WORST HAIRCUT – Clay AikenBEST TV DRAMA – (tie) 24 and LOST (I know many disagree but I'm still hooked and where else are you going to see Evangeline Lily trapped in a cage?)
WORST TV DRAMA – THE VIEW
BEST CATFIGHT – Paris Hilton & Shanna Moakier
BEST NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE – Pamela Anderson & Kid Rock.
WORST COMMERCIAL – HeadOn headache remedy
BEST EDWARD R. MURROW IMPERSONATOR – Keith Olberman
BEST NEWCOMER – Jennifer Hudson
WORST BOOK – JUNIOR by Macaulay Culkin. In the intro he so accurately states: “I am not a writer.”
BEST NEW MYSTERY WRITER – Jesse Kellerman
BEST PLAY – HISTORY BOYS
WORST MOVIE FROM A PLAY – HISTORY BOYS
BEST REPORTER'S QUESTION TO A CELEBRITY – Meatloaf, promoting his new CD in June, was asked if he had ever rolled around in his own feces. That's how you win the Pulitzer!
WORST ANOREXIC – Nicole Richie
BEST GYLLENHAAL -- Maggie
BEST COMEBACK – Senator Joe Lieberman
WORST COMEBACK – Rocky Balboa
BEST YOUTUBE VIDEO -- Brokeback to the Future
WORST DEFENSE OF A COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER – Long time Penn State coach, Joe Paterno defended an opponent player accused of sexual assault by saying, “He may not have known what he was getting into… a cute girl knocks on the door. What do you do?
BEST TRAILER – SPIDERMAN 3
BEST SURVIVING MEMBER OF THE WHO – Roger Daltry
BEST DVD – SIX FEET UNDER
WORST DVD – MAMA’S FAMILY
BEST BOBBLEHEAD DOLL – Canada litigator, Sheila Block of Torys LLP.
BEST FIRST HALF OF A MOVIE – THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
WORST ASSHOLE – Mel Gibson
BEST ANTI-SEMITE – Mel Gibson
BEST MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL MARKETING PROMOTION -- The Altoona Curve held “Frivolous Lawsuit Night”.
BEST STAND-UP COMEDIAN -- Lewis Black
WORST STAND-UP COMEDIAN – Michael Richards
WORST SHOT – Dick Cheney
BEST RADIO STATION – XM’s 60’s on 6.
WORST RADIO STATION – New York’s Jack-FM
WORST CASTING IDEA – An Indian film director is trying to persuade Paris Hilton to play the role of young Mother Teresa.
BEST NATIONAL SPORTSCASTER – Jon Miller
WORST NATIONAL SPORTSCASTER – Brent Musburger
WORST SURVIVOR WINNER -- Richard Hatch. Now serving four years in prison for not reporting his million dollar winnings. Guess he didn't realize that the show was televised. 90 more days for being stupid.
BEST PERSONAL APPEARANCE -- Cocaine hoarding/false robbery reporting Boy George sentenced to five days of street sweeping in New York City. If you can make it there...
BEST ACTOR IN A MOVIE – Peter O’Toole
BEST ACTRESS IN A MOVIE – Helen Mirren
BEST OF BILL PAXTON’S WIVES ON “BIG LOVE” – Chloe Sevigny
BEST ACTOR IN A THANKLESS ROLE – Chip Zien as first guy killed in UNITED 93. Spent the rest of the movie on the floor.
BEST HONOR – Me being named TIME MAGAZINE’S “Man of the Year”. I mean, to be singled out like that…wow.
I may be off topic, but best act of courage was Dayna Klein, the pregnant lady who called 911, even after shooter ordered her not to after being shot in last July's Seattle Jewish Federation rampage. I know this is supposed to be light hearted but Ms Klein is a real hero in my book for preventing further loss of life.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one who still loves Lost.
ReplyDeleteCorrection:
ReplyDeleteIt's Bill Paxton.
Best Guest Hosts for SNL: (tie) Alec Baldwin, Justin Timberlake
Best SNL short: Dick in a Box(The censored version)
Most Random Appearances in Trailers: Jason Bateman
Worst Cancelled TV Show That Could've Been Really Great If It Didn't Rely On The Most Boring Aspect: The Nine
Worst TV Show That They Won't Cancel For Some Fucking Reason: The War at Home
Best use of the word, "Okay": Studio 60
The Most Subplots Ever: Studio 60
Hottest Cylon: Lucy Lawless
Best Curse Word: FRACK!
Best Network Comeback: NBC
Worst Network Slip: ABC
Best Title For a Lifetime Movie in the History of the Lifetime Network: Why I Wore Lipstick To My Masectomy
ReplyDeleteWell then, WHO'S feces was Meatloaf rolling in? Inquiring morons want to know.
ReplyDeleteRegarding "Worst asshole - Mel Gibson" Did you mean Has or Is? Meatloaf needs to know.
As for Dick Cheney being the worst shot: he hit Harry Whittington in (NOT Sweet Dick Whittington, who is hairy.) in the face while somewhat drunk. Do you know how hard it is to shoot a friend in the face from several feet away when you're drunk? Try it sometime. It took me six attempts.
Peter O'Toole & Helen Mirrin both appeared in "Bob Guccione's Caligula". I assume you're honoring them for other work.
And I'm sorry, but I am Time Magazine's Person of the Year. Back off, Levine.
Would you say more about History Boys? I just saw it at an industry screening, and thought it was a fantastic adaptation -- until the appalling last 4 minutes, in which the entire meaning and drama was eviscerated. Do you know anything about why and how this happened? Do you think Bennett cut that deal before he wrote the movie, or do you think it happened later in the game?
ReplyDeleteThere's a reason Rosie O'Donnell outed Clay Aiken not only as gay, but unattractive: that haircut is as good as he gets. Singers aren't like us writers Ken, they don't have to be pretty.
ReplyDeleteIs Mama's Family really out on DVD?
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ReplyDeleteCan someone explain to me all the mooning over The History Boys? The play I saw was all about moving set pieces around and making cow eyes over how "lovely" English schoolboy days were, a subject I've seen in a dozen better plays.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a bad play, but I'm damned if I know what the fuss was.
But then I found Grey Gardens to be mediocre at best and tedious at worst.
Bah.
You certainly have a right to your opinion, Ken, but Mr. Aiken's haircut probably cost more money than you make in a month. Furthermore, the "shag" haircut for men is very stylish and chic these days. You might want to be a little more up-to-date and informed on what's in and what's not. Not liking the man himself, however, is your own personal problem.
ReplyDeletePeter O'Toole - sure in Bizarro Universe.
ReplyDeleteThe Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa role rumour should get it the Best P.R. - win/win all around: It has the edge of a surprise to it - WHO was expecting that? The film makes out with tons of good free pre-publicity if or if not Paris is in fact taking the role; Paris makes out just being considered in the idea of playing against type, as if she were able to act; Gossip blogs everywhere have something a bit different to say about Paris for a week.
Worst Stand-up comedian: Michael Richards was a meltdown, choose someone who actually IS trying to do their act at least.
Good call on 24 and Lost. I still agree and am hooked on both those shows.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I disagree on the YouTube video. My vote is for the Titanic Two trailer.
Worst Moment in Baseball - The Baseball Writers' Association of America denied John “Buck” O’ Neil’s entry into the Hall of Fame; Diss-Honorable Mention - The BBAA also denied Minnie Minoso‘s entry.
ReplyDeleteBest Cat Fight - Rosie O’donnell and Donald Trump’s hair.
Amen to that, especially the Youtube video.
ReplyDeleteDon't tell old ladies from North Carolina oyu don't like Clay's haircut. They will stomp your head in with their walkers.
I like Jack FM. Their motto is "Fuck you. You're going to listen to this whether you like it or not." I respect their honesty, especially since I'd rather listen to awesome songs sandwiched between shite songs as long as it doesn't involve listening to eight DJs in one studio all yapping and laughing and generally starting my day off irritated.
Hey all... off topic, but I just read an article about the creator of 2 1/2 Men creator Chuck Lorre - in the Dec 15th issue of Entertainment Weekly. Interesting insights on Rosanne Barr and Brett Butler. They sounded like real tyrants. Ken, did you see the article/have any comments?
ReplyDeletePS - Noticed he changed his name from Levine. Probably to distance from Ken? :-)
I think the best curse word is "fucknozzle." Say it out loud if you don't believe me... BTW - I am Time's Man of the Year - and I am a woman. Can that be right?
ReplyDeleteGee, "Anonymous" seems to have a poor estimate of what you make in a month. My guess is that it's rather more than the most expensive haircut in the world. Anyone who would pay more money than you make in a month for a haircut is an idiot. Anyone who would pay more money than you make in a month for THAT haircut would be certifiably insane, and probably unable to dress themself. That "Shag" being "Stylish & chic" doesn't make it attractive. However, it's not like a good haircut would make Ms Aikin attractive. My guess is that Aikin got that ghastly hairjob to draw attention away from his face.
ReplyDeletejust to correct something posted by "RW" ...the BBWAA didn't keep buck o'neill or minoso out...the HOF voting for those inductees was done by a special committee of historians, appointed by the Hall of Fame.
ReplyDeleteanonymous,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the assist. Nice save.
My apologies to the BBWAA. I don't know who the BBAA is.
Frack! Two errors. There goes the Golden Glove Award.
The hair that Aiken had in May - no longer exists. It looked good then and now. As for seymour - guess jerks with no hair exists too.
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of some of these. But I agree with best SNL short "Dick in a Box", I considered adding it.
ReplyDeletecheck it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbZxlEZFZCQ
Happy new year, daddy.
"Dick in a Box?" Really?
ReplyDeleteOh how short people's memories are.
Lazy Sunday was funny. But Dick in a Box was HILARIOUS.
ReplyDeleteHi anonymous. Thanks. Just wanted to let you know that I am not bald, but indeed still have all my hair, rich, brown, and luxurious, and cut FAR more attractively than Aiken's ghastly shag. BTW,if you can tear your peepers away from Aikin's homely little mug long enough to consult a grammar book, you'll learn that plural nouns require plural verbs. "Guess jerks with no hair exists too" is ungrammatical and senseless, much like your adoration of the Clayman. But you go right on enjoying him.
ReplyDeleteAll this time I thought Clay Aiken had signed an endorsement deal for men's hairpieces made of real natural guinea pig fur.
ReplyDeleteKen, how does one hold a "Frivolous Lawsuit" Night? Do people show up with the court documents? Too funny!
In my house, I'M the Time Person of the Year -- except when my dog steals the magazine.
That Time Magazine Man of the Year joke has whiskers on it . . .
ReplyDeleteI beg to differ:
ReplyDeleteBest Catfight is Rosie and The Donald.
But I agree with you on Lost--I still love that show!
Lost is a really good show, and everyone should love it. =]
ReplyDeleteI don't know why people are ashamed to admit that they "still" like it. It's my favorite show.