More of the fabulous movies you'll be seeing this summer...or not. EVAN ALMIGHTY – The sequel to BRUCE ALMIGHTY but with the much funnier Steve Carell now starring. Lauren Graham as his wife showing off those comedy chops she displayed in CONRAD BLOOM. So expect all the laughs to come from Carell and special effects.
SICKO – Michael Moore documentary on the health care industry. The studio is keeping the subject matter tightly under wraps and considering Michael Moore is the biggest publicity whore on the planet this probably means the film is icko.
FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER – Jessica Alba and the Silver Surfer – it’s Bogey & Becall all over again.
KNOCKED UP – Great buzz on this Judd Apatow comedy about a one-night stand where Katherine Heigl gets knocked up. Ryan Seacrest appears as himself. (No, he’s not the father. How could he be? He’s gay.)
NANCY DREW – The original Veronica Mars, America’s most famous teen sleuth is back with Emma Roberts in the Pamela Sue Martin role. (For my generation Pamela Sue is the Sean Connery of Nancy Drew. ) I don’t care what happens in a Nancy Drew mystery as long as she dresses preppy. Call me a perv but guys know what I mean.
MR. BROOKS – Kevin Costner as a Hannibal Lector evil guy. I’d say it’s a stretch for him as an actor but anytime Kevin Costner plays anything other than a washed up old baseball player it’s a stretch.
HOSTELL: PART II -- This time it’s the gals who get tortured. Brings new meaning to “piece of ass”.
DEATH AT A FUNERAL – The big summer release from State the Obvious Pictures.
MARTIAN CHILD – The Cusacks together again! John adopts a kid who thinks he’s a Martian. John just assumes he has a rich imagination until he vaporizes his dog.
GRACIE – Elisabth Shue organizes a woman’s soccer team. Say goodnight, Gracie.
THE REAL DIRT ON FARMER JOHN – is not a documentary on chicken beaks or whatever gets ground up into Farmer John Dodger Dogs, it’s about agriculture of all things.
BLACK SHEEP – Just check out the poster above. I will see this movie but not wear my wool sweater.
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE – The chance to watch THE SIMPSONS without promos for TILL DEATH. Well worth ten bucks. Twenty even. Could just be what the franchise needs to finally make some money.
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX – Daniel Radcliffe won’t be naked like he was in the stage production of EQUUS so riding that broom won’t cripple him.
PAPRIKA – Psychedelic anime sci-fi adventure. Best viewed after smoking, er.. “Paprika”.
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME – Lindsay Lohan plays two characters. She's excited. It's her first two dimensional performance. If Lindsay’s in a summer flick then fellow vapid vamp, Mandy Moore can’t be far behind.
LICENSE TO WED – and here she is! Along with Robin Williams playing the wacky whatever. Half the cast from THE OFFICE is in this romantic comedy including John Krasinski, Angela Kinsey, Brian Baumgartner, and Mindy Kaling. Swap Jenna Fischer for Mandy Moore and you may have something.
NO RESERVATIONS – Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart in the U.S. remake of the German film, MOSTLY MARTHA about a lonely woman who has no life and no friends and must take care of her niece after her sister tragically dies. Not surprising, the German version was billed as a comedy.
TRANSFORMERS – Directed by Michael Bay so the transformers won’t even be convincing as robots.
HAIRSPRAY – Movie version of the musical version of the movie. John Travolta plays a fat 1960’s housewife, reprising his role from BATTLEFIELD EARTH.
1408 – Any screenplay by Scott Alexander & Larry Karaszewski (ED WOOD) of a Stephen King story has a chance of being a real winner. 1408 is a hotel room that becomes every guest’s worst personal nightmare. “We’ll leave the fright on for you.” Based undoubtedly on the 7 Springs motel in Palm Springs.
RESCUE DAWN – Christian Bale and Steve Zahn escape a brutal Laotian POW camp where they are beaten and tortured and fight for their lives in the murderous unforgiving jungle with no hope of rescue. German director, Werner Herzog decides to give comedy a try.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY – Adam Sandler and Kevin James pose as a gay married couple to qualify for domestic partner benefits. Your typical high concept idiotic studio comedy. But the screenplay is by three terrific writers – Barry Fanaro, Alexander Payne, and Jim Taylor so possibly it’s worth seeing. But I’ll let my friends be the canaries I send into this mine shaft.
THE STRANGERS – Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman return home to find three masked strangers who need to terrorize them and use their bathroom.
Tomorrow: my weekly AMERICAN IDOL recap. The movie previews conclude on Thursday.
I look forward to Rescue Dawn, as the original documentary (Little Dieter Needs To Fly) is amazing. Though I must warn you, I am going through a Werner Herzog phase, which others find annoying.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely see Transformers. I'm the one Michael Bay fan on the planet, methinks.
ReplyDelete"Ryan Seacrest appears as himself. (No, he’s not the father. How could he be? He’s gay.)"
ReplyDeleteKen- Why are you being so hard on young Ryan?
"That's what he said" added Steve Carrell
Thank God for Ken's capsules and for the inevitable promotion that will follow. I can already hear Don LaFontaine...
ReplyDelete"Forty million pissed off sheep... Wool sweaters...Payback! This time it's for real!"
Paul, You Are Not Alone. Bay's a very strong visual stylist, and his movies are always extremely interesting to look at--I think he just needs to find a good writer to work with.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ken about Michael Moore; I think Moore has good stuff to say, but it bothers me that his movies are always, ultimately, about himself: "Look at this wacky thing I'm doing *now*!" Give me a good Errol Morris doc any day; Moore just obscures his own points.
Guess I know what I won't be doing a lot this summer. *g*
ReplyDeleteNancy Drew looks good
ReplyDeletehttp://nancydrewmovie.warnerbros.com/
I am currently translating the Simpsons Movie for the dutch dubbed version. I had to sign a contract not to reveal anything from the content. But I can confirm Homer is in it.
ReplyDelete"I'm the one Michael Bay fan on the planet, methinks."
ReplyDeleteDid Michael Bay die?
If not, you're the second Bay fan.
Lauren Graham was funny on Gilmore Girls for five years. I swear.
ReplyDelete"For my generation Pamela Sue is the Sean Connery of Nancy Drew"
ReplyDeleteAnd for your father's...Bonita Granville (Wrather) was the Barry Nelson.
Regardless of who is which generation's Nancy Drew, one thing's for sure: the plot will be as thin as the paper they printed the '80's series of ND books on.
ReplyDeleteI won't have you deriding Mandy Moore. She is the greatest actress of her generation and curently considering a re-make of Sophie's Choice.
ReplyDeletenot a documentary on chicken beaks or whatever gets ground up into Farmer John Dodger Dogs,
ReplyDeleteShut up! LaLaLaLa! I can't hear you!
For the most part, Bafta doesn't have to rush with the screeners!
ReplyDeleteI admire your ability to put a joke in every summary but I think Mandy Moore is a pretty decent actress. Did you see Saved! or American Dreamz? She was somewhere between just fine and real great in both.
ReplyDeleteAlso Lindsay Lohan was great in Mean Girls, so if she can just stop being a crackwhore (or whatever she is, I don't follow tabloids) she has tons of potential.
TRANSFORMERS – Directed by Michael Bay so the transformers won’t even be convincing as robots.
ReplyDeleteMade me laugh.
"Lindsay Lohan plays two characters. She's excited. It's her first two dimensional performance."
ReplyDeleteIt is? What about Parent Trap and Freaky Friday? I think this makes it her third two-dimensional performance.
Having just seen the classic Night of the Lepus, perhaps the greatest giant killer bunnies horror movie ever made, I cannot wait until I see Black Sheep.
ReplyDeleteken. you are a perv! it's actually a little tiresome. like the deep throating reference in the idol post. time for some new material pal.
ReplyDeletei thought black sheep was the remake of the david spade-chris farley movie of about a decade ago.
ReplyDeleteguess not.
o well. you learn something new every day.
On my list: Sicko (Michael Moore has never made a boring documentary. "Canadian Bacon" is his only bad movie.), Harry Potter & Order of the Phoenix, The Simpsons, Paprika (it looks really cool.)
ReplyDeleteNow that I know the writers behind 1408, I just added it.
Everything else, I'll be ignoring unless it gets really good reviews. Ignoring movies you don't think are going to be good: it's a good strategy.
Thanks for the entertaining rundown, Ken.