Happy to announce, that as of this date, April 1st, I will become the president of Ellen DeGeneres Productions. After meeting with Ellen and determining that we are absolutely on the same page creatively, we agreed to work together.
My first assignment is to retool ONE BIG HAPPY and make it more like MASH. It turns out Elisha Cuthbert’s character was in the Army Reserves and is called to active duty in Afghanistan. And coincidentally, Kelly Brook was in the British Reserves and is also deployed to the same base as Elisha. And Nick Zano tags along because… well, I haven’t worked that out yet. This is just my first day. But look for this new direction beginning episode seven.
I do have my first great joke. Elisha says, “This must be V-Day.” Nick says, “Victory Day?” And Elisha says, “No.
Vagina-Day.” Am I the right guy for this job or WHAT?
Also, as part of my duties I will be filling in for Ellen hosting her show while she goes on vacation or continues her campaign to become a judge on THE VOICE.
Mark it down – April 1 – the day Ellen DeGeneres and I change comedy forever.
Today, of all days, it seems such an great move.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to your slinky dancing on Ellen fill-in days.
I approve of these changes, though your dancing could use some work.
ReplyDeleteAnd a happy April 1st to you too....
ReplyDeleteyea and I'm working on a Cop Rock sequel due later this year live on NBC, sort of like peter pan but without Allison williams.
ReplyDeleteI for one am very disappointed that your bid for "Girls" showrunner didn't pan out.
ReplyDeleteI hear Cybill Shepherd is attached to guest star.
ReplyDeleteYes the dancing needs work.
ReplyDeleteEllen is like Clint Eastwood. They make good TV. Happy April Fool dudes.
And remember writing scripts is about passion, life, destiny and talent and writing genes. Forget what readers say.
LouOCNY,
ReplyDeleteDid you know that the greatest director writer in the world (Orson Wells) had the greatest April Fool show ever. Why would this not work today?
Remember when newscasts used to report big phony stories on April 1st? Then they discovered they were overestimating the intelligence of the American people.
ReplyDeleteNice to see too very funny, talented lesbians finally joining forces.
ReplyDeleteCute, but this is no Sidd Finch...
ReplyDeleteKen, I'm glad to see that Roseanne Barr was able to convince Ellen to hire you.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, please, please, please let the effing readers-thing go!! You are one sick puppy, dude.
ReplyDeleteIf only it were true, Ken!
ReplyDeleteIf only it were true, Ken!
ReplyDeleteIf only it were true, Ken!
ReplyDeleteSince Ellen is on broadcast television, here are some tips to get better reception: make sure your antennas are clean! Dirty antennas do not work as well as clean antennas. Dirt, bird poop, and other detritus block signals from reaching your antenna and then your radio. A quick rinse from the garden hose will loosen most of the crud but a good annual wax will make this a moot point. Be sure to use a good, high-quality wax specifically formulated for receiving antennas. Automobile wax will work but since it is formulated for painted surfaces it will not adhere as well as antenna wax.
ReplyDeleteI haven't fallen for the antenna wax gag since 1957.
ReplyDeleteOK, many of you think it's all a joke. But seriously, it's twoo, it's twoo. Would I kid you?
ReplyDeleteHey, think you can give Brian Williams a cameo in the Afghanistan scenes? I hear he's available and has actual combat experience.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to today's taping (4/1) with guest star (scheduled) VAN HALEN so I'll be sure to ask Ellen if this is true! Show airs 4/2.
ReplyDeleteJokes on you. V-day is a real thing among feminists now.
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't care what anybody else says. I'm just glad to see that Ellen is willing to hire the elderly.
ReplyDeleteNick Zano can start wearing a dress.
ReplyDeleteAt least for the first 5 or 6 seasons......
6 a.m. 4/1/15 - the first V-bomb of the B100@40 speeches, which BTW are still going on at Pala. Thanks Ken for being the World's Best Emcee.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on well earned assignments!
ReplyDeleteWell, if you can fill in for Marilu, I'm sure you could fill in for Ellen.
ReplyDeleteIt was an obvious choice. Who else would I hire to fix "One Big Happy" than One Big Hippy? Welcome aboard Ken.
ReplyDeletePS: Tell me more about this "Radar" character...
Once again...
ReplyDelete"YOU a FUNNY guy!"