Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Week 16 of self-quarantining


Random thoughts from captivity: 

 

I’m really learning which meals I can eat all the time and which I can’t.

 

If you started a pandemic beard and it’s still growing you must look like David Letterman by now.  And your wife has divorced you.

 

CHEERS leaves Netflix tonight at midnight.   It’s still on Hulu and CBS All Access. 

 

Hulu also now has JUST SHOOT ME.  An episode I directed is one of my favorites, called “Sewer,” from Season 2, Episode 11.   Hilarious script by Andrew Gordon & Eileen Conn.   It was a real challenge. I had an orangutan, stunts, special effects – but thought it came out great. 

 

Have you pretty much binge-watched all the shows you want to binge-watch? 


I understand that Costco is now selling coffins.  Who buys coffins in bulk? 

 

Are people setting off fireworks every night because they’re just bored or they’re idiots?

 

And speaking of idiots -- American Airlines is selling every seat again.  Why would you ever get on a full flight at this moment in time?   Especially since half the moron passengers won’t wear masks.  Why not just go into a COVID-19 ICU ward and lick the floor? 

 

Who knew?  THE MASKED SINGER was a year ahead of its time.

 

Maybe the only progress I’ve seen:  It’s easier to get toilet paper. 

 

Can you imagine what it was like during the pandemic of 1918 when there was no Zoom? 


My hair hasn't been this long since college.  I'm going for the Jeff Bridges look now.  Call me "the Dude." 

 

I don’t care what they say -- I’ll be surprised if they play Major League Baseball this year.   Hope I’m wrong.  Same with the NFL. 

 

I’m learning what I don’t miss: Going to movie theatres for one. Watching the news for another.

 

Drive-In theatres are fun… unless you have to use the bathroom. 

 

Why is it impossible to get Hebrew National Salamis? 


I gave the new Perry Mason two weeks.  I'm done. 


Will Benihana ever re-open? 


Take down any statue but Rocky & Bullwinkle.

 

Are you more or less productive than you were at the start of this pandemic?

 

JUST SHOOT ME was an underrated show. 

 

Doesn’t last February seem like five years ago? 

 

Stay safe.  Wear masks.  Vote by mail. Believe science. 

 

 

40 comments :

  1. Yeah, where IS Hebrew National salami? I grew up on that stuff, and the inadequate substitute at Costco is barely cheaper, but doesn't taste nearly as good.

    I understand that Costco is now selling coffins. Who buys coffins in bulk?

    Maybe the Donner party? Although I hear they're most interested in Tupperware.


    Are people setting off fireworks every night because they’re just bored or they’re idiots?

    What, they can't be both? This is America.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Just saw that Carl Riner has died at 96. RIP, and I'd assume there will be a post later today on his work before, during and after "The Dick Van Dyke Show".

    ReplyDelete
  3. You realize Ken if people past a certain age stop going to movie theaters Hollywood will continue to feel justified pumping out stuff like the Marvel Universe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My next resume will include the line, "Can cut his own hair."

    ReplyDelete
  5. They're shooting off fireworks here in Carnegie (suburb of Pittsburgh), too. We don't get it.

    I ran across the Rocky & Bullwinkle statue my first trip to LA. Officially my favorite statue ever.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Arlen Peters6/30/2020 7:29 AM

    I went into two Gelson's, wanted one of their hand made sandwiches. Kosher salami. They were out. Two markets out. Glad you are asking the same question. Inquiring minds want to know!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Going to movie theaters is actually the thing I miss the most. For my family and I it was always a highlight and something we loved doing together. Watching movies at home just isn't the same (plus, our theater has reserved seating, recliner chairs and free refills on soda and popcorn, all at actually cheap prices. It's nice!)



    ReplyDelete
  8. My condolences on the loss of - in effect - one of your comedy mentors, Carl Reiner.

    If he couldn't live to be 2000 years old I at least hoped he'd live long enough to see Trump kicked to the curb.

    ReplyDelete
  9. CHEERS in on Peacock, the NBC/Comcast streaming service. I get it just by talking into my remote.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello "The Dude",

    Costco US has sold coffins for years, but I think they were only online, not in person. Given the markup by funeral homes, there are some who swear they are the best things since sliced bagels.

    P.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Now that Carl has passed, where is Mel going to eat dinner every night now?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jason Gracey6/30/2020 8:11 AM

    That was my first thought on reading of Reiner's passing as well, that Mel Brooks most feel so adrift now.

    ReplyDelete
  13. See, this is one of the reasons why DVD trumps streaming every time: one-time purchase of a DVD, and it's yours forever, you can watch whenever you want, without having to worry about anybody taking it away from you (not to mention there's no commercials that you can't skip through).

    ReplyDelete
  14. Troy McClure6/30/2020 8:24 AM

    I guess tomorrow's post will be a tribute to the legendary Carl Reiner. The Jerk was genius comedy. RIP

    Believe science

    How did it happen? How did one of the most technologically sophisticated countries in the world, a country that has produced some of the greatest scientific and artistic minds of all time, end up with so many people who are anti science? Well, that's kind of a rhetorical question, because we know it's because of fervent evangelical and conservative religiosity.

    It's so incredibly sad that, even after 100,000 deaths nationwide, there are still people (and by people, I mean the MAGA bunch) who in 2020 are denying scientific reality. I've seen interviews where they literally say it's a hoax because they haven't seen anyone die. So because they haven't had first hand experience of losing someone, it's therefore not real. I mean, I knew Trump supporters were dumb and ignorant, but I honestly didn't think they were so monumentally stupid as to be unintentionally suicidal. The states that have had the biggest protests against quarantine and mask wearing are the states that now have the biggest spike in the number of new cases. By rejecting mask wearing and rejecting social distancing, and having referred to it in February as a hoax, Trump is actually killing his own base. If this was a script for a satirical comedy, it would be turned down for being too absurd. The religious right are not only killing themselves, they've also killed satire.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Saw the news about Carl Reiner passing. Truly a comic genius, and his legacy will go on forever.

    Just Shoot Me was a really fun show, and I remember the orangutan episode!

    Given the lack of really good movies worth paying nosebleed prices for, I only make it to the theaters about twice a year. Last time was Christmas day for Knives Out, and it was at a theater where you could get a meal and a drink while you watched. So even more exorbitant that usual, but it was a holiday treat; now the memory is on par with a holiday vacation. These days I get excited about social distanced pizza on the back deck.

    But I also know that if we'd taken this more seriously a few months ago, if we'd had real leadership supporting the experts, if we weren't a nation filled with self-entitled jerks, we'd be on the other side of this thing now.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Fed by the muse6/30/2020 8:41 AM

    He had a great "run" (98 years, wow!)

    RIP, Carl Reiner. Thanks for all those good times.

    ReplyDelete
  17. So, so sorry to read about Carl Reiner. He was sharp as ever on Twitter...and he and Brooks seem always to have been in my head.

    wg

    ReplyDelete
  18. Pol Pot. Pol Pot buys coffins in bulk.

    ReplyDelete
  19. You ask: Have you pretty much binge-watched all the shows you want to binge-watch?

    No. We WERE working our way through watching Cheers on Netflix...rationing ourselves to make the series last through a long pandemic. Then word came that Netflix was dropping the series...so we jumped way ahead to the final episode.

    Spoiler alert: Rebecca gets married to a plumber (played by Tom Berenger) and says (I am not making this up)...that she was aiming for Donald Trump but ended up with Ed Norton.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I met Carl five years ago, and he encouraged me to keep on writing despite what I deemed was my "advanced" age (then 59). With two rom-com feature scripts completed (if not yet sold) and a film history book a likely 2022 release, I thank him.

    I'm guessing Heaven needed a comedy writer today. It got one of the best.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I was pretty much through with movie theaters before this thing all started. I got tired of paying $20-$30 to sit in a big room with bad sound and fuzzy pictures. My set up at home is way better than anything at any theater I’ve ever been to.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Have you pretty much binge-watched all the shows you want to binge-watch?

    Well, there were only 2, and they were done in March. While it SEEMS like there is an infinite amount of content in the void, to me, very little of it is worth consuming.

    Who buys coffins in bulk?

    The way the 'Rona is being managed in the US: Americans.

    I will save my Carl Reiner comments for when the tears will stop wrecking my keyboard. He Tweeted yesterday. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Who has the time or energy to binge watch? I keep promising to start, but something always comes up. The last time I started to binge watch, I chose Have Gun Will Travel. It was a half hour show, so episodes were only 25 minutes. I managed to finish one episode and am almost half done with another. Thanks for reminding me about binge watching. I really have to find time for that last eight minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Costco just announced a two coffin limit to prevent hoarding.

    Movies at home are great. I don’t miss sticky floors, stained seats, or that rude nose blowing. My wife finally cleaned the house. Badump bump. Hey, folks, I’m here all week, and everyday, and every damn night.

    The American “be safe and sane” holiday is around the corner. This year both conditions are in great jeopardy.

    I loved JUST SHOOT ME. Going back to watch Sewer.

    Ken, without doubt it will make me cry, but I truly look forward to your comments about the beautiful Carl Reiner.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I wonder if it was pre-ordained that Sheldon Leonard would become a Producer, after all he was usually a heavy on radio dramas and mid-century movies?

    ReplyDelete
  26. >> If you started a pandemic beard and it’s still growing you must look like David Letterman by now<<

    This made me laugh because I was growing a pandemic beard until just a couple of weeks ago and my wife did start referring to me as “David”. Beard is gone and we are still married.

    ReplyDelete
  27. A few belated add-ons:

    - I don't believe in binge-watching - at least not the same show.
    Here at home I've got a Big DVD Wall, with many different shows represented, from all genres and decades.
    When the news becomes fatally annoying, I go to my vast (or half-vast) Wall and select random shows of all kinds to get me through the long evening.
    If you're my age, you might remember that the Big Three Networks used to program their evenings in exactly that way.
    Then some asshole invented Demographics - but that's another story …

    -As for the current HBO atrocity with 'Jerry Shriner', 'Stella Drive', 'Saul Gander', and the tribute to 'Merle Stumbly Compost' - well, I've often been plagued by morbid curiosity …
    … which is why I'm still following the ongoing Presidential Demolition Derby (and that's another story …).

    - I can't recall who wrote this line years ago, or whom it was written about.
    So I simply steal:

    Carl Reiner Is Dead.
    But I Don't Have To Believe It If I Don't Want To.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The new Perry Mason is the Vanilla Coke of reboots. It has a similar name. It's just not, in any way, the same. All it has in common is three character's names, Perry, Della Street, and Paul Drake. Paul Drake is now a black cop, not a white PI. And remember when the original show was referred to as a "courtroom drama"? Two episodes in and we haven't even SEEN the inside of a courtroom! And Perry isn't even an attorney here. He's now a private investigator! This show is nothing more than a brand extension. It's Diet Cherry Mason.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Who buys coffins in bulk? Everyone now.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Why does it matter if all the seats are sold or not on an airplane. You are talking about a closed room with a ceiling of 7 or 7 feet, that is recirculating the same air. Unless they are opening the windows, I'd say the risk is about equal. I'm pretty sure the ending of Goldfinger would not happen in real life.

    ReplyDelete
  31. It seems like Wendie Malick pops up on every show. Always working. And what a voice. How was it working with her?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Troy McClure7/01/2020 4:52 PM

      DwWashburn

      Wendie Malick is a goddess.

      Just my 2 cents.

      Delete
  32. Lol I figured you'd not be able to make it past episode 2 of this stupid "Not Perry Mason" reboot. The good thing is it's always on METV anyway so if you get people who never seen or heard of Perry Mason before you can direct them to the proper version. I do hope this apocalypse of reboots dies very soon. I mean, Perry, Magnum, MacGyver, Hawaii Five O, what's next they're gonna try to do a bootleg Rockford and Columbo? (God forbid) It's just showing how little creativity Hollywood has left.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Who buys coffins in bulk?

    2020 Old Folks Homes

    ReplyDelete
  34. Will Benihana ever re-open?

    In this town a non-issue.

    More an issue - will the mom-n-pop teppanyaki joint (also a great sashimi joint) reopen?

    (it is!)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Friday Question for you:

    Enrico Colantoni has really impressed me as I catch up on Veronica Mars.

    Do you have any stories about him from "Just Shoot Me" or elsewhere?

    peace & health,
    Julian

    ReplyDelete
  36. Binge watching...yes. I have never watched The Sopranos so thought it was a good time. On season 2 and yes, it's a great show...but nothing to me compared to the West Wing.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Binge watching...yes. I have never watched The Sopranos so thought it was a good time. On season 2 and yes, it's a great show...but nothing to me compared to the West Wing.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Binge-Watched - The Middle - entire series. The writing and acting was strong. They let the characters change and develop - even the secondary characters. That was a very good show.

    Bloodline - Great the first 2 Seasons - it's a slow-burn. Season 3 it fell apart. The entire show was John and Danny and when Ben Mendelsohn left, they didn't have anyone on Kyle Chandler's level to play off of. So, they literally had John go mad and had Kyle Chandler play off of Kyle Chandler. The first two season were very good. Stop there.

    Friday Question - I live in Baltimore - I'm used to the Orioles losing, what is the best movie to watch about a losing team (Hoosiers Excluded).

    ReplyDelete
  39. @JS Thank you for giving love to The Middle which is a grossly underrated but fantastic series! It also never jumped the shark and got better season after season. The few shows I know that managed that were Barney Miller, Everybody Loves Raymond and The Steve Harvey Show. I wish Patricia Heaton got emmys for her role as Frankie like she did as Debra Barone from ELR. Both on my list of favorite sitcoms and Heaton is definitely one of my all time favorite actresses.

    ReplyDelete

NOTE: Even though leaving a comment anonymously is an option here, we really discourage that. Please use a name using the Name/URL option. Invent one if you must. Be creative. Anonymous comments are subject to deletion. Thanks.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.