Wanted: Comedy writers for Siri

Apparently this is real. According to an article in MacRumors, Apple is looking for people to write comedic answers for Siri. Siri is the personal assistant feature that talks back to you in newer iPhones. At first she was friendly and humble, but Apple is now looking to give her a little edge.

You know what this means, don’t you? It means that now even Dane Cook’s phone will be funnier than he is.

It also means a job for someone or a group of people.

What they need is witty responses to user questions. I’m sure the first funny response they’ll have to settle on is an answer to what I’m sure is her most asked question:

“Siri, will you fuck me?”

If you ask that now she says, “There is no need for profanity.” Still funnier than Dane Cook but pithier lines are out there.

If you ask her: “Should I get a Droid?” she currently says, “I can’t answer that.” A good comedy writer could beat that joke.

Ask her, “Do you like oral sex?” she will say: “I don’t know what oral sex is. Would you like a web search for it?” So Siri’s going to need a little tutoring too.

I wonder if the writers they hire will get notes? Will one have a joke red lined with the note: “Siri wouldn’t say that?” Or “Disembodied voices have been doing that joke for years?”

Might this open up a whole new marketplace for comedy writers? Punching up GPS systems. Jokes for automated phone operators.

If anyone applies for this job, please let me know what the process is.  It's probably worth taking the gig just for the Apple employee discount alone.