I’ve been asked to leave Los Angeles. The iPhone has been out for over three days now and I don’t have one yet. In this town that’s unacceptable.Okay, I didn’t get one Friday when they came out. All of the CAA agents made their assistants sleep out in front of Apple stores for four days to secure the first shipment. That’s understandable.
But by Saturday afternoon I was starting to get the threatening calls. Did I not understand WHY I had to have an iPhone? Did I really think I could exist in the world without visual voicemail, the ability to activate my itunes, or with no touchscreen capability? How was I going to browse the web while driving? If I wanted to live in the stone age, fine, but not in SoCali.
I pleaded: My Sony Ericsson allows me to text message, take photos, download ringtones, play games, set alarms, IM, organize my calendar, and make phone calls. “Sony Ericsson?!” they scoffed. They hung up and two hours later my pet was missing.
I called the police to complain. They asked what I was calling on. When I told them they sent over a black-and-white and took me downtown for questioning. Did I not understand the iPhone allowed me to activate and sync video? I said I was allowed one phone call and they said, “Not on a Sony Erickson you aren't.”
On Sunday I went to the local park pool for a dip. All of the mothers
became hysterical and yanked their kids out of the pool. I heard one yell, “We value keyboard video in this neighborhood!”The pressure continued. On Sunday night someone burned an apple in my lawn.
Someday I’ll get an iPhone. I’m sure the price will go down, more keen features will be added, and I’ll again be able to rejoin civilized society. I just have to time it right. I don’t want to get thrown out of Cleveland either.
Be strong. There are thousands of others like you out there, and we hear you loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteWe can hear you loud and clear because we're calling from a $30 LG phone that only works on the now-abandoned Sprint network.
This is pure brilliance. You and Joel Stein should do a comedy show together.
ReplyDeleteTake your phone and glue the battery door permanantly shut. Now tape it to your Ipod with two $100 bills. There, you have your very own Iphone and you didn't have to wait in line.
ReplyDeleteToday's word verification: praykp.
Thanks for strating my week off with a LOL
ReplyDeleteNo way can I afford an iPhone. I spent all my money on Sony-Ericsson phones after seeing Casino Royale.
ReplyDelete*lol
ReplyDeletehere in germany/europe we have to wait for october.
i liked ur blog..........for pur tech reviews and views on student's life.....
ReplyDeletevisit my blog:
http://akshatslife.blogspot.com
http://akshatslife.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteWhy do people comment and say "I love your blog (bullshit) and read mine"? I mean, does anyone click over to some random blog because someone asks them to in a comment thread?
ReplyDeletePlease discontinue this practice. It's getting annoying.
sorry about the double post, but you can delete comments you don't want simply by clicking on the trash can under each comment. (this only works when you're logged in)
ReplyDeleteFeel free to delete this one just to try out this exciting feature.
Hey Ken,
ReplyDeleteAt least you didn't get. "I love your blog! If you'd like the latest in manhood enhancement creams, come visit my blog at GetWoodQuick.blogspot.com."
Besides, the name "Akshat" kind of makes me chuckle.
Another downside of the iPhone is the required service provider; AT&T (Awful Technology and Telephony).
ReplyDeleteI got dropped more times than the second guest following Julia Roberts on Late Show with David Letterman.
I'm thinking of rocking one of these.
ReplyDeleteHey, be a man and take out a second or third mortgage to buy this. I'm sure it will be like the 2 or 3 PDA's I own...gee, they are kinda dusty from all the use they get. :-D
ReplyDeleteDoes it make me shallow because I'm sitting at home in NJ salivating over the iPhone? Of course, half the spoiled kids in my neck of the woods will probably have this thing by end of the week! Actually, most of them will have two.
ReplyDeleteI know that one phone call feeling. I went to jail one time and was allowed one phone call.
ReplyDeleteNobody called.
Hey, I'm from Cleveland. Don't feel too bad. I don't have one either. So far, so good. I've lived to see another day.
ReplyDeleteBut, I guess I'm screwed either way. Not only do I NOT have an iPhone, but I use T-Mobile as well. Whoa is me and my Dash. *sigh*
I'm standing in the Luddite line right behind you. Although I'm an Apple fan, I didn't buy an iPhone either, and I was in my local Apple store the day after it was released. I looked over the whole interface and rejected the thing immediately. It's damn dangerous! You're absolutely right about people browsing the Internet while driving; the iPhone will cause many accidents.
ReplyDeleteI can just see it now, a new subsection to the California Penal Code: DWI, driving while iPhoning.
I heard there is no camera on the new iPhone because Steve Jobs was afraid Bill Gates would moon him.
ReplyDeleteThe only time in my life that I've sat in line for three days to buy anything was when Springsteen tickets went on sale 20 some years ago. I still think that was worth it. The iPhone -- not even close.
ReplyDeleteI refuse to buy one.
Ken, have they bounced you out of the writers guild yet?
The iPhone? What's that? Is it some kind of car bomb?
ReplyDeleteWhy do people comment and say "I love your blog (bullshit) and read mine"?
ReplyDeleteKen, you're getting blog spam. Welcome to the underbelly of the Web. As owner of this blog you should be able to delete them.
The Mayor of Philly camped out. He had people bring him paper work sometimes... he paid someone to hold his place when he had to make an appearance...then he came right back. I give him a gold star for effort.
ReplyDeleteJeoleo
Alas, I don't have one either.
ReplyDeleteBut I watched those assistants march into the Apple Store at the Grove where they were cheered for using a credit card.
There is revenge, however. After all, now they have to deal with the AT&T Network and thus AT&T Service people.
(There's a reason AT&T disappeared once already!)
Thanks for the LOL moment today! Perhaps SoCal will let you pay some sort of non-user tax? Or, perhaps some sort of bumper sticker akin to the "Kick Me" signs from high school?
ReplyDeleteOh, and by-the-by, I kinda like that Akshat (whew! what a name) wrote in. That way, I know you really do read the comments!
a country divided by flip-flops will soon be divided by the have-iPhones and the havenot-iPhones.
ReplyDeletemy excuse for not having one - it's going to have some bugs that will be worked out in the second generation, and that's when i'm going to get it. but i'm really saying - iBroke.
Cheer up Ken, I have a Virgin Mobile pay-as-you-go phone that has canned text messages apparently designed for 18 year olds (Booty call?) which I can't get rid of, to replace with more useful messages.
ReplyDeleteWhy aren't you working somewhere? Oh right - your blog is funnier than most of the sitcoms I don't bother to watch on TV.
Pam from Boston (in Florida, alas)
(the iPhone sure looked pretty in the commercials, though - but I have a $300, 4 year old laptop - it's the first time I've had Windows XP!)
I'm waiting for the iToilet...
ReplyDeleteThe pressure continued. On Sunday night someone burned an apple in my lawn
ReplyDeleteYou had me chuckling in the coffee shop.
Thanks.
I can't even work the cell phone that I have and it's pretty basic, folks.
ReplyDeleteA couple of weeks ago I was at a bookstore and I needed to make a call. I couldn't because the key pad locked. I don't know how it happened, but I couldn't unlock it. After ten frustrating minutes I finally gave up and asked a young kid at the information desk. "Can you figure out how to unlock this?"
He did. Took him three seconds. Mortifying I tell you.
Jonathan Swift is re-born!
ReplyDelete"I can't even work the cell phone that I have and it's pretty basic, folks."
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly why you should look at an iPhone: because they're designed to make very complex tasks EASY to figure out. As opposed to whatever Designed in Hell torture device you're obviously using at the moment.
Don't be put off by all the things it can do. Be amazed at how easy it makes it to do them.
And whoever said it doesn't have a camera, it does. Lousy FUD'ers...
I saw one for the first time today while a friend was showing it off. We "oooohed" and "aaaahed" over it but as soon as it was out of sight it was out of mind. How much is the monthly service? How many hundreds? I'll keep my old POS Verizon Stone Age model for just a little while longer.
ReplyDeleteAm I the last person in America who does not own, nor does not plan to own, a cellphone of any type? Thank goodness I am so not vital that I need not be reached when it is convenient for the rest of the world.
ReplyDeleteBerke Breathed's Opus is high on all the iPhone hoopla (now with DTT!).
ReplyDeleteThe iPhone shuffle is affordable, but can only dial people at random, so it's fairly impractical.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine showed me his iPhone the day after they went on sale, and I kept looking around nervously as if he were dangling a thick juicy steak in front of a hungry mob. I kept trying to get him to put it away before he got us both mauled.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog...keep it up. I have no idea how the iPhone works so there...............
ReplyDeleteI love your blog again.....just embrace it..
ReplyDeleteUpdate: Bill Gates butt looks fuzzy on Steve Jobs' iPhone. Maybe better lighting would help?
ReplyDeleteFrom MacWorld:
Apple provides next to no information about the features of the iPhone's camera--and for good reason. It's a 2-megapixel camera phone with all the limitations of any other camera phone. There's no flash and no zoom, and though the entire screen becomes the viewfinder (making pictures look great), it does a poor job of capturing motion or images in low-light conditions.
At least SoCali-ers know what they are getting. When we stood in line for our iPhones (yes, me and hubby each got one - not rich, just determined technerds), there was a lady who didn't even know why she was in line. If you're going to stand in line for hours (two in our case) at least know why you're standing in that line, for Zeus' sake.
ReplyDelete