Friday (the 13th) Questions

Not for the superstitious: Friday the 13th Questions.

Jessica Munson leads off:

I was listening to an interview with Phil Rosenthal recently. He made a pretty good point that I never thought of before. He said as good as Friends was, it kind of ruined the types of television shows that made it on-air because executives have never known what's funny, but after the success of Friends they've resorted to build shows around young, attractive people. That's why a grounded, honest show like Raymond would be very difficult to get made today. Do you feel this is true?

I feel that is absolutely true. And of course, at the time they were rehearsing the FRIENDS pilot NBC said they had to make one of the kids the star. Director James Burrows said no, that’s not what he signed on for. The beauty of the show was that it was an ensemble and that all six leads would be equal. Once the show was a hit NBC took credit for its development and success of course.

But a sitcom starring all attractive young people became the brass ring for networks. Especially on Fox. NEW GIRL is their template. Older actors could be the “parents” or “bosses” of the young people but the good-looking kids had to be in the forefront.

I’ve always believed that for comedies you cast the funniest people. And often times those are not the most attractive. Today that would probably result in a big fight.

From Rodney:

It seems that when a show goes into syndication while still being on the air it can have a very positive affect on that show's audience numbers for the original shows. Big Bang Theory is a show that I think benefited. Wings could be another example. My question is: have you ever seen the reverse be true. That when a show goes into syndication the audience just loses interest in the older shows as well as the new ones? I bring it up because of Modern Family going into syndication.

Surprisingly, no, I can’t think of one instance where a show that goes into syndication while first-run episodes are still airing has suffered. Maybe I’m missing one or two. But you’d think that lots of them would fall victim to over-exposure when in fact the reverse is true.

Folks discover shows on cable and then become fans. WINGS in particular, got a big boost. When you think about it, with people able to utilize Netflix, buy seasons on DVD, or watch multiple episodes on ON DEMAND, a viewer can easily binge on practically any current show on the air.

The bottom line is the show has to be good. And has to be successful in syndication on its own. Due to its topicality, MURPHY BROWN did horrible in syndication. WINGS did great.

Meanwhile, NCIS has gotten a huge uptick due to syndication. And you can’t kill LAW & ORDER with a stick.

Carson wonders:

Are you encouraged to use actors in guest spots that are already tied to the studio? Specifically I'm thinking that both Kelsey Grammar and Bebe Neuwirth did Star Trek episodes. And several Star Trek alums did Frasier. Or do you just become friends all working on the same lot?

Usually it’s the latter. Same is true with writers. Several CHEERS writers were friends with STAR TREK producers and got to be extras in an episode. They had just been beamed about the ship after having had the shit beaten out of them in some interplanetary battle. I have to say, they stole the show.

And finally, Professor Longnose asks:

Were you ever tempted to create a baseball sitcom? Or did Ball Four just destroy that genre in its infancy?

The problem with doing a baseball series is that they can be very expensive. Staging baseball games, especially on the professional level where you need big crowds and complicated shooting is a real undertaking. That’s why baseball series generally revolve around little leagues. You get a bunch of kids, six crazed dads in the stands and you go.

However, those problems don't exist in animation and indeed we wrote a SIMPSONS episode (Dancing Homer) that was centered around baseball.  

There have been a couple of other series besides BALL FOUR. There was a version of LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN. Steve Bochco did a very ambitious series about the minor leagues called BAY CITY BLUES. A certain BASIC INSTINCT star was in that cast. There was also a Fox series called HARDBALL, which was a knock-off of MAJOR LEAGUE. There may be one or two others, but those are the only ones I can remember.

But getting back to your original question – I would love to do a baseball series.

What’s your question? Please leave it in the comments section. Thanks.

Golden Globes nominations announced

Here they are.  They waiters... I mean Foreign Press ... have set aside the specials for the night and announced this year's Golden Globes nominees.   Not a lot of surprises.  HOMELAND is nowhere to be seen after being the waiters' darling a couple of years ago.  Nice to see THE GOOD WIFE being recognized.  Somehow GIRLS still gets some nods.  Lena must really tip well.  AMERICAN HUSTLE scored a lot of noms.  OPRAH WINFREY'S THE BUTLER did not get a Best Picture nod.  Heads will roll.  Anyway, here is a complete list of the nominations.   

The awards will be announced on January 12th.  Unfortunately (or fortunately) I will be out of town that weekend so will not review them.  But Tina and Amy are hosting.  It'll be a fun show without me.

The Ten Second Comedy Writing Course

Since I can't find an appropriate photo...

Some of the best training I got in television I got from radio. I came of age in a long ago distant time when there was a thing called “radio.” Radio stations would play music and provide hosts to introduce it. These hosts were called disc jockeys. And here’s the real amazing thing: people listened. Not just those few who are in too big a hurry to access their Pandora station or itune playlists. Everybody listened. Generally they listened every waking hour of the day. In every city there were usually two or three stations who all vied for the attention of these eager young ears. Listeners selected their favorite station and bonded with it. Their allegiance was fierce. You could be on the fence as to whether you were a leg or breast man but you damn well preferred KHJ over KRLA.

Back in the ‘50s, rock & roll emerged and radio stations viewed it the way a dog views a pork chop. Top 40 radio was born.

Quick history lesson: Why Top 40? The legend goes that a Kansas City station owned Todd Storz was in a bar one night and people were playing the same songs on the juke box. Over and over. And then when they left and the staff was cleaning up they played the same songs, even though they had heard them repeatedly. A light bulb went off. Program only a limited number of records and play them in constant rotation. Since disc jockey shifts were four hours and they generally played ten records an hour, they decided to call the format Top 40 allowing every disc jockey to play every hit. By the mid ‘60s that became the Top 30, and WABC in New York reduced that further to where the top 5 played every 70 minutes. I know. Just reading that probably sends you screaming for your itunes.

When two or more Top 40 stations competed in a market they did so by trying to make the most noise, have the loudest presentation, craziest contests, and wildest disc jockeys. They screamed, talked from echo chambers, rang cow bells, did voices, played wild tracks – anything to get attention.

Don’t worry. I’m getting to the comedy.

Then in the mid ‘60s, two radio visionaries – Bill Drake and Ron Jacobs – realized that 80% of the time D.J.’s were just spewing nonsense. So they created a format the restricted disc jockey chatter. Music was the key element of the format and disc jockeys had to limit their rap from endless to however much time they had over the intro of a record. How long were song intros back then? Usually between 8 and 15 second.

So that’s how long the D.J. had to talk. Here’s what might surprise you: 15 seconds is an eternity. A skilled disc jockey can say the call letters, his name, the time, song title, artist, and still get in a one liner – without speaking all that fast.

Funny disc jockeys had to adapt and tailor their humor to this new format. And some became masters of it. Robert W. Morgan, The Real Don Steele, Dale Dorman (pictured: right) , Dan Ingram and Gary Burbank, to name just a few.

By the ‘70s when I joined the ranks of the hit spinners, this restricted format was now the norm. Since I don’t have the typical James Earl Jones voice I felt compelled to compensate by really being funny and entertaining. You talk about “brevity boot camp.” After a few years of this, and ignoring program director memos saying that I wasn’t funny and should not even try, I did develop a pretty amusing act. (Ironically, once I got out of radio and became a TV writer, limiting my disc jockeying to weekends at TenQ in Los Angeles these same program directors who said I sucked now said they knew all along I was a comic genius.)

When you only have ten seconds you must select the right words and the right number of words, and you must put them in the right order. The punch line has to come right before the vocal. And you learn delivery. You can’t rush your one-liner. Yes, you might squeeze it in, but if the audience doesn’t hear it clearly they won’t laugh. And here’s something else to consider: pauses are effective. Just because you have ten seconds doesn’t necessarily mean you have to talk for all ten seconds. A seven-second joke with a well placed pause might get a bigger laugh.

For me, this was an invaluable training ground. Four-to-six hours a night on the radio talking over record intros for several years greatly prepared for TV comedy writing. There too, time is of the essence. The tighter the joke construction the better. Jokes often have two functions in sitcoms. – to get a laugh and move the action forward. Characters rarely just stop to do a joke (at least on good shows). The jokes are woven into conversations and situations as the story barrels on (at a faster pace today than ever before).

Unfortunately, radio in any tangible form no longer exists. There aren’t weekend jobs in Bakersfield for young wannabe broadcasters to cut these teeth. There aren’t Top 30 stations that encourage disc jockeys to talk-up records. But it’s worth keeping the concept in your head. 10 seconds is a long time. 18 seconds is an eternity. When you write a joke, go back. Can you trim it? Is there one word that can replace three? Is there a funnier word or concept? The good news in writing vs. jocking – when you write a joke you don’t have 2:35 to come up with the next one. 10 seconds may be an eternity, but 2:35 goes by in a blink.

How one theater handled cell phone use

As a follow up to today's post, thanks to reader Darms for turning me on to this:  The Alamo Drafthouse and their uncensored version of a NO CELL PHONE reminder.   Brilliant.

The ordeal that is going to the movies

WARNING: THIS IS ONE OF MY RANTS

Since it’s the holiday season I’ve been going to the movies more often. (I still can’t believe how terrible THOR 2 was.) It used to be you’d take your seat early, the theater was quiet, you relaxed and settled in. It was nice.

Apparently theater owners have decided that wasn’t nice. First came music before the show. That was okay. Non offensive hits introduced by mildly-offensive disc jockey Kris Eric Stevens. Soon the hits gave way to new songs record companies were trying to get you to buy. This practice is still going on in places. Tell me, have you ever, even once, heard a new song at a movie theater that actually became a hit? “Here’s the newest from Sonya Goldschmidt…” “Who?” “…available now on Sony Records.”

And now we have a barrage of video featurettes – featurette being a polite name for blatant commercials. Several theater chains show “First Look,” a pre-packaged mish mosh of making-of clips, trailers, and ads. Michael Douglas effusively waxing on about how great it is to work with Robert DeNiro – like that’s going to make us want to go see a movie that is essentially THE HANGOVER for seniors.

When “First Look” is over they recap. “We took you behind-the-scenes of the great new movie LAST VEGAS, we introduced you to the brand new X-Box, and we met the stars from ABC’s big new hit, BACK IN THE GAME.” As if they were doing us a favor.

Now comes the cutesy “Turn off your cellphones” announcement always featuring adorable animated bunnies or fish or camels or blobs that look like Pac Men. Do they think that by attempting to be funny kids will actually comply? They don’t even turn their phones off during the announcement. How about this: Big black letters on a white screen – IF YOU USE YOUR CELLPHONE DURING THE MOVIE YOU WILL BE DRAGGED OUT OF THE THEATER, HUNG BY YOUR FEET IN THE LOBBY AS A WARNING TO OTHERS, AND YOUR PARKING VALIDATION WILL BE RESCINDED.  THANK YOU.  ENJOY THE SHOW. 

After that comes the flashy logo for the theater chain. We really have allegiance to AMC over Landmark. The truth is WE DON’T CARE. Your theater was close and the show time was more convenient. Period. Plus, someone is going to buy out your theater chain in a year anyway and it’ll be something else.

You think you’re finally getting to the previews, but you’re wrong. There are Coke ads. Mazda ads. In LA there are LA TIMES ads. Then there are commercials for one-night-only operas and prize fights the theater is going to show closed-circuit.

Previews yet? Almost. A thirty-second animated dazzling theater chain billboard announcing the previews.

Then a half hour of previews (with the sound often turned up to pain inducing decibel levels), another announcement reminding you to turn off your cellphones, a quick ad to buy gift certificates, a reminder of safety features, two ear-splitting logos for THX and whatever mega sound system they’re using, a thirty-second elaborate theater chain billboard announcing the feature presentation (for a long time AMC showed a young couple sitting in their seats, then plants and trees sprang from the ground lifting their chairs until they were watching while sitting in a forest. Huh???), and then mercifully the movie (unless it’s THOR).

It’s a constant parade of crap dressed up to look like entertainment and diversion but in reality is non-stop shilling. At a time when theater owners are facing formidable competition not just from other theaters but Netflix, Hulu, home theaters, and some of those shows and products they themselves are advertising – you’d think they’d go out of their way to make the experience special and better. Instead they bombard you with Mazda commercials. Here’s an idea: don’t show anything before the trailers. No one is watching anyway. Everyone is on their cellphones.

In an attempt to maximize the experience theater chains are offering new features. Loveseats in theaters (maybe the worst idea ever unless you’re on a date with a sure thing), cocktails and waiter service during the film. First off they’re distracting to those around them, and secondly, they just inflate the already inflated price to provide these useless amenities. The novelty of sipping a dry martini while watching BAD GRAMPA wears off pretty quick.

I don’t need espresso bars, I don’t need seventeen varieties of popcorn salt, I sure don’t need loveseats – I want clean theaters, clean rest rooms, unobstructed views, decent sound, the air conditioning not turned up to 30 degrees, screens that aren’t smaller than my iPad, convenient parking, real popcorn, and ushers to monitor the house and toss out cellphone users. I’ll liquor up after the show.

The big question is how to present this to theater owners so they’ll really listen? I know! Do an animated film with bunnies.

SIX BY SONDHEIM: My review

A new documentary premiered last night on HBO that I can’t recommend highly enough. It’s called SIX BY SONDHEIM. Now before you roll your eyes and say, “yet another Stephen Sondheim tribute? Isn’t that the fifth one today?” -- this one is different. It’s very much about the creative process as explained by a thoughtful, articulate, consummate artist. You won’t see this stuff on REAL SPORTS with Bryant Gumbel.

I’m always fascinated by the creative process as it applies to writing. Even though I’ve been doing it for xihety3ytpw years, I’m always looking for new tips, new ways to maybe improve the process. Artists create in so many different ways. Sondheim writes his lyrics lying down with a yellow pad and soft-lead pencil.  He tries not to compose too much music at the piano because his left hand doesn’t play as well as his right so it will often revert back to familiar chords. That’s something I didn’t know. And the ninety-minute documentary is filled with those nuggets. I didn't know he drank while he wrote either.  See?  I get useful tips that I can use in my own writing. 

He explains the thinking behind certain songs. He discusses the difference between lyric writing, which can be poetic, and poetry. He explains how Cole Porter used to write. He shares how Oscar Hammerstein II approached songwriting as if he were writing short stories.

Sondheim offers some great observations of other writers as well. My favorite was from William Faulkner. According to Sondheim, Faulkner once said a writer needs three things: imagination, observation, and experience. He can get away with having only two of those but no less than two.

There are also some terrific idiotic quotes. Frank Sinatra explaining the meaning of “Send In The Clowns”: “You fall in love with a girl, she leaves you, send in the clowns.”

Most of the footage comes from various TV interviews over the years and the filmmakers really did their homework. I had no idea he had been a guest on every talk show except Diablo Cody’s. But the interviews are cobbled together to make one cohesive commentary even though from paragraph to paragraph he goes from 80 years-old to 20 to 45 to 60. He even switches back and forth between color and black-and-white. 

Among the topics explored in the documentary: collaboration, mentoring, hits, flops, dealing with failure, a song’s purpose, defending your work, puzzles, peer pressure, coping with critics, writing as if you were an actor, the moments of joy and hours of frustration, and using Joan Crawford’s career as an inspiration for a song.

Sprinkled in are a few tid bits of his personal life. Stephen was an only child and when his mother was being wheeled into the OR to have a pacemaker implanted she gave him a note that said, “I have only one regret in my life and that is giving you birth." The fact that he became a gifted composer and not the guy who shot up a crowded movie theater says a lot about his character.   And therapy.

The SIX in the title highlights six particular songs. For “Send In The Clowns” they do a montage of different singers tackling the song. Judy Collins and Barbra Streisand are magnificent, Cher is a joke. Audra McDonald (now the go-to gal for any Broadway-related show on any channel) also sang “Send In The Clowns” and as always, killed.  Carrie Underwood was nowhere to be found.

Some of the other showcased songs were less successful. The worst was “I’m Still Here” by Jarvis Cocker sung in a decedent pre-war Berlin setting. On every level: What the fuck?!

The overall message of the program was write what you love. Write with passion. Respect and learn from past masters and pay it forward if you are lucky enough to succeed. Also, stay out of Ethel Merman’s way.

His many words were music to my ears. SIX BY SONDHEIM airs periodically on any of the twelve HBO channels and HBO GO. It’s 85 minutes of great television. Fast forward through the Jarvis Cocker mess.

Writing in different genres

I love Friday Questions that become entire posts. Either it means I have a lot to say on the subject or I just don’t know when to stop writing.

Today’s is from Ellen.

Hi, Ken. I'm a novelist working on a script, so it was interesting to read this reverse take on what I'm experiencing.

Two questions for you: Was writing a novel harder than you thought it would be? And also, do you think the experience will benefit you as a screenwriter?

It wasn’t harder, but it was sure different. I could never get into a character’s thought process before writing in prose. And I never had to be as descriptive before. You can’t just say INT. APARTMENT – DAY and leave it to the art and set department to design something for you.  My stage direction in screenplays tends to very sparse.  The apartment is a mess.  Period.  Done.  On to the fun stuff. 

The other thing I was struck with is that a novel becomes the finished product. Scripts are always works-in-progress. Once you get it on its feet things change. Sometimes the end result is nothing like you intended. Writing prose you have the last word. I find I like that for some reason.

I also enjoy that as the narrator I have a voice. I can express opinions and make observations. Certainly you can express your point-of-view through a character, but sometimes they’re not on the same page as you. Or have the same perspective as you. I don’t need there to be a character with a Ken Levine P.O.V in a novel.. I can provide it myself thank you very much. I like that too. It's like being able to provide the commentary track to your movie right on the movie itself.  (Now there's a concept.)

And literary characters never question their lines. They never ask what’s their motivation? They never refuse to do nudity. They don’t require a twelve-hour turnaround between shooting days. And as opposed to actors, they welcome stage direction. They’ll say the lines just like you tell them to. He said accusingly. She said with a slight touch of anger. Write those indicators into a script and see how your actors respond. Think the first twenty minutes of SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. 

It’s also nice that budget is not an issue in prose. The writer has a blank check to go to elaborate worlds, stage parties with thousands of extras... I mean, guests, globe hop if he so desires. You’re not paying for background people and having to feed them, you don’t need government approval to do scenes in certain countries, you don't need permits to shoot on city streets, and all your special effects go off perfectly without a hitch. You’re never delayed because of weather. No Teamster locals are going to go on strike preventing you from writing chapter six.

So I’ll definitely write more novels. Did the experience help me to be a better screenwriter? Honestly, no. Screenwriting has its own set of rules. On the other hand, I became a much better screenwriter once I became a director. I have a way better feel for how actors approach material and what they need to realize my vision.  Screenwriters sometime forget (me included) that real human beings have to say these words and do these actions. 

Ellen, for you to tackle a screenplay, I think if you’re skillful in dialogue (a tool you need in prose) you should be fine making the transition. The only thing I’ll say is remember, to convey a character’s emotion or motivation you have to do it via behavior. You have to find clever ways for characters to express their inner feelings based on the choices we see them make, their body language, and other behavioral clues. You can’t just say what he’s thinking.  Thought bubbles like in comic books are frowned upon. 

Good luck, and allow me to take this golden opportunity to once again plug my novel. MUST KILL TV. When was the last time you treated yourself to a really funny book? For $2.99 be a sport. Don’t make me have to go back to writing screenplays.  Here's where you go.  Thanks.

Now this is a marriage proposal

From last Thursday night's Chicago Bulls game.

Sunday in the Park with Ken

This is a photo essay to accompany my travelogue on going to San Diego to see the Chargers-Bengals game.  I spent the game in the pres box and took a lot of photos.  Since it's another big NFL Sunday I thought I'd share a bunch of them.  You don't have to be a football fan.  This is more of a behind-the-scenes of broadcasting post (along with some hopefully fun commentary).

View from the booth.  Pretty nice seats, huh?   I wanted to say to the players, hey could you move down to the hash marks closer to my side?

Tailgating in the parking lot.

By the end of the game with all the grease it looked like this.

Dan Hoard (voice of the Bengals), Josh Lewin (voice of the Chargers), and some blogger photo bombing.

Ian Eagle and Dan Fouts doing their live stand up.

Like I said, great view, but where's the yellow line?

National radio was also on the scene.  I'm sure there was tremendous interest in Omaha and Norfolk for the San Diego-Cincinnati game.  Mark Malone and Dave Sims from Westwood One called the action.  Dave was one of my partners in Seattle.  When I had the chance I should have asked him more questions about the intricacies of football besides which team had the hottest cheerleaders?

Each announcer has his own system.  Here are Dave Sims' spotting boards.  I think orange means they're Jewish.

Josh Lewin calling the Chargers game.  The guy behind him is a spotter helping him identify players.  Either that or he is checking out the Chargers girls.

Dan Hoard calling the game for Bengals radio.  The gentleman to his right is a stat man.  In each booth you have the broadcasters, a spotter, stat man, producer, and audio engineer.   And that's nothing compared to television.

There's Ian calling the game.  Note all the monitors and screens, not to mention lights.  Not included in the picture are all the assistant directors, camera people, and support staff.  And that's just in the booth.  There's a trailer with producers, directors, engineers, graphics guys, stat men, instant replay editors, sound men, and the guy who lays in the yellow line.

Throughout the game, announcers read promos and drop in commercials.  After awhile you become a trained seal and just read whatever card anybody hands you.  I do believe that if a producer handed an announcer a card that said, "Miley Cyrus blows sailors" they would be so focused on the game that they would read it live on the air. 

After the game I joined Dan down in the Bengals' locker room.  I don't know why the announcers need spotters.  The players' names are on their uniforms.

You could easily read their names from here.

The players get interviewed after the game.  Am I the only one who noticed that this guy is just wearing a towel?

Okay.  Just had to include this.  Me and  Hall of Famer Dan Fouts.

Thanks to Dan Hoard, Josh Lewin, Dave Sims, and Ian Eagle for being such gracious hosts and tolerating a total geek with an iPhone camera. 

Final thoughts on SOUND OF MUSIC LIVE

Here’s what I liked about THE SOUND OF MUSIC LIVE (or SOUND OF MUSIC TAPE DELAYED on the West Coast). It was event television. The show got big numbers and yesterday everybody was talking about it. So rarely in this age of individual viewing habits do we as a country get to have a shared experience that isn’t a football game.

I give Carrie Underwood props for bravery. That’s a big role to fill in front of 30,000,000 viewers and I thought she did the best she could. She’s a great singer. But she can’t act. She just can’t. There were moments that were painful. But then moments that were magic when she sang. I know there are purists who disliked the fact that a young country singer was playing Maria, but if young singers don’t embrace this music and expose other young people to it, the music will fade into the mist. Sure, it would have been way better if Anne Hathaway did it, but if I were running NBC I’d take Carrie Underwood – subpar acting and all – in a heartbeat.

Broadway pros Laura Benanti and Audra McDonald were solid (although I’m not sure there were African-American nuns in Austria back then… maybe so), and the kids did a great job. Some of those sets were very unwieldy. Anytime there was a scene on that mountain I held my breath. There were a few bobbles along the way but frankly, that’s what made it fun. It was LIVE. As long as the kids didn’t screw up (which thank goodness they didn’t) I was happy. Kids don’t need the trauma of goofing up in front of 30,000,000 people here in the day of snark.

With the success of SOUND OF MUSIC LIVE, we can expect other big name musicals to get the same treatment. Please Fox, don’t do MY FAIR LADY with Brittney Spears. The next one or two will be attract interest and then by the time they do PAJAMA GAME with Lena Dunham the trend will be over.

But congratulations to all concerned... except Wal-Mart.  Thank God I could fast-forward through their commercials.

What did you guys all think?

Friday Questions

Friday Questions for your weekend shopping pleasure.

Jerry Smith gets us started.

Are series regulars on any level paid for shows on which they don't appear? For example, of the last two Walking Dead episodes, one featured none of the main actors and the next featured long shots of a few of them with no dialog. How do stars feel when they are not the subject of their shows?

It all depends on their contracts. Most series regulars sign for “all episodes.” In that case they get paid whether they’re in an episode or not, although generally they are in every episode.

Some actors will sign for a partial season like eight out of thirteen.  If you have a show with a large cast like THE GOOD WIFE or MAD MEN you will often sign actors for partial schedules.

As for WALKING DEAD, I don’t know whether the series stars all got paid or the producers knew before the season they were not going to need the main cast for a couple of episodes and made deals for say ten of thirteen.

Laura Es asks:

I've been reading many multi cam scripts, and noticed they always jump from scene E to scene H. Is there a reason why there are never Scenes F and G?

Yes, F looks too much like E and G looks too much like C. Camera assignments are marked on the floor with white tape. Example: the third camera move in the second scene would be B-3. Camera operators have to be able to clearly distinguish where they need to go. They can’t be looking down thinking is that C-4 or G-4?

From John Philipps:

I was at the Two and a Half Men recording yesterday. There were 7 pre-recorded scenes showed on the audience screens. I heard laughter on the sound track besides our audience laughter. Did those laughs come from the crew or a test audience during recording, were they added digitally, or did I just hallucinate?

They probably sweetened the scenes (i.e. used a temporary laugh track). Here’s why: when a studio audience reacts to a live performance the actors hold for the laughs. That way the audience doesn’t miss the next few lines. In pre-shooting scenes you have to build in those pauses in anticipation of laughs. So the temporary laugh track fills in those holes.

Also, pre-shot scenes don’t get the same level of laughter as live performances.  They just don't.  The temp laugh track can help prompt the audience a little.

On shows I’ve directed or produced I will sometimes pre-shoot a scene and instead of showing that, have the actors do a dummy version live on the stage. Example: a scene of two people in a car driving. Instead of showing the pre-shot scene I’ll just have the two actors sit in two card chairs and play the scene live. I don’t film it. Just record the audience. We then take the actual laughter and lay it in the pre-shot scene. I know.  Sneaky, aren't we?

And finally, from Hamid:

I love that Cheers always kept its title sequence in an era where every show revamped its titles and jazzed up its theme tune each season, so I wondered if the network ever tried to persuade you guys to change the titles over the years? I know it was slightly altered after Nicholas Colasanto passed away but I think that was the only change. 

Yes. After the first few weeks the show aired and tanked in the ratings the network asked if we’d consider doing more traditional opening titles showing the cast members? To the Charles Brothers and Jimmy Burrows’ credit they said no. There was never any further discussion. New cast members and photos were folded in as the series evolved, but there was never any talk of doing a different version of the titles or the theme song. I’ve always loved our opening and felt it really established CHEERS as special.

The comment section awaits your question. Thanks.

This is hilarious!

The fear of every play-by-play guy is screwing up a big call. This is clearly bogus but hilarious just the same. It's the "radio call" of the miraculous Auburn win over Alabama. The creators are Robert Clay and Josh Snead.

By comparison, here is the real radio call by Rod Bramblett for Auburn radio.

the WGA nominations ae out

Congratulations to all the nominees.  Some fun additions.  HOUSE OF CARDS and ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK -- two Netflix shows made the cut.  Also nice to see that THE GOOD WIFE was recognized again.  Notably absent:  GIRLS.    Anyway, here's the complete list of nominees.  Some tough races.  A lot of truly excellent writers are nominated in all categories. 

No more powering down

The FAA announced recently that soon we passengers will be able to use our electronic devices during take offs and landings. (Southwest already allows that -- or at least they did this past weekend.)  We won’t be able to pay the outrageous charge for the internet until we’ve climbed to 10,000 feet, but at least we won’t have to shut everything down for no reason while we wait an hour on the tarmac or circle Kennedy.

This of course is bad news for the Sky Mall. Admit it, the only time you scanned it was when you couldn’t continue reading and loving MUST KILL TV on your Kindle (was that subtle enough?).

It’s good news for passengers at a time when we don’t get much good news. Flying coach has now become the cattle car scene from DOCTOR ZHIVAGO. We’re charged for everything from luggage to pillows, blankets, food, five inches of legroom. In case of emergency I fully expect you soon will have to swipe your credit card before the oxygen masks drop down. In case of evacuation, American Airlines Platinum members exit first.

But my question is this: why was this silly rule there in the first place? Why was it necessary for safety purposes last Wednesday but not now? The reason we were always given was that if the nimrod in 36H continued to play Angry Birds or the dingbat in 22C continued to listen to Pink’s Greatest Hits the plane’s navigation system would go screwy and instead of landing in Los Angeles the jumbo jet would try to set down on Catalina. Now they’re saying that’s not true?

I’ve been on a number of charter flights with baseball teams and we never had to turn off our electronic devices. And how’s this for spitting in the face of death? Our chairs weren’t all in the upright position. Some extreme daredevils even had their tray tables down. During taxiing even! Not once did the captain come on the PA and say, “Well, due to one of you reading old text messages we now find ourselves in a no fly zone and so instead of landing in Cleveland we’ve just been attacked by two surface-to-air missiles.”

Make no mistake, I’m all for safety. And if there are legitimate reasons for shutting down devices or keeping seats in their most upright positions I’m happy to be the first one to comply. But sometimes I wonder. Yes, if there are new more improved navigation systems that eliminate any interference by electronic devices, then the revised rule makes sense. But is that the case? I’m just askin’.

Meanwhile, I plan to enjoy it as long as I can. Those Sky Mall people have powerful lobbies in Washington.

Will Roseanne please go away FOREVER

Are you as sick of Roseanne as I am? For God sakes, what does it take to get this sick hateful woman to just go away? I thought when she moved to Hawaii she’d disappear or fall into a volcano, but I was wrong.   Like shingles, she’s back again -- once more in the news thanks to a series of vicious stupid rants she tweeted (and then missives a few days later saying she was drunk and to disregard the first series of bile gibberish).  Like all is forgiven.

As longtime readers of this blog know, I have had my run-ins with Roseanne. She personally attacked me on several occasions and I suspect this post will result in a lot more. Last time I was a balless Ass hat who hated women. This time I’ll probably be the Anti-Christ. So what? I’ll be laughing it off anyway.

When I got in a blog war with Ms Barr her comment section filled quickly with bootlickers who took her side. And when some Colonel in the Army posted that he thought my position was fair and respectful she replied to him by saying “What do you know? You’re in the military. You can’t get a real job.” This of course caused a minor firestorm and she quickly deleted her response… as she has done with her Friday night rant-a-thon.

The woman is clearly unbalanced. And I feel sorry for her on that account, but when she repeatedly publicly trashes people it’s hard to stay sympathetic. At some point you just wanna say – go the fuck away! Take your meds, go to yoga, raise goats, paint, whatever – but get out of our lives and stay there. Enough already.

NBC foolishly has commissioned a pilot with Roseanne and that was the target of her recent ravings. The showrunner assigned to write the piroject Linda Wallem (one of the co-creators of NURSE JACKIE so no slouch) apparently did not include Roseanne in the creative process to her satisfaction. And NBC didn’t properly stand behind her to her satisfaction. So she lashed out at everybody. Somehow even Anderson Cooper got caught in the gunfire. Roseanne tweeted:

‘censor this s*** u f****ing p***k mother****ing a**hole dispshit banjkster w***es of Hollywood neo con anti semites. ANDERSON COOPER IS A TOAD.’

And he had nothing to do with the NBC pilot. How did Roseanne miss me in this barrage?

Here are some of her other delightful tweets:

‘everything-every word I turned in to nbc and nbc studios was censored and thrown out-they wanted ‘my brand’ w/o me in it. Worse than matt w.’ (referring to Matt Williams who created ROSEANNE)

‘I’ve ben disrespected and ripped off by Hollywood. f*** hollywood. f*** every stupid p***k there. Misogynist classist white colonial f***.

‘f*** these hollywood anti semite b*****d jewish women loathing f***tards… the women in hollywood cannot fall to their knees to suck d*** fast enough.’

Nice, huh? Even when she likes you it’s insane. This is her support of Alec Baldwin and his recent flare-up:

‘no wonder alex baldwin calls ppl names and s**t-he shld lay off gays and go for morons tho.’ 

What is NBC doing even being in business with this mad hatter? It’s not enough she’s unstable; she’s also over. When was the last time Roseanne was relevant? When was the last time Roseanne commanded an audience? Like all networks, NBC is chasing younger viewers. Why are they interested in a 61-year-old woman whose only recent claim to fame is alienating people? It’s like if the Lakers gave a ten-day contract to Dennis Rodman. Why? Seriously – WHY?

Her retraction means nothing. Her credibility means nothing. My hope is that NBC rids itself of this unnecessary migraine.  My guess is they will. And when Roseanne rants that she’s never going to work in Hollywood again that it’s (a) true, and (b) Hollywood’s choice, not hers.

Goodbye. Go away. Visit a volcano.

Trains, and planes, and automobiles

Spent the Thanksgivikkah weekend up in the bay area with my son Matt and his wife Kim, and since I was in the neighborhood, finished up in San Diego.

The family went up to Mountain View in Silicon Valley on Wednesday. We were all supposed to fly but my wife Debby couldn’t get all of the latkas into the suitcase. A car was required. Actually a deuce-and-a-half was required, but she managed to squeeze them into the Prius. For awhile I thought we’d have to strap the applesauce jars to the roof.

Kim’s family from Boston also made the journey. They rented a house in nearby Mountain View and invited us all for dinner on Wednesday night. It was lovely but a tad weird. There we were in some stranger’s house, eating in their dining room, pictures of their family all around. I can see the reality show now: HOME INVASION COOKING.

Stayed at the Sheraton Palo Alto. It’s next to the Westin. They’re essentially the exact same, but the Sheraton is twenty steps closer to the Bloomingdale’s in the mall. It was also Black Fridikkah you know.

I love Palo Alto, especially University Street. They still have a revival theater. THE LADY EVE and MONKEY BUSINESS was playing. Revival theaters are the last venues you can watch classic movies they way they were intended to be seen – on a big screen with people texting.

The only thing my daughter Annie likes more than watching football on Thanksgiving is getting her wisdom teeth pulled with bolt cutters. So I got dropped off at Matt & Kim’s while the girls went skeet shooting or something. I dunno, they just drove away very fast. Thanks to Kim’s dad for carving. Especially with that electric knife. Had I had the honors it would have looked like the Tate-Labianca crime scene. Dinner itself was fabulous. Kim is a great cook and Matt can really open wine. I can’t describe the joy of looking around the table at all my loved ones, secure in the knowledge that the real occupants of the house are not going to come home early.

Black Friday begins earlier each year. This is good news for the idiots who camp out at Best Buy for nine days to save $4 on a battery recharger. But the novelty of shopping at midnight is gone. Now the madness begins at 8:00. If they open any earlier the actual Thanksgiving dinner will give way to tailgate parties.

On Friday we all took the CalTrans train that goes right through our room at the Sheraton straight into San Francisco. Went to Scoma’s for lunch. They have the best seafood and shortest Italian name on Fisherman’s Wharf. A San Francisco mainstay, there are celebrity photos everywhere. We sat right under Shari Lewis & Lambchop and Chili Davis.

Must say I was disappointed in the street performers on the Wharf this year. Did not see the guy who jumps out of a bush and scares the shit out of people. Nor was there the Liza Minnelli impersonator who essentially elicits the same reaction. Just a few guys spray-painted gold and Taylor Hicks.

Walked from the Wharf to the Embarcadero looking for that rarest of San Francisco landmarks – a Coffee Bean. For some reason there are only three in all of Northern California. Matt loves their Ice Blendeds, but the only time he can get one is when he’s on a business trip in China. They’re everywhere in Shanghai.

Scary moment that night walking home from a restaurant. A bus approached as we were crossing the street. Its destination sign said: “SORRY.” Holy shit, was it planning to hit us?” The sign changed to “NOT IN SERVICE.”

Saturday was the Stanford-Notre Dame football game. There’s nothing like a college town during a big game weekend. Rowdy Stanford students and alumni packed the coffee bars and martini lounges ordering scones and extra olives until they had to be cut off.

Did not get to the Winchester Mystery House. Built in 1884 by the widow of the gun magnate, she believed her family was haunted by all the people who were shot to death by Winchester rifles. (I have the same guilt over writing MANNEQUIN 2.) So to appease the ghosts she built this absurd monstrosity with hallways and staircases that lead nowhere, bizarre shaped rooms with random fireplaces, and inside windows. Why she felt bad architecture would square things with the spirit world I have no idea, but it sure would have been fun if that was the house Matt’s in-laws rented for the holidays.

Debby and Annie drove back, leisurely hitting every outlet store between Gilroy and Oxnard. I flew home so that I could get in my car and drive to San Diego. Destination: Qualcomm Stadium where the San Diego Chargers were hosting the Cincinnati Bengals. Football fans are a hearty breed. Every week you see them brave punishing arctic conditions, monsoons, and typhoons to sit a thousand miles from the action or just stand for five straight hours with no relief. In San Diego on December 1st it was 75 degrees with clear skies. They didn’t sell out. The game was blacked out locally – the first TV blackout in the NFL this year. But shadows were expected so I’m sure that kept a lot of fans away. Explain to me again why Los Angeles doesn’t have an NFL team but San Diego does. Explain to me why Oxnard doesn’t have an NFL team but San Diego does.

I was there to see Dan Hoard, the voice of the Bengals. He’s also the voice of the University of Cincinnati Bearcats, but I’m not going to friggin’ Appalachian State to see him. We called Syracuse Chief games together in 1988 and I’m proud to say I didn’t kill his career.

I arrived three hours before game time and already the parking lot was practically filled with tailgaters. When you think of San Diego you think of athletic surfers in Speedos and hard-bodied California Girls in thong bikinis frolicking at the beach. Everyone else was in the Qualcomm parking lot in wife beater shirts grilling Texas hot links and guzzling Budweisers at 7 in the morning.

It turns out I was friends with all the radio announcers covering the game. Josh Lewin of the Chargers who once stayed at my house and didn’t break anything, and Dave Sims of Westwood One – my former Mariners partner who agreed it was wrong that I should take the fall for their last ten losing seasons. Also bumped into CBS’s Ian Eagle, the busiest sportscaster in America. He is currently in a stretch of ten cities in twelve days. This explains why he called a Charger field goal a three-pointer for the Knicks.

Ian Eagle, Dan Hoard, some blogger

I admire guys who can call football play-by-play. They require skill and a command of the English language. Ex-player/analysts need only seven concussions.

The Bengals won (or, in Ian’s case – the Mighty Ducks won). There was a layer of grease on my car so thick it could probably squeeze through a CT-scan tube.

There is yet another mayoral election this Tuesday in San Diego. The last hizzoner resigned after 20 sexual harassment allegations of kissing, groping, and inappropriate headlocks in less than nine months in office. Toronto is missing a bet not calling itself the “San Diego of Canada.”

Headlocks?

San Diego Union-Tribune headline: O.B. (Ocean Beach) Shrub Trimmer Faces Felony Charges.

Driving back to Los Angeles there’s always a horrific accident at Camp Pendleton that halts traffic for nine miles. I’m starting to think it’s the same accident. It actually occurred in 2004 and the poor driver is still trying to reach On-Star.

All in all, I had a great holiday. Anytime you can spend six days with your family, old friends, and the Cincinnati Bengals special team unit you have to consider yourself blessed. Hope your Thanksgivikkah went as well. Oh, in case you’re still looking to get me something for Chanukkah, I want Ian Eagle’s frequent flier miles.

If you enjoyed this, a book of my travelogues is still available.  WHERE THE HELL AM I?  TRIPS I HAVE SURVIVED makes the perfect holiday gift for the person who wants to go nowhere.  

THOR 2: My review (if I had a hammer)

The first THOR movie didn’t work for me. Not being up on the mythology of Thor I was somewhat confused and said so in my review. As a result I was crushed by fanboys. You would have thought I had said something nice about Patty Heaton – that’s how furious the Thor faithful were. The film did well at the boxoffice of course, and a 2 was hatched.

I decided to see the sequel. Full disclosure: if CAPTAIN PHILLIPS had played at a better time I would have seen that. But it didn’t so I gave Hammer Boy another try. Two things: Sometimes sequels are better than the original (SUPERMAN II back in the day… and I’m sure there are other examples), and now that I have a sense of the mythology I would be more up to speed. Guys wearing twisted Jewish shofars on their heads wouldn’t throw me. Plus, I love a good action flick.

So I went in with a completely open mind.

And I can say, objectively speaking, knowing the comment consequences I may face – that THOR 2 was just a giant fucking mess. Bring it on fanboys, point to its boxoffice success, call me a thousand years old – this was a jumbled train wreck of epic proportions.

You know when you see a trailer and there are all these quick cuts of explosions and special effects? A dazzling ninety-second montage of CGI? Well, imagine that for two straight hours. That was THOR 2. Completely and utterly incomprehensible. Action-packed, I’ll give it that. But nothing made sense. And before you say, “Sure, it didn’t make sense to you. You told Sophocles you had notes on his plays” I conferred with several “young” people I know and none of them could follow it either.

They’re on this planet, they’re on that planet, now in this world, now in London, there’s a massive war scene like in 300 and then Natalie Portman is on a blind date. Soldiers defend themselves against sophisticated space weapons with brass shields. Dinosaur-looking creatures suddenly appear two hours into the movie. I was waiting for Jar Jar Binks to make a cameo. THOR 1 was GODFATHER 1 compared to this.

The only time the movie worked for me was when there were on earth. Kat Dennings stole the film. She had some funny lines and it was just so refreshing to take a respite from “Go forth my liege. The Sanjahorifaniarans from Argomeiggitianal will pay for every drop of blood spilled on Troilogimeelnorgurtifa!” At least she got some yucks. And any time the movie gave a nod to the Marvel world (I won’t spoil the jokes) the gags scored. It was just the other 98% of the time that the movie was the dog's breakfast.

Look, I may not know comic mythology, and I may not be the target audience for an ancient-modern superhero who at times can fly and other times needs to take the subway, but I know a little something about dramatic structure. Stories have to track. The audience needs to know what the stakes are, they need to know where they are (at least which universe and time continuum), and they need to understand the rules. Characters can’t suddenly morph when they want only when it’s convenient for the plot. Characters can’t travel through time and space in two distinct ways.

Actions need to be clearly motivated… even for Batrriconarritifanorkians. We need to know why and the answer needs to make sense. Hiding behind lore is not enough.

But, if none of that bothers you, if it’s not important to know what’s going on as long as the effects are cool and Natalie Portman wears chiffon, if you’re stoned and don’t give a shit anyway, or you just like movies with hammer weapons then THOR 2 is for you. Enjoy. As for me, I hope I didn’t annoy the theatergoers sitting near me too badly by calling out “What the fuck?!” forty-five times.

A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS meets MAD MEN

A holiday tradition is A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS and we pretty much have a Mad Man to thank for it. John Allen was a Don Draper at McCann-Erickson in the mid '60s. On behalf of Coca-Cola he was lobbying for Charlie Brown. It would be the first animated adaptation of Charles M. Schultz’s classic PEANUTS comic strip. But Allen had to really twist arms because in typical fashion, CBS hated it.

They thought the animation was awful, the story too thin and depressing, the jazz score inappropriate for kids, and of course wanted a laugh-track. I'm surprised they didn't require a laugh-track on THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

And CBS was especially opposed to Linus reciting the story of the birth of Christ from the Bible. What the hell is that doing in a Christmas Special?

Oh, and they didn’t like that children were doing the voices of the…uh, children. In other words, all the things that made it distinctive; all the things that made it great. One high-ranking CBS program executive/visionary said it was a “piece of shit”.

And CBS had a lot riding on this. It was going to pre-empt THE MUNSTERS and follow GILLIGAN’S ISLAND. The quality had to be top notch to join that pantheon of excellence.

But John Allen pushed and pushed and finally persuaded the reluctant program chief to air the special. A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS premiered 48 years ago this month.

And got a 50 share.

It won an Emmy and a Peabody and became an instant holiday classic. I guess children doing the voices of children did not result in a viewer revolt.

CBS began running the special every year (taking credit for it of course). And it achieved the almost unheard of feat of getting higher ratings year after year. By 1969 it was scoring a 53 share.

CBS continued to air the special until 2000. ABC then took over. and has aired it ever since.  They'll show it again tomorrow night at 8:00/7:00 Central. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CHARLIE BROWN.

And thanks to John Allen.

Stars I claim to have discovered even though I really didn't

Anyone who has been producing TV series for any length of time will have similar stories. They can look back at actors they worked with or hired that since became big names. Here are some of mine.

Shelley Long – played a nurse once in MASH when I was there. I don’t remember much except she looked very cute in army fatigues.

Rita Wilson – same thing. Also cute in army fatigues. Worked with her again when she starred in VOLUNTEERS. Amazingly, she remembered me. I looked awful in army fatigues.  Currently great recurring in THE GOOD WIFE. 

Katey Segal – From one of Bette Midler’s Harlettes to a series regular on the MARY SHOW. We knew from day one that she’d become a star. And that’s without even hearing her sing.  Or ride a motorcycle.

Leah Remini – She played one of Carla’s many daughters on CHEERS. One of my favorite episodes (written by me and David) was “Loathe & Marriage” from the final season where Leah’s character gets married. I also directed her in FIRED UP. She was funny before she was even old enough to drive.

Tim Busfield – He’ll probably cringe but one of his first acting jobs was playing a patient on AfterMASH. Yes, it was, Tim, don't deny it.

James Cromwell – Okay, he wasn’t an unknown when I worked with him but he wasn’t on anyone’s A-List either. He was pretty much a character actor who bounced around. I knew him as Jamie then. We used him on an episode of MASH as a real goofball. Couldn’t quite tell from that role that he’d go on to be nominated for an Oscar. By the way, did you know he was in both BABE and THE BABE?

David Letterman – did a cameo on an OPEN ALL NIGHT we were involved with.

Maggie Lawson – You love her on PSYCH.  You maybe sampled BACK IN THE GAME.  I’ve loved her since writing and directing IT’S ALL RELATIVE.

David Ogden Stiers – Before he became Charles Winchester on MASH he was talk-show host Robert W. Cleaver on a TONY RANDALL SHOW David and I wrote. That was the episode that got huge laughs during rehearsal but silence during the filming. Later we learned that the bussed in audience spoke no English.

Annette O’Toole – had a small role on a TONY RANDALL SHOW. Tony didn’t like her at first. By show night he was pleading with us to bring her back. The English speaking audience loved her too although I must say she was beautiful in any language.

Lisa Kudrow – Did an episode of CHEERS. Very funny even in a small role. I was not surprised. She went to Taft High in Woodland Hills.

Sanaa Lathan – Directed her in LATELINE. I must’ve given her great notes on that three-page scene because she went on to become a movie queen. I went on to write a blog.

Willie Garson – Directed him in the stellar ASK HARRIET. When that show got cancelled he was free to take another assignment – SEX IN THE CITY. He’s now a regular on WHITE COLLAR.

Julie Benz – Another ASK HARRIET alum I directed. Was once married to DEXTER. You can certainly understand the attraction considering she was also in SAW V.

Robert Pastorelli – Later to be a stalwart of MURPHY BROWN, but his greatest role was for us on the MARY show. He played sandwich guy, Mr. Yummy.

Jenna Elfmann – first cast in an ALMOST PERFECT as a whack-job secretary. She had no experience at the time and we knew it was a risk but there was something just so damn special about her. She killed in front of the audience. If ever there was someone I knew was going to make it besides Katey Segal it was Jenna.

And before I slap myself on the back too much for being such a great judge of talent, here are a few of the people I didn’t cast who once came in to read:

Martin Short, Kathy Bates, William H. Macy, Jane Lynch, Tea Leoni, Don Johnson, and Andrea Martin (although that was the network’s fault; we wanted her. They wanted Toni Tennille. Don't ask.  Andrea is now killing on Broadway in PIPPIN, doing a trapeze act over the audience.  Let's see Toni do that.),