Around the country in 14 days

Back from a whirlwind two weeks of calling Mariners baseball that took me to five cities, four time zones, two leagues, and eight different start times. But no cyclones!

Just an earthquake.

Fortunately, it was only a 1.7, occurring a mere five minutes after I arrived in Seattle.

But the sun was actually shining so as long as the Space Needle didn’t go down, folks in the Emerald City didn’t give a shit.

When the weather is nice there is no more beautiful spot in the world than the Pacific Northwest!

This sojourn took me first to Seattle then a road trip to New York, Boston, Cleveland, and Denver. But it could have been worse. It could have been New York, Boston, Tokyo, and Denver.

Had dinner the first night with one of my broadcast partners, Dave “Wanna buy a hat?” Sims. (Dave now has a very fine hat company and won’t be satisfied until every man in America either looks like Sinatra or Super Fly.) He took me to Japonessa downtown. If God were a sushi chef, this is what He’d serve. One bite of the tropical roll and you’ll be Meg Ryan in WHEN HARRY MET SALLY. I bought three hats.

Safeco Field is an awesome ballpark. From the upper deck you can see Mt. Rainier. Unless the roof is closed, in which case you can see the catwalks. The Mariners took two-out-of-three from the Detroit Tigers. I felt a little rusty the first game, but by the second when I sang “Happy Trails To You” on the air I started getting my groove back.

President Obama made his announcement supporting Gay marriage. He arrived in Seattle just two days later. Unfortunately, we missed him, having flown to the east coast. It’s too bad. We could have had him on the broadcast, and think how much more impact his proclamation would have had if he made it on our “Between the Baselines” pre-game segment with Shannon Drayer. His handlers obviously aren’t thinking.

The day after his announcement, this was the actual headline in the Seattle Times:

WITH DICKS IN, ALL 6 WA CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRATS FAVOR REPEAL OF GAY MARRIAGE BAN.

No foolin’! The reference was to Representative Norm Dicks but still!

Flew to New York on the team charter. I am now sooo spoiled. You could use any bathroom in any cabin! Seriously!

Weather in New York was equally as glorious. No one was wearing their Carole King schlump coats. Stayed at the New York Hilton. It has 2000 rooms but in Manhattan that’s considered “boutique.”

This was right in the middle of “Upfronts” season, when the major television networks decide on their Fall schedules. So the streets were littered with failed TV pilots. What are “Upfronts” exactly? In a play I wrote I describe them thusly:


The networks announce their new Fall schedules then the advertisers buy commercial time "up front". Spending billions on nothing more than blind faith. It's like if you put an Off-track betting window in a mental institution.

Met up with my wife and daughter. I’d like to think they flew across the country to see me but the truth is they were there to see NEWSIES. I just happened to bump into them at the Papaya King.

Took the D train out to Yankee Stadium. Snapped a photo of a rat on the platform the size of a Mini Cooper. Still, it costs $35 to park at Yankee Stadium so as long as the rat doesn’t gnaw on my face I’m taking the subway.

The new Yankee Stadium might not be the cathedral the old one was, but someday at Notre Dame they’re going to realize they can’t install the luxury pews they want and will do the same thing. And the new ballpark is state-of-the-art. They did it right! Great sight lines, wider concourses, giant murals of Yankee greats (although where’s Mickey Rivers?), and yet they preserved that familiar upper deck frieze and fans who will spit on players who lie unconscious after crashing into the wall.

On Saturday they celebrated Yogi Berra’s 87th birthday. He was there at home plate, sitting on a golf cart. The Yankees presented him a cake and waived the $35 parking fee.

Sign on FDR Drive for Manhattan Mini-Storage: “NYC: Tolerant of your beliefs. Judgmental of your shoes.”

At the game on Sunday most of the ballplayers used pink bats and some wore pink cleats. Oh, I hope it was for Mother’s Day.

Had lunch in the pressroom with old buddy, Keith Olbermann. It’d been awhile since we’d seen each other. I was doing practice play-by-play from the stands of Dodger Stadium and he had a television career.

We took one-of-three from the dreaded Yankees, but considering their payroll, let that be a lesson to ‘em!

Part two tomorrow.  For more travelogues I invite you to check out my book, WHERE THE HELL AM I?  TRIPS I HAVE SURVIVED.   Kindle version is only $2.99.   That's a laugh every three cents.