HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!
This is my favorite mother joke. Actually it's a mother-in-law joke and it comes from the very politically incorrect but screamingly funny AMOS & ANDY SHOW. I believe this was written by Mosher & Connelly (who went on to create LEAVE IT TO BEAVER and THE MUNSTERS).
The Kingfish sets up a blind date for "Mama". Hoping the poor guy would like her and take her off of his hands he arranges for Mama to go to the beauty parlor. He's talking to the hair stylist, describing Mama. He says (and I'm paraphrasing), "Picture a grapefruit that's been out at sea. And it washes ashore, all covered with seaweed and crabs. Now it sits in the sun for a couple of weeks and gets all wrinkly and rotted and bugs are now flying around it. Can you picture that?" The hairstylist says "Uh huh." And the Kingfish says, "Good. If you can make her look that good I'd be satisfied!"
Good 'un.
ReplyDeleteI think it was Redd Foxx as Fred Sanford who described his blind date: "She was so ugly, you could push her face into a pile of dough and make Gorilla Cookies."
Diamonds and diapers! Happy Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteI heard two ladies having this conversation today:
ReplyDeleteLady #1: My husband gave me flowers for Mother's Day.
Lady #2: Flowers? How lovely.
Lady #1: Oy, but you don't know what I had to do for these flowers.
Lady #2: What did you have to do?
Lady #1: After he gave me the flowers, he told me to go upstairs to the bedroom, take off all my clothes, lay down on the bed, put my legs in the air and spread them.
Lady #2: Don't you have a vase?
Happy Mother's Day, Ken :)