The irony is a lot of lines we used to stand in we don’t anymore. When was the last time you stood in a long line to get into a movie theatre? Trips to the bank which used to mean lengthy teller lines are now skirted thanks to ATM’s or on line banking (or being broke).
But if you want a hundred rolls of toilet paper or eight cartons of Cheetos you’ve got to deal with Costco. If you want to go to a sporting event allow an extra half hour for security. And don’t even get me started on the airport.
The question becomes: Is my time more valuable than waiting in line? When Taco Bell gives out free tacos is it really worth standing in line for 40 minutes to save $3.00? Are the Black Friday discounts that amazing?
I spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure out how I can avoid lines. Going to the Department of Motor Vehicles is a nightmare. It’s imperative I make a reservation beforehand, even if that means setting it up two months in advance. I pay the money for TSA Pre-Check. I never go to In & Out at noon. (I never go to Taco Bell at all so that’s moot.) I never go to Costco (although I do love their hot dogs). I book rental cars way in advance. I don’t go to any clubs that have velvet ropes.
I think a way of testing our tolerance is Disneyland. We all know there are long lines at Disneyland. They've instituted "Fast Passes" which help, but still plan on 60% of your day standing in line for Peter Pan. This past summer they opened up a big Star Wars Land attraction. Disney figured this would be an absolute bonanza. And instead people avoided Disneyland like the plague. Everyone just assumed that the crowds and lines would be insane so they avoided it. There's a tipping point.
What lines will you stand in and which will you avoid?
The Peter Pan ride, by the way, takes like a minute and a half.
The Muppet Show at Disney World in Orlando had a long line but it was mitigated by the hilarious "promotional" posters on the walls while we waited.
ReplyDeleteI never have met anyone who hated standing in line as much as my dad. He had served in the Navy (WWII), Marines, and the Army (Korea) and truly refused to go anyplace where he had to stand in a line. Well, sometime he had to but we sure heard about it!
ReplyDeleteI was recently over from the UK visiting family in LA. Looking for somewhere to grab some, we had been advised to try Howling Rays, it is supposed to be the best chicken in town. But we'd have to queue. When we looked into it, we discovered the queue could be 90 minutes. For chicken? Insane. We didn't go, but it's jaw dropping to think that there are people who'll stand in line for 90 minutes for fried chicken.
ReplyDeleteWe're about the same age, Ken, and I agree. I go to fewer sporting events than I used to and never fly unless I have to, almost completely because I'm tired of queuing up. I'm at Costco when the doors open and do what The Beloved Spouses refers to as "laser shopping" to get out before things clog up. I may not care as much once I retire, but while I'm still working five days a week I want to spend as little of my free time as possible waiting in line.
ReplyDeleteStanding for a half hour in line to ride on a minute and a half Peter Pan ride is known as "kiddie foreplay"
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up, the line was "communism doesn't work--look at the long lines people have to wait in Moscow just to get toilet paper or a loaf of bread!" And here in the good ol' capitalist U.S. of A, what do we do? Wait in long lines for toilet paper and Cheetos. And overpriced lame theme parks.
ReplyDeleteAnd our president is now a Moscow puppet. Who won exactly?
I was in a line for an hour and 40 minutes last week... for a wake of a guy I had known quite well years ago. There were over 200 people waiting to get up to the casket and the family.
ReplyDeleteThe least painful long line I've waited in was at SeaWorld Orlando. The line for one of their roller coasters winds through a long succession of beautiful, amazing aquariums.
ReplyDeleteHere is a Friday question that has been bubbling up for a long time for me.
ReplyDeleteI was listening to Judd Apatow on Fresh Air and he talked about writing a hundred jokes in one night for Garry Shandling when he was starting out. I couldn't write one joke in a hundred years.
So how do you write a joke? I mean one specific great joke.
Does the joke just come out of your subconscious or is there an actual process. I would imagine that comedy writers have some part of the brain that is gigantic. The Medula Oblong Comedius or something.
My wife and I were overjoyed to discover that our Costco *delivers*. It's a $10 fee, but sooooooo worth it to avoid the lines @ checkout.
ReplyDeleteWhen my daughter was 2 years old we visited Disney World, and she REALLY wanted to ride the Dumbo ride. Back then there were only 8 Dumbos, so the line was 45 minutes long.
ReplyDeleteI had two choices - I could wait in the line, or I could have my daughter's lasting memory of the trip be that Mommy didn't let her ride the Dumbo ride.
Of course I stood in the damn line....
If a line is more than 15 minutes long, I’m out. No matter what it is. Our neighbourhood has become a bit of a hipster hangout, and apparently hipsters LOVE lining up for restaurants. Those are the restaurants I avoid.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest waste of time for many of us now is traffic. There was about a year in the 90's when I commuted a hundred miles each way from San Diego to LA to a morning radio gig. I was on the road at off-hours, so it was do-able. Didn't like it, but I did it. Now I maintain a motorhome at my workplace to avoid an intolerable 60-mile commute all but once a week. Back at that 90s job, I recall the grand opening of the Indiana Jones Adventure at Disneyland with the biggest takeaway being the "Imagineers'" efforts at in-line entertainment for what they knew would be a perpetual hour or two-long line of people waiting for the ride. A nice gesture, but that's when I began to back away from the Magic Kingdom - when the entertainment began requiring pre-entertainment brought on by all the queuing.
ReplyDeleteThe post office. Hell's waiting room. It was actually the inspiration for the afterlife waiting room in BEETLEJUICE. At least the dead could sit.
ReplyDeleteGet comfortable shoes and an engrossing book if you plan to vote next year.
I'm with you on those Costco hot dogs. I especially like the machine that cranks out the onions...
ReplyDeleteI think the longest line I ever waited in was to see The Exorcist when it first came out. And it was very cold outside.
ReplyDeletebtw, why do some people say wait "in line" and some people say wait "on line"?
ReplyDeleteI think younger folks don't mind waiting in lines so much these days because they'll be preoccupied with doing whatever they do on their phones. Sadly (to me anyway)once they're involved in whatever they've been waiting for they'll STILL be on their phones.
ReplyDeleteBack in 1982-1983 it was fun to wait in line for Cubs bleacher seats. Back then they were only sold on the day of game- and thanks to the 81 strike and the Cubs ineptitude there were days the place was less than half filled. Remember Lee Elia's rant about Cubs fans?
ReplyDeleteDisneyland: I think the longest line was for the Indiana Jones Adventure. Luckily I had read about the interactive features so I got to play Klutzy Uncle to my niece as I kept threatening to bring the place down.
DMV is the worst, particularly when your state goes through a budget crunch and cuts back on hours and service. Social Security is coming up, hopefully I can avoid having to actually visit their office.
A 45 minute line is short at Disneyland. When it hits 2 hours is when I start considering whether or not I want to bother.
ReplyDeleteYeah, being on your phone (or reading a book or otherwise occupying yourself) is more productive. There's the occasional Disney ride where they have things to look at while you're in there--or at least they used to hand out hieroglyphic translation cards to read while you were in line at Indiana Jones.
I do think it's hilarious that everyone assumed the line at Star Wars would be so bad that nobody is actually going.
You still have to wait in line at the bank if you're doing a transaction that requires a teller. That's because many banks have fired most of their tellers and replaced them with ATMs. Ironic isn't it? Replace people with machines supposedly for our convenience (and of course to save MONEY) and you wind up INconveniencing a whole other group of people.
ReplyDeleteLong lines are relative, however. When my cousin lived in northern California I went to a Wal·Mart or Home Depot I don't remember which. Regardless, one of the checkers was complaining about how busy it was. I looked around and saw that the store was virtually empty. I told her that in L.A. most of the registers would be open and there would still be lines back into the aisles. She looked at me as if I was crazy. I guess it's all subjective.
Yet, people still wonder why I'm so desperate to get out of L.A. Politics aside.
M.B.
P.S. Is that a photo of Solvang or Harry Pottersville at Universal?
ReplyDeleteM.B.
I have a strict rule about never ever shopping Black Friday. I broke it exactly once, to help a close friend snag a special gift for her husband. Since then I understand it's gotten worse, with customers being trampled and even assaulted. No for-purchase item is worth that in my book.
ReplyDeleteMy family belongs to Costco (also love the hot dogs) and of the three Membership Clubs we have joined over the years (we only hold one membership at a time!) they have actual customer service and work hard to make the lines move efficiently. I'm often pleasantly surprised by how quickly - and courteously - the line dispatches me back to my car.
Overall I try not to get too annoyed by lines and especially to treat the employees and the people stranded with me courteously. I tell myself that if I was in that much of a hurry I should have come at a different time....
The longest line I ever stood in was at the Cine Capri Theater in Phoenix, AZ to see "Star Wars" when it first came out in 1977. Remember, this was long before block booking and certainly long before "Star Wars" became a household word. So the Cine Capri was the *only* theater in town that had this movie, and it stayed at that theater for over a year. Due to the lines around the building, I didn't see the movie for the first time until six months after it was first released. Six months later, a friend of mine and I went to see it for a second time, and there were *still* lines around the building.
ReplyDeleteThey finally opened a Cheesecake Factory in Canada at a huge suburban mall. People lined up through the mall for hours to get in. This lasted a few months. Now it’s half empty. Still long lines at Canada Goose though. To spend a thousand dollars on a parka!
ReplyDeleteBack in the day,Ken,I remember waiting in long lines for a films opening day. Star Trek:The Motion Picture(on a bitter December evening),Star Wars,Indiana Jones(sweltering heat).
ReplyDeleteThe line was so long for The Godfather that we all turned the car around and went back home.
Now that we have multiplexes those days are history. I've gone to see movies now and there's only 15 other people in the theater with me.
While I love having not to stand in endless lines for a film,I sometimes miss the enjoyment of seeing a movie with a large crowd...especially the comedies.
Thomas Tucker, in the mother country we still call them a "queue". Why do you all say "line"?
ReplyDeleteI won't stand in line at Disneyland.
ReplyDeleteIn 1973 I was surprised (and a little disappointed) to find that at age 14 the land of Disney held little interest for me - but then I didn't ride The Matterhorn with my grandmother, who would most likely have sworn in Finnish in any case.
(great story, Ken, about how your dad pranked his mother like that)
At a Palm Desert Walmart last spring, I found myself in one of too few lines on a Sunday morning. I estimated it would take a minimum of 20 minutes so off I went to the "self check".
(I was informed that I couldn't auto-check the tall boys in the basket - I shrugged and let them restock the beer.)
If I travelled more, I'd pay for the TSA pre-check.
Shopping at Costco at 10AM is a very good plan. Their kosher beef hot dogs are very good - with decent condiments (I always ask for kraut). Still, I miss the polish sauages - which thankfully are still for sale.
At at least one DMV in Anchorage, they have deli-style numbers with the current number on TV screens - along with comfy seating. Like Costco, show up early (at 0830) and there is a line outside, but you get your business done quicker.
I have an arrangement with an out-of-town friend. I will occasionally deposit funds a a bank branch where the tellers are uncommonly lovely. In this case a longer line is a bonus.
Otherwise - my local credit union has many branches and short lines.
Standing in line at Indian Wells (two week ATP/WTA event in March) has also been a bonus - other fans have been quite chatty about Tennis (maybe I got lucky?)
Judd Apatow on Fresh Air - Blinky offered a timely reminder on this. He published a remembrance of Garry Shandling the following day - based on Shandling's diary/journals among other things.
https://www.amazon.com/Garry-Shandlings-Book-Judd-Apatow/dp/0525510842/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9XLGW74G7CSC&keywords=judd+apatow+garry+shandling+book&qid=1574296049&sprefix=judd+a%2Caps%2C233&sr=8-1
More than 99% of the time I hear "in line" - in England they "queue up".
At Safeco Field (the "old name") in Seattle, show up at 1630 for a 1900 game and the lines at the centerfield/beer garden entrance aren't too long and beer is 1/2-price.
(every time I go, Felix has been pounded - mostly by the Angels - and now, I suppose, he will retire)
One other Disneyland anecdote. In nineties I enterained an old lcoal family friend and another, who visited from SoCal. He described the massive surrveilance there - as well as the underground tunnels everywhere - used mostly for stocking and trash removal. He mentioned how they would "go get the polt smokers", I replied:
"So you harrass the peaceful ones?"
I was at Costco today and there was only one guy ahead of me at the check stand, and he had a handful of items. I even found a primo parking space. The checker had lightning-fast hands and my entire purchase took about 30 seconds (for three items).
ReplyDeleteOnce, I was at the Emerald Queen Casino and noted charlatan Sylvia Brown was having a show. The line for that was humongous (and mostly female). I told them in a loud voice that she was a sham and flim-flammer, but they were dumb to leave.
thomas tucker said...
ReplyDeletebtw, why do some people say wait "in line" and some people say wait "on line"?
Because some of them are wrong.
Loosehead said...
Thomas Tucker, in the mother country we still call them a "queue". Why do you all say "line"?
Because nobody wants to bother writing out "queue"? You Brits put too many superfluous "u"s in your words, anyway.
I never wait in line for anything. (I haven't found anything worth waiting in line for). If there's more than one other person in a queue, I leave the store and return at a quieter time. I also work opposite "normal hours" so I don't have to deal with Rush Hour.
ReplyDeleteTodd, no we don't (and Is this the place for an argument? I've already told you once. No you haven't. Yes I have. etc)
ReplyDeleteI remember when I lived in L.A. thirty-five years or so ago I'd always said they just moved the line I was in from the Post Office to the Bank and back again. I've lived in four states now and the absolute easiest for getting a driver's license renewal in Florida. The last time I just walked in the door, the clerk at reception handed me a number and by the time I got to a seat, the number was already being called. I was in and out in ten minutes.
ReplyDeleteCount me among those who avoid lines. I stopped dealing with Costco and Sam's Club when I did the math on how much money standing in line cost me vs. how much I saved. I did it while standing in line at Costco, of course, using my hourly freelance rate. Around here you're lucky if there are two open registers, so a 45-minute wait isn't unusual. I've never checked back to see if they increased staff or implemented self-checkout, but the closest Sam's Club closed up, so that tells you something.
ReplyDeleteLines just aren't a good business model. The local Kmart (now long closed) usually had one open register and a line of 20 people. Rarely did I need something badly enough to stand in that line. Of course, they were cutting staff trying to stave off bankruptcy, but that's just stupid. You don't make more money by making it harder for people to buy your stuff. Interestingly enough, the liquidation company that took over when it was closing opened several registers and there were no lines. The place was cleaned out in a few days.
The lines I remember: 1965 World's Fair in Queens, NYC for something called Belgian waffles.
ReplyDeleteStar Wars - the 1st one, or the 4th one, whatever - and two months after it had opened.
My last visit to the DMV, to get an enhanced ID, took 20 minutes from start to finish. I was in shock.
I, too, have TSA-PreCheck and it does save some minutes. The best money I ever spent is for Global Entry for returning to the US. I can ignore that nasty customs declaration they hand out on the planes for returning citizens. We all know customs lines to re enter are horrific long and after a long flight are really, really difficult. And about 200 people long. However if you have Global Entry you enter where there is no line walk to the kiosk get a printout and then go to the no-line and hand the printout to the customs TSA (or whatever they are). In and out in 15 mins... well worth the cost. If you have a problem having your fingerprints on file this is not for you.
ReplyDeleteAirport, and entry to work stuff, and that's about it. Otherwise, I go away and come back later. However, I read while waiting, so the time isn't wasted and I'm not focused on being frustrated.
ReplyDeletewg
I waited 18 years for my first minute and a half ride...it was worth it.
ReplyDeleteOn the news this morning, I saw people sleeping in tents on a Chick Fil a parking lot for a grand opening, they were giving away free food for a year to the first xx number of people in line. Then the anchor broke it that free food for a year meant one meal for a week for the next year. So it's no longer a question of how much of that garbage you can cram down your throat in a year, I assume a meal is about $7 (don't know, won't eat there, won't find out), but it now has a price tag of about $364. To sleep in a wet 30 degree parking lot all night, jockey for a place in line, run the risk of not making it, and running a risk of necessitating a trip to the doctor with a bill that will negate your winnings. Idiocy.
ReplyDeleteIn math, a line has no beginning or end, so what we do at stores, movies, etc is a line segment. Something to discuss the next time you are waiting in a queue....
ReplyDeleteUnwillingly - Post Office, Jury Duty in Baltimore City (check-in was at 8 - waited in line outside for an hour to get through security waited another 3 hours to get checked in); Willingly, Raven's game. Otherwise, I have no patience. I remember a long time ago when they gave us beepers for a table at Carrabbas. What were we thinking???
ReplyDeleteOne other note, the most amazing line to me is at the grocery store. People are terrified of the self-checkout. I've been in the store, huge lines at check-outs with cashiers. Self-check-out is empty. It isn't that hard. Scan the bar-code - that's about it.
ReplyDelete