INT. TENNIS COURT – DAY
Arthur and his father are warming up. From time to time, Arthur reaches for a tennis ball can and drinks from it. We hear the ocean pounding. The court is right next to the beach.
MR. BACH
(walking toward the net) Are you ready to play, Arthur?
ARTHUR
I’m always ready to play.
He drinks from the tennis can.
ARTHUR
Fuzzy drink. Serve, father.
Mr. Bach serves. Arthur doesn’t move. The ball goes by him.
MR. BACH
Arthur… you didn’t move.
ARTHUR
I was listening to the ocean. 15 love.
Mr. Bach serves again. This time to the ad court. Again Arthur watches the ball go by him.
MR. BACH
Arthur! You’ve got to move!
ARTHUR
I don’t care about winning. I’m just here for the exercise.
Mr. Bach walks to the net. Arthur meets him on his side.
MR. BACH
Arthur… Burt told me you went to see a young woman after your date with Susan the other night.
ARTHUR
Don’t worry about it, father. I want the money. I’ll never see her again.
He looks around. The house. The beach. The pool. The grounds.
ARTHUR
We really are rich, aren’t we?
MR. BACH
Yes. Yes, we are.
ARTHUR
If the poor people knew about this… they’d be even madder than they are.
MR. BACH
But they don’t know about this.
ARTHUR
I love money.
Arthur takes a tennis ball and hits it over the fence and onto the beach.
ARTHUR
I love having everything. Anything! I want it all! How’s that for values? I want everything! I want a fireplace in every room. Even in Acapulco.
He hits another tennis ball over the fence. Onto the beach.
ARTHUR
I love hitting tennis balls as far as I can!
He hits another one.
ARTHUR
Because we have so many more tennis balls! I want to be in the family I’m in. I want to be a Bach. I was born for it! Topspin! Bjorn Bach!
He hits another ball over the fence.
MR. BACH
Are you drunk, Arthur?
ARTHUR
No! But I know that if I wanted to be… we have enough 15-year-old scotch to make an army loaded! Now serve.
Mr. Bach goes back to the service line. He serves. Arthur hits a blistering winner.
MR. BACH
Nice shot, Arthur! I didn’t know you were that good.
ARTHUR
I have a tendency to let you win. Serve.
CUT TO:
Again, if you have any Steve Gordon scripts, lemme me know. Thanks! Tomorrow I rant on AMERICAN IDOL (some things are a MUST) but later in the week one final lost scene from ARTHUR. Stay tuned.
Thanks, Ken. Feel free to keep 'em coming. Even scenes that did make the movie. It's always nice to see how they play on the page.
ReplyDeleteKen -
ReplyDeleteJust wanting to clarify here...these scenes are from the original draft that Gordon wrote, not the "shooting script" (i.e. the draft that had everyone’s fingerprints on it), right? Because if that's true, two things immediately blow me away as a writer: (1) how dialed in Gordon was to Arthur's voice before Dudley touched the character, and (2) how well he writes someone acting coherently drunk - that's unbelievably hard to do…at least for us mere mortals.
I loved The One And Only when I first saw it and I didn't understand why. I had nothing with wrestling and wasn't a particular fan of Henry Winkler. I'd love to see some of that script as well.
ReplyDeleteCheers Ken for the funny scene which was very rich in humour.
ReplyDeleteBloody brilliant!!
ReplyDeleteThis is great. Arthur is getting Netflixed once again.
ReplyDelete"Where's the rest of this moose?"
Another fine example of how tough it is to strike just the right note when writing comedy. This passage is not too "jokey," absolutely true to character, and feels integral to the plot, even if it was cut from the film. The person who said that comedy is hard was sooo right.
ReplyDeleteIt might be a nice tribute to Mr. Gordon to make the entire "Arthur" script (including the scenes that never made it into the movie)available, somehow. I know it's not yours to publish, but thought I'd put the idea out there.
I'm not a big fan of the movie, haven't even thought about it in years, but these scenes are pretty sweet.
ReplyDeleteThe best and saddest line in the movie: "My father died recently."
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting these. It's a nice reminder that not all comedies needs to have pie sex or Dane Cook to be funny.
ReplyDeleteOne more I liked...
ReplyDeleteArthur: Hobson, do you know what the worst thing is about being me?
Hobson: I should imagine your breath.
great scene, but I can understand why it was cut... Arthur doesn't come across as that likeable does he?
ReplyDeleteMany thanks, Ken. Caddyshack and Arthur are about tied in my book on the number of great lines that can make me laugh just by saying them, or parts of them. From Arthur, anything Dudley Moore said about the moose. "You must have hated that moose," or something like that. Will you forget about the moose! And there's also a touching one, not so funny, something like, "Some of us drink because we're not poets." And there's always, "If she murdered the tie, it would be a perfect crime."
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this very very funny scene!!
ReplyDeleteI love Arthur and Steve Gordon's sense of humour!
Ciao from Italy.
I wonder whether "Arthur" could be made today, whether people wouldn't be afraid of the "alcoholism isn't funny" blowback.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing these great excerpts, Ken!
ken I'm doing a typography project and wanted to know if you have the complete script (shooting Draft). I looked on the web and so far this is the most helpful page on the film. Any help you can give me would be of great help.
ReplyDeleteken I'm doing a typography project and wanted to know if you have the complete script (shooting Draft). I looked on the web and so far this is the most helpful page on the film. Any help you can give me would be of great help.
ReplyDeleteGreat comedies have a way of making us laugh at everything including some of our latent fears. So it's funny when he says: "I'd like today's Pravda, I like to keep up with Russia." Then in another reference he asks Linda if she'd have any objection to naming a child "Vladimir even a girl." Finally the bar scene after the death of his adopted father "Hobson" is just hilarious with them talking about a regimented Russian life in the army vs. a carefree life in the States where everyone is dancing and Oh by the way: "What do you do for a living." The quick reply by Arthur of being a dance instructor is just fantastic. I watched the movie at least 3 times in 1981 and learned yesterday for the first time that we lost Steve Gordon on November 27, 1982. That's going on 30 years past and I just discovered it from watching the DVD Movie with the extra menu options that are available on DVD. Well, as they say, better late than never.
ReplyDelete