My thanks to the Film Freaks Forever podcast with Mark Legan & Phoef Sutton for turning me on to this gem. Here's an MGM movie from 1967 that I had never heard of -- THE FASTEST GUITAR ALIVE. It stars Roy Orbison. Now for those unfamiliar, Roy Orbison was a huge singing star in the '60s. Hits like OH PRETTY WOMAN, CRYIN', IN DREAMS, ONLY THE LONELY, RUNNING SCARED, BLUE BAYOU to name just a few. He had a truly amazing spectacular voice.
But he was not an actor. Not even a great showman when he performed. Usually he wore sunglasses. I'm a little disappointed he didn't wear shades in this old time Western.
Anyway, the premise is that he had a guitar that was also a rifle. Anytime he played an A chord someone died.
Here is the trailer. It makes those cheesy Elvis movies look like CITIZEN KANE. I see it's on Amazon Prime. I gotta see the whole thing.
Shockingly, there were no sequels.
WARNING: Politically incorrect... actually incorrect on all levels other than cheese. Enjoy.
Some things can't unseen. Wow.
ReplyDeleteAnd to see Roy Orbison without his glasses.
Wow again.
The Orbison movie sounds like it was referenced by BOB'S BURGERS for the spaghetti western "Banjo", which Bob loves, but I doubt show writers like the Molyneux Sisters would be old enough who know who Orbison was.
ReplyDeleteGood luck getting through the whole movie. I think the trailer was enough for me. Women knocking an Indian off his horse via slingshot is the highlight.
ReplyDeleteLooks like I picked the wrong week to stop using the “F” word so much so early in the morning.
ReplyDeleteHow’d that pitch go?
“Roy, we were thinking, Elvis has been churning out some really lame movies for about seven years now. Why don’t you give it a try?”
From MGM. The same fine studio that gave us 12 Elvis movies.
ReplyDeleteYou don't suppose "The Colonel" got a kickback on this deal, do you?
From MGM. The same fine studio that gave us 12 Elvis movies.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if "The Colonel" got a kickback on this deal, too?
A Jenner-Kardashian-Tommy Lee movie might look just like that.
ReplyDeleteThis trailer has to be an Onion fake. I almost believed it was real.
One of the alleged movie’s “stars” was Lyle Bettger, who usually played a smarmy bad guy. His dad led an interesting life, having played 3rd base for the St. Louis Cardinals in 1910 as Frank Betcher and much later in life he amassed wealth as a sales guru and author.
This was on TCM late last year. Taped it and watched it and, yeah, wow. Worth it to just see how odd and awkward it was.
ReplyDeleteAccording to Wikipedia this was offered to the Elvis camp first and they actually passed on it. That's when you KNOW it'll be a turkey!
ReplyDeleteHey Ken, I’m surprised you had no comment on the passing of Sally Kellerman. I know she wasn’t in the TV show but she must’ve been on the set once or twice…
ReplyDeleteI want me a gun-guitar!
ReplyDeleteIs Orbison's acting worse than Tony Bennett's (a supporting role, mind you) in "The Oscar," made the year before? (And for all the jokes about Elvis movies, he didn't really enter his "cheapie" phase until about 1965 -- "Viva Las Vegas!", made in 1964, aired on TCM yesterday, and Presley and Ann-Margret have terrific sensual chemistry.)
ReplyDeleteLots of rockers on both sides of the Atlantic tried to go the Elvis route, with varying degrees of success. I'm sure that in 1960, Warners not only signed the Everly Brothers for their hit-making success but had hopes they might also succeed in either film or their booming TV division (think of Dorothy Provine, whose role on "The Roaring '20s" led to a few albums of songs from that era). Don and Phil took a screen test upon signing, found acting wasn't in their blood, and that was that.
The brilliant Dick Shawn had a similar guitar in Gary Marshall's absolutely wonderful tv movie (pilot) Evil Roy Slade, with brilliant John Astin in the title role.
ReplyDeleteIn the book I co-wrote, "Hollywood Hi-Fi," the humorous history of bizarre celebrity records, we talked about so many actors who couldn't sing that it seemed only fair to throw in a list of movies starring singers who couldn't act. It included KISS in "Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park," Tony Bennett in "The Oscar," Luciano Pavarotti in "Yes, Giorgio," Madonna in almost anything, and many more, including Roy Orbison in "The Fastest Guitar Alive." So I can confirm that it's real, and it's spectacular. Check out YouTube for the full clip of Roy singing "Pistolero."
ReplyDeleteBut my favorite entry in the movie list was Johnny Cash in "Door-To-Door Maniac": "Hello, I'm Johnny Cash. Prepare to DIE!!"
Happened to see it on TCM (?!?) a few years ago. The worst movie ever. Orbison makes Neil Diamond look like Laurence Olivier.
ReplyDelete"Only the Lonely" would want to see Roy Orbison act in a movie.
ReplyDeleteWell, Johnny Cash was really pretty good as a Cash-like singer who tries to get away with murder in the Columbo episode "Swan Song" in 1974. Or maybe that's attributable to the director?*
ReplyDelete*Nick Colasanto.
I worked with Sammy Jackson at KGIL Radio back in the '70s. He was a really good guy, easy to work with and the ladies loved him when he did personal appearances and remotes at store openings, car dealerships and such from the KGIL remote "Camper".
ReplyDeletewould love to know what happened to the guitar/rifle LOL
ReplyDeleteThat's so bad I gotta see it!
ReplyDeleteIn a more poignant note: I recently learned about rhe music video for "End of the Line," by The Traveling Wilburys. It was filmed shortly after Orbison's death in 1988. When his vocals are heard, the video shows his guitar sitting in a rocking chair, and his photo.
ReplyDeleteIt's $1.99 on AppleTV.
ReplyDeleteYouTube also has it for $1.99.
ReplyDelete@ TLB:
ReplyDeleteMore than just the ladies loved him.
I know that Woody Guthrie had a guitar with "This machine kills fascists" written on it, but this takes that a little too literally.
ReplyDeleteI've viewed quite a few free clips on YouTube. Wayne Newton was/is sexier. And that's frightening...
ReplyDeleteWatched it in a theater when it came out. Hey, it was a small town and we got what we got. Even at 9, I thought what the …?
ReplyDeleteFrom IMDb: The South is losing the Civil War and the coffers are nearly empty. A group of Confederate spies steals a shipment of gold in San Francisco and attempts to deliver it to a Confederate general in El Paso. Others know about the gold and seek to steal it from them, but the spies have a secret weapon: a guitar that shoots bullets...
ReplyDeletehttps://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061652/
I just find myself looking at the costumes, the sets, the scenes filled with extras, and wondering how much money was spent. Most of the participants must have known it was terrible, but for them, hey, a paycheck was a paycheck. Sadly, according to Wikipedia, Orbison himself was pleased with it.
ReplyDeleteEveryone should be glad this movie was made. I looked it up on Wikipedia and saw that Orbison recorded a soundtrack of all original songs for the movie. One of the songs was the beautiful There Won't Be Many Coming Home.
ReplyDeleteMost people associate it with The Hateful Eight in which it played over the end credits. But without this movie, we wouldn't have the song.
Friday question: How uncomfortable is it to have to hire an actor to play a person the script describes as homely, unattractive,etc. I am thinking of Coach's daughter for one.
ReplyDeleteBack in 2009 you had a fun post on writing room dining tips. (worth a repeat for those who wont dip into the archives). But what about snacks? What snacks would usually be found in a writing room? Who paid for them? In your opinion, which show had the best snacks?
ReplyDeleteI'm old enough to remember when Republicans opposed the Soviets. It was in the long long ago of the olden times called 33 years ago.
ReplyDeleteNow they're actively fellating a dictator who wants to rebuild the Soviet Union.
How times have changed.
Friday Question: Can you share any stories about the creative decisions behind the shakeup on Cheers when Sam sold the bar to a corporation? Any specific inspirations of small businesses being swallowed up during that time? Like maybe a favorite haunt being suddenly owned by yuppies?!
ReplyDelete@ Call Me Mike: I am sure the only reason behind the creative decision to have Sam sell the bar is due to a reboot of the series. Part of the reason is because Sam wanted to sail around the world while the other reason is because Diane left the bar and the producers just didn't want to hire another young woman as a waitress and wanted to introduce a middle-aged type business woman as Sam's comedic foil.
ReplyDeleteJust to add onto Mike's question, what was the audition process like for the Rebecca character?
Also, a script question from me? How would you script a food fight? The main examples would be the fight on Cheers during "Thanksgiving Orphans" and the food fight on Almost Perfect.
Yeah, I know what happens in the episode, JessyS, thanks. I was looking for some behind-the-scenes stories that may have inspired their choices.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's horrible. Must see it. I would also point anyone to "EEGAH!" starring Arch Hall, Jr. Yes, it's bad, but "The Fastest Guitar Alive" and any given Elvis Presley movie had a lead that could sing, regardless of the quality of the material. Arch Hall, Jr. is an average-at-best singer, saddled with dull music and a really bad script.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, it's OK. It is definitely filmed.
Andrew: I don't know if this is mentioned in FFF!, but the movie, as bad as it was, may have been a highlight for Orbison at the time. In 1967:
ReplyDelete- His wife died in a motorcycle accident
- His house burned down, killing his two sons.
I was one of many people watching his comeback with glee in the 80's. He was remarried, the Traveling Wilburys were blowing up, showing that his voice was still there, he had a new LP out, and there was "A Black and White Night" which featured, among others, Bruce Springsteen...and then he died.
@Brian: I had no idea about those tragedies. It's remarkable how much grief he overcame. His public persona was so sunny and cheerful.
DeleteYes, is was sad to see him pass away after his career started to revive. The Wilburys were a last minute gift, to him and to us.
Amazing, but can it compare with John Wayne playing Genghis Khan?
ReplyDeleteI own a vinyl copy of the Original Soundtrack of "Fastest Guitar Alive" mainly because it features artwork by none other than fantasy and science fiction artist extraordinaire Frank Frazetta!
ReplyDelete