Holiday leftovers

As we continue to recover from the big Thanksgiving weekend, here are a few of my thoughts on this traditional American ordeal.

My favorite newspaper ad: From Universal selling DVDs. The ad features a full page Norman Rockwell painting of a wholesome American family at the dinner table. The headline is: HOLIDAYS BRING FAMILIES TOGETHER. Inserted into the picture are DVDs of HELLBOY, THE MUMMY, WANTED, and BURN AFTER READING.

How sleazy is this? Several companies that are going out of business in January are selling gift cards?

The best moment of the Macy’s Parade wasn’t shown. One of the balloons slammed into Matt, Meredith, and Al. This is why we all have to watch ourselves. There’s a balloon out there with our name on it too.

I’d like to see Lewis Black host the parade?

Billy Ray Cyrus’ one true talent was producing Miley. She performed on a float.

James Taylor singing “America the Beautiful” at the parade was very moving. Rick Astley singing “Never Gonna Give You Up” on a float with puppets was not.

When I saw the Citibank commercial on the parade I thought, “As a taxpayer, am I the one paying for that ad?” It’s bad enough I have to watch the damn thing. “Citibank never sleeps” – yeah, right. How about this for their slogan: "Safe since whenever the government bail out kicks in."

Wow! Was CBS lucky! Their big Thanksgiving Day NFL match up was 10-1 Tennessee vs. 0-11 Detroit. Guess who won.

More competitive was the NBC National Dog Show (which I actually love).

I’d be a terrible judge. I would automatically give Best in Show to any Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier.

How’s this for a new reality show? FETCHING WITH THE STARS.

Washington Wizards' head coach Eddie Jordan got word he was fired at 7:30 AM Thanksgiving morning outside the arena as he and his wife were handing out turkeys as part of a Wizards outreach program. Nice. I wonder how they did it. "Tell you what Eddie, we can handle things here. Why don't you stand in the other line with the people who are out of work and need a turkey?"

Great seeing the CHEERS Thanksgiving episode again. You can’t believe the shit we got for that show. All the “stop the hunger” groups were outraged over the food fight. Protests, articles, everything short of hanging the NBC peacock in effigy. I see their point and share their concern but Jesus, guys! It’s one comedy scene. We weren’t advocating world food riots.

Thanks to you all for the lovely comments on Bill Drake.

I love Thanksgiving Day marathons. I miss THE HONEYMOONERS but SMOKING GUN PRESENTS is pretty cool.

Notice how the big Thanksgiving weekend releases were all one-word titles? BOLT, AUSTRALIA, TWILIGHT, and family favorite MILK.

There’s always at least one Thanksgiving dish that some relative proudly makes every year that even the dog wouldn’t eat.

A show of hands. Who was at Kohl’s at 4 A.M. Friday to take advantage of that amazing “ten dollars off everything!!!!” offer?

Meanwhile, a Wal-Mart worker was trampled to death in Long Island by crazed shoppers breaking down the doors and bursting into the store. Fisher-Price Elmo Live, only $58.95. That’s worth killing a person to get.

And then two customers pulled guns and shot each other to death at the Palm Desert, Ca. TOYS R’ US. Riverside County sheriff's Sgt. Dennis Gutierrez said the fight was not over a toy. That’s a relief. I’d hate to think three people died over Fisher-Price Elmo Live.

By Saturday I didn’t know what I was sick of more – leftover turkey or football. Nevada at Louisiana Tech for Chrissakes! Can’t some cable network run a GEORGE LOPEZ SHOW marathon?

New York Giant Paxico Burress did not play in Sunday's game after accidentally shooting himself in the leg Friday night in a Manhattan club. Oops. That pesky concealed weapon of his went off. What was doing with a loaded gun in a nightclub in the first place? There are NFL handgun policies forbidding this and what does it say about the NFL when they even have to HAVE handgun policies?

ROSIE LIVE! is dead! Just because the premiere of Rosie O’Donnell’s NBC variety show was the most jaw-dropping cringeworthy show of maybe all-time she’s decided to pull the plug. Coward! Rosie, you could have saved it. Rip Taylor, Richard Simmons, Rene Taylor, Joanne Worley, Gallagher, Vanilla Ice, Andrew Dice Clay, Sanjaya, Ant – all these great guests were available and could have saved it.

I posted every day during the four-day weekend... despite the fact that very few people read them. So if you're just logging on, scroll down for more. I put a lot of effort into the "How I Censored Your Mother" post.

Hope you had a great weekend, got home safely, and are still talking to your family.