Friday Questions

Me speaking to TV critics

Time for Friday Questions.

Jake bats lead off this week.

Is it true that some of the critics and journalists try to give you a copy of the script they have written. They try that stunt with everyone from writers, producers, actors or just about anyone related to Hollywood. In return they will write favorable reviews. Directors, writers hate it; but still you can't do anything about it. Anyone tried it with you Ken?

It’s never happened to me and no one I’ve ever worked with has reported it happening to them. The TV critics I know are passionate about their jobs and pride themselves on their integrity.

I’m sure it happens but not with reputable critics.

I’ll take it one step further. I don’t have a show, there would be no conflict of interests, and yet no TV critic I know has asked me to read anything they’ve written.

From Nora:

Ken a related question on experienced writers/script doctors helping during a shooting of a movie or a TV pilot or some other time when needed the most.

Do they take help because there is some problem with the script or just that the studios/stars/directors want re-assurance from an experienced writer?

Occasionally the latter. David Isaacs and I were hired to help out on a pilot only so we could be seen by the network at run-throughs. The studio then sent us home. Easiest money we ever made.

But basically you hire punch-up guys if you have a multi-camera show and are expected to rewrite and fix an entire script in one night. Having an extra writer, who comes into the show with virgin eyes, can be very helpful. Especially if he has positive energy and can pitch lots of usable jokes.

I’ve mentioned them before but for my money the best of the best were/are Bob Ellison, David Lloyd, Sam Simon, Richie Rosenstock, and Jerry Belson.

Sharon Chapman enjoyed films I recommended, which led her to this question:

What makes you like certain films? I ask because your taste seems so in sync with mine, so I'm curious to know what specifically appeals to you in a film.

If it's good.

No, seriously, I don’t know. I suspect that I’m probably a hard audience because I’m tough on story (and tougher on my own work). But you see the kinds of things I write and those are the kinds of things I like to see.

Nothing pleases me more than to just get swept away by a movie. You know the feeling. You stop thinking about the filmmaking, you stop thinking about the dinner party you’re planning and just lose yourself in the film – regardless of the genre.

That’s what I hope for. Short of that, an entire movie where I don’t have to check my watch.

And finally, from Michael:

On ALMOST PERFECT, did you have any plans for how Kim and Mike's relationship would evolve in Season 2 before CBS forced you to write Kevin Kilner out of the show?

Yes. We had an entire season arc, which we pitched to CBS before getting shot down completely.

I sincerely believe if the network had let us do what we planned and gave us just the minimum amount of support that the series would have caught on. It was clearly going in that direction. (So says every producer whose show was cancelled).

What’s your Friday Question?

Am I just being paranoid?

Is it just me?

Am I the only one worried that Alexa, and Echo, and all the other smart home devices have an open microphone?   Who else besides Alexa is listening?

Considering all the people trying to delete their Facebook accounts (and good luck with that, by the way), are you at all concerned that Alexa might not be the only one hearing you request your vibrator be turned on?

Who else is monitoring?  I dunno.  Hopefully nobody.  But I assume if there's an open microphone then someone can find a way to hack into it.  

I don't want to be singing "Sweet Caroline" and five nerds somewhere in cubicles are singing "So good!  So good!  So good!"

I don't want to bitch about my laundry detergent and suddenly get text messages from Tide.

Another concern:  Alexa gets a lot of directions wrong.  How good is that microphone?   Will I be getting texts from Tide when I bitch about Trump?

I may just be paranoid, but at least for now, if I want to turn off a light I'll walk over and turn it off myself.  Plus, I get credit for steps on my way to 10,000 a day. Wait a minute.  Who is my Fitbit talking to?  

EP88: Less is More in Comedy

Ken shares a one-act play he wrote and directed and shows you how much it improved after trimming it down. It’s a lesson in rewriting. 

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

the legacy of Neil Simon

Back from two weeks in Europe. During my trip I saw that Neil Simon had passed away but I was on the run and unable to really address it at the time. Now I’m home and now I have some thoughts.

First of all, it’s no secret that I was a huge admirer of Neil Simon. I wrote an appreciation of him several years ago for this blog. You can find it here. That led to TCM inviting me to host their Neil Simon Film Festival, which I take as a real honor.

I was struck last week by all the social media tributes by comedy writers. Like me, they all point to Neil Simon as their primary inspiration. Wait, let me amend that – all comedy writers of a certain age. I don’t know if many young comedy writers hold him in the same esteem. But they should.

Because no one wrote funnier dialogue, all in service of characters and attitudes, and all designed to move the story forward. So much of his stuff still holds up today because the themes are universal and the comedy comes out of reality.

As proof that the world considers comedy less valuable than drama, even Neil Simon never got the respect he deserved. Yes, he won Tonys, and Pulitzers, and scores of other awards, but even in a lot of tribute articles I read he’s lauded primarily for his plays being so “popular.” Yeah, Mozart’s compositions had a following.

It’s sad, but I bet Neil Simon will garner more respect that he’s dead.

Multi-camera comedies receive lots of criticism for being formulaic and “jokey.” And most of the criticism is valid. But done well multi-camera sitcoms are an art form. They’re one act plays, performed in front of an audience. And if “jokes” are constructed well, they can generate actual audible laughter. More than that, many can hold up – for fifty years or more. The absolute master of creating these kinds of jokes was Neil Simon.

When a beloved singer passes on, people rediscover their music in the days and weeks that follow. Been binging on Aretha lately? May I suggest for all writers, especially younger ones and aspiring ones, to read some of the plays of Neil Simon. Yes, there are dated references but Gershwin tunes have dated references too. Still the brilliance will shine through, I promise you.

Back in the ‘70s when THE ODD COUPLE TV series was popular, there was an LA production at the (now defunct) Shubert Theatre of the original play with the TV cast in the roles. So Tony Randall was Felix and Jack Klugman was Oscar, etc. It brought down the house. And as I was watching it I thought to myself, “Wow, this is the best episode of THE ODD COUPLE ever!”

Neil Simon will be greatly missed. May his work continue to serve as an inspiration to all comedy writers of every age.

This used to mean more

Having a show on network television

Being on television

Radio

Having a hit song

Being an NFL team in Los Angeles

The Rose Bowl

The Polo Lounge

Airline travel

Library card

The Universal Tour

Movie premiers

Owning your own business

Being a folk singer

People Magazine

Malls

The All-Star Game

Date for the prom

Taxi cab medallion

Atlantic City

News bureaus

The World Series

Reservation at Spago’s

A first edition

An Emmy

Tickets for a Broadway show

Color TV

Autographs

Job on Wall Street

Playing Vegas

Being president of the United States

Some random thoughts about this Labor Day

For the last few years on Labor Day I would bemoan not seeing Jerry Lewis host the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon. It just wasn’t the same without him. Now of course Jerry has gone to that big toteboard in the sky, and I’m not sure there even is a telethon anymore. And if it is, it’s shrunk in size to almost nothing. And Vikki Carr no longer guests.

I always find Labor Day depressing. It always represents the end of summer, although now with Global Warming it’ll probably still be 118 in November.

Some things never leave you – like the dread you have that school is just around the corner. It’s been x%id#7ow years since I’ve been in school but that visceral terror always returns on this holiday.

Labor Day is now the official beginning of the Christmas season. Expect to hear Nat King Cole any minute now.

My only solace is sports. College and pro football begin. The Chargers are still in LA, right? The baseball pennant races are coming to a close and the playoffs are just around the corner. The NHL and NBA resume as well. I don’t think you’ll see Donald Trump at a Lakers game, which is all the more reason to GO to a Lakers game.

But what’s really sad is this: I used the look forward to September because that’s when the new TV season began. NBC Week, when they’d premier their new fall schedule, was a major event. I’d send away every year for the free booklet. I couldn’t wait for the debut of THE MAN FROM UNCLE.

And now, honestly, I couldn’t give a shit. Do you? I’ve seen the trailers. A lot more of more of the same. And since there are so many shows on so many networks and platforms premiering practically every week, it’s no big deal to see something “new.”

Plus, even the “new” is now old with all the reboots. So if networks are going go down that road, how about rebooting the MDA Telethon? Live from Vegas for 24 hours. Jerry Lewis resurrected his career with that telethon. Mike Myers? Dana Carvey? Jim Carrey? Eddie Murphy? Roseanne? What are you doing next Labor Day?

Note:  I will not have internet access most of today so your comments will appear but not until tonight.

Creative license in technology

One of my favorite bullshit TV conventions is when the cop/detective/investigator/president/terrorist/curious bystander asks the technician to enhance the screen. Somehow they can zoom in and get crystal clear images.  Zowie!  They can see mirror reflections, read fortune cookies sticking out of pockets, identify hair follicles. If only this technology actually existed.  Here is a fun montage Duncan Robson made of all these moments.  Hopefully, it will enhance your enjoyment of procedurals... and mirrors.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE meets TOP CAT

This is another crazy story that happened along the way in our career. This was on a pilot rewrite.

In 1976 there was a somewhat popular movie called MOTHER, JUGS, & SPEED about ambulance drivers starring Bill Cosby, Raquel Welch (as Jugs of course), and Harvey Keitel.

Two years later ABC commissioned a TV pilot of the movie. They changed Jugs to Juggs so it would sound (or at least read) less sexual… although unless you’re from the hills of Kentucky there is no other meaning for “jugs.” Tom Mankiewicz, who wrote the screenplay, was hired to write the pilot.

For whatever reason, ABC greenlit the project but wasn’t happy with the script. David Isaacs and I were recruited to do a rewrite. We were on MASH at the time, this was a project about funny medicos, produced for the same studio (20th) -- so we got the call. Whether seventeen other writers had gotten the call before us and turned it down, we’ll never know.

We accepted the assignment and met with the executive producers. Here’s where it got a little weird. The two executive producers were Bruce Geller (who created MISSION IMPOSIBLE) and Joseph Barbera (one half of Hanna-Barbera, the animation mill that turned out Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear, the Flintstones, Jetsons, etc.). Kind of an odd pairing. Apparently the idea for the original movie was Barbera’s so that’s how he got involved. Bruce Geller’s involvement? I have no idea.

They met with us and told us what they wanted. The realism of MASH. It shouldn’t feel sitcommy. The humor had to come out of attitudes and real situations. We were to think of this as a drama with comedic touches. Okay. That was fine with us.

Then Joe Barbera pitched a possible beat.  And I swear to you this is true.  The ambulance is at the top of a hill. The back door flies open and a guy on a gurney rolls out and barrels down the hill. He hits a fire hydrant, which flips the gurney, sending the patient airborne where he lands in an open garbage can. Joe even made a “boing!” sound as he described the patient landing in the trash can. We sat there totally gobsmacked. This was “real?” Maybe in Quick Draw McGraw’s world.

Everyone was pleased with our rewrite (despite not doing the gurney gag), and the show was filmed. No actors from the movie participated. Ray Vitte, Joanne Nail, and Joe Penny got the lead roles. I never saw it. The show was not picked up. But that figures because in our entire career we’ve never gotten a show picked up by ABC – we’re talking 30 years, 50 regimes, and three owners.) It aired that year in August on Failure Theater, but I was either busy or just didn’t care. We were uncredited (which was fine).

The real kick for me was being in a story session with Joe Barbera. Yeah, his gag was absurd. But as a kid I loved Hanna-Barbera cartoons (I still do). I would drive by their complex on West Cahuenga Boulevard in the valley and wish that I could work there. Or even get a tour. And now I was in a room with the man himself. And he was pitching me Top Cat. Dreams sometimes do come true.

Friday Questions

Ending the month with Friday Questions.

SwiftPope leads off.

Norm on Cheers seems to drink quite a lot of beer. I don't mean he must, given the level of his glass, I mean he is seen to be drinking a fair bit. Assuming that some scenes require a few takes, I have to wonder whether Norm was drinking real beer or non-alcoholic beer?

George Wendt drank near-beer (3.2 alcohol) that was warm. Delicious it was not. Especially by the fourth take.   George earned his money on that show. 

notworthreading asks:

Ken, FQ, even thought it isn't going to happen, would you ever consider a job at a network, something along the lines of VP of Development? If so, how would the job look and what would you do?

No. I’m not a corporate guy. The thought of putting on a suit every day, “answering” to someone, dealing with office politics, and ultimately not having the power to make any real decisions is not for me. I suspect I would be a loggerheads with the other executives because my style would be so different from theirs. I would buy scripts from people I trusted then leave them alone. This would cause a major kerfuffle I’m sure. Better to just let someone who really wanted the job have it. 

From Rod:

Whose idea is it normally to re-cast a pilot when it gets picked up? The new Cedric the Entertainer sitcom "The Neighborhood" recast two central roles, the new neighbors, played by Josh Lawson & Dreama Walker to Max Greenfield and Beth Behrs. What does a re-shoot cost? Did the showrunners not think their original choices were not strong enough? Was there pressure form the network to get a more "name" star?

The network makes those calls. They either test the show and replace actors who didn’t test well, or if they get a chance to get more well-known actors like Greenfield & Behrs (let’s say the pilots they were in didn’t get picked up), they’ll often make the switch.

At one time it happened very rarely. Now it happens all the time. Unless the show has your name on it, you’re no longer safe.

And finally, Bob Paris asks:

I have been watching GLOW on Netflix and noticed that the episodes are various lengths. I imagine that in your career you have had episodes run long where material that you deemed too good to cut had to be eliminated in the final edit. Since there are no time-slots on a streaming site, this allows episodes to run "long." Do you think this is good or bad - it allows stuff to make it to the final cut that maybe would have been rightfully left on the cutting room floor.

It would be nice to have the flexibility, but the truth is cutting shows down to time usually improves them.

However, on the BIG WAVE DAVE’S pilot we had a hot audience, which resulted in a ten-minute laugh spread. Cutting that down was a bitch.

And there were some MASH episodes that I thought suffered by having to edit them, but normally less is more so I’m okay with adhering to a set time.

Don’t you wish someone forced Judd Apatow to keep his movies down to 90 minutes? Oh, how much better they’d be.

What’s your FQ? Have a safe Labor Day Weekend.

Happy Birthday, Annie!

First off I want to wish the happiest of Happy Birthdays to my fabulous, funny, phenomenal daughter, Annie.  You make me proud everyday.  And you make me laugh everyday.  Could a father ever ask for more?  I love you, kiddo. 

Okay, the rest of you can now scroll down to today's post.  Thanks. 

Flipping the Bird

Do you have this in your town? If no, you will soon. Motorized scooters. Here in LA we have Bird scooters. These are on practically every street corner and in retail areas of the city there’s an infestation of them.

You sign up for their app, you just grab one that’s lying around, activate it, and zip around town, going up to 15 miles per hour, paying a designated fee. When you arrive at your destination you get off and just leave it. Each scooter has a GPS system and people come around and collect the scooters.

This has become quite the rage on the Westside of Los Angeles, particularly in Santa Monica and Venice. The law says you’re supposed to wear helmets. 99% of the riders don’t. The law says you can’t ride them on the sidewalk. 99% of the riders do.

And by just leaving them when they’re done, they’re usually lying on a sidewalk where someone can trip over them.

If they were just annoying I wouldn’t be concerned. People trying to get you to sign petitions are annoying. But they’re not hurting anybody.

These scooters are dangerous. And even then I would be less concerned if they were only the users that were getting hurt. You want to ride one without a helmet, hit a pothole and wind up in traction for a month, fly your freak flag. But it’s the innocent bystanders who get hurt that rankles me.

Pedestrians are getting hit by these scooter drivers. And hey, it’s not like there’s a specific license to drive them. Any moron can climb aboard. Pedestrians are tripping on these scooters just strewn on the sidewalk. Drivers are getting into accident avoiding these idiots.

The Bird company, here in LA, says riders sign a waiver that Bird is responsible for only up to $100.00. Good luck when that comes up in court. The truth is law firms are getting calls every day. I expect the Bird company to be flooded with lawsuits. If you were injured as a result of one these I say sue the shit out of them.

And just wait until the first person dies as a result of this.

Some cities, like Beverly Hills (God bless ‘em) have banned these scooters. Roll two feet across the city line and pay a fine large enough to buy four scooters.  Other disgruntled citizens are vandalizing them or putting dog shit on them. 

Promoters of these scooters claim they will help ease urban traffic problems. People will opt for scooters over cars. What a joke. You’re going to ride a scooter 20 miles to work? Everything in your car trunk you’re just going to keep in your backpack? You’re going to ride it in the rain?

People ride these scooters short distances. They zip around Venice. They ride them for a mile. And who are most of the customers? Millennials. Millennials can’t walk one mile?

Westside residents are up in arms over these scooters. All I can say is “lawyer up, people!” A couple of unfortunate wrongful deaths and hopefully the Bird will be cooked.

EP87: Meet Comedy Writing Legend Earl Pomerantz

Ken discusses comedy writing with Earl Pomerantz whose Emmy winning career spans from THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW to TAXI, CHEERS, shows he’s created like MAJOR DAD, two Garry Shandling series, and variety specials with Lorne Michaels. Earl has had a fascinating career and offers great insight and humor. 

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

What I miss

Nowadays TV shows are “dropped” (as the expression goes). All of a sudden 13 episodes of your series appears on Netflix. What you don’t get is “opening night.”

There are still opening nights on broadcast networks. But even then, the episodes are immediately available on other platforms, and depending on the network, time slot, and promotion – you may draw a ridiculously small audience.

Ah, but “back in the day” (which always struck me a stupid expression), audiences flocked to see new shows because their only means of TV entertainment was live TV.

And for me getting a show on the air was not just a feat, it was magical.

Think about it…

David Isaacs and I dream up an idea. We toss it around, see if it has legs, see if it’s something we’d like to be doing for five years, etc. If we decide to commit to it we then pitch it to the only three buyers there are out there.

One buys it. Hooray!

We dream up characters, we stockpile future stories, we write a pilot. Now this idea of ours is on paper. There’s a cover with the studio logo. It’s a “thing.”

After who-knows-how-many drafts the network gives us the go-ahead to make it. We now cast the show and assemble a crew. The idea in our head has sprouted a giant soundstage, complete with sets. Forty guys named Dave are running around hanging lights and painting flats. Now it’s really a “thing.”

The pilot gets made, we fly back to New York, miraculously get it on the schedule, and then really go to work. For the next five months we put together the writing staff, and completely immerse ourselves in the show. Scripts are written, episodes are filmed and edited.

And finally, on a night sometime in September, the show is slated to premier. We have an opening night party. And that’s when the excitement builds. Multiple TV monitors are set up (usually in a restaurant) and the countdown begins. Being on the West Coast the show is delayed three hours and already I’m getting calls from friends and family who watched it back east.

Now it’s 2 minutes to air. People start gathering around the TV’s. They turn the sound up. Commercials air. Getting close now. And then station ID. That’s when it really hits me. Holy shit! I’m on CBS.

Then the show begins, usually to huge applause from those of us who work on it. And for the first time there are our sets and actors exposed to the world. By now I’ve watched countless roughcuts. But now the entire country is seeing it. And since this is before all the other viewing options, that probably means 20,000,000 people. That kernel of an idea is now a national TV show.

I would hope that in some form or fashion producers of today’s debuting shows get that thrill. Many shows today are shown in relative obscurity. And yet those involved work just as hard and put in just as much time and effort as we did.

When people say “Why do a show on CBS when you can do it on Starz?” – THAT’S why. And it’s only a matter of time before broadcast networks go the way of the dinosaur but it was sure fun while it lasted.

Size matters (but the smaller the better)

scene from GOING GOING GONE

I love writing plays. It’s liberating to write whatever I want, characters of any age, and no network executive insisting I make my antagonist more “likeable.” But one issue I have is that because of today’s economics, cast size and production requirements must be minimal to even hope for a production. Yes, Tom Stoppard can have a play with seventeen characters, but I’m not Tom Stoppard.

The generally accepted cast size for lowly playwrights like me is four. Three is better. Two is even better still. And one-person shows where someone discusses their childhood for ninety minutes is best. But the magic number seems to be four.

And that’s restrictive. I’ll think of an idea that might make a great play but realize I’d need six characters to do it justice and decide to just shelve it. Even THE ODD COUPLE, which you think of as a two-character play has roles for seven. Reginald Rose did not write a play called FOUR ANGRY MEN.

Recently I was talking to a New York theater director and he was bemoaning the fact that young playwrights are so used to writing scenes between two people that they find it very difficult to write scenes with four. Keeping all four characters active in the scene is a real juggling act for them. This stunned me. I had never even thought of that.

I come from TV where there are almost always multiple people in scenes. On CHEERS there were usually six to eight characters in any given scene. That was simply what I was used to.

So for me, writing a four-character scene in a play, especially if it’s a long scene, is way easier if I have four voices instead of two. All four can have differing points-of-view and there are way more relationship combinations.

If you’re a young playwright and you’re only comfortable writing two-character scenes you are really handcuffing yourself. You need to be facile in writing four or even eight-person scenes. And where can you go to see good examples of this? I hate to say it. In fact, I better just whisper it.

Sitcoms.

A mouse walks into a bar

Here’s a FQ that became an entire post… WITH a visual aid.

Coram_Loci asks:

Was there any talk (do you wish there was any talk) of an animated episode of Cheers or Frasier?

For Mickey Mouse’s Birthday (I forget how old he was at the time, mice age well), Disney did a big special. And there’s a scene where he goes to CHEERS. So our characters interacted with a cartoon mouse.

Someone from Disney wrote the scene and it wasn’t very good. So Michael Eisner called Jim Burrows and asked as a favor whether we CHEERS writers would take a fast look at it.

We did a rewrite one afternoon, sent it in, and everyone at the Mouse House was thrilled.

So they filmed the scene and the animation was added later.

But a week after we turned in the script a big truck from Disney pulled up and each of us received these giant gift bags filled with Disney merchandise. There were stuffed animals and jackets and tapes and phones and books and assorted toys. Looking back, each bag probably cost $500 retail so maybe $20 out of their pocket, but we all had small children at the time so this was the coolest gift EVER.

And now, here’s the scene. Watching it for the first time since it aired, I think they were overly generous with their gift. Either that or the original script was REALLY terrible. Anyway, enjoy.

Neil Simon

I am out of the country with limited internet access.  I’m devastated but will discuss fully next week.

the Comedy Writing Rule of 2's

If only this could get me membership in the Magic Castle.

I have this astounding ability to watch a lot of sitcoms and pitch the jokes mere seconds before the actors say them, almost verbatim. It’s an amazing skill. Houdini never could do that. Audiences are mystified.  Talk about magic. 

Of course, the truth is that after years of writing comedy I just can identify the most obvious punchlines. And there are shockingly way too many sitcoms that are guilty of this.

You might think this is a byproduct of multi-camera shows where rhythms have become stale and predictable, but single-camera shows are sometimes worse. They often resort to irony so it’s not even jokes. It’s catch-phrases or “Gee, THAT went well.”

If I can predict a joke it’s just lazy writing. Either that or the staff is just not very good. So I choose to believe it’s laziness.

What’s keeping me out of the Magic Castle is that by now you’ve seen so many sitcoms that you too can probably perform this psychic skill.

I blame the showrunners. Someone has to approve these clams. Someone has to say, “Yeah, that’s good enough.” Someone has to say, "Fine.  I've got Laker tickets." 

On CHEERS we had the rule of 2’s. If the writing staff was working on a joke and any two writers pitched essentially the same punchline we automatically discarded it. Didn’t even matter if it was funny.  Our feeling was that if two writers could come up with the same joke so could some audience members. And so it was quickly jettisoned. There was no debate. Ever.

When you’re trying to come up with a joke sometimes your first punchline might be the obvious one. Especially if you came up with it quickly. Learn to dig deeper. Is there a better joke? Is there a fresher joke? Is there something more unexpected? Maybe even something from out in leftfield?

Because sitcom audiences are more sitcom savvy your job is much harder now than it was back when we were writing CHEERS. And yet, I bet if you watch a CHEERS today there will still be jokes that surprise you and make you laugh.

Now I realize that not every show is CHEERS or is even going for the type of humor we went for. But you can strive to be the best in your genre, whatever it is. GOOD LUCK CHARLIE was a Disney Channel show but so clearly superior to other series on that network.

I know it sounds like a real contradiction. Comedy writing is a highly competitive business and yet high-priced comedy writers often get away with being lazy. I suppose it’s a matter of personal pride. Just consider this:  The last thing you want is for me to thank you for getting into the Magic Castle

Hey, weren't you "Jerk at the Bar?"

A trainer in my gym is also an actor. (I know – knock you over with a feather). He appeared on the Showtime series CALIFORNICATION playing the fan favorite, “Hollywood Asshole”. And knowing him, I bet he was good in it. Some of his previous roles included “Jerk at the Bar”, “Thug #2”, and to prove he has range – “Jogger”.

An actress I know has these impressive credits: “Vegas Showgirl” on CSI. Also “Bikini Girl”, “Sheik Girl”, “Cute Girl”, and “Homewrecker”.

Another actress friend boasts these credits on imdb: “Waitress”, “Saleswoman”, “Assistant Candidate #1”, and the part she’s best known for -- “Desperate Woman”.

And one of the most talented comic actors I know lists these on his resume: “Caterer”, “Waiter”, “Delivery Boy”, “Great Great Grandfather” (he was in his 30’s at the time), “Husband”, “Exterminator”, and my personal favorite – “Squid”.

Forget being a star, most actors in Hollywood would be thrilled for a role that actually had a name.

Usually these parts are one or two lines, usually day player roles. But not always. Remember the old guy who used to sit at the bar at CHEERS. His name was Al Rosen. He became a semi-regular. He had lines in probably thirty episodes. His name on the show was “Man Who Said Sinatra”.

“Sinatra” was the first line he was assigned, he got a good laugh, and a few weeks later the writers were looking to give a line to a bar patron and someone suggested, “What about the man who said Sinatra?” And thus a legend was born.

It’s not easy being an actor. And for every one who gets a part as “Punk #2” and “Guy in the Sewer” just remember – there are five others who auditioned for those parts and didn’t get them.

Yours truly,

Schmuck with blog

Friday Questions

Time to roll out some more Friday Question.

Roger Owen Green asks:

I've been noticing over the last few years how certain TV shows are starting to use great songs during important parts of the story, many of which are covers.

I have always wondered who is responsible for selecting the songs, because they always seem to be spot on in regards to how it fits with the scene.

Usually the showrunner, although sometimes he might confer with the studio music department.

Using great songs comes with some problems. First off they’re expensive and you need permission in addition to paying a hefty fee. Secondly, when you get into syndication you often find that the use of these songs would be prohibitive because of the royalty costs.

It used to be that if a show were taped, like WKRP IN CINCINNATI they wouldn’t have to pay huge fees to air songs. This was in the days when variety shows were still around and all recorded on tape. But when WKRP went into syndication, all those songs had to be removed. Not only was that costly, but substituting generic versions really hurt the show and its syndication numbers.

MURPHY BROWN faced the same music problem, although their syndication woes had more to do with content – the topicality of the show meant it didn’t age well.

Jon H wonders:

Have you ever done any 3-camera live audience sitcom episodes that featured flashbacks in the body of the show? DICK VAN DYKE SHOW had a few of these. I was wondering if the shows would be filmed/taped in order or if the flashback portions would be prefilmed/pretaped before the main part of the episode from which the flashbacks happened. On one hand the production would have the benefit of live audience feedback for all scenes and not just those in current time, but on the other hand, the audience would have to wait while the characters changed costumes back & forth from current time to flashback time again & again. Is one method preferred to the other?

We shoot the flashback scenes in advance. Same with dream sequence scenes, which I’ve had in my shows. And we show them back to the studio audience when they come to see the taping of the rest of the episode.

The problem with flashback scenes is they usually require a lot of make up and it might take the actors an hour or more to be ready to shoot. That hour would kill a studio audience. So it’s easier to just pre-shoot the flashbacks the day before.

From Andrew:

Has any line you've written ever taken on a life of its own outside the show or movie? Have you ever heard your own writing quoted out of context, in "real life"?

Several lines from the movie VOLUNTEERS. “We’ve got to be a mile from the sun.” “It’s not that I can’t help these people, it’s just that I don’t want to.” And after Rita Wilson is appalled that Tom Hanks has come on to her after chatting in a long flight, Tom’s character says: “Well I think I’ve put in the hours, don’t you?”

On CHEERS, Frasier saying “Everybody have fun tonight, everybody Wang Chung tonight” is still remembered and quoted.

And from FRASIER I’d say, “Food in the bathroom?”

But we never landed a big catch phrase, nor did we ever intend to.

And finally, from Joseph Scarbrough:

I understand when Larry Gelbart did the M*A*S*H episode "The Interview," it was filmed with Clete Roberts asking the questions, the actors responding in-character, then Larry sort of building the script around that material, as opposed to the other way around. When you, David Isaacs, and Burt Metcalfe did "Our Finest Hour," did you take that same approach?

No. We used the interview strictly as a way to get into the clips. We were looking for something a little novel; a way to do a clip show unique to MASH – but looking back I regret that decision to reprise the “interview” format. I think it tarnishes the original a little. It’s hard for me to watch that episode because I’m still kicking myself .

What’s your Friday Question? Note: I will have limited access to the internet for the next week so I will not be able to post your comments as swiftly as I usually do, but I do see them all, and I will get to them, and any Friday Question will be duly registered. Thanks much.

What to say to an agent?

Here’s a FQ that became an EP (entire post).

It’s from Rat Billings:

If a writer ever gets so lucky to go out and meet with potential representation, what should they expect, what are some questions worth asking, and how can that writer make the best impression possible?

First off, dress decently. No jeans. No shorts. No T-shirts. No flip-flops. You don’t have to wear a suit and tie or formal dress but you’re going on a business meeting. Make yourself presentable. You’d think that was a no-brainer but it’s not.

Be punctual. Be prepared. Be enthusiastic. And try, if possible, to be relaxed.

If an agent is meeting you chances are he wants to sign you so he has to sell himself as much as you have to sell yourself.

And if an agent is interested in signing you it’s usually because he thinks he can place you (i.e. make money off of you). So you need to ask how he sees your career path.

He will of course ask you the same question and as long as you’re on the same page things are fine. But if you see yourself as a future screenwriter and he sees you as a sitcom writer who will one day have his own show then it’s not going to work.  Move on.  

So I would ask specifically what this agent plans to do for you. And how will he go about it? How will he use his contacts or other clients to forward your career? How will his intell give you an edge? Will he be able to package you into a deal?

Ask how many clients he has. Ask who some of them are. If he has a lot of big players he may not have time for you. Who’s he going to devote his day to – getting Aaron Sorkin’s next movie placed after it’s gone into turnaround, or getting you a meeting with DOG WITH A BLOG?

Ask how the agency works. Some operate in “teams” and others operate like little fiefdoms. When you call or email the agent, realistically how long until he returns your query? How accessible is he?

He’s going to have some questions for you, and here’s what he most likely wants to hear:

Be very clear about your career objectives. Pick a lane. Comedy or Drama. TV or movies. It helps if an agent can brand you. That’s not to say that you can’t branch out in time, but going in it’s like college where you have to declare your major.

You are 100% dedicated to your career and are willing to do whatever it takes. Assure him that you are good in meetings. If the agent can just get you in a room with someone you feel confident you can impress him. You are available for anything the agent needs of you to land a sale. If this means taking a meeting or writing a treatment you’re happy to do it. Ask the agent what you can do to make his job easier?

If you have any contacts in the industry that might open some doors that’s very helpful to agents.

Assure the agent that you’re prolific. You’re working on a new spec, a new screenplay, whatever.

And finally, don’t be too picky. Don’t say you’ll only work on single-camera comedies for streaming services. You won’t work on network shows, or multi-camera shows, or family shows. First of all, who the fuck are you? You’re just starting out. Who are you to be so choosy? And secondly, if you only give the agent a narrow target he’s less likely to represent you.

So there you go. Beyond that just play it by ear. More than anything else it’s whether you and the agent click, and you can get a pretty good sense of that early. Best of luck.