Not sure of its status today, but in the swinging ‘70s Black’s was a large nude beach in San Diego. I was a weekend disc jockey at B100 in 1976 and even though I had lived in San Diego a few years before (when I was full-time at another station) I had never made the pilgrimage. But I was always curious. Who wouldn’t be? You can see vaginas without a cover charge!
I was discussing the Middle East crisis with one of the other jocks from the station one night over tequila shooters and the conversation logically turned to Black’s Beach. Finally, he shrugged and said, “Well, let’s just go.” Damn! Why didn’t I ever think of that? I had to be on the air the next afternoon at 3:00 so we decided to go at noon; giving us a good couple of hours of sunning and ogling.
Black’s Beach is located in La Jolla and -- not surprising -- it’s very secluded. To access it you had to negotiate a half-mile steep path down a sharp cliff. That five-dollar cover charge was looking pretty good to me.
We finally reached the bottom and oh my God. It was as advertised. Filled with naked people, most of them young, many of them girls.
We set down a blanket and it was showdown time. Now understand that I had a hard time in junior high taking showers after gym. That’s just embedded in Jewish DNA. My people tend not to “streak”. We’re not, by nature, a “let it all hang out and frolic” culture. But the DJ who was with me stripped down in seconds. He obviously wasn’t Jewish, which was visually apparent the minute he lowered his pants.
So I figured, what the hell? I was actually very proud of myself. I took off all my clothes. I figured, if I can eat pork I can do this.
The scene itself was rather remarkable. Gorgeous naked college coeds, some oldsters far more comfortable with their saggy flesh than anyone viewing them were, and a number of athletic-looking dudes on the shore tossing the Frisbee around, trying to get noticed. Ironically, there were no blacks at Black’s. My guess is the Frisbee flingers would have been far less proud of themselves if there were.
I decided to take a walk along the beach. I figured that was the most discreet way to check out the scene without seeming obvious. Y’know, I’m walking to the snack stand or the restrooms or the lifeguard station. Except… there were no snack stands or restrooms or lifeguard stations. The only reason to walk along the beach was to scope people out.
There was one girl lying flat on her back on a towel, reading PORTNOY’S COMPLAINT with her legs spread wide apart. Talk about the perfect Philip Roth moment!
I didn’t approach her. What was I going to say? “Have you ever seen so much masturbation in a book in your life?” Besides, I rationalized that even if we had hit it off and she invited me to call her, where could she write the number?
We’re climbing and climbing and I finally check my watch and shit! It’s 2:30 already. We’re only halfway up.
So now we had to essentially sprint. I thought my lungs were going to burst. Got to his car, exhausted, and completely out of breath, and sped to the station; arriving two minutes before I had to go on the air. I’m wearing nothing but a bathing suit. I sign on by gasping. By 4:00 the sunburn below kicked in. I did the last three hours of my show with Popsicles on my lap that I bought from the vending machine.
Things I learned from the experience:
Wear sunglasses. No one can tell you’re staring.
Pack a sandwich and rappelling gear.
This is what Justin Timberlake’s home pool area must look like every Sunday.
Level 60 sunblock protection means
nothing to areas never before exposed to the sun. You might as well
just squat over a lit bar-b-que pit.
Without wearing a cup, a Frisbee becomes a potential lethal weapon.
and finally:
Women read PORTNOY’S COMPLAINT.
That was my one and only time at Black's Beach. And even to this day, if someone hands me a Popsicle my natural urge is to jam it down my pants.
This is a re-post from five years ago.
Great post. You had me laughing out loud. I can almost hear you opening the mic and gasping for air! Funny stuff.
ReplyDeleteAh, yes. Those dear, departed days when, to be attractive, you were expected to bake yourself to as dark a tan as your skin could manage. And all those people who are paying for that foolishness today with skin that looks like shoe leather and multiple trips to the dermatologist to have skin cancers removed.
ReplyDeleteI would think that you would attract more attention being in clothes or your bathing suit. My guess is that no one would notice if your naked there.
ReplyDelete"My people tend not to 'streak.' We’re not, by nature, a 'let it all hang out and frolic' culture."
ReplyDeleteNeither are MY people, which is why you didn't see any Blacks AT Black's. Some of us are, but most of us believe Adam and Eve had the right idea when they strapped on fig leaves.
Female genital anatomy:
ReplyDeletePerineum: includes everything between the legs from the pubis to the anus
Vulva: external genitalia including the labia and the clitoris
Labia: the folds of skin on either side of the vaginal opening
Vagina: the passage between the vaginal opening and the uterus
Will people please quit saying they "see" women's vaginas. No one sees the vagina except a doctor with a speculum. What you see when a naked woman walks down the beach is her vulva.
Unfortunately all of those words sound very inelegant, but vagina is almost as bad and is incorrect. A new term needs to be invented, like pussy but without the vulgar connotation.
Your first visit sounds like the typical young person's first time at a nude beach -- it's a novelty, you want to ogle. But once you get used to it (the second visit) you realize being naked at the beach is a perfectly natural feeling. Nothing really to ogle at when you're surrounded by hundreds of others who look just as dumpy as you do (not you Ken, I have no idea what you look like naked, but the average person...) It's not like women go to regular beaches to get turned on by guys' chests. At a nude beach, bare breasts, bums, and other bits just become normal parts of the body that don't deserve a second glance. It's a nice feeling when being natural becomes de-sexualized.
ReplyDeleteOK Ken, I have to ask this question. You're young and naked in front of all those attractive (and naked) young women, just how the heck do you keep from getting "perky"?
ReplyDeleteOh man, you pegged it, Blacks is SO difficult, there has to be some heart attacks in its history, I know I almost had one twice. Just south of San Onofre has one too, but it lacks the girls, so what's the point? Plus you exit the 5 at the power plant, then drive back south again clear past the Border Patrol check point. Blacks has all those UCSD students (girls). Today there's also a glider port there and those pervs spend most of their time circling the beach!
ReplyDelete"You're young and naked in front of all those attractive (and naked) young women, just how the heck do you keep from getting 'perky'?"
ReplyDeleteWhat else? You think about baseball!