, saying “howdy friends!”

No kid in Los Angeles born in the ‘50s ever saw GODZILLA without Cal Wrothington in the middle of it.

And yet, even with these intrusions, we loved him. Why? Because he never took himself too seriously.

There was a competing TV car huckster named Chick Lambert. He always had his dog, Storm with him. So Cal introduced his dog “Spot.” Except it was never a dog. It was a tiger or a lion or a monkey or a snake or a member of the Los Angeles Rams.

And he had this inane jingle – “Go See Cal.” Lyrics included “I will stand up on my head/till my ears are turning red/Go See Cal/Go See Cal/Go See Cal.”  If you lived in Los Angeles for more than 24 hours you could sing that jingle. 

As corny and goofy as these techniques were, he sold more cars than anybody. Make no mistake, he was a smart cookie. He understood the value of advertising, showmanship, and sound business practices. He was also a decorated war hero in WWII.

Cal was pretty much the last of our local TV pitchmen. All markets had them. They were colorful characters who sold everything from cars to carpeting. They wore outlandish costumes and had various shticks. There was some car dealer in Minneapolis whose tag line was, “Bring the wife so we can dicker.”

Of course, back in those days you had either the three networks or a few independent channels. There was no thousand channel universe.  And how were these non-network stations going to fill 20 hours of programming every day? For the most part they did it with old movies. You could find John Wayne on at least one station at any given day and time. And sure enough, just when he was about to shoot the bad guy, there would be smiling Cal Worthington riding in on a pig. You don’t get that pleasure with Netflix.

Cal Worthington was 92 (I’m sure marked down from 98). He was an original and reminder of simpler more innocent times. R.I.P. Cal.  Here’s a sample of his commercials (or should I say “Spots?”)

If I were on SHARK TANK

In honor of SHARK TANK week on ABC, here's how I envision the segment if I were on...
 
"SHARK TANK, where amateur entrepreneurs pitch their projects to millionaire sharks who will invest their own money if they like the idea. Who are the sharks?"

Robert Herjavec – son of an immigrant who looks good on television and already dyes his hair.

Kevin O'Leary – Known as “Mr. Wonderful.” Simon Cowell-villain who has savvy, greed, and if he we were Jewish anti-Semitism would skyrocket in this country.

Daymond John – Fashion mogul who never has an original thought.

Mark Cuban -- (Dallas) Maverick billionaire eccentric who plays the boyish card although the years are closing in.

Lori Greiner – QVC funder/MILF who is attractive and well-coiffed but in danger of looking like Jamie McCourt.

The sharks sit in large overstuffed chairs in a set filled with aquariums. The entrepreneur enters. He is a schleppy guy who could not look more geeky and out-of-his-element. He stands before them.

DAYMOND: I’m out.

MARK: You haven’t even heard him yet.

DAYMOND: I sell wool hats with their tops cut off and tied with string. I don’t have any real money. I look good and I don’t scare people like Spike Lee.

ROBERT (to schlepper): Please. Go on.

SCHLEPPER (reciting a spiel he’s obviously rehearsed but not enough): Hi, Sharks! My name is Ken Levine and I’ve solved the problem of men watching late night ads on TV but not picking up the phone to buy. This is an idea I had one night while channel surfing. I see all these ads for record offers or juice blenders and I think “I just got paid so I have all this money. And the rent isn’t due for eight hours so I have to spend it somewhere. But what to buy? I don’t want the greatest 100 novelty songs of the ‘70s or blueberry smoothies I can eat for breakfast instead of last night’s leftover Hamburger Helper. What to do? What to do? And then it hit me, what do I want? What do all men want? So Sharks, I have created the Nympho-mercial. These are girls who will have sex with you and here’s the best part – since they’re nymphomaniacs and want to have sex anyway, I don’t have to pay them. I’m looking for $300,000 for 5% of my company.

DAYMOND: Do you have any samples?

LORI: Daymond, you’re out already.

DAYMOND; I might get back in.

KEN: Yes, I do have samples.

Four slutty girls and one Chippendale dancer enter.

KEN: This is Minx, Clitoria, Sarah-Jessica, Tammi, and Derek.

DAYMOND; I’ll take Derek.

MR. WONDERFUL: Then you’re really out.

KEN: Uh, I think Derek is for Lori.

LORI: Yeah.

The guests climb into the Sharks’ laps. Minx runs her fingers through Robert’s hair.

MINX: My dad uses this color.

As they guests begin to kiss and fondle the Sharks we:

CUT TO:

Moments later we return.  The "samples" are gone.  The Sharks are now more relaxed, their wardrobe askew… except for Daymond who obviously was unmoved.

ROBERT: Do you have any patents pending?

KEN: On what? They’re prostitutes.

MR. WONDERFUL: What’s to prevent me from calling all the girls I’ve gone to and putting together a competing business?

KEN: These are attractive prostitutes.

DAYMOND: Do these prostitutes need hats?

MARK: What’s your business model, Ken?

KEN: Well, I haven’t gotten the capital to actually go on television yet, which is why I need you guys, so – after expenses – I've made a little over four hundred dollars.

MR. WONDERFUL: Yet, you value the company at $6,000,000?

LORI: Can I get Derek and Clitoria?

KEN: There’s a big difference between being on national television and stopping people outside of Pep Boys.

ROBERT: Look, I love prostitutes, and I like you. I think you’ve got a great idea here  and the fact that you don’t have to pay the girls is genius. I could easily see this taking off in a big way. And for that reason, I’m out.

KEN: Huh? I thought you liked it.

ROBERT: I do.

KEN: Then why are you out?

ROBERT: Because I’m always out. But if I were ever going to go in, this is the one I would go in on. But I’m not. Unless someone wants to go in on it with me?

MARK: Talk to me.

ROBERT: You put in $295,000 and I’ll cover the rest.

LORI: I really need to see Derek again before I decide. Where is that juicy slap of beef?

MARK: Hmm, Robert, that’s interesting. Let me think about it a second.

ROBERT: Then forget it. I’m out.

DAYMOND: Ken, are you in any big box stores?

KEN: What do you mean? Like Costco? Why would I be in Costco. These are whores you order over the telephone.

DAYMOND: So no plans to be in Best Buy?  I'm doubly out.

LORI: Is anyone else hot in here?

MR. WONDERFUL: Look, there’s a story about two badgers and one has hidden a lot of acorns inside a hollow tree while the other ate his acorns as he went along. You, my friend, are the acorn, I’m the first badger, and in another day there will be snow.

KEN: Huh? What the hell does that have to do with anything?

MR. WONDERFUL; The point is, you’re providing a service industry in a media-driven environment.

KEN: So what does that have to do with badgers? And what does that even mean?

MARK: Okay, let me make this simple for you. I get what you’re doing, Ken. What I think we could do is build the business and then sell it to a major conglomerate like Time-Warner or the Catholic Church.

MR. WONDERFUL: Now you’re the first badger.

MARK: Shut up.

LORI: Does anyone mind if I take off my top? I’m wearing a sports bra.

She peels off her blouse.

MARK: So I’m willing to give you the $300,000 for 5% of your company – what you asked for – but you have to give me freebies for all my Mavericks season-ticket holders.

KEN: Gee, that sounds great. Half of my girls are Mavericks’ cheerleaders anyway.

LORI: Derek, I’ll give you 10% of QVC. Where is he?

DAYMOND: I’ll give you hats, Derek. Many many hats.

MR. WONDERFUL: Wait a minute, Kenny. You haven’t heard my offer.

KEN: Okay?

LORI: Look how tan my belly is.

MR. WONDERFUL: If you take Mark’s deal you’re an idiot. You might as well take your acorns and set them on fire.

KEN: So what’s your deal?

ROBERT: I’m out.

MARK: We know that.

ROBERT: I just want to participate.

MR. WONDERFUL: Ken, my boy… I’ll give you the $300,000 but I want 90% of the company and I need to recoup my money so I get ten dollars for every transaction and we run the operation out of my rumpus room.

ROBERT: Okay. Mr. Wonderful’s deal I can go for. I’m in for $5,000.

KEN: You’ve gotta be kidding me?

ROBERT: Okay. I’m out.

KEN: (to Mr. Wonderful): Why would anyone take that deal?

MR. WONDERFUL: You see the nimrods we get on this show? Squirrel tasers. Soup bricks. Camouflage wedding attire. Plenty of people with real good ideas can’t get on because these dimwits are more entertaining. So I offer these deals because I can and they take them and are thrilled.

KEN: Fine. Mr. Wonderful, you’ve got a deal.

MR. WONDERFUL:  I do?  

EVERYONE: What?! Huh? Are you (bleeping) kidding me?

Mr. Wonderful comes up and hugs Ken. Lori comes up and hugs Ken.

KEN: I want the check right now.

MR. WONDERFUL: Gladly.  Before you change your mind.

He whips out his checkbook, writes Ken a check and Ken exits. Once he’s out of earshot.

ROBERT: Wow. Never saw that coming.

DAYMOND: You say that every week.

ROBERT: Yeah, but this time I mean it.

MR. WONDERFUL: What a sucker!

MARK: You realize, no station will air something called a Nympho-mercial?

MR. WONDERFUL: What?

DAYMOND: And prostitution is illegal in this country.

MR. WONDERFUL: Oh shit!  You played me!

MARK:  Yeah.  I kinda did.

ROBERT:  So I was right to be out for once?

MARK (to Mr. Wonderful): And you just gave him $300,000.

MR. WONDERFUL:  HOLY SHIT!!!

Mr. Wonderful runs out the room yelling for Ken.

CUT TO:

Sexual Perversity in the Writers' Room

Thanks to the California Supreme Court we comedy writers can continue to be vulgar and crass and sexist and infantile and crude…and do our jobs. With a vote of 7-0 the judges threw out the ridiculous sexual harassment lawsuit against certain FRIENDS writers and Warner Brothers filed by a disgruntled incompetent writers’ assistant who was fired for cause. The sexually explicit remarks made by the FRIENDS writers were not even aimed at her (although now they will be). They were directed at the actors.

Writers Rooms are not for the faint of heart. It is not the Queen’s Tea in there. Sitcom writers on multi-camera shows like FRIENDS work under enormous pressure. The writers see a runthrough at 4:00 and must fix the entire script that night, even if it means throwing out the script and writing a new one. They must identify the problems, come up with the solutions, and have the new draft ready first thing in the morning. Tough luck if the muse doesn’t come, or you’ve got the flu, or worse, had Laker tickets. And you face this daunting task essentially every night for 22 weeks.

To relieve that pressure and kick start the creative process, comedy writers need to be free to say ANYTHING. And considering we’re all neurotic, self loathing, insecure, still pining for that girl from Junior High, and funny our escape valve tends to be material that makes “The Aristocrats” joke seem PG. The only rule is everything and everyone is fair game…even YOU. The best way to prevent others from taking a shot at you is taking the shot yourself. A writers room is the only place in the world where the winner of a dick measuring contest is the one who has the smallest.

And if a favorite target is the cast, well who do you think had all the objections or tanked the material that resulted in this grueling rewrite anyway? You’re in a stuffy room eating bad Chinese food or El Pollo Loco while Courtney Cox is out for a lovely evening. Sure you’re going to talk about her genitals…for twelve hours.

Had the writers’ assistant won this absurd lawsuit the result would not be more genteel writers rooms. It would be fewer woman writers and assistants being hired. And no one would benefit from that.

One last point. If you were ever to be in one of these rooms you would likely be appalled, offended, even outraged…but you would never laugh so much and so hard in your life.

And maybe some of the Courtney Cox genital jokes were true.

We have power

At least for now, as I write this, this minute. To be on the safe side I’m saving this document every few words, because you never know. Not here. Not where I live.  Not in the natural disaster site otherwise known as paradise.

This began Thursday. Well, actually it began a few days before Thursday when the thermometer went above 85. Seven people run their air conditioner in Los Angeles and half the city goes out. I love LA, but the moment weather conditions aren’t ideal the entire county is crippled. Local newscasters actually break in with bulletins when there are “trace” amounts of rain. One inch of rain in any 48 hour period results in STORM WATCH coverage. Because we get so little rain in the summer, the freeways get slick with oil and so the first eight drops of the fall results in massive ten car pile-ups.

Somehow a half an inch completely floods the San Fernando Valley. Channel 5’s Eric Spillman is always reporting knee deep in water from the corner of Ventura Blvd. and White Oak. Why not just run the same report from the last five years and let poor Eric stay in the news van? 

When the temperature plummets down to 40 there are frost warnings. Once people can see their breath schools close.  We're ill prepared for any calamity more serious than Costco closing two checkout lines. 

And whenever there’s a heat wave there are power outages. You’d think Southern California would recognize by now that it gets hot every year but apparently not. Last summer I was in Dallas with the Mariners. It was something like the 40th straight day of 100+ temperatures. Every light was on. They ran the air conditioning full blast in Cowboy Stadium with not so much as a flicker in all of Texas. Los Angeles goes three days when you don’t need a sweater and we have rolling blackouts.

So Thursday afternoon at about 4:00 our power went out. We called the Department of Water & Power and got a recorded message. Several communities were experiencing problems – including ours – and service was due to be back at 4:06 Friday morning. (How can they determine to the minute when it’ll be back?)

Friday morning the power was back, but then at about 5:00 in the afternoon we had a brownout. This is where the power company decreases the voltage they send to your house. So in our case, lights went on dimly, the TV and cable worked, but there wasn’t enough juice to power computers and certainly not for air conditioners. Does your microwave beep when it doesn’t get enough voltage? Does your landline beep for the same reason? Ours did. Our house was a thousand degrees and sounded like NORAD during amber alerts.

The good news was the construction nimrods next door couldn’t run their jackhammers.  If it didn't mean living like a tribe in SURVIVOR I'd keep the electricity off just to spare us the noise from these home improvement specialists.

Then the power went out completely again. It came back later that night and since you’re reading this, it stayed on for at least a half hour.

Now, all of this is just a minor inconvenience certainly. It’s amazing how untethered we have become when we can’t tweet. And my heart goes out to all of you who had real misery, who were without power for weeks following disasters such as Hurricane Sandy or Hurricane Katrina. This is not so much a rant about the hardships I’ve had to endure – like I said, it was an annoyance at best. Everyone’s power goes off from time to time. And it’s not like I missed COVERT AFFAIRS. But it points out yet again, how this goofy city is forever overwhelmed by even the slightest adversity.

No wonder people laugh at us. We apply for Federal Relief Aid when there is humidity.

MTM vs. Lear

Now that the summer is nearly at an end we can concentrate more on Friday Questions. Here are some:

Michael starts us off:

In a recent blog post about yelling at Rob Reiner, Earl Pomerantz mentioned in the 70's there was a competition between MTM shows which were strictly character-driven and Norman Lear shows which, while also very funny, tried to teach lessons.

Cheers and Frasier clearly fell into the MTM camp while MASH sometimes veered more into the Norman Lear style. Question for you is did you prefer writing for one style or the other?

I clearly preferred the MTM character style. Even MASH was more character based than issue based. We’d refer to issues but not debate them. Lear shows generally were plotted from argument to argument. I much prefer writing shows that are based on universal relatable behavior.

And that’s not to knock the Lear shows. They were brilliant and (at first) groundbreaking. We would have loved to have written for ALL IN THE FAMILY or MAUDE. But there was a level of anger on those shows that didn’t really jibe with my temperament.

The MTM style really began with Jim Brooks and Allan Burns. From Mary came TAXI and from TAXI came CHEERS and from CHEERS came FRASIER. I was thrilled to be on that train. Too bad it's no longer running and is now in moth balls.

Marco asks:

You already described how much you liked the Cheers set in an older post. Do you know what happened to the set when the Hollywood Entertainment Museum closed in 2007? I sat in the set back in 2003 and enjoyed it a lot - I hope they have not destroyed it ...

I hate to burst your bubble, Marco, but that was not the original set used on the show. It was at best a copy, and it always bothered me that they were passing it off as the real deal.

I don’t know where the real one is. The Smithsonian might have it.

I walked onto the stage the day they were dismantling it and found it so disturbing I left after maybe one minute.

Chicago Pinot has a question regarding my post on Elmore Leonard and his TEN TIPS FOR WRITING:

Thanks for sharing these tips! The only one I am curious about is #7. When you were writing Cheers, was there ever the thought that a particular line or performer's delivery would be "Too Boston" for the mass audience?

Yes. There were times when actors spoke in thick authentic Boston accents and the jokes didn’t work. If the audience has to work hard to decipher they’re less apt to laugh. We gladly would trade authenticity for laughs.

I’ve told the story before, but we had a similar issue with David Ogden Stiers on MASH. When he came in to play Charles Winchester he originally wanted to give him a thick Boston accent. We worried that it would be too distracting. So he backed off on it and that’s the accent he used for his entire run on the series.

From Brenton:

I've heard that the "callers" to Frasier's radio show were real celebrities, sometimes talking about their real problems. David Duchovny was one, talking about what would later be revealed to be his sex addiction. Did anyone involved with the show realize he was making a confession of sorts?

Purely coincidental. He must’ve recognized the irony of course, but none of us did. I wonder if Tea Leoni finds that episode amusing?

And finally, from Breadbaker:

Baseball, as you know, is considering a challenge system to allow replays. On television, it's fairly simple to cover the time while they're being considered by showing the station's own replays. But what does a radio announcer do?

What we always do – read commercials, promote the next homestand, give the disclaimer, and read more commercials. Often times the game itself is just an imposition.

What’s your question? Please leave it in the comments section. Thanks!

Hate Watching

The latest TV craze seems to be “Hate Watching.” People seek out and habitually watch shows they can’t stand, shows that make them angry.

Why? Because there’s not enough real aggravation in the world or bad entertainment – we need more!

It used to be you would watch awful shows for the cheese factor. As the old expression goes – they were so bad they were good. They were so over-the-top off base that it was amusing. MOMMIE DEAREST, Roger Corman movies, Ed Wood productions, the ‘60s BATMAN series, Japanese game shows, MANNEQUIN 2, Psy, and anything hosted by James Lipton or starring Ru Paul.

There was a certain kitsch, camp aspect to them. And there are still shows worth watching for that reason. Give me a PREGNANT AND DATING and SHARKNADO any day!

But lately that trend has morphed into watching shows religiously that you actively hate so much they piss you off.

Now I should mention this is not a new phenomenon. In the late ‘60s/early ‘70s there was an ABC sportscaster named Howard Cosell. He was this pompous, dyspeptic blowhard with a grating voice and abrasive delivery who offered color commentary on MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. Most people despised him but they tuned in to disagree with everything he had to say. To a much lesser degree, Simon Cowell fills that role. He plays the villain, but his analysis is actually quite candid and refreshing. ESPN’s Chris Berman has made a very nice career for himself by getting on people’s nerves. Same with baseball's Tim McCarver.

But today the practice has become a popular fad. SMASH was probably the hate watcher’s champion. And GLEE was not far behind. A current favorite is THE NEWSROOM. A friend said to me about THE NEWSROOM: “I hate it each and every week.”

But he watches it.

Trust me, the provider doesn’t care why you watch shows just as long as you do. You could love it, loathe it, only watch because you want to sleep with Olivia Munn -- it matters not. They've got you.

When you consider how terrible the ratings were for SMASH, probably the only people who tuned in were hate watchers.

Personally, I’ve abandoned the practice. The last show I hate watched with any regularity was HAWAII FIVE-O. At first I watched because I wanted to like it. Then I realized the stories were terrible and the acting was worse, and yet I still watched because I love the scenery of Hawaii and figured, “Seriously, how much worse can it be?” They would answer that question every week, and then they started integrating commercials into the show (one for Subway was jaw dropping), and eventually I said, “What the fuck am I still watching this for? Click. I’ve never watched a minute of it since.

I thought I’d hate watch the CBS sitcom PARTNERS last year, but the pilot alone was so excruciating that I could never go back.

Seems to me that hate watching is not healthy and certainly not good for the psyche. In a thousand-channel universe, and thousands of movies available for you on demand, why waste your time and energy on material you know will only infuriate you? Would you get in your car and drive during rush hour traffic if you didn’t have to? Would you date Roseanne twice? No. Of course not. So why watch THE TALK?

Life’s too short. I’m still kicking myself for having watched Howard Cosell.

Do you hate watch? If so, why and which shows, and have you ever considered extensive therapy?

One of my great mentors

HBO has another superb documentary airing these days – a biography of sportscaster Marty Glickman. It’s a portrait of a fascinating individual.  Even if you're not a sports fan you should find his story inspiring.   He should have competed in the 1936 Olympics but they were held in Nazi Germany and he was, well... screwed.  

New York sports fans grew up listening to Marty. He was the voice of football and basketball in Gotham for a thousand years. More than that, he literally invented basketball announcing, coining the terms used to describe the game. 

He also served as a mentor to numerous young sportscasters, including this incredibly grateful blogger. 

This was the mid-80s. We hated Iran more than Iraq.  President Reagan had prostate surgery.    I was learning how to do baseball play-by-play by going to the upper deck of Dodger and Anaheim Stadium and sitting in the stands with a tape recorder, surrounded by drunks. For basketball I attended Clippers games in the old Sports Arena, and that was great because I’d have whole sections to myself.  Even the drunks didn't bother.  Sitting in row 114 I imagine the players on the court could hear me.

A friend put me in contact with Marty Glickman, who at the time was the radio voice of the Seton Hall Pirates basketball team. The Bucs were scheduled to play in the first round of “March Madness” at Pauley Pavilion on the campus of UCLA (my “crib”). Marty needed someone to keep his statistics for him during the game. I gladly volunteered. He sheepishly said he had no budget to pay me, but I didn’t care. I would have paid him.  To be able to sit next to God while he called a basketball game -- this was like winning an Emmy. 

My friend had told him I was an aspiring sportscaster so he volunteered to listen to a tape of my work.  Holy shit!  I sent him a cassette of baseball on one side and basketball on the other.   The plan was I'd meet him at his hotel the morning of the game, we'd go over my tape, I'd drive him to the arena, and we would work the game.   Marty Glickman was going to be in my car.   In fanboy terms that's like Joss Whedon writing AVENGERS 2 on your laptop.  


We met at the appropriate time. He was overall very complimentary (overly so considering the actual quality of the work) and popped in the tape, basketball side first.

Along the way he paused to offer lots of great suggestions. Be more descriptive. Be less verbose. Where exactly on the floor was the action? Always give the time along with the score, and always give the score after every basket. Find interesting ways to identify the players. Vary my vocabulary. Always make it clear which team controls the ball. Talk about the crowd and setting. Use my voice to build tension. Have an expert grasp of the rules. Sprinkle in more analysis. Keep the audience aware of the foul situation and how many time outs were left. Refer to the shot clock more.  In other words, I needed a lot of work.  A LOT of work. 

When the basketball side was mercifully over he removed the cassette. I figured he would flip it over and do the same with the other side. Instead, he just handed it back to me and said, “You’re a baseball announcer.” Clearly I had a better feeling for the game and was way more in my element.

When I needed a demo to send out to minor leagues teams I used that inning. I figured, if it was good enough to impress the great Marty Glickman, it had to be good enough for the huckleberry in Elephant’s Breath, Georgia.

Sure enough I received several offers.

I owe a great debt to Marty. He was the first professional to suggest I might have enough talent to actually get a job doing this. He was (as everyone else says in the documentary) a total mensch.

I invite you to seek out the documentary.   It's a slam dunk.  SWISH! 

My thoughts on your punchlines

Great job everybody. Thanks for coming up with punchlines for this joke:

Danny was so afraid of commitment that...

And I hope you had fun. Today I’m going to go through some of them. And to ensure anonymity I’ve hidden all the comments from the original post. So if I critique yours, no one will be the wiser.

I’m not going to point out all the ones that hit the mark (and there were quite a few) nor am I going to critique every one that I felt still needed work. I’ve received close to 300. There were some that I absolutely didn’t get. I wouldn’t know how to respond. They’re insane. And I say that with the disclaimer that I might just be dumb and missed the joke.  But yikes.

A couple of other disclaimers: every rule has an exception, especially in comedy. So nothing I suggest should be set in stone.

The point of this exercise is not to be critical. It’s to illustrate the rigors that comedy writers put jokes through. In writing rooms there are frequently long discussion about jokes – why they work, why they don’t, what’s wrong, how can we make them better? At times we can be real sticklers (read: assholes). But comedy often requires precision. Adding a word, changing the order of two words, substituting a more specific or funnier word – these are the tools we deal with.

We’ll often say a joke “doesn’t track” if the punchline doesn’t match the requirement of the set-up. We’ll flag jokes as being “on the nose.” These are jokes that fulfill the requirement but don’t have a comic spin. Danny is so afraid of commitment he refuses to get married. It tracks just fine, but where is the funny?

And then there are jokes that are too “convoluted.” They require the audience to connect three or four steps to get to the laugh. Audiences don’t like working that hard. You want them to hear it, get it, and laugh.

So as I go through these please take the suggestions in the spirit they were meant -- to help you get a better sense of what comedy writers go through and how to write better jokes.

WARNING: This is a long post. Much longer than usual. So grab a sandwich and make a day of it. Or just skim.

...he put his number on the Do Not Call List, then called up telemarketers to apologize.

Making a commitment requires an active choice. In this one Danny makes a commitment but then has second thoughts. So it’s more that Danny is indecisive. See the difference? Sometimes you’ll pitch a joke and for some reason it just won’t feel right. It seems to hit all the parameters but there’s something nagging. Go back and see if the joke addresses the exact definition.

He woke every morning, knowing that today was going to be, possibly, the best day or worst day ever. Or tomorrow.

Again, there’s nothing for him to actually commit to.

That he still does not have a favorite Beatle.

Funny and specific example of how he still can't make a commitment for fifty years.

...he used "Call Me. Maybe." as his pick-up line.

This could be interpreted as the person he’s trying to pick up is the one with commitment problems.

...that the Save The Date Card for his wedding was a perpetual calendar.

Weddings are a good area because they involve a strong commitment. This is clear and funny.

Danny was so afraid of commitment that his umbilical cord was a bungee.

Sharp joke with a funny image.

...he didn't come out of his mother until he was six years old...not quite sure about that life thing.

You don’t have to explain the joke. (not sure about this life thing) Let it stand on its own. This exercise remember, comes from Andy Goldberg’s improv class. We were all asked to fill in the blank. This was mine.  It's very similar to this last one.

Danny was so afraid of commitment he stayed in the womb for two years.

A number of you guys beat it with funnier punchlines.

...he took pruning shears to his ring finger.

Ouch. You run the risk that people will blanche instead of laugh.

....he decided to divorce all five of his wives.

This is what we call a joke on a joke. He has five wives (which already shows he has a fear of commitment) and then takes an extra step. It’s usually cleaner if he if the joke settles on one concept. I say “usually” because sometimes it works.

...he lived out of rental cars.

This implies he can’t commit to a home or a car. I think it works. Why? Because it’s so short. And it satisfies another requirement of the joke. Danny was SO afraid of commitment. It’s not enough he drove around only in rental cars; he lived in them. Now back to the bigamist. You could argue that divorcing them all addressed the SO afraid part of the joke. But I would suggest a better example is he was so afraid of commitment he had ten wives or twenty.

He moved to Utah for more choices.

That’s more in the ballpark. Utah and bigamy are good areas for this joke.

...on first dates he'd park the car and leave the engine running.

You leave yourself open to other possibilities as to why he leaves the engine running. He might be worried that his date won’t want to make out with him in which case he’d want to quickly leave. If he goes up to the hills with his date to make out but can never decide where to park, that’s closer.

...that when his girlfriend asked him to move in, he not only faked his own death, but hers as well.

Okay, this is one of those jokes that’s completely illogical (how do you fake someone else’s death?) but is so extreme and the concept is so funny that it sort of works. Sometimes in a writing room someone will pitch a joke, everybody laughs, and then someone else says “Yeah, but it makes no sense.” Everyone made some connection that made them laugh so in cases like that I usually go with the joke. This might be one of those.

...he wouldn't even listen to U2.

I’m confused. Are you saying that everybody listens to U2 or is the name U2 somehow significant in the punchline?  Or am I just out of touch?

...he left the movie theatre before Harry met Sally.

Not sure what this means. He is so afraid of commitment he can’t bear to watch other people who are afraid of commitment?

…he only dates hermaphrodites.

Short, funny, absurd, specific.  Yes!

he’d only date twins.

Even shorter. Well done.

Danny was so afraid of commitment he signed a pre-nup with his inflatable girlfriend.

Funny!

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he RENTED the first season of the Partridge Family.

Most people rent television shows. And why the PARTRIDGE FAMILY? Since the person in the joke is Danny, is that supposed to tie into the PARTRIDGE FAMILY reference (Danny Bonaduce being a member of the cast)?

His favorite song is the minute waltz...

This would work if the joke was Danny was so impatient that…

He lives in Four Corners...

Bingo. Short. Clear. Funny.

Danny was so afraid of commitment he wrote his love letters in pencil.

Good but could be funnier. Go to the extreme. How about this one from another reader?

his wedding vows were written with invisible ink.

This is typical procedure in a writers room. One person suggests an area and the search begins for the best version.

...that he told his lady to keep her legs crossed

Not sure how that applies. He’s afraid of getting her pregnant?

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he brought a plus one to his own wedding.

This is a thinker. It’s a little convoluted.  To hedge his bet he brought another date?  It could also mean he brought a friend for moral support. 

Danny was so afraid of commitment that it drove him crazy...enough to be committed to an asylum.

This is on the nose. It answers the question but needs a comic spin. This just told you the consequences.

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he died alone. Sad and alone.

Same thing… although I wonder if the writer was even trying to make people laugh.

... he avoided women by moving into a San Francisco rowhouse with a creepy hair-fetishist wannabe rockstar and an even creepier cartoon-voice imitator.

Way too long and I suspect these references are inside jokes about people I should know but don’t. Long winding payoffs usually don’t work as well as short punchy ones.

...his marriage license had an expiration date.

Marriages are a good area. Nice.

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he married a Kardashian.

Yes. Off beat and specific. The Kardashians' penchant for brief marriages is so well known that this reference scores.

... he wouldn't even do things half-assed.

This would work if Danny was so lazy or such a bad worker that…

...that he asked Congress to authorize his actions.

Using the joke to make a political statement. Certainly valid.

... he defied gravity

I know I’m being a stickler, but avoiding commitment is an active choice and unless he has a superpower, defying gravity is not.

...he signed up on the one-way trip to Mars.

Danny sounds pretty committed to me if he’ll do that. And why a one-way ticket? And why Mars? Not clear.

....he only listened to "unfinished" symphonies.

Nice.

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he kept a goat in his bedroom.

I don’t get it. A goat eats things. How does that apply?

He started writing his first novel on an Etch a Sketch.

That works.

Danny was so afraid of commitment that even listening to the song 'Mustang Sally' brought him out in hives.

I’m completely befuddled. And usually when a writer is asked to explain his joke, there’s a 99.9999% chance it’s not going in the script. Ed. Weinberger used to do that when he was showrunning.  He'd challenge a writer who just pitched a joke.   "Why is that funny?" he'd bark and the poor writer would have to answer in front of the whole room.  This resulted in numerous emergency calls to therapists.

Danny was so afraid of commitment he only dated nonagenarians.

Okay. To protect himself Danny only dates people who are going to die soon.  People have to know who nonagenarians are but it’s valid. Is there a clearer version? He only dates girls from assisted living facilities. Here’s an alternate version someone posted:

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he decided to only date amnesiacs.

That seems a little sharper. Here’s another try on the old age theme:

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he only dated girls from the terminal ward.

Needs a comic spin.

Danny was so afraid of commitment he finished his sentences with semi-colons;

Funny and off beat. Nice one.

...he carried his groceries in his coat pockets cause he couldn't make the call between paper or plastic

Sets up a funny image of a guy walking around with groceries bulging out of everywhere. If you can picture the joke that's generally a very good thing.

... his imaginary friend was an imaginary acquaintance.

Nice.

...took his mother to speed dating.

A thinker but a funny concept. Bringing your mom to speed dating ensures no one will go out with you. If I was a showrunner I think I’d say let’s try it but have something else in the bullpen.

...that he moved to Japan, joined the Yakuza and then proceeded to violate their code ethics by screwing up the Starbucks order, showing up in blue jeans before casual Friday, not replacing the toner cartridge, etc. which lead to having the tip of his pinky finger and eventually his ring finger amputated, which meant he could not wear a wedding ring, which wouldn't really keep him from getting married so never mind.

Possibly a tad convoluted? Whattaya think?

Danny was so afraid of commitment that he called himself Anny.

In this case he’s just committing to a different name. If he was so afraid of commitment he couldn’t answer to any name that would be more on target. See the difference?

He became bulimic.

Oddly absurd. I like it.

Danny was so afraid of commitment he's still trying to decide whether or not to watch the pilot of VIVA LAUGHLIN.

Convoluted. We have to know what VIVA LAUGHLIN is. We have to know that it’s a show that hasn’t been on the air for quite a few years. That’s a lot to know and put together for one joke. And Danny’s lucky by the way that he missed that pilot.

Danny was so afraid of commitment, his longest relationship was with his divorce lawyer.

Nice.

Danny is so afraid of commitment that he makes Sarah Palin look like Cal Ripkin Jr.

We gotta know who Cal Ripkin Jr. is and what he represents – he holds the consecutive game streak in baseball. And we have to know who Sarah Palin is and for purposes of this joke, know she’s flighty. Then we have to put the two together in the intended context. Way too convoluted.

He rented a burial plot.

Funny.

Thanks again to everyone who participated.  It's amazing how many different punchlines there can be for one joke.  The last tip I'll share:  if you're stuck, go down a different road.  We sometimes get myopic trying to find a payoff in one area.  Let yourself be free.  Seek alternate options.  Pretty soon you may surprise yourself and instead of saying, "What can I come up with?" you're saying, "Which of these do I like best?"   Of course, then you might turn into Danny. 

Labor Day Miscellaneous

I’ve always hated Labor Day. It signifies the end of summer, and don’t you find that even after you have long since graduated that Labor Day brings back those dread memories of starting another year of school?

Programming note: I will be filling in for Peter Tilden tonight on 790 KABC radio from 9-midnight PDT. You can hear it on the net here. I’ll be talking about the kind of stuff I write about here. So it’s like a podcast with traffic reports.   Call in at 800-222-5222 (800-ABC-KABC).

One more day to enter the fill-in the punchline contest with no prize for you to win.  So enter NOW. 

What can we learn from this summer’s boxoffice? Ryan Reynolds can not carry a movie.

Actual Huffington Post headline from the weekend:  "Did You Have Sex With An Alien"?

Along with this one: "Paris Hilton Signs A DJ Contract Because She's Great."

And finally: "Here's More Of Miley's Butt If You Didn't See Enough This Week"

The only thing I did like about Labor Day was the JERRY LEWIS TELETHON. Okay, I admit it. I unabashedly loved the JERRY LEWIS TELETHON. I looked forward to it every year…for both the right and wrong reasons.

It did benefit a very worthy cause, the Muscular Dystrophy Association. The videos of the kids were both heartbreaking and inspiring. Let’s hope someday there’s a cure.

But the JERRY LEWIS TELETHON was the absolute height of entertainment cheese, a time warp to a Las Vegas scene that everyone but Jerry realized had long since passed, and was the home of the most insincere sincerity that only show business could create. The treacle just oozed out of your speakers. Born in the swinging ‘60s, nurtured by Sammy Davis Jr. (combining over-concern, hipness, gross sentimentality, and jewelry), this style was perfected by Jerry Lewis who added his own special touches. No one could beg with such passion while sticking a cigarette in his ear. No one could deliver a biblical sermon, break down crying, then go into his spastic character for comic relief.

The French call him Le Roi du Crazy. They still shortchange him. Since his auteur movie days he has developed his own unique and delicious blend of condescension and humility. Every year I knew what I’m going to get and was always richly rewarded.

One year Jerry called local New York co-host, Tony Orlando: “Only the best Puerto Rican to ever come to this country.”

Now how could you NOT love that???

Nowhere did superlatives fly like the JERRY LEWIS TELETHON. In only one half hour I caught “infamously wonderful”, “exceptional talent”, “most talented”, “most amazing”, “most exciting”, “unmatched”, “extraordinary”, “a true legend”, and “a treasure in every sense of the word.”

Give the man a hand. James Lipton can’t lavish praise like that.

On to the fall! 

You fill in the punchline

Haven't done this for awhile, but it's a fun blog participation exercise.   I give you the set-up, you give me the punchline, then later in the week I go over some of your answers.   A couple of things first:

I couldn't find an appropriate photo so as always I turn to Natalie Wood.

This idea was inspired by Andy Goldberg from his terrific Wednesday night improv workshop.

Submit your joke in the comments section.

Leave your name.

Don't critique anyone else's  entry.   Seriously, kids -- play nice or I shut it down.

I'll tell you the one I came up with when I respond to yours.   I'm sure a lot of you will write funnier ones.

My reason for providing feedback is to turn this into a constructive learning exercise in joke writing.  

Enter as many times as you like, but please read the ones already submitted so we don't have sixteen duplicates.

There is no prize.  There is no winner.  This is just for fun. 

Check back often to see the new submissions.

And here we go.  You supply the punchline.

Danny was so afraid of commitment that...

Good luck.  Have fun.  Make me proud.  

OKAY.  THE CONTEST IS CLOSED.  TUNE IN FOR MY RESPONSE THIS MORNING.  THANKS SO MUCH TO ALL WHO CONTRIBUTED!!!

Working with Robin Williams

A reader asked me recently to talk about my sordid days doing improv. I started in 1979. Disco was dying and I was looking for the next big thing. My partner, David and I sold a pilot to NBC about a Nichols & May type improv team. The concept was could a man and woman work together and just be friends (long before Sally faked her orgasm for Harry)? To research the arena I called Dee Marcus, director of the improv group OFF THE WALL (still in existence, still performing around town, and still hilarious) and asked if I could audit a class. She said only if I agreed to participate. I figured, what the hell? I couldn’t be much worse than the other beginners.

I arrived and was blown away by how unbelievably great everyone was. SNL quality people performing over a beauty school at Santa Monica Blvd. and Fairfax. These were the beginners? Shit! I was lucky to get through a scene without pissing on myself (although, I know I passed up a sure laugh) After a few trying weeks of this I learned Dee hadn't put me in the beginners class, she put me in the performance class. These were all the top professionals. (Thanks, Dee) The tip off came when Robin Williams showed up one night.

I stayed in the class for a couple of years, learned an enormous amount, and eventually became part of a comedy troop, THE SUNDAY FUNNIES. We played to crowds often fewer in number than the cast.

After many years of sabbatical I'm back, taking Andy Goldberg’s workshop. Of all the improv teachers he’s by far the best. As a comedy writer I recommend improv training. It teaches spontaneity, committing to a character, and creating scenes with beginnings, middles, and ends. The hardest part is going to a deli afterwards and watching your classmates eat fried kreplachs at 11 at night.

One story about Robin. Needless to say, doing scenes with him was an adventure. He is so fast and brilliant he just uses you like a prop. One night I got called up to do a two person scene with him. If you were lucky you sometimes could get in two words. The scene began, he went off in fifteen different directions. I didn't even know what the hell he was talking about. Finally, I heard a beat of silence. He must've been taking a breath. Now's my chance, I thought. I don't know why but the only thing I could think to say was "fuck you". Much to my surprise it got a laugh. He was off and running for two more minutes of inspired word jazz and then it was my turn again. Since it got a laugh the first time I said, "fuck you". It got an even bigger laugh. This became the scene. Robin riffing, me occasionally blurting out "fuck you". And every time I got the biggest laughs.

When the scene was over I worried that Robin would be pissed that I upstaged him. Instead, he took me aside and said, “that was great.” I consider it one of my greatest achievements in comedy.

And I guess he remembers it because every time I see him the first thing he says to me is “Fuck you!”

Friday Questions

First off, Happy Birthday to my daughter, Annie. Hope you like the autographed copy of my book. I know, I know... sometimes I spoil you.

Here are these week’s Friday Questions:

An (is my actual name) starts us off:

Watching later episodes of Cheers, I can't help but notice all the negative Diane Chambers references. She comes up a lot for a character who was long gone. It seems odd that a character who left on good terms (Carla notwithstanding) and with a thoughtfully crafted, no-villain exit would be demonized in later seasons-- especially after such a fine line was walked by writers and Shelley Long to keep her so likable. Was it a character severance device or a reliable laugh or catharsis or what? What was the thinking there? Thanks!

We only did one or two Diane references a year. We tried to be very judicious and not go to that well too often.

Usually it was Frasier who made the jokes and the point of them was showing a psychiatrist who got left at the altar and just couldn’t let go. This supposed pillar of mental health held a massive grudge. We considered them Frasier jokes, not Diane jokes.   And they were the type of jokes Frasier made to her face when she was on the show, and she never was rattled by them.  So we felt they were okay to do.  Were one or two maybe a bit too cruel?   Looking back, you may be right. 

We also felt that by doing these sporadic references it kept Diane in the show. She was such a huge and integral part of the series that you could make a reference to her five years after she had left and the audience still responded.

From Mark P.:

Ken, if a guest star gets sick or is otherwise unable to appear at the taping, what do you do? Did the casting director who chose them also choose an understudy?

I assume you mean for a multi-camera show that is filmed all at one time in front of a live studio audience. For single-camera shows, they can just adjust the shooting schedule.

But when there’s an audience and a lot of money committed to filming the entire episode in one night, things can get sticky.

There are no understudies. Sometimes we re-cast, sometimes we write the character out of the show if we can. And then it depends on how pivotal he is to the episode and how big a part it is.

If he’s in say, one scene, sometimes we can just shoot it the following week after the audience has left.

Another option, although it’s a very costly one, is to just push the filming back a day. But the guest star has to be central to the story and probably a big name.

I must say, one of the many things I admire about actors is that they really are troopers. They have to be close-to-death to not come in. I’ve seen actors persevere with colds, the flu, twisted ankles, and heavy hearts from personal tragedies. People like to portray actors as fragile hothouse flowers, but they are some of the toughest people I’ve known.

Amy wonders:

When writers create shows about worlds they aren't intimately familiar with-- for instance, a show about the old west, or about prison, or about the inner workings of a police precinct-- how do they ensure that they're getting the world right? Do they hire consultants, do copious research before writing the pilot?

They try to do as much research as possible. Now this won’t help you writing GAME OF THRONES, but if your show is set in a police precinct or a high school the writer almost has an obligation to spend time there and really immerse himself in that world.

When I wrote for MASH we conducted hundreds of interviews with doctors, corpsmen, nurses, soldiers, and patients who served in Korea during the war. My partner, David Isaacs and I had been in the army so we knew that world. I honestly don’t think we could have written MASH had we not had that experience.

(See my post last weekend on technical advisors.)

Now CHEERS was way more fun. Imagine hanging out in bars, drinking, and then writing off your bar tab as research.

I don’t know what you do for a show like STAR TREK although there are several writers that I seriously believe do commute from outer space.

And finally, from Carson:

You have worked on three shows that each lasted 11 seasons (MASH, Cheers, Frasier). After that length of time they all ran their course. But I wonder even after all these years do you ever still get ideas for these shows? Or are they emptied from conscientiousness?

I never think of MASH ideas, but all the time an incident will occur or an idea will pop into my head and I’ll think, “That would make a great Sam story on CHEERS” or “I could so see Frasier and Niles doing this.”

After spending so much of my life with those characters it is a little weird to think I’ll never write them again. So I do still think of ideas for those shows.  Either I have a very fertile mind or I’m just in denial.

What’s your question? And again, Happy Birthday to my favorite comedy writer.