Yesterday I posted the Denver portion of my road trip with the Dodger's. Today comes the Cincinnati part. All you really need to know about Cincinnati, Ohio is that Jerry Springer is their former mayor.
Across the Ohio River is Kentucky. It’s the dividing line between the North and South. In Cincinnati you can’t smoke in restaurants. In Kentucky it’s encouraged, as is smoking in church, day care centers, and ICU’s.
Stayed at the downtown Westin – a large concrete, glass, and chrome convention hotel, which after the magnificent Denver Ritz-Carlton felt like camping.
Across the street was Fountain Square. It’s what you see in the opening titles of WKRP IN CINCINNATI. The centerpiece is the Tyler Davidson Fountain – actually more center now that they moved it a few feet. Yes, it cost $42,000,000 to do that but it’s much easier to frame up in your cellphone camera now!
Cincinnati proudly calls itself “Porkopolis”. The pork industry has always been major there. A few years ago they had a public arts project called “The Big Pig Gig” in which more than 400 brightly painted ceramic pigs were displayed all over town. Some had names like “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”.
This pig theme is everywhere. Near the ballpark is Sawyer’s Point that features statues of winged pigs. And Cincy’s annual marathon is called “The Flying Pig”.
There is now a HUGE void in “Zinzinnati”. Gary Burbank is no longer on WLW. For years this town was blessed with the funniest, most creative disc jockey in America. Dr. Johnny Fever is still on WKRP but boy, he sure hates playing that new hip-hop shit the kids of today are enjoying.
At least the locals (What do they call themselves? Cincinnatians? Queens? Porkers?) are blessed with two stellar sportscasters – Marty Brennaman, the longtime voice of the Reds (and Elvis aficionado), and Dan Hoard who calls University of Cincinnati football and basketball. Both are far better than the teams they cover.
Caught the Quacky Races at Fountain Square. Teams in ridiculous duck costumes battled a rigorous obstacle course to win… I dunno, something (maybe the chance to compete on I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW). This is in anticipation of the big event – “The Rubber Duck Regatta” where they will dump 100,000 rubber ducks into the Ohio River and let them race for a quarter mile of thrills. People buy the ducks with the proceeds going to charity. At least it’s not 100,000 pigs.
And then Saturday I was really privileged to attend the Cornhole Championships at Fountain Square. It turns out cornholing is also a game. Who knew? You play it with a board and bags and it was originated in Cincinnati. Still, how do you tell a girl you’re hoping to impress that you’re a champion cornholer?
Graeter’s Ice Cream is a must! Homemade, by hand, delicious. A member of our traveling party bought 12 pints. I hope he planned to ship them home and not finish them all in his room because he’s sad.
On the oth
er hand, Skyline Chili is highly overrated. It’s not even chili. It’s runny meat on spaghetti with a disgusting dollop of cheese on top. I’m sure Skyline Chili has caused more clogged arteries and prison riots than any other regional delicacy in the world.The Reds play in the “Great American Ballpark”. Locals call it the “Pretty Good American Ballpark” and ballplayers call it “the Great American Smallpark” -- it is very hitter friendly. It’s new and a little generic but still a vast improvement over Riverfront Stadium, which was the world’s largest concrete ashtray. There is a big riverboat in centerfield and offhand I can’t think of another stadium that has one of those (maybe the Metrodome). And from the two upper decks you get a nice view of Kentucky (although it’s usually obscured in a cloud of smoke), and 100,000 rubber ducks.
My favorite ballpark ad: “1-800-GOT-JUNK: THE OFFICIAL REMOVAL SERVICE OF THE CINCINNATI REDS”.
Several readers of my blog came out to the game on Saturday just to meet me! Aw, who’m I kidding? They were there for “Reusable Grocery Bag Day”. Still, thanks to Matt, Simon, Stephanie, Rosie – everyone who showed up.
If you like ribs go to Montgomery’s. Bob Hope used to have them shipped to him. That’s high praise until you realize the alternative was Army chow in Da Nang.
About nine blocks from the ballpark is an area known as “Over-the-Rhine”. It’s rated the single most dangerous neighborhood in the country! And remember, cornholing is legal. “Over-the-Rhine’s” crime rate is higher per capita than any other U.S. neighborhood. So take that Detroit, New York, and Phoenix! It’s so out of control there people are even smoking in restaurants! Police raided a home just last week and confiscated 400 brightly painted ceramic pigs!
“The Bums” took two out of three from the Reds and we headed home still in first place. And even better – no Dodger is out for the rest of the year after eating a bowl of Skyline Chili.
I guess the most appropriate way to say goodbye from Cincinnati is “Abadee, abadee, abadee, th-th-that’s all folks!”
So what you're saying is you like Cincinnati...
ReplyDeleteI had always wondered.
ReplyDeletewv: constent - a blood vessel expander that never gives up.
Jeez, you're practically in my backyard and you don't come visit?
ReplyDeleteI agree about Gary Burbank. Burbank was a DJ in Louisville for quite a long time and certainly was better than most of what came after him here. He was a part of the premier rock station here in Louisville for years, 790 WAKY, which is now immortalized in a website that has some cool audio and biographies of former jocks (including Baltimore's Marty "Balou" Bass, who grew up here): http://www.79waky.com/.
As for food, I agree about Graters and I'm lucky enough to have one about 300 yards away from my house. I also agree about Skyline. Its not chili, it is spaghetti with beans. Yuck.
As for smoking in Kentucky, I'm proud to say that we've banned it in Louisville, which makes it all the more shocking to visit the sticks and be asked for a seating preference of "smoking" or "more smoking".
I only wish you could have taken a trip to the Creation Museum, Kentucky's monument to stupidity in which dinosaurs live with people (and apparently propel their cars through the courtesy of Fred's too feet.) I'd have love to have seen your take on that.
Thanks for the recap.
Too bad you weren't in for Creation Museum Day at the ballpark. There was extra parking set aside for people's dinosaurs.
ReplyDeleteOnce you get past the fact that Skyline is not chili, it is quite addictive.
Hope to catch you next time you're in town...I'm sure you're making your Cincinnati vacation plans now...
Oh my I don't even know where to begin...I'll just leave it at this. I lived in Cincinati for about 5 years one summer.
ReplyDeleteNow I know why WKRP's rival station was called WPIG. This will greatly enhance my enjoyment of the show in syndication.
ReplyDeleteKen, I love all of your comments! Especially the ones about Kentucky (since there's a big rivalry between Kentuckians and Cincinnatians).
ReplyDeleteYou know, with Skyline, you really have to grow up on it to acquire a taste for it. Most visitors think we're all nuts for liking it. And I can't eat that thick stuff they call Texas-style chili. Ick.
Glad you enjoyed the Graeters. Best ice cream anywhere.
So glad I got to talk to you before the ball game! It was a pleasure, and maybe I'll see you in Cincy again sometime in the future.
FWIW, the Montgomery ribs are pretty good. Not sure if those would be the ones I'd choose to have shipped to me were I serving my country in an Asian conflict, but there you go. (Is this where the idea for the "Adam's Ribs" episode of M*A*S*H* arose?)
ReplyDeleteTheir sauce is really good, though.
WVW is "gerate" which is when old people holler at you.
Skyline Blasphemer!
ReplyDeleteOther than the mortal sin you (and apparently anyone who hasn't grown up here) committed, I was highly amused. People always ask me what Cincinnati is known for, and every time I'm stuck with "Uh... Well, there's the food... Um..."
Yeah Skyline is an acquired taste. Once you acquire it the stuff is awesome. (To Rob above, it only has beans if you ask for it. It's called a "4-way" and it has nothing to do with cornholing.) Speaking of awesome, Graters truly is fantastic. Too bad it can't beat Jeni's Ice Cream in Columbus. As heavenly as Graters Ice Cream is, it might as well be pig shit next to Jeni's. (Yes, Jeni's is THAT good.)
ReplyDeleteI recently figured out that work has taken me to something more than 50 cities/towns where I've stayed more than 2 weeks. Cincinnati is the only one I can think of that you couldn't pay me to go back to. (3+ months there -- Please shoot me.)
ReplyDeleteCincinnati proudly calls itself “Porkopolis”. The pork industry has always been major there.
ReplyDeleteInsert obligatory Washington, D.C. joke here.
wv: Psychosomatic -- Crazy about Jewish people.
ARE YOU CRAZY!? Cincinnati Chili is the BEST food ever. It's the only reason to go to the region (because as you discovered the Reds suck and so do the Bengals). Skyline is second to Gold Star. However, I will admit that Cincinnati Chili is definitely a regional taste. It doesn't work anywhere else but there (and I've heard Green Bay)
ReplyDeleteDang, I spend a few days away from blog reading and missed your visit! I lived in Cincinnati when I was a child and have relatives still there. As far as Skyline Chili, honey all the locals know that it's dreck! I could have made you some homemade that would have really rocked your world!
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, I live in KY, and the smoking bans are taking hold baby! The tiny little town I live in LONDON-home of the World Chicken Festival, just passed one and they have one just up the road in Lexington as well, it will take time but it's coming.
The thing about the Rubber Duck Race is this, after about 15 minutes the rubber begins to melt because of the pollution, so in order to win, you have to have an unmeltable duck...
ReplyDeleteAnd Over-the-Rhine has it's own alt-country band, also named, Over-the-Rhine (they're actually pretty good).
Oddly enough, even though the city's nickname is The Quenn City, there are only faux queens there and they are often confused with real female prostitutes (ask a ballplayer).
And the Zoo, aptly named after the city is actually located across the river in Kentucky.
And Skyline chile? If you grow up with it and like it, you ARE nuts.
Ken, thanks for meeting with us on Saturday. It was a real honor to meet someone who has created some of the best in television.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about Gary Burbank. Gary is the whole reason I got in to radio in the first place. When I was 16 and in high school, I drove an old Chevette which only had an AM radio. I discovered the world of Gary Burbank and listened every afternoon on the way home from school. Without a doubt one of the best radio guys ever. Ever.
Now about this Skyline Chili thing .. Like you, I hated it when I first tried it. I hated it the second time too. Probably the third and forth. Over time, though, you start to crave it and then you're done. Skyline at least once a week. What holds newbies up is thinking Cincinnati Chili (what it's more commonly known as) is somehow a relative of more traditional "Texas Chili." It's not. Not even close. This is "Greek" chili started in Cincinnati in 1949. Hit the Wikipedia entry for "Skyline Chili" and read all about it. For the record, mine is a four-way with onions, a side of garlic toast and oyster crackers. Per-fection!
It's too bad about Over The Rhine. It was once home to Cincinnati's German population. Central Parkway, which divides the downtown with OTR, used to be a Canal (hence "Over The Rhine (river)." Lots of historic buildings and architecture are found here. Today it's as worse a ghetto as you'd ever find in any city. This is a neighborhood where it's not uncommon for a burning body to turn up in a back alley. It's a very scary place.
Ken, it was a real pleasure to meet you. Much like music, good television makes up the fabric of our lives. Shows like MASH and Cheers takes us (me) back to when we sat down as a family and enjoyed quality television programming. You became part of our weekly routines. For that, and I don't think I'm alone here, I offer you a sincere thank you.
I lived in Cincy for a year, but boy was it a good one.
ReplyDeleteIt was 1961 and the Reds were gunning for the pennant after a long dry spell. The people I saw that year! Vada Pinson, Frank Robinson, and (yes he was a MILWAUKEE Brave but just about the best ever) Warren Spahn.
Crosley Field had a graded outfield with about a 3 foot elevation to the fence as a warning track. They also had a pinch hitter named Jerry Lynch that had some unbelievable percentage. Every time he came to the plate it was electric.
At that time it was a crazy baseball town, opening day was a school holiday.
Of course there were other diversions. I looked older than my years and my Dad let me bet a few races at River Downs. One of my favorite stories - I hit a horse to place one day, got in the payoff line, and the clerk was my 9th grade gym teacher. My Daddy made me cash the ticket, etc. etc.
Porn back then consisted of stuff like the Joy of Nudism. My Dad dropped me off downtown to see Guns of Navaronne and I slipped three blocks down the street to the Gaiety Burlesque to see some nudism movie called Garden of Eden with airbrushed shrubbery, if you get my point.
Anyway, haven't thought of that stuff in a while. Thanks!
Uh, the Zoo, regularly listed as one of the top two in the nation (with San Diego) is in Cincinnati...right there in the heart of Clifton on Vine Street.
ReplyDeleteThe airport, on the other hand, is, for obvious space and topographic reasons, across the river in Covington.
Just to clarify.
Other than that, as a non-native three year resident of Cincinnati, it's not that I find myself "offended" by playful jabs, but instead utterly disheartened by uninterrogated perpetuation of the Appalachian/Midwestern misinformed stereotyping that plagues sloppy thinking.
Cincinnati has the third best library system in the nation. (First two = Library of Congress and NYC.) One of the top two zoos, a global leader in successful captive reproduction of endangered species. The Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals is seated in Cincinnati, and with it comes a powerful arm of the nation's law firms, largely overlooked by non-natives. P&G, Kroger, and Chiquita attract cutting edge young workers; a streetcar system is in the works to revolutionize public transportation; Historic Findlay Market is regularly listed as one of the best markets in the nation, and Northside's eclectic and artistic culture and cuisine have been heralded, most recently by the New York Times.
It seems, perhaps, that when one visits a city but misses many of it's landmarks, the planning might be as much to blame for the experience...
Don't know if it was your line, but your travelogue reminded me of Carla's souvenir Cincinnati charm bracelet.
ReplyDeleteThe dangling objects were "A beer mug, a bowling ball, and Pete Rose's head."
You post was one HECK of a trip down memory lane--I grew and festered in Cincinnati for most of the first 16 years of my life (I was BORN in Columbus, but was adopted in Cincinnati--somehow, I don't think I made the tip on foot).
ReplyDeleteOne of my sorrows is that downtown Cincinnati seems a lot quieter than when I made the occasional visit as a child (I was living in a neighborhood called Roselawn). Along with all of the big office buildings, there were several major department stores (Pogue's, Shillito's, Mabley and Carew, and McAlpin's), at least two French restaurants (Pigalle and La Maisonette), movie houses, regular theaters, the Music Hall. The place was happening. When I was a child, there was also a fully-functioning and very beautiful train station (my Great-Aunt Jeanette, who lived in Washington, D.C. used to take the train home after any visit here until I was about seven, when she switched to jets). The train station has, at least, been preserved and now serves as the Natural History Museum if memory serves correctly.
I didn't go to Graeter's as a kid--when we went out for ice cream we went to United Dairy Farmers, a chain of stores owned by a family named Linder, who may or may not have realized their ambition to buy the entire city. As for Skyline, I didn't go there until I was ten or eleven. Apparently I acquired the taste for it, 'cause I have frozen Skyline in my fridge right now. When I was little, though, my idea of Fine Dining was Friday-night supper at Frisch's Big Boy, where my cheeseburger always fell apart and I split a piece of coconut cream pie with my dad . . .
As for Northern Kentucky, I do remember all of the "supper clubs" that peppered the area in the 1960's. Most of them were apparently mob operations and all of them were apparently burned down for insurance money one by one. The biggest such place, The Beverly Hills, was the only one that wasn't deliberately torched--it went up in flames just before Memorial Day, 1977 when the house was packed--over 100 people died. The fire was due to faulty wiring.
Well, enough babbling.
For about 6 years back in the early 1970s, I was known on the radio in Los Angeles as "Cincinatti Armory," a name not of my devising, but rather the invention of Sweet Dick Whittington. As Ken has observed first-hand, I am still remembered as Cincinatti Armory more than I am as myself.
ReplyDeleteBut while I've been Cincinatti, I've never actually been TO Cincinatti. Thanks for a glimpse not washed-out with civic pride.
In the words of a very silly song, "I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me."
WV: dinine, How the Nazgul would have been referred to if Gandalf had been from New Jersy.
"an unmeltable duck".
ReplyDeleteIs that like a Spherical Cow?
And for those of us in the rest of the world, you appear to be talking about what Steak N' Shake calls a Chili Mac, or a Chili 3/5-Way.
Long as it has no beans, I'm in for it.
"I’m sure Skyline Chili has caused more clogged arteries and prison riots than any other regional delicacy in the world."
ReplyDeleteYou clearly haven't tried poutine yet! It's a French Canadian delicacy(?) consisting of french fries topped with cheese curds smothered in gravy. I'm sure arteries start clogging as soon as it's ordered.
Just thought you should know.
I nearly got a job in Cincinnati, getting a tryout as a copy editor in 2000 at the late, lamented Cincinnati Post. Sorry I didn't get it, because I liked what I saw of the town.
ReplyDeleteLet's not forget Cincinnati's impact on popular culture. The King and Federal record labels, which played such a major role in early rhythm and blues (the Dominoes, James Brown) was based in Cincinnati, and natives Doris Day and Rosemary Clooney were great pop singers (other Clooneys, such as Nick and George, have done okay too), and actress Una Merkel, invariably cast as the "best friend" to the likes of Jean Harlow and Carole Lombard, hailed from across the river in Convington.