American Idol: British Invasion week

The last time I saw someone cry as much as that little girl it was me on election night 2004. Come on. It’s not like they killed Bambi’s mother.

I loved British Invasion week. Invariably, these kids give some of their best performances when singing songs from the 60’s. It was just a spectacular decade for music.

Interesting that not one contestant chose a Herman’s Hermits song. I just picture Hannibal Phil Stacey singing “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter” and Mrs. Brown being so terrified she gets a restraining order.

Likewise, no one did a Lulu song. Not even that all-time classic, “Me, the Peaceful Heart”.

“Thinkin’ ‘bout love that keeps us together, Thinkin’ ‘bout love that keeps us apart, Wonderin’ why the stormy weather, Always finds me, the peaceful heart.”

At least it’s a song that Paula would understand.

Sanjaya is now just humiliating himself every week. This is like when people dress up their dogs. William Hung was cringing. Please vote him off before Tony Bennett week. I beg of you.

I must say I was impressed with Lulu. Good coaching and she looks great. I’m sure Diana Ross is saying (or slurring), “Yeah, she had work done.” True, but unlike you she went to an excellent plastic surgeon not Madame Tussaud.

Peter Noone was the sexiest man alive in 2002? Now I begin to understand Sanjaya.

Haley Scarnato could have sung the Iraqi national anthem she’ll still get 30,000,000 votes for wearing that braless top. Wow. That little girl and every 20-year old boy was crying when she jiggled through her number. Melinda Doolittle had far and away the best vocal of the night but Haley’s performance will be the most downloaded by 12,000%.

Chris Richardson has the same thrilling command in his voice as power balladeer, Herb Alpert.

Simon Cowell never heard of “Don’t Let the Sun Catch You Crying” by Gerry & the Pacemakers? And he’s a Brit?? Did he spend 1964 in his room listening to his Matt Monroe album?

Was that a pattern on Uncle Fester, Phil Stacey’s shirt or sweat stains?

I love Jordin Sparks. Love her new silky straight hair. Love her personality. Love her smile. Love her voice.

I couldn’t believe Simon had a problem with her song, “I Who Have Nothing” because it was gloomy. As my daughter, Annie said, “from the ray of sunshine that is Simon Cowell.”

Another Lulu classic no one chose: “Oh Me Oh My, I’m a Fool For You”. Stephanie Edwards would be sitting pretty had she sung these poignant lyrics:

“I'll stage a ballet on a table top, Command performance finger size. Though I ain't got no tune my show won't flop, Cause I'll find the music in your eye.”

New Coke glasses this week. Cut to little girl crying.

When Blake Lewis was singing, I couldn’t tell, was Paula raising her arms or legs over her head?

If I were Stephanie, Gina, or Phil I’d be booking airline tickets right about now. If I were Sanjaya I’d be checking when the next flight to the moon is.

Lulu was right that LaKisha should have sung “You’re My World” instead of “Diamond’s Are Forever”. The sexy, sultry act was more “yikes” than “yo”.

Chris Sligh now has a hook -- “Fro Patrol”. So much better than “the Preferred Nerd”.

That little girl needs meds. Really.

Is Haley’s performance on line yet? God, I hate myself.