Diss 'n dat 5

Will someone tell Melissa from AMERICAN IDOL to please cover up her midriff? No one likes to look at that muffin top.

Judging by the even MORE goofy way Paula has been acting lately I wonder if that red Coke glass in front of her is filled with an “adult beverage”. And then refilled every commercial break.

Lost in all the Oscar hoopla is the fact that Paul Haggis has won the best screenplay award for two years running now on SPEC SCRIPTS. It can happen. See ya at Starbucks.

So Barry Bonds has been taking every steroid known to man. Big surprise. Didn’t you notice his head had gotten so big that the only helmet that could fit it is the one on the little bullpen car?

Barry had previously agreed to be the subject of a new ESPN reality show, following him around this season. It’s going to be much more fun now. BEING BONDSADUCE.

I’m still mourning Edgar from 24. Unless you’re an actor with a “co-executive producer” credit in front of your name don’t buy a house. The good news from a writer/producer perspective is that I bet actors don’t say “boo” when they get their weekly scripts. The words “I don’t know if my character would say that” have never been uttered on the 24 stage. And I wouldn’t raise much of a ruckus on LOST either.

More terrifying than the threat of nerve gas killing millions of people on 24 is the possibility of a romance between First Lady Martha and Secret Agent Pierce. ICK!!!!!!! Please Agent Pierce, save it for Kim.

Great acting by Kim (Elisha Cuthbert) by the way. When told her father was alive she reacted to this momentous news by just standing there with a blank mongoloid expression, as if waiting for the director to yell “Action”.

Have you noticed that all the new pilots are being cast with recycled TV stars? Oh boy. Justine Bateman, Greg Germann, Jonathon Silverman. They’re back!! Give me the fresh faces. Give me Chloe on 24, those workers on THE OFFICE. Maybe one of the reasons people are so attracted to reality shows is that Paula Marshall isn’t on any of them.

The only reason CRASH won is because they sent out DVD’s to every member of practically every Hollywood union. I think I got three of them. So next year all you studios would be wise to send out those DVD’s to all of us. Even if you think a movie is marginal, play it safe, send a copy to me.

How starved for baseball am I? I drove around yesterday listening to the Venezuela/Dominican Republic game. Since they waited for me to get in the car before starting I’m guessing they’re not drawing a big audience.

Why are the producers of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN so upset? Sure they lost the Oscar but they did win the even more prestigious Golden Globe.

Thanks to Mark from Newsfromme.com and Howard from Hoffmania.com for the shout outs. Welcome new readers. I hope you'll stick around.