The I LOVE LUCY movie I would like to see

I was having a discussion last night with my son-in-law, Jonathan about BEING THE RICARDOS.  (If you missed my review, you can find it here.)  He brought out a great point — the take on the Ricardos we’d like to see.  

One problem with the movie as is that many have pointed out is that there’s nothing in it that we don’t already know.  Beyond that, there is a lot of stuff just made up.   Not to spoil anything, but the ending is utterly absurd, did not happen, and never in a million years would happen.  But we knew Lucy was accused of being a Communist, that CBS balked at Desi starring in the show, and further balked at doing a storyline of Lucy’s pregnancy. And we know that she was cleared of charges, Desi got the job, and the pregnancy storyline stayed in.  We also know that Desi was a womanizer, and that would cause a rupture in their marriage.   So in a sense there was no suspense other than would Lucy save the day by having the Mertz’s fall off the piano bench.  

But like Jon said, Desi created the whole multi-camera form.  Let’s see that.  How did he come up with it?  And why?   Most sound stages couldn’t accommodate a large audience.  How did Desi solve that?  Let’s see bleachers being built.  Let’s see how they overcame CBS’ objection to Desi.  They performed a vaudeville act, parts of which found its way into the I LOVE LUCY pilot.  Recreate that.  

But of course this leads to one of my big problems.  You can’t recreate Lucy comedy bits because Nicole Kidman can’t move her face and isn’t funny.  If a movie could demonstrate how Lucy approached these scenes and what she did to perfect them, that’s a movie I’d want to watch.  And that you can’t do with Nicole Kidman.  She’s a great actress, but comedy (and now expressions) are not her gift.   You need to find a young… well, Lucy.  Or even a young Carol Burnett.   Forget star power.  Lucy is special.  You have to find someone who’s special. 

I’m also not sure Sorkin would be the one to direct that.  There were moments in the movie that suggested he had no idea how a sitcom is filmed.  The director (who is maybe the most inept director ever) blocks a scene around a table with the Mertz’s back to the cameras.  It takes Lucy and it takes several days for her to figure out they should be facing the camera.  Uh… everyone on the set, including the craft services guy, knows you don’t seat people with their backs to the camera on a multi-camera show.  How are you going to shoot them?  You can’t swing the camera around because then the background would be the audience.  Now Sorkin could argue that the general public doesn’t know that, but it’s so egregious and so unnecessary that it looks embarrassing.    It’s one thing if a director doesn’t know the procedure of a medical operation; he’s not a doctor.  But blocking a sitcom scene?  If you’re directing a movie about sitcoms, I’m sorry but that you gotta know.   

(Believe me, if that happened in real life, the actors would IMMEDIATELY say that’s wrong.  The camera’s only on our backs.)  Factual note:  I LOVE LUCY used very few outside directors. Marc Daniels and Bill Asher directed most of them.  And they both knew what they were doing in spades.

Which brings me to my next point.  Authenticity.  There’s enough real fascinating stuff that you don’t have to fabricate the ending, or the mistreatment of her writers, or Lucy getting fired from RKO (didn’t happen that way) or that silly subplot where Lucy was trying to get Desi a producer credit because he was a proud Cuban who felt diminished in her shadow.  He owned the fucking studio!   He hired everyone on the crew.  He didn’t need a credit.  It was his show.  He owned it.   If he wanted a credit he could have just given himself one — any credit he chose.   Executive God: Desi Arnaz.   

And if Lucy wasn’t comfortable with the director he’d be fired.  As a freelance director myself, do you think I could force George Segal or Nathan Lane or Joan Plowright to do something they didn’t want to do?   That I’d be able to draw a line in the sand over a “hands-covering-eyes-guess-who-this-is” thirty second throwaway bit?  

Bottom line:  I LOVE LUCY pioneered situation comedy into an art form, and they had to literally invent it.  The format, the lighting, the audience, the rehearsal schedule, camera blocking — they invented it.   And seventy years later we’re still making shows the exact same way.  Wouldn’t you like to see that?   We all sort of know that Lucy was a tough broad.  We know Desi drank and slept around.  They got divorced.   Jon is right.  To better appreciate the genius and impact of I LOVE LUCY on popular culture and the evolution of television, show us how they did it.  His business savvy, her artistic brilliance.   This film should be made by someone who says I LOVE COMEDY.  

NOTE: The next two days I will be reviewing KING RICHARD and LICORICE PIZZA.  How’s that for an exciting teaser?