It's been over five years since I posted this. It's one of my all-time favorites. Written by my partner, David Isaacs. Definitely worth a rerun.
Once again it's time for a memo from Mr. Special Effects.
Now more than ever, showrunners are implored to KEEP THE BUDGET DOWN! Like that's ever been easy in Hollywood. This town is notorious for huge mark ups, studios charging their own shows outrageous rent for their stages and facilities, etc. And if God forbid you need a special effect look out. In writing rooms whenever we propose even the smallest stunt we turn to my partner, David Isaacs, who has created a great character – Mr. Special Effects. He will then describe what is required to pull the stunt off and how much it will cost. Here is an example, in the form of a memo.
And believe me when I say this is TYPICAL.
*******
Report from TV Special Effects Department:
RE: Frasier
Situation: In a dream sequence, Frasier is on the air and his board explodes.
Proposal---If I'm to understand correctly from our conversation you all want the entire radio board to explode in Frasier's (Mr. Gramner's) face. filling the studio room with smoke. It's quite a coincidence since my dad created the same effect for Mr. Al Ruddy for an episode of 'The Monkee's. (For your reference it's the one where the Monkees try to outfox a Russian agent played by Mr. Lloyd Bochner). The good news is that with all the advancements in explosive delivery it's a much easier effect. (The real reason you never saw Mr. Mike Nesmith at any Monkees reunion is that he had four fingers of his left hand blown off. It's certainly not true that he was sick of being a part of a third rate Beatles knockoff. That and feeling responsible for Yakima Canutt losing a testicle on "How the West was Won" haunted my father till he fell to his death rigging Mr. Demetrious 'George' Savalas for a jump off the Brooklyn Bridge in 'Kojack.)
Anyway, the effect is fairly simple, but of course we want it foolproof and safe. (within reason) First of all we will rig a series of explosive charges across the board. That will control the blast as oppossed to one big blast which is harder to control. I will set off the charges in sequence from a specially designed phaser. That should supply our explosion and still create the effect. We also set a charge inside the board so that in the case of a fire breaking out from the initial explosion (small possibility) I'll blow that charge which in turn would smother the flames. That, of course, would also preclude a second take.
Now I'm to understand that Mr. Gramner would like to do the stunt himself (concurrent with an 'Entertainment Tonight' segment profiling sitcom actors who do their own s
tunts.)
That's fine but we will take the precaution of covering his body in an
inch to an inch and a half of Vaseline Petroleum Jelly under a flame
retardant herringbone suit. (It's uncomfortable but the guy works, what,
twelve hours a week?) That will protect him vis a vis a mistake in
explosion deployment. (Just to warn you in spite of caution it can
happen---Sometimes to a serendipitous result. My dad worked for Mr.
George Roy Hill on 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance KId." Liitle known
fact, the boxcar being blown to smithereens was not in the script. It
was what we call in the S.E. business a happy accident. Thankfully the
only injury was a prosthetic arm that was mangaled up pretty good. It
belonged to my dad's assistant 'Spider' who had lost his real arm and
half a foot working with my dad on 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. Long story)
So we will protect Mr. Gramner. Safety for the cameramen and crew are at your discretion. Should be a do it every day, piece of cake effect. Still it's S.O.P. for me to ask you one question that's in the order of a final safeguard. Was there originally an actor you really felt could have played Frasier in the event that Mr. Gramner was unavailable or... "a handful"? Have to ask. It many times makes a tougher call but I will remind you of 'happy accidents'.
I'm going to ball park a cost for you then come up with a final tally later. I know you have budget concerns but it's a heck of a stunt. Figuring explosives , equipment rented from the studio electrical dept., special costuming from the studio costume dept., crew, overtime, dummy board and console from studio props, studio fire chief standing by, and I figure you'll want to throw in pizza for a hard working S.E. bunch, I think I can bring the whole thing off for you, on the cheap, for about 110 thousand dollars. Again that's if we're not figuring on another take.
Loved the script by the way.
Mr. S.E.
Now more than ever, showrunners are implored to KEEP THE BUDGET DOWN! Like that's ever been easy in Hollywood. This town is notorious for huge mark ups, studios charging their own shows outrageous rent for their stages and facilities, etc. And if God forbid you need a special effect look out. In writing rooms whenever we propose even the smallest stunt we turn to my partner, David Isaacs, who has created a great character – Mr. Special Effects. He will then describe what is required to pull the stunt off and how much it will cost. Here is an example, in the form of a memo.
And believe me when I say this is TYPICAL.
*******
Report from TV Special Effects Department:
RE: Frasier
Situation: In a dream sequence, Frasier is on the air and his board explodes.
Proposal---If I'm to understand correctly from our conversation you all want the entire radio board to explode in Frasier's (Mr. Gramner's) face. filling the studio room with smoke. It's quite a coincidence since my dad created the same effect for Mr. Al Ruddy for an episode of 'The Monkee's. (For your reference it's the one where the Monkees try to outfox a Russian agent played by Mr. Lloyd Bochner). The good news is that with all the advancements in explosive delivery it's a much easier effect. (The real reason you never saw Mr. Mike Nesmith at any Monkees reunion is that he had four fingers of his left hand blown off. It's certainly not true that he was sick of being a part of a third rate Beatles knockoff. That and feeling responsible for Yakima Canutt losing a testicle on "How the West was Won" haunted my father till he fell to his death rigging Mr. Demetrious 'George' Savalas for a jump off the Brooklyn Bridge in 'Kojack.)
Anyway, the effect is fairly simple, but of course we want it foolproof and safe. (within reason) First of all we will rig a series of explosive charges across the board. That will control the blast as oppossed to one big blast which is harder to control. I will set off the charges in sequence from a specially designed phaser. That should supply our explosion and still create the effect. We also set a charge inside the board so that in the case of a fire breaking out from the initial explosion (small possibility) I'll blow that charge which in turn would smother the flames. That, of course, would also preclude a second take.
Now I'm to understand that Mr. Gramner would like to do the stunt himself (concurrent with an 'Entertainment Tonight' segment profiling sitcom actors who do their own s
tunts.)
That's fine but we will take the precaution of covering his body in an
inch to an inch and a half of Vaseline Petroleum Jelly under a flame
retardant herringbone suit. (It's uncomfortable but the guy works, what,
twelve hours a week?) That will protect him vis a vis a mistake in
explosion deployment. (Just to warn you in spite of caution it can
happen---Sometimes to a serendipitous result. My dad worked for Mr.
George Roy Hill on 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance KId." Liitle known
fact, the boxcar being blown to smithereens was not in the script. It
was what we call in the S.E. business a happy accident. Thankfully the
only injury was a prosthetic arm that was mangaled up pretty good. It
belonged to my dad's assistant 'Spider' who had lost his real arm and
half a foot working with my dad on 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. Long story)So we will protect Mr. Gramner. Safety for the cameramen and crew are at your discretion. Should be a do it every day, piece of cake effect. Still it's S.O.P. for me to ask you one question that's in the order of a final safeguard. Was there originally an actor you really felt could have played Frasier in the event that Mr. Gramner was unavailable or... "a handful"? Have to ask. It many times makes a tougher call but I will remind you of 'happy accidents'.
I'm going to ball park a cost for you then come up with a final tally later. I know you have budget concerns but it's a heck of a stunt. Figuring explosives , equipment rented from the studio electrical dept., special costuming from the studio costume dept., crew, overtime, dummy board and console from studio props, studio fire chief standing by, and I figure you'll want to throw in pizza for a hard working S.E. bunch, I think I can bring the whole thing off for you, on the cheap, for about 110 thousand dollars. Again that's if we're not figuring on another take.
Loved the script by the way.
Mr. S.E.
This reminds me of a story that "Laugh-In" creator George Schlatter tells about his battle with the NBC censors. He would have the writers come up with some really raunchy material knowing that it would never be used. But, he would use it as bait for the censors. If they had a problem with one joke Schlatter would say, let's comprise. We'll take out joke 'A' (one of the raunchy ones) if you let us keep joke 'B.' It usually worked.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that's similar to what Mr. S.E. is doing. Give them a highly inflated initial price. Then say maybe we can cut some corners. And then the network is relieved by the actual price. Problem solved.
M.B.
ProTip: After rehearsal, before the show, make them change the batteries. In the prop, and in the controller. "It's fine, we only used it today". Right.
ReplyDeleteI still wanna know what kind of invisibility unitard the Frasier producers had rigged up for the actress who played Maris.
ReplyDeleteAfter all those seasons and episodes, we never SAW her!
"Happy Accidents" - OMG!
ReplyDeleteHave you seen this Ken? Jimmy Kimmel is partnering with Norman Lear in a TV special that will recreate one episode each of All In The Family and The Jefferson’s, but with modern stars taking on the roles. Woody Harrelson is playing Archie Bunker and Marisa Tomei are playing Archie and Edith Bunker, and Jamie Foxx and Wanda Sykes star as The Jeffersons. Thoughts? https://www.broadwayworld.com/bwwtv/article/Woody-Harrelson-to-Play-Archie-Bunker-on-Tribute-to-ALL-IN-THE-FAMILY-THE-JEFFERSONS-20190419
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my all time favorite posts. I work in production and when it ran in the past I forwarded it to several people. Thanks for re-sharing.
ReplyDelete"Thankfully the only injury was a prosthetic arm that was mangaled up pretty good. It belonged to my dad's assistant 'Spider' who had lost his real arm and half a foot working with my dad on 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. Long story."
ReplyDeleteHILARIOUS! I'd forgotten about Mr SE.