There’s
a guy who imitates baseball players’ batting stances. I saw him at
Dodger Stadium last night. He’s uncanny at it but it got me thinking –
how the hell do you make a living imitating Yasiel Puig's batting
stance?And then I starting wondering – how many other gifted people are blessed with a talent that ultimately does them no good?
There’s a guy in San Francisco I once saw who did amazing reproductions of great works of art in chalk on sidewalks. Very impressive but THAT’S his calling? Of all mediums why selec
t chalk?A few years ago at the Hollywood Bowl an incredible mimic did the Danny Kaye Dodger song and you could swear it was Danny Kaye. How do you support your family as a Danny Kaye impersonator?
Here are a few other artists that only Broadway Danny Rose would consider representing:
There’s a guy who can snap his fingers the fastest. I guess he's the world's fastest hipster. Another can hold the most eggs in his hand. Who’s going to pay good money in Vegas to see that?
Someone claims to be the fastest texter (besides my daughter). Another is the fastest clapper. I feel sorry for the second fastest clapper because the first fastest has to be starving.
There’s a gentleman who can draw a perfect circle. Other than getting chicks I don’t see the point.
I’m sure there are others. What do baton champions do? What kind of legacy can gingerbread house makers have?
Meanwhile, Gallagher makes a handsome living smashing watermelons and Vanna White is rich from turning over vowels.
My heart goes out to these talented individuals. Oh, I just thought of another talent that yields no discernible profit.
Blogging.
Kim Kardashian makes a fortune doing nothing.
ReplyDeletePorn and marriage.. Hardly "nothing"
DeleteBlogging sells your books, helps fill your Sitcom class, helps drive audiences to your daughter's shows and your upcoming directorial efforts.
ReplyDeleteTextbookk use of blogging as a promotional platforms. You're doing it right.
Cliff Clavin's ability to shove a bunch of beer nuts up his nose had to be inspired by someone in real life!
ReplyDelete"Gong Show" Contestants: Where Are They Now? Hey, somebody call the History Channel! This sounds like a winner.
ReplyDeleteI've still yet to find anyone who can truly fart for distance...
ReplyDeleteThrow radio production in that mix..
ReplyDeleteMark Grant, who does Padres game, used to do umpire imitations. He was very good. I can imitate long dead country singers, but nobody seems to care.
ReplyDeleteNot so fast Mr. Ken. I read your point about useless talents, and thought, "hmmmm!" Then I thought further and concluded that the benefits are NOT readily apparent. However, an exercise like this is like calisthenics for the mind. At first you are left breathless and sweaty but ultimately they are of benefit to your creativity...and therefore ultimately rewarding. So, having said that I'd like to introduce you to my old girl friend who could tie a maraschino cherry stem into a knot in ten seconds.
ReplyDeleteMy screen for useful vs useless.
ReplyDeleteDo you get PAID major dough for that?
I was talking with a young Asian lady the other day. She said that all her peers had to have quote: "An Asian Parent approved profession". When I asked what that meant she said, "Asian Parents take education seriously so they want their children to have serious professions: Doctor, Engineer or if they can't do that at least Business."
When I asked about Psychology, English and Art. She looked at me like I was a moron. "Who on earth would encourage their children to go into art and be poor?"
She is an A student in Computer Science btw... all the Asian students who graduated High School with her are in Engineering, Chemistry, Microbiology etc.
Just my opinion but Parents should take the lead on explaining the economic reality of certain professions. Otherwise they will end up doing really beautiful chalk work on a sidewalk someday.
In for a penny in for a pound story:
My daughter is a talented artist awards, shows etc. She is still in High School. About 2 years ago we went to a showing of a locally famous painter. His paintings were exciting and when my daughter met him she was shocked to see the man had no teeth. None...
My daughter is quick and immediately grasped that this man was in the situation of being toothless because he could not afford dental care or baring that could not afford quality implants.
After this rather shocking experience my Artistic Daughter started asking pointed questions about professions and how much they paid. She noticed that both her parents had degrees in technical fields... So inquired what we thought about Art as a College Major. I had to admit that Tech Professions are HARD but they pay well. AND Art related professions don't pay as well probably because they don't require as much math and science.
My daughter is now considering more technical professions such as Architecture and 3d Modeling and Simulation. Because as she says... "I don't want to be toothless someday."
Evan, look up Le Petomaine. He made a career out of farting.
ReplyDeleteWorford, I think you are onto something. Where are all those Gong Show winners (and losers)?
ReplyDeleteI am feeling a strange urge to send you ten dollars…and this picture of my latest creation that I am selling for what ever you will give me.
ReplyDeletehttp://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-Ks7y2C6LVSs/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAACQ/uHbPEUJYtV8/s512-c/photo.jpg
Other than getting chicks I don’t see the point"
ReplyDeleteDoes there have to be any other?
batting stance guy actually appeared on Letterman and sold a book, so odd talents can get you somewhere
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a contest to identify voices. My wife can id any voice so long as she's heard it once, even if it's been years.
ReplyDeleteIs the Coney Island Sideshow School still operating?
ReplyDeleteThey used to offer a summer course, where in just a few short weeks, you could learn juggling, fire eating, sword swallowing, and several other useful skills.
When my son was a teenager I tried to convince him to attend. As a father I knew that with those skills on his resume his future would be assured, and he would always be able to make a living. Sadly, he had no interest, and spent 4 years getting a liberal arts degree with far less to offer.
On "That's Incredible!", one episode featured three guys with unusual talking talents. The best? He said what you said at the same time. He could figure out what you were going to say right when your mouth began moving, would say it with you, and it sounded and looked like you and he were actors delivering the same lines simultaneously.
ReplyDeleteAs the audience roared, he called football plays with Fran Tarkenton, spoke French with Cathy Lee Crosby, and sang with John Davidson.
I am actually a pretty great writer. And it does me no good whatsoever. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI know this is ridiculously late, but ...
ReplyDeleteThat thing about "drawing a perfect circle?" It was the signature talent of Giotto di Bondone in the early 14th century. Go with what works, I say.