AMERICAN IDOL -- Movie night for the top (magnificent?) 7

Wait a minute? The judges had to double up because they were taking too long? We only get Simon’s critiques half the time? That’s like the producers of MORK & MINDY trimming an episode down to time by keeping Pam Dawber and cutting out Robin Williams. It’s insane! The show has never had to resort to this before. So let’s do the math: three judges, no problem. Four judges, IDOL & MINDY. What number can I call to vote Kara off? And if the issue is contractual, you don’t have to fire her. She can critique the contestants on the tour.

Another way to trim five minutes is to eliminate Ryan’s grand entrance down the stairs. This is a reality show, not LORETTA YOUNG THEATER.

I know I can be a little rough on Paula but I must say she looked stunning Tuesday with those bejeweled oxen reins around her neck.

This week’s theme was movie night – or more correctly – Bryan Adams movie night. With a billion titles to choose from most contestants selected dreary ballads. If only I had mentored them instead of Quentin Tarentino (who was great, by the way. Except he’s starting to look like Hitler.) I would have chosen much better movie tunes to perform.

ALLISON IRAHETA opened with “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”. Yes, she’s only 16 but she sounds like she was breast fed on unfiltered Marlboro’s. Simon, Paula, and the leader of the Third Reich liked her but a better selection would have been: “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”.

ANOOP DESAI did one of the Bryan Adams songs. He pleased the two judges that were allowed to speak but could have wowed them had he opted for “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp”or “Moon River”.

ADAM LAMBERT – Wasn’t sure this week if he was Boy Genius or Boy George. Did “Born to be Wild” but instead of the hard rock Steppenwolf rendition he went more for “Disco Tex & the Sexolettes”. Adam is always interesting although Simon was a little disappointed. I’m sure, like me, Simon would have preferred him to sing, “Where the Boys Are”.

MATT GIRAUD should be kicked off the show for reminding me there was once a movie starring Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway as the romantic leads. And there was a sex scene. GAAAAAAAA! Matt lent his usual vocal gymnastics to another Bryan Adams song and left the judges cold. Personally, I think the falsetto and gravelly riffs would have been far more effective on “Bibbidy-Bobbidi-Boo” but I never ruled Germany so no one asked me.

DANNY GOKEY sans the glasses emoted his guts out on “Endless Love”. For his big finale he looked up to the heavens, which was very moving unless you thought he was going to the widower’s card again to enlist some sympathy votes. But that would make you very cynical. Just like thinking Danny didn’t wear glasses so he could get some of Kris Allen’s votes. You’d really have to be jaded to think that. Der Fuhrer gave Danny good advice – curtail the hand gestures and just sing the song, but he vood not listen! The result was a tad over-the-top. For that kind of raw, from-the-kishkes, heart wrenching tearjerker he should have done the “The Woody Woodpecker Song” from WET BLANKET POLICY.

KRIS ALLEN did a nice job with “Falling Slowly”. Mindy scolded him for choosing an “obscure” song even though it won an Oscar. Maybe if he sang a more recognizable movie classic like “Pass That Peace Pipe” from GOOD NEWS, “Zing a Little Zong” from JUST FOR YOU, or “Freddy’s Dead" from SUPERFLY she would have appreciated him more. We were denied Simon’s comments for that???

No matter what LIL ROUNDS sings Simon thinks it’s wrong. Still, it was fun to hear her stand up to him, even if he was right. I like Lil, just don’t love her. For weeks Simon has been trying to zero in on just what kind of singer she is. I can tell you that. Background. Lil over-sang and later under-sang “The Rose”. So the only tune I could think of for her was the “Theme from ROCKY”. Three minutes of instrumental then…

Trying hard now
It’s so hard now
Trying hard now
Getting strong now
Won’t be long now
Getting strong now
Gonna fly now
Flying high now
Gonna fly, fly, fly

Unfortunately, for dear Lil, I think she’s going to be singing…

Gotta pack now
I’ve been sacked now
Don’t look back now

It’s too bad because at this stage of the competition all of the contestants are good. Don’t you hate it when movies have sad endings?

P.S.
The show still ran long.