Sorry I missed the Tony awards. There were a lot of performers I directed at one time or another. Neil Patrick Harris, Allison Janney, David Hyde Pierce, Kristin Chenoweth, Lauren Graham, Chris Siebert, and even if he wasn’t there – Nathan Lane. Not that any of them thanked me last night… or even won.However, my brilliant but twisted daughter Annie and her writing partner, Brock Wilbur did watch and file this year's review. And if you were part of the 99% of America who didn’t watch the show either, no problem. You’ll still get some solid laughs. More than if I would've written it.
The problem with the Tony Awards: If you care about them, you’re probably there.
But it was a great show. One of the best in years.
It opened with a montage of performances from the year’s best musical nominees. The very first lines were sung by Elton John. Or so we assume? Sound problems plagued the show, and entire songs were inaudible. However, movie stars and rock musicians were deemed important enough to deserve working microphones. Case in point being the next performer: Brett Michaels and Poison. Does it count as hair metal if you need a toupee? The song was from “Rock of Ages”, and they were surrounded by Broadway’s version of 1980’s Sunset Strip hair-metal groupies; girls vastly more talented than real groupies because they can dance WITHOUT a pole.
They were then joined on stage by Shrek, Liza Minnelli, and the cast of “Hair”. Coincidentally, it’s the premise of our new sitcom pilot. Except they all run a pizza place.
Neil Patr
ick Harris, in a display of kindness, restricted his opening monologue to three minutes. Later, he closed the show with one of the best performances of the night, making it totally worth the five minutes he took from your local news. His parody of “Tonight” cleverly working in all the winners and suggesting a blowjob will get you a Golden Globe is why the Tonys remain the class of the award shows.All of the ads were either for anti-depressants or anti-arthritis medication. We wonder who the target audience is. We’re getting sort of depressed just thinking about it…maybe we need some Cymbalta…
Lauren Graham and Oliver Platt introduced “Sit Down, You’re Rocking The Boat” by providing a plot synopsis of “Guys & Dolls”. Is it conceivable that someone would be watching the Tonys, but wouldn’t know “Guys & Dolls”?
Why is Maria in West Side Story always played by the whitest woman ever, while Anita is always played by a Carmen Miranda look-alike?
If your name is mentioned, you should probably smile. Odds are, the camera is about to pan your way. We’re talking to you, James Gandolfini.
Annie’s favorite part: Chris Sieber dancing on his knees as King Farquaad in Shrek. He should have won.
Brock’s favorite part: When Mullet-Douche from Rock of Ages gave Liza Minnelli a lap dance. Nobody won.
Poor Liza. She was so excited to have a microphone and her gay community that they practically needed a tranquilizer gun to get her off the stage.
Concern over Frank Langella lacking self-esteem was laid to rest, as he berated the Tony committee for his missing nomination.
Carrie Fischer was just happy to have escaped the hospital for the night. When did she go from the princess in the gold bikini to Jabba the Hutt?
Alice Ripley’s acceptance speech for “Next to Normal” could have been touching, but she needs to work on her delivery. “INSPIRATIONAL WORDS” should rarely be shouted with the same force as “GIMME YOUR WALLET!”
Bebe Neuwirth introduced the “In Memorium” segment despite looking like a corpse herself. It’ll be quite a stretch to see her next Broadway role as Morticia Adams.
How cute ar
e the three little Billy Elliots? What a touchingly innocent acceptance speech, cut short by the network playing them off. These magic momen—“Hair” definitely deserved to win Best Revival after their performance. It was even enough to make James Gandolfini smile…At least I think he was smiling. It was hard to tell with the lead male’s crotch in his face.
How many members of the original cast of "Hair" are now bald???
Tonight’s show took time to feature performers from touring companies. The only suitable response to “Mama Mia!” was “Jesus Christ!” Decidedly not superstar. Later, they featured five Frankie Valli's from the five different productions of “Jersey Boys”. A fine concept, until they all started singing together, without the support of the other vocal parts. The resultant discord was less Broadway glamor and more drunken frat sing-along. But we were thrilled to see Andrew Rannells up there (from dad’s yet-to-be-a-hit musical the 60s Project)! Hopefully next year he’ll be up there as a nominee (Andrew, not dad. Well, dad too, but more Andrew.).
It used to be that the offstage announcer occasionally dropped in a Tony fact or two. Now there are more statistics on the Tonys than the competing NBA Finals. Randy Thomas did great and never got confused. Not once did she say, “Angela Lansbury is 4 for 9 from the charity stripe”.
Congratulations to all of the winners, nominees and performers. It was a GREAT show. Standing ovation!
Thanks again to Annie Levine & Brock Wilbur.
Lovely darling.
ReplyDeleteI rushed over here to see what you kids had written as soon as I finished my own review over at the HuffPo.
I see we had identical takes on Carrie Fisher and having GUYS & DOLLS explained to us, but opposite reactions to the opening medley and to Neil Patrick Harris, whom I found so bland and forgettable that each time he came out I found myself saynig, "Oh that's right, Harris is hosting. I'd forgotten - AGAIN."
But then, I missed the one thing he did that sounds worth seeing, his closing number. Since the show ran overtime, my DVR cut it off right in the middle of Liza announcing the Best Musical nominees.
If they'd cut the MOMMA MIA and LEGALLY BLONDE numbers (Why do songs from shows from otehr years?), they'd have finished on time, and I'd have seen it.
And having the leading man from HAIR's crotch in my face would certainly make me smile!
Cheers darlings.
You missed the best part right off the bat!
ReplyDeleteBret Michaels getting crushed by the backdrop once his lipsynching was over!
I bet it's already on youtube!!
NPH even joked about it!
Having seen a considerable part of the Tonys, I have four comments.
ReplyDeleteITEM: The song from "Mamma Mia!" - when did bellowing lyrics to music start counting as signing?
ITEM: Angela Lansbury with number five - WAY TO GO!!!
ITEM: If you're doing a awards show about theatrical presentation and you can't get the sound right... maybe you should hire one of them there nominees from the "Sound Production" award category!
ITEM: Why does every man in a Broadway show have to sound gay? This even extends to the Broadway channel I favor on Sirus/XM satellite radio. I don't care if they're gay or not - it's their right. But can't they not SOUND that way? They're ACTORS - maybe they should ACT to take that one out of their voices!
Speaking as a thirty year veteran of community theatre... well, at least it beat watching the Lakers and the Magic.
I remain,
Sincerely,
Eric L. Sofer
x<]:o){
The Bad Clown...
that was Angela Landsbury? I thought Madeline Albright won an honorary Tony or something
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion: try to be funny without the insults.
ReplyDeleteTahhulah, you MUST find little Neil's closing number on YouTube or something. It was brilliant.
ReplyDeleteBest laugh right off the bat: I loved hearing the girls do vocal warm ups over the inaudible solos in the opening number... such an interesting choice in the use of mics.
The little we got to see of the Frankie Valli Quintets, the first one looked and sounded most like Frankie, so, tell me again why he's in Toronto and not on Broadway? I'm just asking....
It really was the best Tony show in years! Great energy. Great performances.
NP Harris' closing number
ReplyDeletemy god..................genes really are transferrable from gen to gen. Great job!
ReplyDeleteTo SharoneRosen:
ReplyDeleteThe Toronto Frankie Valli is Canadian and the producers had to move heaven and earth to even be able to let him sing those two lines. He's got good reviews here too, but I thought the Chicago Valli was closest to the original's upper range.
And why did they sing "December 1963 (Oh What A Night)", the only Four Seasons' hit where the lead vocals were not by Frankie Valli.
Genes are transferable from gen to gen? Surely you're talking about Liza and Lucie and not Ken's daughter. I enjoy Ken but always feel that his kid is trying way too hard to be...dad. Be yourself, kid. Get out of dad's shadow. It ain't working.
ReplyDeleteOn behalf of Bebe Heuwirth - miaow!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed it this year too. I often just peek in and out, but we watched the entire thing on delayed Tivo. Which means, of course, that we missed the last bit by NPH. Goota Love YouTube.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the inspirational quote was really presented poorly. Yuck.
Angela Lansbury at 83 gets her 5th. Audra MacDonald is 39 and has 4. Yikes. But she will not get an emmy for Private Practice (I hope)
>>Annie’s favorite part: Chris Sieber dancing on his knees as King Farquaad in Shrek. He should have won.<<
ReplyDeleteMaybe he was just trying to position himself for a Golden Globe nomination.
Ray
If getting on your knees was all it took to get a Tony Award then every actor/actress on Broadway would have one.
ReplyDeleteThe sound absolutely destroyed the show. If you screw up the tech it doesn't matter how awesome the show is. Of course, I blame the TV people.
While it was cute to see the three boys win Best Actor it was a bit depressing for this 50 year old actor. Something tells me the acting of other nominees was probably better. Not to knock the kids, but they are a bit young to really have developed strong acting chops IMO.
Insults? No offense taken from this corner. Didn't wàtch the Tonys.but I liked the recaps. Thanks Ken for having a keenly aware daughter.
ReplyDeleteWV: "knewber" 13th month.
To SharoneRosen: The first Frankie Valli to appear was the one we saw in the national tour here in Dallas, and he was easily the best. I come out of oldies radio, so I've had a lot of Frankie Valli inflicted on me over the years, and I know every nuance of those records. A couple of the others didn't even come close.
ReplyDeleteNormally, I consider myself the only straight man left who actually enjoys the Tony Awards, but if what I saw last night represents the best that Broadway has to offer, then it must've been a pretty lousy year. "Shrek" looked like something I'd expect to be performed on ice skates; the number from "Billy Elliot" was a badly chroreographed nervous breakdown set to annoying music (and I'm an Elton John fan -- or used to be, anyway); and from the "Next To Normal" scene, I assume it's one of those "musicals" that are sung through for no apparent reason, where the actors stand there singing dialogue at each other to non-melodious "melodies" they seem to making up off the tops of their heads. Honest to God, I have no idea how they manage to memorize music that's so utterly berefit of a tune. Reminds of that old line I think came from Milton Berle (don't know who he stole it from): "It was the type of show where you walk up the aisle afterward, whistling the scenery."
After the revolution and violent overthrow of the American system, Anne Hathaway is mine.
ReplyDeleteThat is all.
"They were then joined on stage by Shrek, Liza Minnelli, and the cast of “Hair”. Coincidentally, it’s the premise of our new sitcom pilot. Except they all run a pizza place."
ReplyDeleteLOL, if they sang uplifting and hilarious songs about how awful things are, and contrasting sad and desperate songs about how great things are, I would honestly watch that show.
I disagree. Couldn't imagine dad didn't write this, and still think it worked fine. Yours too AlaskaRay. Coincidentally, 5 is the number of Tony Awards I've succeeded in not watching all of sequentially.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, on a writer’s blog it’d be nice to give props to Marc Shaiman who wrote the finale’s parody lyrics.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of HDTV - sorry I missed seeing this on mine. (Was at my mom’s watching an old set.)
But best Tonys in years? Nein. Nyet. Non. Musical theatre is my first love. So under other circumstances, a show crammed with musical numbers would’ve thrilled me. But it didn’t work because:
1) Apparently the music from all the “new” shows sucks.
2) Ditto on all the touring shows. (Well, some of Franki Valli’s music is good, but the singers - underwhelming.)
3) Doing so many numbers was obviously too much for this tech crew.
But eh, the revivals were fun. And I guess some of the plays are quite good.
BTW some of the divas (Liza, the “Normal” lady, etc.) are what make “the theatah” seem so hokey to me at times nowadays. It was like when somebody whom you used to think was cool suddenly just seems painfully eccentric to you.
---Amyp3 who still can't remember her google password
BTW some of the divas (Liza, the “Normal” lady, etc.) are what make “the theatah” seem so hokey to me at times nowadays. It was like when somebody whom you used to think was cool suddenly just seems painfully eccentric to you.
ReplyDeleteAmyp3, I so want to have your babies. I'll naturally grow the necessary exit for them.
Wow. Great comments on the awards show. it's like I almost watched it. "Hey, let's keep the love going for Angela Lansbury!!!" I was mainly coming over here to see how much play the Bret Michaels incident received. I'm glad to see the erudite readers of this blog didn't mention that at all. It's still a very funny clip, and for better or worse, it will be what certain people think of when they think of the Tonys. Any press is good press, eh?
ReplyDeleteI was mainly coming over here to see how much play the Bret Michaels incident received. I'm glad to see the erudite readers of this blog didn't mention that at all. It's still a very funny clip, and for better or worse, it will be what certain people think of when they think of the Tonys.
ReplyDeleteIf there was any cosmic justice, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber would have been standing under that scenery...
Bret Getting clobbered was the highlight of the night.
ReplyDeleteBut if you look at the clip, it doesn't hit him, he turns and runs into it. Looking where he's going is not one of his skills. Maybe if he wasn't wearing his stupid trademark hat, he'd have seen it coming.
And maybe next time he won't be too "important" to attend rehearsal.
However, he will recover, unfortunately.
Bret Getting clobbered was the highlight of the night.
ReplyDeleteBut if you look at the clip, it doesn't hit him, he turns and runs into it.
Two words: Natural selection.
Ahem! Lovely review but a tad mean on Carrie there. Carrie Fisher is still a Goddess even if she is older and no longer a pin up princess. She also writes like an angel.
ReplyDelete"Len Dreary said...
ReplyDeleteAhem! Lovely review but a tad mean on Carrie there. Carrie Fisher is still a Goddess."
Then why didn't she show up? And why send Jabba the Hut to fill in for her?
Actually, while she does indeed write like an angel, that angel writes with an acid-tipped pen. She can take it. Her books make clear that:
A. She's taken worse.
B. She can dish it out too.
C. She probably enjoys the gag as much as anyone.
WV: derizar: The government official in charge of America's derierres. (I want that job!)
Nah, it was mean Douglas, however you play it.
ReplyDeleteHi! Very interesting blog…. Also I missed the function, but thank a lot for posting this blog. Wow. Great comments on the awards show. It’s like I almost watched it.
ReplyDelete