What’s
the dumbest holiday gift you’ve ever received? Mine was a Fizz-nik.
And understand, I really WANTED this thing. In my dumb kid-ness I
thought this was the coolest invention EVER.It was a plastic straw with a big bubble in the middle. This was actually two half spheres that twisted together with straws on either end. You put a scoop of ice cream in the bubble and twisted it shut. Then you jammed one end into a bottle of root beer. That was it. Voila! Instant root beer float!
You would take a swig and (in theory) the root beer would mix with the ice cream and by the time it reached your mouth you were in soda fountain heaven. And the best part – no muss nor fuss.
Except for one thing…
It never worked. To mix the two elements you had to hold the bottle at almost a 90 degree angle and crane your neck way back. Not exactly ideal.
And then there was this tiny flaw – there was no way to stop the rushing ice cream float as it hurtled its way to your mouth. What a mess. Within a week my mother had confiscated my beloved Fizz-Nik.
Let’s just say that as a result of the Fizz-nik I have more empathy for hookers.
Hope you get what YOU want this holiday season.
You must have had a defective Fiz-Nik. Mine worked fine, and never opened up and dumped the ice cream and soda on my face. But as Dad pointed out: "Why not just pour your soda into a glass and put in a scoop of ice cream? Why do you need the Fiz-Nik?" Anyway, after maybe a week, the novelty wore off.
ReplyDeleteI do recall that, since I never liked root beer, I always used mine on bottles of Bubble-Up, a 7-Up type of soda long gone from the market, though not gone as long as Fiz-Niks have been.
Somewhere, someplace, somebody is reading this and starting to plan the grand return of the Fizz-Nik (R)
ReplyDeleteI own one or the Fizz-Niks in your photo. Eat your heart out, Ken.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.newsfromme.com/2001/07/13/the-greatest-invention-of-the-20th-century/
Not only does mine work, it's currently sitting in a kitchen drawer, celebrating half a century of faithful service.
ReplyDeleteOMG. I think someone tried to reinvent this on Shark Tank last year!
ReplyDeleteOne pretty dumb gift I can think of was a fake "aquarium" with plastic fish that magnetically "swam" - fun for about 7.5 seconds. All clothing gifts were really dumb.
ReplyDeleteNow there were some fun gifts that I LIKED: "Voice of the Mummy" and "Shrunken Head Kit" (w/ Vincent Price on the box cover) - you basically peeled an apple, suspended it over a light bulb for 12 hours or so, then painted the shriveled orb and glued on hair and beads for the eyes and teeth - then you could hang it somewhere = cool!
I know I hail from a land where root beer is rare, and root beer floats even more so, but couldn't the same effect be had by switching the Fizz-Nik for a glass? (Root beer + ice cream + glass = root beer float?)
ReplyDeleteI only tried root beer for the first time in my 20s, and instantly fell in love, but I don't think I've ever had a "real" root beer float... Only crude homemade approximations. I'm probably doing it wrong.
You're all liars who lie! Fizz-nik was that phony card game Spock and Kirk played on "Star Trek."
ReplyDeleteD. McEwan, you can still get Bubble Up, but it's harder to find. I saw some earlier this year.
ReplyDeleteLOL Ken, I spilled my coffee reading the last couple of lines.
ReplyDeleteOf course, Fizz Nik is available on eBay
ReplyDeleteYes,, 2nd to last line had me on the floor
ReplyDeleteThanks for the happy ending, Ken.
ReplyDeleteRemember Flav-R Straws from the late '50s? They were bendable paper straws with a "magic" flavoring pellet inside. You'd stick one end in a glass of plain ol' moo juice and instantly suck up chocolate or strawberry milk!
ReplyDeleteOr so said the ads. It took a great deal of suction to get the milk up through the flavoring crammed into the middle of the straw. The paper quickly turned soggy, causing the straw to collapse. You'd end up ripping the thing apart to get what was left of the flavoring pellet and either pop it in your mouth or toss it into the glass of milk to drink in the more typical, magic-free manner.
I also had a Fizz-Nik, and how many times was "nik" used after Sputnik, anyway? The novelty soon wore off, and those Flav-R Straws were even worse. If you liked the flavor of soggy paper with a slight chemically chocolate residue they were terrific. I also remember chocolate and strawberry flavored (actually scented) toothbrushes. Kinda sending a mixed message..
ReplyDeleteI remember the Fiz-Nik commercials but I never had one. My mother put Flav-R-Straws in my lunch box when I was in the third or fourth grade, but not for long. Perhaps I told her they didn't work well. As I recall, they had a strip of flavored paper somewhat like felt running the length of the straw. Damn little flavor was released, and what there was tasted bad. Their claim to fame was the retort, "Eat me raw with a Flav-R-Straw."
ReplyDeleteI remember Flav-R-Straws, and what I remember is that they tasted foul.
ReplyDeleteWe had Voice of the Mummy game! God that was neat. We also had the Dark Shadows game. Julie, Burlington, Iowa
ReplyDeleteNo, no, Chaka, Kirk and Spock played Fizz-Bin! And, yes, we tried to play it as carefree youths.
ReplyDeleteMy Mom passed away this past Spring. (My Dad passed away over 20 years ago.) Going through the hutch, I found … yep. My Fizz-Nik. I have such happy memories of that thing! As suggested by other responders, I believe, Ken Levine, that you had a defective one. But! Did you know you can order one on eBay? Yeah! The packaging says 49 cents, even. LOL!
ReplyDeleteThe novelty never wore off for me. My sister and I would argue over who got the solid red or the blue/yellow combo. This was back in the 60s. After my parents died, I didn't find them in the house, stupid sister probably got em.
ReplyDeleteIf they were on the market today, at 61, I'd still buy one (but they'd need to have an adapter for screw top soda bottles)
Hooray. Just found one on Ebay for $10. Should arrive shortly.
ReplyDeleteI was afraid I was the only one who remembered Fizz Nik. I loved mine. That was 60 years ago! I wondered why they stopped selling them. I thought they worked great. Everything is great when you're 8! I miss those innocent fun filled days when all we had to be concerned about was what flavor ice cream to put in it, or whether it was going to be a coca cola, or 7-up bottle.
ReplyDelete