Here are a few to get you going.
Honey....Bobby GoldsboroGood Morning Starshine....Oliver
The Night Chicago Died....Paper Lace
Billy Don't be a Hero....Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods
One Tin Soldier....Coven
My Boy Lollipop.....Little Millie Small
Surfin Bird....Trashmen
Mule Skinner Blues....Fendermen
He Hit me and it Felt like a Kiss....Crystals
Transfusion....Nervous Norvis
Ballad of the Green Beret....Sgt. Barry Sandler
Laurie...Dickie Lee
Deck of Cards....Wink Martindale
Hooray for Hazel....Bobby Roe
Yummy Yummy Yummy....1919 Fruit Gum Co.
My Dad...Paul Peterson
Timothy....Buoys
Unicorn Song...Irish Rovers
Watching Scotty Grow...Bobby Goldsboro
I've Never Been to Me...Charlene
Paper Tiger...Sue Thompson
Wildfire...Michael Murphy
Indiana Wants Me...R.Dean Taylor
Letter From Elena...Tom Clay
Little Black Egg....Nightcrawlers
Disco Duck...Rick Dees
Baby I'm a want you....Bread
Past, Present, Future…the Shangri Las
Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald....Gordon Lightfoot
Girls girls girls are made to Love...Eddie Hodges
Seasons in the Sun...Terry Jacks
Love Jones....Brighter Shade of Darkness
Heartbeat is a Love beat -- Delfranco Family
The Streaker...Ray Stevens
She Can't Find Her Keys...Paul Peterson
Ringo...Lorne Green
I Sold My Heart to the Junkman....Bluebells
Gallant Men....Senator Everett Dirkson
Which Way you Goin Billy....Poppy Family
Torn Between Two Lovers....Mary McGregor
Happiest Girl in the USA ...Donna Fargo
Ben...Michael Jackson
Open Letter to my Teenage Son...Victor Lundberg
The Men in my Little Girl's Life....Mike Douglas
Tin Man...America
Johnny Loves Me...Shelley Fabares
I Put a Spell on You...Screamin' Jay Hawkins
Claire...Gilbert O'Sullivan
Walk like an Egyptian…the Bangles
Today is Cindy's Birthday....Johnny Crawford
Close to Cathy....Mike Clifford
MacArthur Park...Richard Harris
Locomotion...Grand Funk Railroad
The Americans...Byron McGregor
Haunted House...Gene Simmons
Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town....Kenny Rogers
Bottle of Wine....Fireballs
Wait For Me...the Playmates
How am I supposed to live without you…Michael Bolton
Sad Movies make me cry…Sue Thompson
Martian Hop....Randells
Skinny Legs and All....Joe Tex
Hello Hello....Claudine Longet
Tutti Fruitti....Pat Boone
Mrs. Robinson....Frank Sinatra
We are the World…USA for Africa
Do the Clam....Elvis Presley
Hello…Lionel Richie
I Remember You…Frank Eifield
Sometimes when we touch…Dan Hill
Uh oh (part II)….the Nutty Squirrels
Wam Bam (Shang-a-Ling)….the Silvers
Laugh at Me...Sonny & Cher
Little Green Apples....O.C. Smith
I Wish I were a Princess...Little Peggy March
You Really turn me on...Ian Whitcomb
I'm Henry the Eighth....Herman's Hermits
Muscrat Love...Capt. & Tanille
Sit on my face, Stevie Nicks...the Rotters
Jingle Bells...the Barking Dogs
Downtown...Mrs. Miller
Ain't No Way to Treat a Lady...Helen Reddy
Candy Man...Sammy Davis Jr.
Puppy Love...Donny Osmond
Touch me in the Morning...Diana Ross
Another Somebody done somebody wrong song...B.J. Thomas
Float On…the Floaters
Dominique…the Singing Nun
Lovin' You...Minnie Riperton
How does that grab ya, darling….Nancy Sinatra
Chick a Boom...Daddy Dew Drops
Mmmmm Bop...Hanson
You Light up my Life…Debby Boone
Neanderthal…Hot Legs
Call Collect...Art Linkletter
Karma Chameleon…Culture Club
Please Mr. Please...Olivia Newton John
Mickey...Toni Basil
Old Rivers...Walter Brennan
You Better Sit Down Kids...Cher
Indian Lake...Cowsills
Ding dong the witch is dead....Fifth Estate
Master Jack...Four Jacks and a Jill
Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep...Mac & Katie Kissoon
Wild Thing...Senator Bobby
Tall Paul...Annette
Feelings…Morris Albert
Dreams of the Everyday Housewife…Glen Campbell
Roses are Red…Bobby Vinton
Stayin’ In…Bobby Vee
Chevy Van…Sammy Johns
England Swings…Roger Miller
Patches…Dickie Lee
Popsickle…Jan & Dean
I am Woman…Helen Reddy
Playground in my mind…Clint Holmes
Wind Beneath my Wings…Bette Midler
Trying to stop the feeling…Barry Manilow
The Doggone Girl is Mine…Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney
Ain’t Gonna Bump with no Big Fat Woman…Joe Tex
Speedy Gonzales….Pat Boone
I'm Not a Juvinile Delinquent...Frankie Lyman & the Teenagers
Dead Skunk...Louden Wainwright III
"Lightning Striking Again" by Lou Christie. The basic message of which seems to be, "Yes, I fully intend on marrying you at some point in time, but there are just so many pretty girls out there! I can't resist! So, sit tight and wait for me to finish schtupping random chicks!"
ReplyDeleteAlso, "Woman, Woman" "Young Girl," and "Lady Willpower" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. All of which are impossible to tell apart on the radio because they're all the same crappy song.
How about "Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft" by the Carpenters (a cover of a song by Klaatu). It was released as the A-side of a single in 1977. The B-side was a little better: "I Can't Smile Without You." Sadly, I onced owned this single, but at least I was only a sophomore in High School.
ReplyDelete"(Your) Having My Baby" by Paul Anka. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to say none of your "worst songs" are in my iTunes library. Some of the artists are there, though.
"Brand New Key" by Melanie, a song that makes me feel like acting out like the George Segal character in "The Terminal Man"...
ReplyDeleteKen ... you have a Bobby Vee song listed as one of The Worst Songs of All-Time and it's not, "More Than I Can Say"?
ReplyDeleteI'd never heard of "Stayin' In" before so I had to search for it, and you're right, of course, it's excrement. However, bad as it is, it still has nothing on, "More Than I Can Say," which is a true 4X4 song -- a four year-old could write it in four minutes. (And probably have plenty of time left over to feel ashamed of the result.)
It's impossible to imagine singing
"(I Love You) More Than I Can Say" to someone you love, unless your kick is to be vomited upon.
Plus, "More Than I Can Say" also spawned a truly teeth-grinding Leo Sayer version (my first exposure to the "song"). And Sayer's version has to be even worse than the Vee's -- because only an evil cabal would unearth that saccharine vacancy.
It continually rhymes "say" with "say" for god's sake! And that may be the least of its offenses.
The (always reliable) web informs me that "Stayin' In" was actually the flip side to Vee's "More Than I Can Say." Incredible! If true, that automatically makes it the worst record of ALL TIME!
In fact I'm glad that 45's are basically extinct BECAUSE THAT 45 EXISTED!
(It was a betrayal that could not go unavenged.)
Most of the songs you have listed are pretty good. Some errors in the list Hooray for Hazel is by Tommy Roe, Ray Stevens song was called the Streak, Haunted House is by Jumpin' Gene Simmons not to be confused with the Kiss star, the McCartney Jackson song is entitled The Girl is Mine, et al.
ReplyDeleteArguing about good or bad songs is futile. Sales is the ultimate yardstick. There have been many records that have truly sucked that have sold millions (D'yer Ma'ker, Revolution #9, any pop song made since 1985, any song sung by an American Idol finalist), but apparently there is an audience for almost any song.
"Spiders and Snakes" by Jim Stafford.
ReplyDeleteLet's not forget L'Trimm:
ReplyDeleteWe like the cars/
The cars that go boom/
We're Bunny & Tigra/
And we like the boom/
Okay, Ken, as long as you included ONE TIN SOLDIER, which is, absolutely, the worst song of all time, I can, rather than suggest it, defend a few of the tracks you've despoiled.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, the strings in STAYIN' IN are awesome. That Liberty early '60s string sound was incredible.
MY BOY LOLLIPOP is a key piece of the reggae puzzle, as it was the first international hit from Jamaica, and was steeped in ska. She actually recorded this tune in German, too, which is quite wonderful.
You can't just single out LAURIE without mentioning all the other great teenage death songs of that era. You either love them or you don't. I happen to find them hilarious. But this one is no worse (or better) than LAST KISS, TELL LAURA I LOVE HER, PATCHES, and many more.
What could you possibly object to about the great I PUT A SPELL ON YOU? A terrifying, powerful track. Hawkins was amazing.
Pat Boone's TUTTI FRUTTI is, again, one of a much larger group, all of which are pretty horrible, namely the white covers of black hits. But that can be extended to such things as the cross-generational errors like Bing Crosby's HEY JUDE, Jack Jones' DIXIE CHICKEN, Mel Torme's SUNSHINE SUPERMAN, and it's a very long and hilarious list that should more accurately be called "Bad Versions of Good Songs."
And I happen to adore the Nutty Squirrels. Their album is worth hunting for. This was the brainchild of one Sascha Berland, who was an advertising guy. He tried to use the Chipmunks gimmick with some actual decent jazz stuff. I really like their take on Dizzy Gillespie's SALT PEANUTS. Instead, slam the Chipmunk's rendition of MR. TAMBOURINE MAN. Now, THAT's awful.
Muskrat Love... sigh. This tune was written by the wonderful Willis Alan Ramsey, and his original version, entitled MUSKRAT CANDLELIGHT was actually sort of charming. Not his fault that so many terrible (and lucrative) cover versions spoiled the taste of it for so many people. But it's not a bad song.
Whatcha got against Roger Miller?
Now, just to get into the spirit of things, I'll nominate CHIQUITA BANANA by The Peels. Now that's a bad record.
Many good choices here, although a few were (I think) intended as novelty records and shouldn't be judged in quite the same way (such as "Bottle of Wine" and "Chick-a-Boom").
ReplyDeleteMy considered contribution (like many of these, from the early 1970s): "One Bad Apple" as sung by the Osmonds. Ugh.
("Revolution #9" can't be said to have "sold millions" as an independent record - that's just unfair. Besides, the worst song on the White Album was "Wild Honey Pie.")
You got the Night Chicago Died and Billy, Don't be a Hero, but no "Run, Joey, Run", or "Little Willie Willie Won't Go Home"? "My Chevy Van"? "Rah, Rah Rasputin"?
ReplyDelete(It's a long and comprehensive list, forgive me if I scrolled past any of the above by mistake. I"m on my laptop)
Reba McEntire - Fancy
ReplyDeletePerhaps we shouldn't open this topic to country music songs and the deluge of contenders which would follow.
Baby I'm A Want You?
ReplyDeleteHave you no soul, no romance?
There are several great songs on your worst list. But it's your blog so I won't argue.
Leaving some truly wretched Rap songs out (too easy) I have to nominate Beach Baby as the worst song of all time.
Wow! You don't like My Dad! The song is still "in print" on 45's and a CD.
ReplyDeleteHow can you not like anything attached to The Donna Reed Show?
Friends, Romans, countrymen--lest we forget, not only did "Macarthur Park" have the worst lyrics ever set to paper, but we were subjected to it **twice**, once by Richard Harris, and once by Donna Summer as a disco cover. That alone makes waterboarding look like something to do at an amusement park.
ReplyDeleteAnd let's not forget "The Pina Colada Song". Or "The Last Game of the Season (The Blind Man in the Bleachers)". That one really makes me shudder.
Lots of great pop music has lame lyrics. Usually not a dealbreaker for me, as long as the overall sonic experience works.
ReplyDeleteFor instance: yes, "He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)" has unconscionable, transgressive, dated lyrics. But it's got a good tune written by Carole King and has that great girl group sound. So I leave it off my worst list.
Roger Miller was great. "England Swings" may not be my favorite of his songs, but I don't get what's so bad about it. Some folks can't handle whistling I guess.
Much on the list is inarguable, but I'd say there's a least one excellent piece of songwriting on there: "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town." Great, dark stuff. I also appreciate Jimmy Webb's music for "MacArthur Park." Yeah, it's overwrought (gloriously so, IMO), but I bet if it didn't have that cake in the rain line, there'd be more love for it.
I'd add Austin Roberts' "Rocky" to the list. And why are we letting the new millennium off the hook? At the very least, "My Humps" should be there.
ReplyDeleteAnd "Float On" is just too hilarious to hate.
Oh, and the Manilow song is actually titled "Trying to GET the Feeling Again."
Oldies stations could not survive without that list.
ReplyDeleteHow about a British contribution, with Black Lace's Gang Bang, as featured in Rita, Sue and Bob Too. Has paedophilia on film ever been so funny.
ReplyDeleteI agree with some of the comments above: a lot of these songs are pretty good, and some of them are great. SURFIN' BIRD is one of the greatest rock and roll songs ever recorded, with one of the greatest lyrics of all time.
ReplyDeleteWow. You just listed my entire iPod playlist. What a wonderful, diverse world we live in.
ReplyDelete"I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" by Sarah Brightman (and the Hot Gossip dancers). Gotta watch the video at least once.
ReplyDeleteWhile there are many bad songs on your list, I'd listen to almost any of them before I'd listen to a rap/hip hop song. Any rap/hip hop song.
ReplyDeleteWV: swineask - how to get a date in [fill in the rural/backward state of your choice]
It pains me to even type it... "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFarrin.
ReplyDelete"My Girl Bill" by Jim Stafford. The punchline is only funny once.
ReplyDeleteWV: "squaliti" - food served at an unsanitary Italian bistro.
Bob Claster, thanks for defending Willis Alan Ramsey. And, yeah, who doesn't like Roger Miller? I also agree with JBryant about Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town.
ReplyDeleteJudith
My nomination: "Annie's Song" by John Denver. Sunshine on my shoulder and so forth.
ReplyDeleteJudith
I think that the team of Richard Harris and Jimmy Webb actually surpassed the accomplishment of "MacArthur Park" with the follow-up, "The Yard Went On Forever." Sample lyrics: "Here them singing/All the women of Pompeii/Standing with the Kansas City housewives/In doorways/In volcanoes and tornadoes/On DOOMSDAY!!!" You can imagine what Harris did with such lyrics.
ReplyDeleteThe ultimate version of "One Tin Soldier"--that is "ultimate" not in the sense of "the best," but in the sense of "after this, no one could possibly take the song seriously again"--was performed on the Sonny & Cher TV show. What was notable was not Cher's performance of the song, but the cartoon that accompanied it, a completely literal dramatization of the lyrics. We got to see the valley people rise up and slaughter the mountain people, and then gather around the stone that hid the treasure--and darned if the treasure didn't turn out to really be just the words "Peace on Earth." You can be sure the valley people all hung their heads in shame on seeing that.
Aaaaaaand...nobody mentions "In the Year 2525" by Zager and Evans?
ReplyDelete"Unborn Child" by Seals and Cfofts?
And (boy this should clinch it) "I've Never Been to Me" by Charlene. That's right, her only hit, with which she hoped to buy a last name. Sample lyric: "I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see"
Does that include George Wendt naked?
WV: wakshica: a knockoff Japanese camera.
My elementary school music teacher loved "One Tin Soldier." So every week for many years, we sang that awful song.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, we hated that teacher.
"One Tin Soldier" by Coven...what a bizzare little coincidence. Skimming thru my fave blogs this morning, I read "Worst Songs", then went on to The Horrors Of It All, a blog that posts stories from pre-code horror comics:
ReplyDeletehttp://thehorrorsofitall.blogspot.com/
As I'm scrolling my way down I see a link to Coven and find myself here:
http://www.myspace.com/jinxdawsoncoven
And now I'm listening to a 12 minute "Satanic Mass" from their 1969 debut album! Thanks Ken!!
(Interesting history on the band: Mercury pulled their '69 album after Esquire featured a pic of Manson holding the Coven album...they'd been Anton LaVey's satanic church house band...after this controversy they recorded "Soldier".)
That's a long list. Are there any songs you do like? :)
ReplyDeleteWhat about "Shannon"? The dog is playing fetch in the ocean... only to drown. Dear God!
ReplyDeleteA current song I think belongs on the list is The Climb. The lyrics are decent, about the long climb to success, but it's sung by Miley Cyrus. Her long climb to success? Daddy was in the music industry, she got her own TV show as a young teen, and her first concert movie and tour were huge successes. Everyone should have such a hard climb as Miley.
ReplyDeleteI think the dumb American Idol song this year, full of just about every cliche every written, should be on the list too.
And last year's "Hey There, Delilah" makes me cringe for this line alone: "Even more in love with me you'd fall." Like fingernails on a chalkboard is that line.
I too have about 8-10 of the listed songs on either on a 45 or an album. My addition to the list is a three way tie between:
ReplyDelete'The Candy Man'-Sammy Davis Jr.
'I Write the Songs'-Barry Manilow
'Wake Me Up Before I Go-G0'-Wham
The problem with lists like these are that they contain only songs that were admittedly at one time popular, or we would not have heard of them in the first place. It's like the list of worse movies... I suspect the worst movie is one most people have never seen. I have a large record collection made up mainly of promo records from my radio career. I would have to say the worst is "Bobby Died Today" by Ellen somebody (I'll have to dig it out) on Raincoat records. It's a bright happy song about death which has the added unintentional bad taste bonus of coming out summer of 1968, right after the assassination of Robert Kennedy.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you mentioned "We Are The World." (Which was brilliantly parodied recently on 30 Rock)
ReplyDeleteI've always had a problem with it's inspiration "Do They Know It's Christmas?"
With such lyrics as "There won't be snow this Christmas time in Africa" and "Do they know it's Christmas time at all?"
Well, um, I mean, God love ya Sir Bob Geldof, but no.
I was also going to mention "Lighting Stikes Again", but the Klaus Nomi version, of course:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gma5IUNMTn0
I would argue that "Walk Like an Egyptian" was at least partially redeemed by the Puppini Sisters's version. But then, everything is made better by the Puppini Sisters.
ReplyDeletedamn ken, i was shocked at how many of those songs i've been forced to play over and over while absolutely agreeing with you.
ReplyDeleteonce, while trying to get through "the wreck of the edmund fitzgerald" which had been requested by a lovely young woman i went totally up on the lyrics. i improvised:
now i like this song
'cause it's so fucking long
and none of you know all the words...i was right 3/4's of the crowd didn't notice a thing.
p.s.
ReplyDeleteafter a jingle session with barry manilow, we were looking around at each other, knowing we had just put some serious money in the bank, i went over to barry, and said:
dude, that is some brilliant jingle work. i can almost forgive you for "mandy."
Haven't seen anyone mention "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band, a No. 1 hit in 1976
ReplyDelete... CHIQUITA BANANA by The Peels
ReplyDeleteMy co-award winner, along with They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Ha! by Napoleon IV.
I worked in top forty radio during the sixties, and believe me, after about 200 plays each I needed to keep away from sharp objects.
What, no "Sugar Sugar" by the Archies? Once you come up with "Tie A Yellow Ribbon" you can't leave "Knock 3 Times" from Tony and Dawn off the list. Then there's "Fame," "Physical" by Olivia Newton John, and "I Write the Songs" by Barry M.
ReplyDeleteNo contest: "We Built This City (On Rock and Roll)" by Jefferson Starship/Airplane/whatever.
ReplyDeleteHorrid, horrid song.
I'm pretty sure (and amazed) that no one has yet mentioned "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks ... another entry in that 'there's nothing more life-affirming than a song about death' oeuvre:
ReplyDelete"Good-bye my friend, it's hard to die
While all the birds are singing in the sky ..."
Ken, you (and all of us who have commented) are likely responsible for some VERY nasty 'ear worms' today!
RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD. I know, it was supposed to be LBJ's favorite song (they play it ad nauseum at the Texas ranch) but it is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Good movie, crappy song!
ReplyDeleteAFTERNOON DELIGHT is a close second. I used to have to play that every night at the country radio station on the border of Ohio/W VA because the "Request Line" demanded it. Ugh!
I have a weird affinity for bad songs that were used in TV shows I like, thus I can't quite hate "Baby I'm a'want you" as much as I did before it became the love theme of Agnes Skinner and Comic Book Guy. The same goes for Journey songs used in the Sopranos, Wheel in the Sky and, of course, Don't Stop Believin'. So Afternoon Delight, to me, is forever linked to one of the cringeingly funniest moments on Arrested Development.
ReplyDelete(Same goes for Lollipop, Lollipop, thanks to the Cheers karaoke episode.)
I like at least a dozen of your worst songs, Ken, as well as "Afternoon Delight." I'm with Vermonter that I'd rather hear any of these before one rap/hip-hop "song." My addition to the list would have to be "Norman."
ReplyDeleteWreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot was played on a loop at the Shipwreck Museum in the U.P. (Michigan's Upper Penninsular) when I went there a few years ago. Because, of course, that's where the Fitzgerald sunk. So the song played. FOREVER. And it will always be burned into my memory because of it.
ReplyDeleteGino Vanelli-"Living Inside Myself." I can forgive "I Just Want to Stop." because Eugene Levy did a great parody on SCTV of Gino, and that was the song they used.
ReplyDeleteHow about "Good Morning Starshine?" Glibby glop gloopy, nibby nabbby nooby. La La La La La. That's the dripping of your brain on LSD.
And then there's Bolton.
"MacArthur Park." Yeah, it's overwrought (gloriously so, IMO), but I bet if it didn't have that cake in the rain line, there'd be more love for it.Every time I proclaim that MacArthur Park is my least favorite song of all time (narrowly squeezing past I've Never Been to Me) at least one of my friends or co-workers tells me they LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteI don't get this at all.
As an old punk rocker who has no liking of hardly any progressive rock I absolutely love this song. I find it a very moving tune about regret. Btw there is MacCarthers Park where the writer of the song lived by it. And there were birthday parties when some of the cake was left and the rain would wash it away.
DeleteI have hated "Hey Paula" by Paul and Paula ever since I first heard it, lo these many years ago.
ReplyDelete"Too Fat Polka (She's Too Fat For Me)" by Arthur Godfrey!
ReplyDeleteDebbyG: Glad to see someone else hates the inexplicably popular "Hey There Delilah," which earned its songwriter a Grammy nomination. I guarantee you he wrote that song in college, plugging in the name of whichever girl he was trying to impress at the time.
ReplyDeleteROGirl: "Sugar Sugar" is a great record, IMO! Make that TWO great records - Wilson Pickett did a killer cover.
I never knew there was such animosity for Lou Christie's "Lightning Strikes." It's such a great, catchy recording, well produced and sung. I frankly never paid that much attention to the lyrics (a good idea when approaching certain otherwise superb pop songs).
Oh wait...sing along with me.
ReplyDelete"Its A Small World After All, Its A Small World After All, Its A Small World After All, Its A Small, Small World."
Why should I be the only one with that clunker stuck in my head?
"Things Get a Little Easier" by Think. It just doesn't get worse than that.
ReplyDeleteI stopped keeping up with current pop years ago, so I can't comment on too much of that, but aren't any of you people aware of all the pre-60's crap?
ReplyDeleteBut enough of my editorializing:
Havin' My Baby
My Heart Will Go On
Sonny Boy
I'm Proud to Be An American
Beautiful melody but PRO-SLAVERY fer cryin' out loud: "The Old Folks at Home"
Makin' Whoopie (and maybe 1/2 or more of everything sung by Eddie Cantor)
Come On a' My House
Monster Mash
Manana (oh Peggy, Peggy, I love ya' but...)
Mama Don't Bark
Baby Baby Don't Get Hooked on Me
Like a Virgin
Go Away Little Girl (or "The Pedophile's Lament")
Just about any duet done Barbara Steisand participated in in the 70's-80s)
Oy - how could I have forgotten:
ReplyDeleteThe Farmer and the Cowman
Two observations about your list, Ken:
ReplyDelete1. As a writer, you seem to be judging these songs on the content/cheesiness of their lyrics. Fine... but I can like a good tune and ignore the lyrics.
2. You've pretty much singled out every spoken word record that was a hit. Do those really count as "songs"?
Anyway, if there is a song that I would nominate, it would be "Ring My Bell" by Anita Ward.
Nights in White Satin by Moody Blues - sets my teeth on edge
ReplyDeleteWe Built This City by Starship (or whatever version they were at that time)
Shaddup You Face by Joe Dolce - one of many Australian bad songs I could include, but you probably haven't heard.
And my all time most hated song...
Lady in Red, Chris de Burgh. *shudder*
Just a quick note, "I Write The Songs" was actually written by the keyboard player for the Beach Boys, whose name escapes me at the moment--Manilow himself didn't want to record it.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of The Beach Boys, several of the songs on the PET SOUNDS album--wonderful music, but the lyrics are some of the most cringe-worthy examples of New Age methane . . .
BLOWIN' IN THE WIND--part of the reason for disliking this song is strictly personal; I was in a kids' choir that had rehearsed THE HIPPOPOTAMUS SONG for weeks, when our summer-camp counselor over-rode our music teacher at Boys Club and decided that we would be Relevant. Secondly, any song where a sour little weasel like Bob Dylan presumes to lecture me about everybody else's failings just rubs me the wrong way. He wanted to make the world a better place? It would have been nice if he'd let Joan Baez and Edie Sedgewick know he had a wife and kids tucked away up in Woodstock . . .
Anything by Stephen Lynch--how brave to make fun of the brain-damaged, hermaphrodites, dying relatives . . .
Percy Faith's recording of "Theme to A SUMMER PLACE." The music is actually incidental in Max Steiner's score, which is actually pretty good otherwise. And the orchestrations are so treacly as to make this song dangerous for diabetics to even listen to . . . Also incidental is the fact that it brings back memories of the kind of over-wrought 50's movie pap that drove me away from the afternoon movie when I was a kid. And I loved the Afternoon Movie.
My Sharona
ReplyDeleteKeep on Loving You and all other REO
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbhvoYYIdnQ
Your original list has all my cringyworthies; hone-Bobby Golsboro; I've Never beebn]=n To Me-Charlene; Speedy Gonzalez-Pat Boone, and The Men in My Little Girl's Life - which reached #6 in '66 (666 - sign of the devil), exc fan added We Bilked This City on rock 'n' Roll.
ReplyDeleteBut I'll admit that I also like a good half dozen of the songs on the list: I Put a Spell on You, Locomotion, Bottle of wine, Karma Chameleon...
Like Bob Claster, I would place all songs in the Dead Date genre such as Ebony Eyes by the Everly Brothers on "The List". I would add "From A Distance" by Bette Midler and "Show Me The Way" by Styx. Ooooh, and "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini", "Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb", and "I Told The Witchdoctor", which featured the unforgettable chorus, "ooh, eee, ooh ah ah, tin, tang, walla walla bingbang". Or something. Yeah, I'm old.
ReplyDeletewv: "axemovei" - how a pretentious film goer would refer to a slasher film.
Without You by Harry Nilsson and Convoy by C.W. McCall.
ReplyDeleteThe whole topic is causing heart palpitations. Thank YOU very much.
I'd like someone to explain to me how Ross' "Touch Me In the Morning" falls into the category of "The Worst Songs Of All-Time"? It's a beautiful song.
ReplyDeleteFor more on Diana, check out Dick's Diana Ross Website at http://raketler.angelfire.com/
Thank you
As Voltaire says, that which is too stupid to be said, will be sung.
ReplyDeleteMatt: Bob Dylan wasn't married until November 1965, years after "Blowin' in the Wind" and his other protest-era songs (which he himself repudiated in the song "My Back Pages," later covered by the Byrds). I wouldn't claim that ol' Bob has led a blameless life, but get your facts straight.
ReplyDeleteThe Beach Boys member you're thinking of who wrote "I Write the Songs" was Bruce Johnston. (Someone also mentioned "Tryin' to Get the Feeling," which was written by David Pomerantz - who for some reason was the opening act for Laura Nyro on her 1976 Smile tour, or at least the Boston show of that tour.)
I'll bet every reader sees a song that they like in that list.
ReplyDeleteI really try to be open minded when I read the comments Ken, but anyone who calls out Pet Sounds, early Bon Dylan, AND the Theme From A Summer Place...well it's a good thing we're not at the pub cause them be fightin' words!
ReplyDeleteKen..."Letter from Elena" is actually Casey Kasem, not Tom Clay.
ReplyDeleteTWO songs I pray to never hear again are "Back When My Hair Was Short" by Gunhill Road and "Let Her In" by John Travolta.
Sandy K.
Good post sounds like interesting I enjoy your blog.
ReplyDeleteAs the co-author of "Hollywood Hi-Fi," there's nothing I love better than a good discussion of bad music. I actually like some of the songs on your list, but my top 4 most hated would have to be "Billy, Don't Be A Hero," "Playground in My Mind" (anyone who's read HH-F knows how much we love children's choruses), "I've Never Been To Me," and topping them all for me, "Seasons In The Sun." Intellectually, I know that "I've Never Been To Me" is worse, but there's just something about "Seasons" that sets the bar so low, you have to dig a trench for it.
ReplyDeleteBTW, someone said Charlene had only one hit. They've mercifully forgotten about her duet with Stevie Wonder, "Used To Be." If you want to see lyrics that make Kara's "A.I." dreck look like Keats, check these out: http://www.lookingforlyrics.com/lyricid/32256
Also, sometimes it's not the song itself but your experience with it that makes it such torture. I was working at my first radio gig when "You Light Up My Life" came out. At first, I kind of liked it. But as it remained superglued to the charts for month after month, and we had to keep playing it every hour, the whole staff grew to hate it with a seething passion normally only reserved for nazis and pedophiles. Just hearing those opening piano notes plinking was enough to make my stomach turn over. The day it finally fell out of the top 40, we had an office party to celebrate. I then went on the air, and the very first caller I got said, "Hi, could you please play, 'You Light Up My Life'?" People probably could have heard the scream I let out from 30 miles away without benefit of a mic and a transmitter.
Here's one that popped into my head in all its awfulness: Chuck Berry's "My Ding a Ling." Ick, ick, ick.
ReplyDeleteBobby Sherman... Easy Come, Easy Go
ReplyDeleteAnd let's just throw the rest of his catalog out too.
He's a cop now, by the way.
Has anyone yet mentioned, "Yummy Yummy Yummy, I've Got Love In My Tummy?"
Re: "Seasons in the Sun."
ReplyDeleteThis was the American adaptation of a song by Jacques Brel. I am willing to bet that Brel--who looked like Bogart, and had a voice that showed every one of the cigarettes that eventually killed him--made the song work better than did the fresh-faced, cheerful-sounding Terry Jacks.
A few additional comments:
ReplyDeleteThe song by the Peels is called, "Juanita Banana", not "Chiquita Banana". Not only is there a lesser-known sequel to this song, there is a far worse cover version by Henri Salvador. See for yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEr9mYSZfAA
However, a much better song, credited to the same band is "Time Marches On"
Hear for yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4THBNPoATJM
The name "Charlie Fox" shows up on both and I suspect that this may be the fellow that co-wrote the "Wonder Woman" with Norman Gimbel; which is another good song.
For JKChicago, Puckett actually had a falling out with the producer/songwriter Jerry Fuller over his material. A better song by the same band is "Run Away" by the Outcasts.
For bad records, I, like other posts, like the ones where folks are really trying their darndest and come up with a bad one.
"Leave My House" by the Modds as a tune is not bad, but the performance and the production and the tempo problems slay it.
You have been warned:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3SicHl4dZA
Once again, were it performed better (which the Cramps did) and recorded in something other than a garage and had someone tuned the guitar, Randy Alvey & The Green Fuz - Green Fuzz would have had a fighting chance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qQMdCuCE-4
"He Hit Me (And it Felt Like a Kiss)" was inspired by the abusive relationship that Little Eva was in at time of the writing of the song (Eva was the babysitter for Gerry Goffin and Carole King's child). However, it's a great melody with creeeepy lyrics.
For more creeeepy (several e's) lyrics, this isn't a bad song, but the yowl at the beginning of it sounds as if Barney Fife has been kidnapped by the Hell's Angel's.
The title and the picture sleeve make this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Qwr0jnX3eY
"I'm a Leather Boy" by Leather Boy
I will agree that Leo Sayer really gets on my nerves, particularly his penchant for falsetto. One live rendition of "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" ended with a really shrill, "I FEEL!", which may have actually altered my molecular structure.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyreul5Cvsw
I thought that I remembered him performing in clown makeup and by golly, yes he did! You gotta hand it to him in this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SqZY2Ak3YU
Kudos to Ben about the David Geddes show. Oy vey!
I kind of like some of those songs...
ReplyDeleteIn the classic category....any of the teen age death songs of the early to mid 60's (Strange Things Happen, Dead Man's Curve, Tell Laura I love her, etc)
ReplyDeleteCharlene's I've never been to me is probably the worst song I've ever played, though Rihanna's Unfaithful is right up there.
In the cheesiest category, could we add the song by Bertie Higgins, Key Largo.
And considering how long it spent at #1, thus proving the mass audience has absolutely no taste..."You light up my life".
Gitarzan
ReplyDeleteAll Time High (James Bond theme song)
If I Were A Carpenter
Put Your Hands in the Hands
Whatever that David Bowie song was
that included lyrics about
Major Tom
Gimme Dat Ding
You got it right: Muskrat Love is the worst. I don't even care if I misspelled it. Second worse: New York Times. Never heard of it? You're lucky. It's Cat Stevens disco!
ReplyDeleteKid Rock's "All Summer Long."
ReplyDeleteFucking douchbag rhymes "things" with "things" for Chrissakes.
Surprised that absolutely no one has mentioned my all times worst song up to this point: "The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia" by Vicki Lawrence.... Is there hopefully a special place in hell reserved for everyone responsible for that garbage?...
ReplyDeleteDARN!!! Someone beat me to "Run Joey Run" CURSES!
ReplyDeleteA couple of people have mentioned "More Than I Can Say" by either Bobby Vee or Leo Sayer. I can take or leave the song, but only recently realized it's the same melody as The Police's "Every Breath You Take". The only difference is that Sting merges each pair of quarter notes to half-notes, and pairs of half-notes to whole notes.
ReplyDeleteMy two nominees:
ReplyDelete1) "Psycho" by Elvis Costello - I know it's a cover but can't find who sang it first. From a first-person perspective, Elvis describes killing his ex & her new boyfriend, choking little Johnny's pup, and killing a little girl in a playground. Ick.
2) The beyond fetid "Where Do You Go My Lovely" by Peter Sarstadt. A #1 UK hit that grazed the charts over here. Guy complains about a girl for being insufferably bourgeoisie, 'cause the two of theme grew up poor. Guy thinks he Dylan writing lines like "with your carefully designed topless bathing suit you get an even suntan on your back and on your legs". Ca-aaaaack.
The title song to The Return of Sabata (starring Lee Van Cleef, inferior sequel to the Spaghetti Western minor classic). It's amazingly bad yet horribly catchy at the same time.
ReplyDeleteSinatra doing Mrs. Robinson - is that because of the mismatch of singer and song, or because you don't like the song itself?????
I think the entire Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back-LP is far worse...
How 'bout "Feelings"? I submit as evidence an episode of "The Gong Show" where it was sung by every act. By the end, the audience was ready to storm the stage. (And it was hilarious!)
ReplyDeleteWell, if you're going to bring Lee Van Cleef Westerns into it, we must mention CAPTAIN APACHE. That has two songs performed by Van Cleef himself! He merely talks his way through the title song, and that works tolerably well, but over the closing credits he actually sings--and you learn then why he had never been allowed to do this before, and was never allowed to do it again.
ReplyDeleteIf I have aroused your curiosity, you can find both numbers on YouTube.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDave Barry did a column on this many years ago, and it was so funny and painful, he turned it into a book. A copy of the column is here at http://www.popculturemadness.com/Music/WORST-Dave-Barry.html
ReplyDeleteGood stuff, except for the songs.
Where is "Funky Worm?"
ReplyDeleteI LOVED the Unicorn Song in junior high school. I bought the whole Irish Rovers album, and I still have it!
ReplyDeleteThe worst songs ever all come from the Eurovision song contest which no one listens to in North America. And the worst Eurovision song ever was 2006: the Finnish group Lordi singing Hard Rock Hallelujah.
A couple of preliminary words. First, most of the songs on Ken's list I like. Second, I'm a child of the 60s and early 70s so my additions will be from that period. If I go past that, I'll probably list the entire Billboard chart. Boy has the music sucked since MTV was created. And third, I don't think you can really talk about bad songs unless they were bad popular songs. There is a reason why songs never got higher than 40, 60, or were "bubbling under the Hot 100" -- they were bad.
ReplyDeleteOK with that said, I would put on any song that discussed a dance (Hully Gully, Peppermint Twist, Mashed Potato, Twist, etc.) If you ever want to track periods where music really, really sucked, trace the times where songs about dance dominated the charts (has anyone ever heard of disco?)
Specific songs do not let the most popular names in recording off scott free. The worst Beatles megahit had to be "Hello Goodbye". "You say goodbye when I say hello hello hello." Truly captivating lyrics. "Let's Spend the Night Together" by the Stones. They tried to shock. They only bored. The Supremes' "The Happening" had nothing happening. And Elvis' "Big Hunk of Love" was a big hunk of crap.
Other notable stinkeroos include the two foreign language hits of 1963, Dominique and Sukiyaki (I know I probably misspelled both of those), “In my Room” by the Beach Boys, “To Sir with Love” by Lulu, “Those were the Days” by Mary Hopkin, “Mexico” by James Taylor, “The First time ever I saw Your Face” by Roberta Flack, “The Candy Man” by Sammy Davis Jr, and anything sung by Barbara Steisand (how does this woman have a career?)
I was going to stay out of this because it's very subjective and a lot of the songs you list were good in the era in which they were released (I think overwrought would be a fair criticism of a lot of them). However there is such a glaring omission from the list that I simply must add Macarena because of the incalculable damage it did turning what little cultural taste we did have into a mush from which it has never recovered. Worst song ever.
ReplyDeleteAccording to her list of "worst" songs, Justine has a screw lose.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sandy K.
ReplyDeleteIn defense of Justine, whose taste I will neither defend or vilify, Steve Race, Compere', composer and musician once said, "When you turn thirty-five, something terrible happens to music." Music as a whole doesn't qualitatively get worse, but it's role in your life changes more times than not. You aren't looking for the song that codifies your first love, nor do you get so angry at your folks you storm off to your room and crank up some _____ (fill in band here). Not in your thirties (Ihopeahhopeahhope, to quote Al Pearce).
ReplyDeleteAs for "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks, aiiee, indeed, but flip the record over to hear, "Put the Bone In", which is just weird.
"Little Arrows" by Leapy Lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvXDxobNteA&feature=related
is kind of grating, but the weirdest song on Lee's album (the liner notes describe him as a self-effacing loser) has to be a cover of "Harper Valley P.T.A." Cursory examination of the lyrics should dictate that a man with an English accent should not sing a song that is better served by a woman reminiscing about her no-nonsense Mother defending her.
To Justine,
For a bad dance song, I'd have to go with the Pastel Six's "Cinnamon Cinder". "Do the Clam" by Elvis Presley is nothing special, but at least the backing to the bad lyrics is decent. Two Elvis songs that rank below that are:
2. Yoga is as Yoga Does
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-Tw2THK8jk
Awful lyrics and substandard tune. The choreography saves it, though (I'm kidding).
1. Dominic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HymJXtyK8dw
Presley disliked this song so much, he requested that it never be released as a recording.
When "The World Record Company", an independent record store in La Jolla, CA opened in the late seventies, they were giving a free 45 to each customer at the grand opening. I got "Rocky's Girl" by David Geddes. To this day I don't consider that a gift.
To Craig: Easily the best/worst "version" of Paul Anka's "(You're) Having My Baby" was on "WKRP in Cincinnati". Before the format change of the station, Johnny Fever played this song...as sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!
the post about "every breath you take" reminded me: The song remains the same...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4_f6pfabQk
wv: corier: Who was? Haim or Feldman?
To gottacook--I do apologize about saying unwarranted nasty things about Bob Dylan--especially now that I know he came to dislike BITW. I do blame him for dating Edie, wife or no, because she was just so . . . icky. Icky Edie. Not quite as compelling as Icky Vicky, but it will do.
ReplyDeletesorry, didn't read all the 100 other posts, so, I'm probably repeating
ReplyDeleteThe Men in My Little Girl's Life-
Mike Douglas
In the Year 2525- Zager & Evans
Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves- Cher
"Jesus, Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood
ReplyDeletebenson: awesome link!
ReplyDeleteBrian: great observation by Steve Race. I also find that as we get older, we're more likely to dismiss ALL current music based on a statistically insignificant sample. We hear a few snippets of current hits while driving or channel-surfing or passing by the kids' room, and it doesn't immediately grab us, so suddenly we're dismissing everything -- except perhaps new work by old favorites.
Another factor, of course, is that as we age we rarely have or make the time to keep up with pop culture except in a superficial way. When you've got more days behind you than ahead of you, priorities change.
I forgot to mention "I Feel Good," by James Brown. That opening scream makes me want to scream back.
ReplyDeleteJustine's wrong. "In My Room" is a great song, as are most of her picks for worst ever. I'll give her "Candy Man," though.
Streisand is a certifiable moron, but her voice is incredible.
Lou Christie's songs were good, and he's the only one I've seen on the PBS oldies shows who looks like he can chew his own food.
I wonder if "Having My Baby" would have made so many lists if the message had been different. Vocally, it's not bad at all.
Dance songs were the foundation of rock, and were around as far back as there was music. But in this country we had The Charleston, The Black Bottom, and The Shimmy from the early 20th century. Do they even have dance songs anymore? If so, there must be one called the Standing Coitus.
jbryant: Thanks.
ReplyDeleteSuffering from Sometimer's.. thinking of songs slowly...
The dumbest lyrics I've maybe ever heard and always makes me laugh come from Mutt Lange. I know Shania's got dibs on wringing his neck, but here's more cause...Heart's All I wanna do is make love to you..What in the hell were the Wilson sisters thinking...
So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well
We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note
I told him I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare
Just live in my memory, you'll always be there
What, no mention yet of the so-antonishingly-bad-they-come-out-the-other-end-of-badness-and-back-unwittingly-into-the-realm-of-genius late 60's band The Shaggs?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN9UT2zF8c8
Oh, P Kelly -- "Psycho" was written and originally recorded by the great Leon Payne. And I love EC's version of it. It's *supposed* to creep you out when the singer, after wearily complaining about a crying baby and other minor irritants, almost as an afterthought also wearily confesses to a double murder. To what turns out to be his mother's corpse. It's the singer's complete detachment from his actions that makes this song work for me -- I can understand, though, that it could be too disturbing for some tastes.
And "Surfin' Bird" is so gloriouly stoopid, it actually becomes a work of art. I will happily take this one record over, say, the entire collected works of U2.
"The Christmas Shoes" by Newsong
ReplyDeleteCherokee Nation by Paul Revere and the Raiders
ReplyDeleteMichael beat me to it. It's just not Christmas for me until I hear the hilariously overwrought tale of the dirty little urchin trying to get his Mom shoes to wear to heaven before she dies. (What, is Tim Gunn patrolling the pearly gates?) Also spawned a horrible book anda horrible movie.
ReplyDelete"More Than Words" by Extreme...you say you love me, but you need to show it...
ReplyDelete"The Maker Said Take Her" - Alabama...um, okay.
"Boom Boom Pow" - Black Eyed Peas
I'm so 2008, you're so two thousand and late"...and that's the best line...
I can't believe nobody's mentioned Johnny Preston's "Running Bear" yet.
ReplyDelete"Hey There" from Pajama Game. Yes, I'm dating myself.
ReplyDelete"The Cat Carol"
ReplyDeletePerformed by Meryn Cadell
Guitars by Ken Myhr
Additional Vocals: Erica Buss, Bruce Evans, Neil Exall, Chloé Franklin-Humphries, Jessamyn Kobryn-Hurd, and Tyler Stewart.
Written by Bruce Evans.
Arranged by Meryn Cadell and Bruce Evans
When this came on the radio a few years ago, I had to stop what I was doing - I couldn't believe my ears. I was waiting for a punchline - a joke - something - but no, it played straight, the DJ was moved... OH My Goodness.
Go ahead. Find the website and read the words (I can't dignify them by called them lyrics).
And then, listen to it. Plain song? No, the word song is in that description.... Chant? Suggests something with rhythm. Dirge? Better. Off key, clangy, annoying, dull...
Oh, just listen to it. I guarantee you've never heard anything like it.
How about that "Baby, I Love Your Way/Freebird" medley sung by God knows who, that came out in the late 80's? The concept alone was revolting, much less the execution... and it was an execution.
ReplyDeletehttp://twitter.com/dhppy
Not ONE mention of "Proud to Be an American" by Lee Greenwood?
ReplyDeletewv: bleduc, what happened to French aristocrats on the guillotine.
My God this is funny. So many of these tunes are almost universally on the list ... badness is just somehow ... instantly recognizable! And I had to go and check YouTube for "Shaddap You Face"!
ReplyDeleteAny and all American Idol singles
ReplyDeleteAnything by KidzBop
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go -WHAM
The Hampster Dance Song
99 Red Balloons
Inner Child - Justin Guarini
My nominations --
ReplyDelete"Half-breed" or "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" by Cher -- Who would have thought Cher would do something this tasteless
"When I Need You" -- Leo Sayer
"When a Man Needs a Woman" -- Michael Bolton -- The way he sings it sounds more like "When a Man needs a laxative."
"Proud to Be an American" -- Mostly because everyone who loves the song embraces the things that make me embarassed to be an American.
Any American Idol song written for the final show -- They're like a 99 cent inspirational card set to the sound of a glockenspiel falling down a freight elevator shaft onto a wounded goat.
Spirit in the Sky -- Norman Greenbaum -- The Left Behind series set to music.
Butterfly Kisses -- If this creepy song finds its way into my daughter's wedding, I'm disowning her on the spot. A song for a kid sung with a bit too much passion that compares a daughter to her "mama". It creeps me out.
Layla (Unplugged) -- One of the greatest rock songs of all time turned into something you'd hear in the lounge of a Red Roof Inn on a Monday night.
The Kids -- Lou Reed -- Okay, not a hit, but if you've ever heard it, the sound of the kids crying and screaming in the background will have you leaping for the off button and a way to unhear what you heard.
Hound Dog -- Elvis (from In Concert) This is from the album released right after Elvis died. I'm not sure he wasn't dead when he recorded this. This came from the same show.
Did anyone mention "You take my breath away" by Rex Smith? I remember my sister used to love this song and my dad and I teased her mercilessly.
ReplyDeleteHow about "The Asshole Song"?
ReplyDeleteIt's not called the Streaker. It's The Streak
ReplyDeleteWait a minute! How come nobody's mentioned Tiptoe through the Tulips?
ReplyDeleteYou actually have some good songs listed here. What should be on here are things like "You Plus Me Equals Us: Calculus", "Hairy Ass", "The Thong Song" or "Mambo No. 5". Those were some pretty bad songs.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget "I'm a Girl Watcher", a tribute to stalkers. And the ever saccharine "Sugar Shack", whose title is self descriptive.
ReplyDeleteToss-up of Beatles songs Why Don't We Do It In the Road and Revolution #9
ReplyDeleteOk, I like some of those songs... I only want to voice my opinion on two comments. The guy who said anything Stephen Lynch... Ok I love stephen lynch. First, he's not a "singer" he's a comedian. Special, Hermaphrodite, and Grandfather (the ones you referenced) are meant to be comical, and offensive, to get laughs. I would even count them as "songs", but that's just me.
ReplyDeleteSame thing goes for the asshole song. You really think Dennis Leary was trying to make a hit song? If it were the case that comedy songs be included, then I'm surprised no one mentioned anything about Weird Al (Whom I also love). So I think comedy songs should be left out.
This is wonderful--I am LMAO!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the post about "Shanna" the dog who drown! How dreadful! Don't forget the creepy "Butterfly of Love", and the hideous "Signs, signs, everywhere signs". But the worst of all time is the horrendous "Send in the Clowns" ("don't bother they're herrrrrrre")!
My pick for the worst song of all time has to be "Hey There, Lonely Girl" by Eddie Holman. Most irritating falsetto of all time. He sounds like Scratchy the Cat from "The Simpsons" dying a slow, horrible death.
ReplyDeleteClose second: "A Horse with No Name" by America, primarily for this brilliant observation: "The heat was hot". Thank you, Captain Obvious.
These songs are mediocre at best none are truely bad.I can name 5 off the top of my head that are much worse than any of these.#1 Mr.Roboto #2 Purple People Eaters #3 They're Coming to Take Me Away #4 My Ding-a-Ling #5 I Know What Boys Want. #s 2,3&4 make me laugh they're so bad.#s 1&5 make me want to puke.
ReplyDeleteWho are you to tell anyone what the worst songs are. By the way it's Yummy Yummy Yummy by the Ohio Express. There is no group called the 1919 Fruit Gum Company. It's the 1910 Fruit Gum Company. Yes, they were horrible, but I bet they made a lot of money singing double entendre songs. At least more then a hack like you. makes
ReplyDeleteMr Custer by Charlie drake totally horrendous
ReplyDeleteDang, some of my favorite songs are there... !!
ReplyDeleteHow about horrible songs that we all loved?? would definitely include Sha Na Na's greatest hits, and of course "They're coming to take you away!!"
I'd take "Master Jack," and "I'm Not a Juvenile Deliquent" off the list. Somebody upthread mentioned Gary Puckett. How anybody could leave those awful songs off any bad song list is a mystery. They are horrid.
ReplyDeleteI came across this older post while searching another topic. Recently I was compiling a list of the four or five worst songs ever. The two that I couldn't find scanning your list were 'Delta Dawn' by Helen Reddy and 'Sweet Gypsy Rose' by Tony Orlando. (I apologize if either -or both- are there and I just missed them.)
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised "Teen Angel" didn't appear. "What was it she was looking for on that fateful night? They say they found my high school ring - clutched in her fingers ti-i-ight." Absolute dreck.
ReplyDeleteMay this thread be preserved forever. This, my friends, is important anthropological material.
ReplyDeleteNo mention yet of "Stay Awhile" by The Bells, which appears to be a treacly and tender account of a sexual assault of some kind, with a little Stockholm Syndrome thrown in for good measure. Resplendent in its Aznavourian creepiness, one need only to hear a few bars before desperately needing a shower. Ewwww.
'One Tin Soldier' by Coven the "worst of all time"??? Are you kidding me!? That song is awesome.
ReplyDeleteOther than that I agree with everything else.
More moronic hipsterism *yawns*.
ReplyDelete"Laurie" is an excellent song, by the way, as are many others here. It's all a matter of taste, of course (what a concept). At any rate, perhaps someone might start a blog subject entitled "the most brainless, yet supercilious blog posts of all-time [sic]"? If so, then I'll be happy to nominate this one.
The Dutch version of 'Barbie Girl'. I think it may be purposely horrible. If so, they succeeded.
ReplyDeleteIf Oliver's Good Morning Starshine is on the list, why isn't the really execrable "Jean"?
ReplyDeleteHere are my nominees, more-or-less in order of toxic loathsomeness.
ReplyDeletePLAYGROUND IN MY MIND
SEASONS IN THE SUN
MUSKRAT LOVE
YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE
TIN MAN
POPSICLE TOES
FEELINGS
THE CURLY SHUFFLE
ACHY BREAKY HEART
MAGNET AND STEEL
WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL
PURPLE PEOPLE EATER
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ME
ANGEL OF THE MORNING
THE JOKER
WE HAD IT ALL (JUST LIKE BOGART AND BACALL)
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SON
TEEN ANGEL
HAVING MY BABY
WILDFLOWER
I'M TOO SEXY
SMOKIN' IN THE BOYS ROOM
RUN JOEY RUN
THE NIGHT CHICAGO DIED
PLEASE COME TO BOSTON
IN THE YEAR 2525 (EXORDIUM AND TERMINUS)
ROCK AND ROLL PART TWO
ONE TIN SOLDIER (THE LEGEND OF BILLY JACK)
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT
BABY FACE
EPIC
OH BABE, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE (BUT I WON'T DO THAT)
FLY ROBIN FLY
OPEN UP YOUR HEART (AND LET THE SUNSHINE IN)
I'M STICKIN' WITH YOU
LOVING YOU
MACARTHUR PARK
AFTERNOON DELIGHT
CHIRPY CHIRPY CHEEP CHEEP
ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI
WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN
IN THE SUMMERTIME
DANCIN' IN THE MOONLIGHT
HOW DO YOU DO?
AMERICANS (A CANADIAN'S OPINION)
PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC
UNDERCOVER ANGEL
THE RAPPER
BUBBLING UNDER THE BOTTOM 50
I'm Henry VIII I Am
They're Coming to Take Me Away (Ha Ha).
Gimmie Dat Ding
My Belle Amie
Get Down Tonight
You're the One that I Want.
Ariel - Dean Friedman. This song was a contentious winner of a worst songs marathon.
ReplyDeleteAnything by the Little River Band. And Eye of the Tiger. Just to name a few of hundreds. The ones mentioned were largely perfect, although I cannot fathom how I Put A Spell on You was put on there.
ReplyDeleteKen... At least get the correct name and artists before you post the songs (in your opinion) that are the worst. Otherwise your list is moot. John Libynski
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete"She's Like the Wind" Patrick Swayze.
"Chantilly Lace", "Monster Mash"
ANNND....THE ABSOLUTE WORST SONG EVER HEARD IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE:
"I THINK I'M GONNA STAY WITH YOU AWHILE" (How he makes me quiver...)
"She's Like the Wind" Patrick Swayze.
ReplyDelete"Chantilly Lace", "Monster Mash"
ANNND....THE ABSOLUTE WORST SONG EVER HEARD IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE:
"I THINK I'M GONNA STAY WITH YOU AWHILE" (How he makes me quiver...) The Bells.
"She's Like the Wind" Patrick Swayze.
ReplyDelete"Chantilly Lace", "Monster Mash"
ANNND....THE ABSOLUTE WORST SONG EVER HEARD IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE:
"I THINK I'M GONNA STAY WITH YOU AWHILE" (How he makes me quiver...) The Bells