I must admit I never got into those slasher movies. Seems to me they’re all the same story. The popular kids who were too good to ever go out with you in high school all frolic off to a cabin for some holiday and some disfigured skeesix in a goalie’s mask terrorizes and one-by-one graphically slices them up. Yes, it’s grizzly and horrible but isn’t that sorta what they deserve? Would it kill them to agree to dance with us just once??Then there’s a sequel where the ones that survived go BACK to the cabin. You’d think maybe they’d hit the MTV beach house the next winter break instead?
And there’s always the backstory explaining how the psychopath became a killer…such as he was a bed wetter or flunked out of Benhinana Chef school.
I have what I believe is a great idea for a slasher movie. I’m sharing it because I’ve had it registered (in other words, you can’t steal it!!!). But it seems to me the key to this genre is creating a truly terrifying slasher. My idea is to hire Gordon from SESAME STREET as the psychopath. Can you imagine how disturbing THAT would be to anyone who grew up with that show?
“You didn’t eat your vegetables!” “AAAAAAAA!!!” Slice! Hack!
“Can you spell ‘help’?” “H-E-L-AAAAAAAAAAA!!” Stab! Slit!
“One of these limbs is not like the others!” Chop!
“Today I’m brought to you by the letters D.O.A.!!”
I can hear the screams now. Freddie and Jason and Chucky, eat (or cut) your hearts out. Plus, I’ve got the sequel all storyboarded. Only this time it’s Maria.
Happy Halloween, kids.
If you didn't see Bill Hader's Alan Alda impression last night on SNL, here it is. It may be the single greatest vocal impression I've ever heard--
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHElwqpcsRw&feature=player_embedded
Actually, it should be Gordon's DAUGHTER. I saw Holly Robinson Peete explain on The Talk" the other day that her father was the orginal Gordon -- a role he took just after he divorced her mother and took off. So she watched him being a father figure on TV rather than having him. Sounds like the makings of a slasher movie to me. She could hunt down all the former child actors who got to sit in his lap while she was watching from crummy Philadelphia.
ReplyDeleteWell, if Gordon could be a pimp in 1974's Willie Dynamite (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072409/), I suppose he could be in a slasher flick, too...
ReplyDeleteYou're not gonna believe this, but there's a little-known cheapo horror movie called THE PSYCHOPATH (1975) that has the host of a children's TV show going nuts and killing bad parents.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070572