PUNHARRI: The ancient ritual of killing bad jokesI think we have another contest. You guys have come up with some great definitions based on your comment verification codes. For those who don’t read the comments, you’re missing out. Some great stuff in there. (And don’t think I’m threatened because some of you sons a bitches are funnier than I am.)
But your definitions are just too good not to be rewarded. So in the spirit of the Komedy Kontest, I’m hereby starting another competition. The best word verification daffy definition. Since it’s luck of the draw what the combination of letters will be for you I think it’s only fair to keep the initial entry period open longer than the Komedy Kontest. So phase one will end at 9:00 PM PST on Thursday. That gives you six days.
Like before, I will have someone else select the top five and you guys will vote for the final winner. Better to hate someone you don't know rather than me.
“Yeah, yeah”, you’re saying, “But what the hell do I WIN? It better be GREAT!”
It will be hard to top the Komedy Kontest grand prize -- a signed AfterMASH script – but I think I’ve done it.
The winner of the Daffy Definition Kontest will receive…
Are you ready?
A signed copy of MIDNIGHT, one of our very best unproduced pilots! Talk about rare! Talk about special! Talk about a show that should have been made! This one is it! And it includes the official Paramount Studios script cover, just like the one rejected by CBS.
Some Kontest rules:
Enter as many times as you’d like.
You must give your name.
You’re on the honor system. But judges have the right to throw out any entry they feel is not legitimate.
Please do not comment on other entries until the final five are chosen.
Decision of the judges is final.
You must be a citizen of some country in order to apply. Doesn't have to be the US but some country.
You are not required to listen to my Sunday night radio show from 7-10 PST on Talkradio 790 KABC even though it streams live on the internet.
Best of luck, everyone. Let the punharri begin!
Lings - /leengz/ (n.) Tiny balls of leftover toilet paper sometimes found in the cleft of the buttocks. These items generally make their presence known in the shower.
ReplyDeletebarmar: The scar left on your face after a particularly bad fight at a pub.
ReplyDeleteD
sedayri:
ReplyDeleteSlim shafts of light from a puckered black hole.
Phant: The lingering smell of a fart encountered upon entering an otherwise empty room. Commonly experienced in elevators.
ReplyDeleteWV: astat. Comparative tightness.
ReplyDelete"That thar pussy wuz astat as a crack in a brick wall."
Stomatan - /STUM-uh-TAN/ noun: the darkening in color of the inside of one's digestive tracts for fashionable reasons. Example: "Paris strutted in front of the photographers proudly displaying her stomatan."
ReplyDeleteverb: the act of obtaining a stomatan.
WV: halpha. 50%
ReplyDeleteI have halpha mind to read a book.
Swaye / SWAY / adj: Of or pertaining to any Patrick Swayze that didn't put people to sleep; lacking z's.
ReplyDeletekidenes /KYD-nes/ noun: the act of being kind to someone while suffering from a cold.
ReplyDeleteVasinga: What you're left with when you set your wife's pubic hair on fire.
ReplyDeletelabli:
ReplyDeleteMutant lab rats characterized by brain nodes, bald butts, and twisted sisters.
Dukosas: What you call fans of Sixteen Candles favorite Long Duk Dong
ReplyDeleteDiatter: The dance you do when you get a bad case of diarrhea and can't leave where you're at.
ReplyDeleteThe Olson twins didn't invent the celebrity clothing line. It was started in the fifties by Desi Arnaz. Armed with the popularity of "I Love Lucy" came a short lived line of celebrity ponchos.
ReplyDeleteThe Riconcho.
nomed: someone who walks a great distance only to find that no doctor is available.
ReplyDeletechuck
condize: to fuck up international relations
ReplyDeletechuck
sobita: a cute little son-of-a-bitch
ReplyDeletechuck
hooty: (singular) Female temporary worker at a topless bar.
ReplyDelete"Times were bad at the 'Golden Bun' The First ones to let go were the hooties".
-
My first captcha was "debra", that was just unfair ;-)
Butho: A gardening tool for a proctologist.
ReplyDeletederercut: a special hair cut for men with excessive body hair on their lower back.
ReplyDelete(from french: derrière (back))
Rerie: Canine word for 'really'.
ReplyDeleteovelend: Giving mortgages to people thatwill never be able to pay you back.
ReplyDeleteciatab: The bill you receive for Erectile Dysfunction medication.
ReplyDeleteMinestra: sister drug of Lunestra; helps keep you awake.
ReplyDeleteSide effect - may cause drowsiness.
cyconion: An onion that repeats on you over an over again...
ReplyDeleteclogrol: Wooden footwear that refuses to stay on your feet.
ReplyDeleteDishoo: What Tattoo exclaimed when he opened Imelda Marcos's closet
ReplyDeleteEystalog: Very ugly eyeglasses.
ReplyDeleteVERAM
ReplyDeleteAn acronym = Very Exciting Random Acess Memory, for computers that are porn-heavy.
(BTW, as I won the last Kontest - the signed AfterMASH script is framed on my dining room wall, below Bud Abbott's autograph, and next to Albert Dekker's - my contributions to this one are to be considered non-competitive. I want to play, but am not to be considered for the finalists.)
PEDIAL
ReplyDeleteA type of 1950s telephone designed for use by the armless.
CONSELF
ReplyDeletePersons so dishonest, they even fool themselves.
EXTELESEY
ReplyDeleteBecoming sexually stimulated by cell phone.
HOLESSE
ReplyDeleteOne who rents a hole.
Offispe: Daffy Ducks favorite Thursday Night comedy.
ReplyDeleteNONAN
ReplyDeleteThe absense of an overmuscled barbarian
Tahso: What happens to you when you cause trouble at the Bar-O.
ReplyDeleteOVEDI
ReplyDeletePassing by something from above: "I am ovedi hump this week."
Turglxu: Cthulhu's embarrasing little brother.
ReplyDeleteCURIN
ReplyDeleteWhat them doctors do at that there hospital.
Unvaile (v): To announce or reveal a project that is unfinished, obsolete or of no practical use, eg "The US Treasury unvailed a package of emergency measures designed to stimulate the economy today".
ReplyDeleteSESSESS
ReplyDeleteWhen a snake achieves it's goals.
DORSYNE
ReplyDeleteA mathematical symbol used when doing calculus on a door.
I know we're not supposed to comment on them, but "Turglxu: Cthulhu's embarrasing little brother." really made me laugh.
Whostor: Where you put Keith Richards when you run out of room in your house.
ReplyDeleteMINGI
ReplyDeleteGarry Marshall had a cold the day he pitched the first version: Morg and Mingi.
FIRCHE
ReplyDeleteWhen a birch tree and a fir tree crossbreed.
Dabbasm: What happens when Dabney Coleman gets really excited.
ReplyDeleteHacque: 1. A particularly violent sub-category of the famous Japaneses form of poetry called Haiku in which the poet is limited to only three lines to give a bloody and creative description of how he plans to dismember a foe; Usually has to do with honor.
ReplyDelete2. A commonly used verbal warning from one inebriated person to another before lugies start to fly.
FABBLAT
ReplyDeleteThe noise an obese naked person's body makes when sitting down on a leather sofa.
Tuctilog: What you do when trying to hold a Number Two in.
ReplyDeleteSUMEN
ReplyDeleteWhat a litigious lesbian does.
Cuthpro: What Sean Avery fancies himself
ReplyDeleteHORBOO
ReplyDeleteWhat a dead prostitute says.
DOMOMME
ReplyDeleteWhat daddy does on Saturday night
DOTEN
ReplyDeleteWhat that damn coach said after my ninth chin-up.
BINGLER
ReplyDeleteBing Crosby's early career as a housebreaker
INESSIDE
ReplyDeleteWhere you go when it rains.
TOTOMESS
ReplyDeleteWhy Elvira Gulch wanted to kill Dorothy's doggie.
FOOKME
ReplyDeleteWhat a horny Swede says.
(Everytime I post one, another one pops up. MAKE IT STOP!!!!)
Orbio: What you call Fabio in Space
ReplyDeleteAnd with that, Good night
Reebra (n.)- A bra reinforced with heavy steel used to support extra busty women.
ReplyDeleteHistory: The costume designer of Baywatch inserted steel cables into the swimsuits of the female stars, for extra support, to prevent facial injuries during the many running scenes. Star, Pamela Anderson, used the idea for a line of undergarments.
prorat
ReplyDelete...
Um, surely that's an actual word!?
Your verification thingy is cheating!
claseres: For anyone as well-versed in Latin as I, that's just too easy. I mean, the joke writes itself.
ReplyDeletelarize: Owned by Larry (French)
ReplyDelete"The beret was labeled: 'Larize'"
vouistin: An insult hurled by French scarecrows.
ReplyDelete"You don't know the way to the Emerald City, vou is tin!"
lotamono: /n/ what you listen to when the FM band dies on your stereo.
ReplyDeletemisgam:
ReplyDeleteAn ancient curse in the language Spamlish. According to legend, it is considered so vile, that if this word is uttered, the Spammer's tongue will instantly drop from his mouth.
Prewam - The first part of George Michael's career.
ReplyDeletebuspardo: A Southern Italian dish of pasta tossed with reduced red wine, crushed olives, sheep's milk cheese and bread crumbs and served as a hangover cure.
ReplyDeletebeseigoo - isolate an enemy town during wartime with a wall of hair gel.
ReplyDeletefushme: Fushme? Fushyoo!
ReplyDeleteSlyses -
ReplyDeleteA term used to describe Sylvester Stallone fans who like Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, Oscar and Tango & Cash and nothing else in his filmography.
cestse -
ReplyDeleteA creepy physical action between a brother and sister that stops just short of actual sibling fuckery.
tornosiv - Pfizer's latest antidepressant. Side effects may include runny nose, constipation, vomiting, excessive flatulence, genital warts, vaginal dryness (even with men), hammer toe, rapid ear-hair growth, hypothermia, dry elbow skin, shingles, and incontinence. In rare cases, test patients taking TORNOSIV grew horns and a tail with an arrow on the end.
ReplyDeleteTORNOSIV won't make you feel better about your life, but it will give you a good reason for being depressed.
TORNOSIV faces stiff FDA approval.
ephing- a softened curse word used primarilly, though not exclusively by male members of the Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints to their females as a way of showing their extreme disapproval while maintaining their street cred.
ReplyDeletesupsis -
ReplyDeleteAn endearing greeting used between homosexual friends that is considered derogatory if used by a heterosexual.
Phedles: A musical group geared towards children. Currently in prison.
ReplyDeleteHansi: An old Japanese man that likes to spend time at the public pool. Also currently in prison.
ReplyDeletemetpumis -
ReplyDeleteA person who is exceedingly arrogant in his opinion that the New York Metropolitan Opera was driven into the ground once Rudolf Bing left as General Manager in 1972 and that mongrel Schuyler Chapin took over. Moreover, how could anyone think that Valery Gergiev isn't as efficient a conductor as principal conductor James Levine when the opposite is most certainly true if I say so myself? Pish posh, don't get me started on that sycophantic nebutard Joseph Volpe who installed that electronic libretto system that translates the perfect Italian phrases of Gianni Schicchi into crude Americanized non-proper English for all those dunderheads. WELL I DO SAY!!!
Gagici: An Italian designer label for babies.
ReplyDeletePlearnm: Used to describe an unknown substance that generally makes people want to take a shower after contact.
ReplyDeleteAdsters: Hip young people in the advertising scene.
ReplyDeleteBioner: A bionically engineered erection.
ReplyDeletematips (n, pl.) Things you learn at your mother's knee.
ReplyDeletepruesses: (n, pl.) Female pruers.
ReplyDeletediste (n.) A place where dissing takes place.
ReplyDeleteionou (n.) An IOU you have no intention of honoring.
ReplyDeletealigot (adj.) Eaten by an alligator. (Shuts down computer as it's the only way to stop doing this).
ReplyDeletethshib (n). Onomatapaeic used in comic books or screenplays to indicate sound of surprise arrow hitting stagecoach driver in mid-reverie about his gal back in St. Louis.
ReplyDeleteTravall: All the stuff you have to do in the airport before you are allowed to get on the plane.
ReplyDeleteRinglyco: The shared sensation of embarrassment when a mobile phone goes off in a train and everyone checks to see if it's theirs.
ReplyDeleteHoushe: A doctor who diagnoses patients with lupush.
ReplyDeleteWaloni: The people standing on their own against the wall at parties.
ReplyDeleteSumneat: What Scottish people have for lunch; cf 'Halloo there Jock, d'yer fancy sumneat?'
ReplyDeleteGreat game!
Trustomp: When one person steps on another, even though they said they never would.
ReplyDeletePenip: A rather unsatisfacory substitute for the real thing.
ReplyDeleteOvulla:
ReplyDeleteBriefly trendy cosmetic surgury procedure originated by Oprah Winfrey's gynecologist. Currently illegal pending resolution of royalties dispute.
snesses: s-shaped snausages.
ReplyDeletefressm: deodorant for people into bondage.
ReplyDeletemonnadio, the: the monastery national radio, vow of silence, 24/7
ReplyDeleteGreg
prorki : the poorly received Polish version of Porky's
ReplyDelete"Aucula"--a C-grade vampire movie made by a studio afraid of lawsuits from the Stoker Estate.
ReplyDelete"Votenerv"--what it takes to have voted for McCain/Palin when living in Illinois.
ReplyDelete"Prelert"--an underage pervert
ReplyDeletegosco (Googles Ocean Shipping Company): The new Name of China's Ocean Shipping Company after Google takes over China.
ReplyDelete"Paught"--when an animal is caught doing something.
ReplyDeletebricar, a car made out of cheese.
ReplyDeleteGreg
"Constype"--a font that criminals like to use
ReplyDelete"Plevi"--the name of Sarah Palin's upcoming granddchild
ReplyDeletedownit, a new brand of that special liquid used to swallow pills (aka: Water)
ReplyDeleteGreg
"Dingese"--a dialect stupid people use (see "Victoria Jackson")
ReplyDelete"Prento"--what a magician says when he can't see his cue cards
ReplyDeleterelquid, relative quid, money in a Lehman Brothers Account
ReplyDeleteGreg
bearry, half bean, half berry, tastes good and is nutritious
ReplyDeleteGreg
gagici: (1)a humorous tale, event or anecdote originated by an ancestor and passed through the generations as an inheritance; often claimed as a personal experience by the unscrupulous.(2)(archaic)From the Latin, attributed to Caesar. "veni vidi gagici": I came, I saw, I killed.
ReplyDeleteovespami:
ReplyDeleteThe introduction of loads of infertile semen into the ovaries of an uncaring woman.
Visirat:
ReplyDeleteDomestic animal of ancient barbarians.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletedulown: (hn-th.) (Hairlip Dictionary) Clown. "Na dulown mane mE a dong ount a banoon".
ReplyDeletenogrugh: Delicious jewish pastry made with cinnamon and dandruff.
ReplyDeleteMictuder- A person named mike with a 'tude.
ReplyDeleteGlopings: Overcooked Mashed Potaotes.
ReplyDelete"I'll have another heapin helping of those glopings please"
Fuzzabo: The latest workout craze for hairy men.
ReplyDeletePhylis- A group of people who still watch the TV show Phyllis on TV Land.
ReplyDeleteSuberoni- A new sub sandwich being endorsed by Jared the Subway guy that has nothing but peperoni on it.
ReplyDeletedicalama (n). Sudden pain in the male member.
ReplyDeletewheable - An early American toy made from a strain of wheat found only in New Jersey. This toy was unique in that it never fell down.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePROSTURA
ReplyDeleteAn Italian dish made with the prostate of a Neopolitan Mastiff, as created by Mario Batali.
achlogen: /ACH (as in "chai") - Low - jen/: the sudden realization that your courtside seats are not so courtside
ReplyDeleteSupur: At an apartment complex, the onsite maintenance kitten.
ReplyDeleteAs in: The garbage disposal is on the fritz. It probably needs to be stared at with adorable big eyes, better call the Supur or How much milk to we usually leave the Supur for Christmas?
sestuts: An infestation of boils that, due to inbreeding, primarily affected Egyptian pharoahs.
ReplyDeleteD
Colac: new milk-flavored soft drink.
ReplyDeleterepok: A chinese shoe company
ReplyDeletewheletra: what you say after making love to Cleopatra
ReplyDelete"Platori": serving dish in Nirvana.
ReplyDelete"Halvile": evil twin.
ReplyDeleteUntron: The latest line of transformable underwear.
ReplyDeleteskqwba
ReplyDeletethis guy goes into the eye doctor. the eye doctor says "can you read line 5?"
guy says "read it? hell, i grew up with him."
ba dum bum.
raphi: How most rappers perform as
ReplyDeletepeddle: what spammers do with their wares to annoy the piss out of bloggers
ReplyDeletepetsin: why your dog won't go to heaven
ReplyDeleteingis: What you have to do to get on "Live with Regis & Kelly"
ReplyDeleteicanon: Apple's failed attempt to expand into the military industrial complex. The icanon's failure was blamed on cost, the inability to integrate it into current weapons systems, and a lack of discipline stemming from smugness was discovered in soldiers using the icanon weapon system.
ReplyDelete/luvs Apple
unessesm: The chronic misspelling of the word unnecessary.
ReplyDeletecytion: Redneck expression that shows enjoyment, amazement or awe at a particular person, place or things.
ReplyDeleteRINGSHET: The scum that builds up under your wedding ring after you've worn it for 35 years.
ReplyDeleteExtjolkf: Finnish for "leave them laughing."
ReplyDeleteVeyhoo: A Yiddish web search site.
ReplyDeletementipea: Excuse used by an inebriated person to explain why they urinated in an alley, the middle of the street or on a police cruiser.
ReplyDelete"Sorry Offthicer. I mentipea in the bar's bathrrroom, but they closed."
bilewat: A unit of measurement used for anger induced productivity.
ReplyDeleteFor example, your father telling you "you'll never amount to nothin'" produces one bilewat, enough to power the first 30 pages of the Great American Novel, you'll show him, the sonafabitch... before you peter out and go back to playing XBox.
bolog: What Bo Derek leaves in your bathroom
ReplyDeleteLeduper: The intense sense of cold terror running up and down your spine at the instant of realization that you sent a rather pornographic proporsal to your boss when the email was clearly meant for someone else
ReplyDeletebooel: what ghosts sing at Christmas
ReplyDeletesurts: a breath mint brimming with confidence
ReplyDeleteension: tiny erection.
ReplyDeleteimmund: a meditating gem stone
ReplyDeletescabipl: What Fred Sanford pours into an open wound
ReplyDeletecubco: The entity formed by the government bailout of the hapless Chicago NL team.
ReplyDeleteuncines: The United Nations Film Festival
ReplyDeletehervasy: Taking Tattoo's name in vain
ReplyDeletelarksaim: looking through multiple rifle scopes at the spur of the moment
ReplyDeleteoundsw: hatw ouy etg henw ouy utc ourselfy
ReplyDeleteexcoc /EX-kok/ noun: What Renee Richards would be if she were poultry.
ReplyDeleteworinoth - Bug Mr. Big
ReplyDeletegoody - A Scotch "Hello".
ReplyDeletepuslyp - Sassy cat. See "Garfield".
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletecoloc: Epithet used against someone from Colorado.
ReplyDeleteKertio - "Bless You" (Italian)
ReplyDeletedisdebl: what a masochist does to his humeris
ReplyDeletesuari: an African vacation for lipless people
ReplyDeleteabstic: Makeup placed on one's stomach to make it appear firmer; See Britney Spears.
ReplyDeletetomonc: when you arrive in North Carolina
ReplyDeletebedrook: where a certain chess piece sleeps
ReplyDeleteuntack: to clean your bullitin board
ReplyDeleteexplabo - to give someone an explanation which is totally fictitious in order to make them feel better. "George, you didn't get the promotion because you are just too damned good looking to be taken seriously as the head of technology."
ReplyDeletedomicksw
ReplyDeletesouthwestern branch of the national support group for everyone who has had sex with Mick Jagger
dectab - splitting the lunch bill ten ways, thus confusing the wait staff and the diners equally
ReplyDeleteousnea:
ReplyDeleteThe Collective Flu
doing - responding to new information or uncomfortable occurrences as Homer Simpson would.
ReplyDeleteAre there extra points for having been dealt a real word and still playing the game?
pracists - people who are predisposed to dislike anyone who talks to God. ex.- Bill Maher
ReplyDeletechornib: someone who writes "a commedian who wanders but forgets to write the word verification down.
ReplyDeletepersedd: approximating a past tense
ReplyDeletebearrial: What you did with Yogi after he died
ReplyDeletedenti: what you get if someone hits your Audi
ReplyDeletehutdo: What Jabba got at the barbershop
ReplyDeleteuring: calling someone while you're using the restroom
ReplyDeleteHonseson:
ReplyDeleteOpen season for hunting ho's
tedies: what happens when you burn a stuffed bear
ReplyDeleteswinusn: swampland sold to a naval officer
ReplyDeletecoctomol: an ugly growth on the penus
ReplyDeletenothide: out in the open
ReplyDeleteappedis: an insulted colon
ReplyDeleteGENESPAT
ReplyDeleteAn argument between your dad's DNA and your mother's DNA.
nonmod: Twiggy, post-60s
ReplyDeleteinedec: drunk on word verification
ReplyDeleteCOMESS
ReplyDelete1. How a male snake makes little snakes.
2. When two people create chaos.
agnonali: someone who's not sure whether Cassius Clay exists or not
ReplyDelete