Yes, I posted this a couple of years ago but no one optioned my brilliant idea so I'm trying again.I must admit I never got into those slasher movies. Seems to me they’re all the same story. The popular kids who were too good to ever go out with you in high school all frolic off to a cabin for some holiday and some disfigured skeesix in a goalie’s mask terrorizes and one-by-one graphically slices them up. Yes, it’s grizzly and horrible but isn’t that sorta what they deserve? Would it kill them to agree to dance with us just once??
Then there’s a sequel where the ones that survived go BACK to the cabin. You’d think maybe they’d hit the MTV beach house the next winter break instead?
And there’s always the backstory explaining how the psychopath became a killer…such as he was a bed wetter or flunked out of Benihana's Chef school.
I have what I believe is a great idea for a slasher movie. I’m sharing it because I’ve had it registered (in other words, you can’t steal it!!!). But it seems to me the key to this genre is creating a truly terrifying slasher. My idea is to hire Gordon from SESAME STREET as the psychopath. Can you imagine how disturbing THAT would be to anyone who grew up with that show?
“You didn’t eat your vegetables!” “AAAAAAAA!!!” Slice! Hack!
“Can you spell ‘help’?” “H-E-L-AAAAAAAAAAA!!” Stab! Slit!
“One of these limbs is not like the others!” Chop!
“Today I’m brought to you by the letters D.O.A.!!”
I can hear the screams now. Freddie and Jason and Chucky, eat (or cut) your hearts out. Plus, I’ve got the sequel all storyboarded. Only this time it’s Maria.
Happy Halloween, kids.
Super!
ReplyDeleteIf that happens, then all of us older adults will have an excuse for wetting our beds...
Well, Gordon will be looking for work if Romney is elected, so you might get your wish.
ReplyDeleteGood thing you've had this one registered, Ken - it's a winner!
ReplyDeleteSpare the hatchet, spoil the child.
Just don't steal my idea of Barney shooting flames from his mouth and destroying Tokyo.
ReplyDeleteLOL...I always thought Mrs. Rogers would have been a great movie psycho. And then there's Mr. Dummond as pedophile--
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwxLekENDw0
klitaAnd then there was my tried and tested theory/game in the early slashers: in the beginning of the film, find the actress with the biggest breasts - not a major star, though probably a moot point in these types of films - and before the end of the film, she will expose herself, and then die horribly. Works everytime . . .
ReplyDeleteThe "isn't that sort of what they deserve?" made me laugh out loud.
ReplyDeleteThis is bizarrely appropriate:
ReplyDeleteJoss Whedon on Mitt Romney
(God bless you, Joss Whedon!)
Love the idea, BTW! That would totally ruin my childhood -- perfect for a horror movie!
ReplyDeleteMuch funnier than that excruciating reset of The Munsters that aired on NBC a couple of nights ago. How'd they get the very talented Eddie Izzard in that piece of dreck? They must have given him a different script and shot a different show, then edited parts into Mockingbird Lane. I'm old, so I've seen a lot of bad television, but that was the worst ever.
ReplyDeleteHere's my slasher movie:
ReplyDeleteSanta Claws.
Take your "Miracle at 43rd Street" Kris Kringle, red nose, big belly, white beard. Saint Nick starts his laughing and the kids sit on his lap and he gives them big hugs.
Then, after the 10 minute introduction of happy go lucky Saint Nick turns into Saint (ice) Pick. He pulls out his monster hands, with razor sharp claws, and his warm hugs turn into blood warm slugs.
Santa Claws!!!!
Run away!!!
Close the mall, the Chopping Mall.
I'd add special guest killer Robert Loggia, who shows up to get kids to drink their orange juice.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZIzRqDOSZo&feature=related
The wonderful Roscoe Orman (Gordon) starred as scary pimp Willie Dynamite in the blaxploitation film of the same name in 1974. You want to see Gordon in a very different way, check it out. This was right before he joined "Sesame Street."
ReplyDelete34th Street.
ReplyDeleteI like your concept in this.I like thrilling movies too.I love hearing others scream.Wish you all the best!
ReplyDeleteI always had this idea about a bunch of studio heads going off on a weekend retreat at some fancy-shmancy luxury spa and they're all horribly murdered one-by-one.
ReplyDeleteThe killer is a cheerleader.
The title: "See How YOU Like It, Motherfuckers!"
I always had this idea about a bunch of studio heads going off on a weekend retreat at some fancy-shmancy luxury spa and they're all horribly murdered one-by-one.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea. The one thing i'd change is to have the killer cheerleader be the wife of the studio heads. And then she spares her hubby, and the two score Peter Guber/Don Simpson type wealth as studio heads.
My idea is that the victim wont die, and keeps getting up and running away.
ReplyDeleteThe slasher dies of exhaustion.