There’s
a guy who imitates baseball players’ batting stances. I once saw him at
Dodger Stadium. He’s uncanny at it but it got me thinking –
how the hell do you make a living imitating Nomar Garciaparra’s batting
stance?And then I starting wondering – how many other gifted people are blessed with a talent that ultimately does them no good?
There’s a guy in San Francisco I once saw who did amazing reproductions of great works of art in chalk on sidewalks. Very impressive but THAT’S his calling? Of all mediums why selec
t chalk?A few years ago at the Hollywood Bowl an incredible mimic did the Danny Kaye Dodger song and you could swear it was Danny Kaye. How do you support your family as a Danny Kaye impersonator?
Here are a few other artists that only Broadway Danny Rose would consider representing:
There’s a guy who can snap his fingers the fastest. I guess he's the world's fastest hipster. Another can hold the most eggs in his hand. Who’s going to pay good money in Vegas to see that?
Someone claims to be the fastest texter (besides my daughter). Another is the fastest clapper. I feel sorry for the second fastest clapper because the first fastest has to be starving.
There’s a gentleman who can draw a perfect circle. Other than getting chicks I don’t see the point.
I’m sure there are others. What do baton champions do? What kind of legacy can gingerbread house makers have?
Meanwhile, Gallagher makes a handsome living smashing watermelons and Vanna White is rich from turning over vowels.
My heart goes out to these talented individuals. Oh, I just thought of another talent that yields no discernable profit.
Blogging.
Chalk I can understand, it's the cement that seems limiting.
ReplyDeleteWhat’s your opinion of wildly successful creator/producers who clean uo for a good run but then just, well, die — either naturally or becausetheywere forced to die? I’m asking this question because I was thinking of James Komack, who had several claims to fame, but none them very enduring to our hearts on the level of MASH or Cheers or Frasier. But yet during that particular 1970s decade, the guy cleaned up with what amounted to bullshit and fluff. I mean really — ‘Mr T And Tina’??? So — How do you explain such things?
ReplyDeleteThere's a Barney Miller classic where they arrest a guy who can make noises with his hands, ala, shall we say, the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles--the line of the show is when Harris mentions his performance of "The 1812 Overture." And it ends with Wojo showing the guy taught him how to do it.
ReplyDeleteThere are over 7 billion people in the world. To be able to definitely state you are the absolute, provable best at *something*? Even if it's kinda weird or useless? I'd take it, happily!
ReplyDeleteUnknown,
ReplyDeleteRE Komack he also produced COURTSHIP OF EDDIE'S FATHER and WELCOME BACK, KOTTER.
Sounds like Sour Grapes to me...
Your guy imitating stances reminds me of the FRIENDS episode where Joey finds his "hand twin," convinced that will lead to fame and fortune.... somehow.
ReplyDeleteThis batting stance guy isn't the same guy who does the catcher impressions is he? Gary Carter with the leg out, etc..
ReplyDeleteI was lucky enough to go to an event featuring Mari Nixon. She did the voice singing for a number of actresses in major movie musicals. She sang songs from Mary Poppins and sounded exactly like Julie Andrews.
ReplyDeleteGo to YouTube and type "vaudeville." The people you describe might not have been stars like Al Jolson a century ago, but they could have had careers. Except the guy who imitates batting stances, because he would have been competing with Babe Ruth himself.
ReplyDeleteYou'll really enjoy the clips of Morey Amsterdam and Rose Marie.
You needed PPE for a Gallagher show, way before it was cool. And I guess Gallagher II is the "second fastest clapper" of the prop comedy world.
ReplyDeleteSteve D -
ReplyDeleteI was a big fan of Marni Nixon and saw her in concert a couple times. Unfortunately, she was still bound by non-closure agreements with the movie studios, and thus could not publicly perform any of the songs she'd ghosted for Deborah Kerr in "The King and I," Natalie Wood in "West Side Story," and Audrey Hepburn in "My Fair Lady."
Friday question: Am I correct in assuming that it was unusual for relatively inexperienced writers like David and yourself to be made head writers on an established hit show like MASH? If so, did you feel any extra pressure or have any doubts you would be successful?
ReplyDeleteThe finger snapping guy called himself Bobby Badfingers. He lived in San Jose and owned an RV dealership. I used to do his TV commercials back in the last century. I did him some favors and he lent our family an RV for a week. He was on some fairly big shows back in the 90s as a novelty act. He did everything he could to become famous or make living off finger snapping but ultimately he was just an RV dealer.
ReplyDeleteKen, let's be fair. Vanna turned over consonants, too.
ReplyDeleteMy special ability is to find an apt comparison for any topic to a FRIENDS episode. I had plans, DREAMS, if you will of finding fame and fortune with this ability.
ReplyDeleteAnd today I thought I found my opportunity to make my plans, my DREAMS come true.
When I saw the first lines of today's post ("There’s a guy who imitates baseball players’ batting stances. I once saw him at Dodger Stadium. He’s uncanny at it but it got me thinking – how the hell do you make a living imitating Nomar Garciaparra’s batting stance?"), I immediately thought of the FRIENDS episode where Joey finds his "hand twin" which will somehow lead to fame and fortune for... reasons.
A-HA! What a clever comparison I can make and impress Ken Levine with my wit and my peerless grasp of sitcom trivia.
Then I see where Janet posted....
"Your guy imitating stances reminds me of the FRIENDS episode where Joey finds his "hand twin," convinced that will lead to fame and fortune.... somehow."
Damn it! My plans fall to ruin, my dreams...my DREAMS, I tell you.. are... dead.
if they were ALL on tik tok or youtube they could somehow go virtual.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't everyone remember JACKASS etc. People who purposely get hurt for a living.
They were doing better than stuntmen financially
Except Brad Pitt.
My geography professor in college was AMAZING at drawing perfect circles. The first time he did it on a blackboard the whole class gasped. And then he did it like three more times to prove it wasn't a fluke. Fortunately, he was wise enough to know that basing a career on that fairly obscure talent wasn't a good decision.
ReplyDeleteIt's not Nomar's batting stance, but his routine prior to batting.
ReplyDeleteYou said "Other than getting chicks I don't see the point." But isn't that the point of life, to impress girls? Why else do boys do 90% of what we do? It's in Shakespeare.
ReplyDelete-30-
You need the foresight of a P.T. Barnum who allegedly said, "There's a sucker born every minute." I'm constantly amazed at the things people will pay to watch.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid we used to ride our bike's through the mud and jump mounds or ramps. And this was on Schwinns and Huffys. They didn't have BMX bikes back then. Yet, someone somewhere said, "People might pay to see this." And an entire new sport is born.
Who among us at one time or another hasn't drummed on a coffee can or a waste basket? Or tapped his (or her) spoon on a glass, etc., etc. But, some genius or madman said, "I could sell tickets to this." And wham! You've got the stage show "STOMP." BTW There are only two reasons you will ever see me at "STOMP." One, I've been replaced by a pod. Or two, an incredibly hot babe I'm dating absolutely has to see it. So...pod.
Not to mention all the crazy stuff you see on the internet. Some of it is amazingly good and some is "You've got to be kidding me," awful.
If you had bet me that some day the Kardashians would be the mega-celbrities they are today, I would have put it all on NO FREAKIN' WAY!! Of course, I would have lost that one.
M.B.
P.S. I've seen the fastest clapper guy on a commercial for, you guessed it, THE CLAPPER.
DeleteM.B.
Marni Nixon was the mother of the late Andrew Gold, who wrote and recorded "Thank You For Being a Friend," a hit seven years before "The Golden Girls" premiered in 1985.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, Bea Arthur and Rue McClanahan were wrapping up "Maude" when the song was on the charts in the spring of 1978.
For those who might be interested, to add onto your post from a while back, Ken, someone posted all 6 episodes of the short-lived "Thanks" on YouTube. Hopefully it'll be there for a while, so hurry and get your fix now!
ReplyDeleteThe legend, of course, is that Leonardo da Vinci was asked to submit samples of his artwork, in order to be considered for a commission from the Pope. Leonardo said: I don’t have any artwork to show you, but I can draw a perfect circle, and immediately drew one freehand. The Pope gave him the commission.
ReplyDeleteThe story is almost certainly untrue, but that doesn’t prevent me from telling it here.
Reminds me of Michael Winslow, the cop in POLICE ACADEMY who did sound effects, and "Motormouth" John Moschitta, the fast talker from the Fed Ex commercials, who at least were able to profit from their unique abilities. BTW, nice set up for the blogger line at the end. Really cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteThe Pope circle story is about Giotto, from Vasari's "Lives Of The Artists".
ReplyDeleteI have a co-worker who says her superpower is telling the Olsen twins apart.
ReplyDeleteKen:
ReplyDeleteI remember a guest on the old Steve Allen show who's talent was going to a chalk board and simultaneously writing the same thing with each hand, one forwards and one backwards. To demonstrate this skill he asked Allen "Give me a sentence" to which Steve replied, without missing a beat, "Seven years hard labor". What an ad lib.
By the way, Mark Grant of the Padres telecasts does imitations. He actually did a terrific Ross Porter. Think about that. Everybody does Vin.
ReplyDeleteHe also used to do UMPIRE impressions. The old-timers had very distinct styles and calls. Yes, he'd do Dutch Rennert, because how could you not. But John Kibler and Frank Pulli?
The king of this has to be Vaughn Meader, right? a comedian during the early 60's who became famous for impersonating President Kennedy, winning a Grammy for the best comedy album. He instantly became famous and made a ton of money. His album The First Family sold 7.5 million albums, which was more than ANY album had sold at that point.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, his career ended in Dallas on 11/22/63. Making lemonade outta lemons, at least we got this incredible line from Lenny Bruce:
"According to several sources, avant-garde standup comedian Lenny Bruce went on with his November 22 nightclub show as scheduled. Just hours after Kennedy's death, Bruce walked onstage, stood silently for several moments, then said sadly, "Poor Vaughn Meader.""
Define "Discernable"
ReplyDeleteThe second fastest hand clapper would have been number one
ReplyDeletebut for his purposefully slow response to his only other competitor
for the title
Many years ago I went to a taping of the Jonathan Winters variety show. The warm up guy said there was, of course, no requirement to clap, but if we were so disposed that if we clapped faster it would make it sound like there were more people there and that this was preferable to clapping louder. It’s something I always remembered. You’ve mentioned that you did warm up for some of the shows you worked on so I was wondering if it’s true that clapping faster is preferable. And if that’s true perhaps in this era of social distancing the fast clapping guy has finally found a way to make a buck hiring himself out as a one man audience.
ReplyDeleteI also can imitate players' batting stances and am absolutely amazed at how many people are impressed by it! Go figure.
ReplyDeleteI do impressions of famous bass players. Geddy Lee brings the house down.
ReplyDeleteI don't do it for the money. I don't do it to rule the world. I don't do it for the fame. I do it to appease my muse, you never know when they will turn on you
@xmastime beat me to the Vaughn Meader story. So my first runner-up story is Art Metrano, whose "magic" act used to leave me in stitches.
ReplyDeleteCharlie:
ReplyDeleteThat Steve Allen show guest would have been Professor Backwards- there are a couple of youtube videos of his act. Professor Backwards appeared at our school once- naturally he was asked to write "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious". Which he did- we think. Horrible end for the man-he was murdered, and then the story of his murder was used as punch line on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.