David Isaacs and I wrote an entire half-hour sitcom episode in 45 minutes. It would have been less but our assistant couldn’t write that fast.
Yes, some background is required.
In 1993 David and I created a little show for CBS called BIG WAVE DAVE’S. You’ve all heard of it. It’s become part of popular culture.
We were given six episodes in the summer. The show premiered to excellent ratings (and should have been picked up), but CBS did give us three back up scripts in addition to the episodes we were producing. We took one and assigned the other two to our other writers. We worked out the stories with the other writers and they went off to write their episodes. Meanwhile, David and I were busy writing the last episode of production. We figured when we got the pick up for more episodes (which we stupidly thought was a slam dunk) we would produce those two scripts first, giving us time to write ours.
Then CBS canceled us. Yes, we got good numbers but they didn’t need us. In the fall they had blockbuster comedies by Bronson Pinchot, and their real ace in the hole — the hilarious Faye Dunaway. Big surprise that neither of them got the numbers we did and neither of them lasted more than 13 weeks. (Dunaway didn't even last on her own show.)
But CBS at least had to pay us for the backup scripts. We put in the payment requests. They said fine but we had to produce actual scripts. No problem for the other writers — they had finished or were in the process of finishing their drafts. But David and I had nothing.
I’m sure I mentioned this on countless occasions but the way David and I worked was to dictate scripts to a writers assistant who took shorthand then typed it up. So we brought her in and said take down whatever we pitch. We’re not going back. The first line one of us says goes in. And so we blazed through the script in 45 minutes. The assistant said, “Do you guys want to proof it?” and we looked at her like she was crazy.
So she typed it up, we turned it in, and got our money. All well and good except I have a concern.
I imagine our script is in some file container somewhere buried in a basement. I further imagine some apocalyptic event wiping out the population. And then, thousands of years from now when the planet is repopulated someone will find that container and the only remaining trace of our career is the “Marshall’s Brother” episode of BIG WAVE DAVE’S. What a legacy. 50,000 years from now people will be saying “Boy, those guys were hacks.”
And no, I don’t have a copy. Why the hell would I?
Hey, with all the new outlets, you could have rewritten it and made oodles of money, right? What a missed opportunity! (Or probably not...)
ReplyDeleteI'm starting a new movement, BWDM: Big Wave Dave Matters!
ReplyDelete45 minutes? Pah! Akiva Goldsman wrote Batman & Robin in 30 minutes, including a 5 minute cigarette break.
ReplyDeleteYou should have wrote an episode of a completely different show to see if they would notice!
ReplyDeleteThe characters in Star Trek land in Korea and interact with the MASH characters...
Day Funaway?
ReplyDeleteThis is how the 2 Broke Girls writing room worked
ReplyDeleteHey, Big Wave Dave's was ordered to series by the same execs who bought the Bronson and Faye starrers. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteSee, here's another idea for one of Ken's plays. Similar to the Dead Sea Scrolls, in the future people find the script and make a religion out of it. To rip-off "Lord of the Flies," half the planet embraces it, using it as the model for their society. The other half uses it as an excuse to riot, loot and cause destruction. Of course, it's a comedy. Draw your own modern-day parallels.
ReplyDeleteM.B.
P.S. Ken, do you ever write on the toilet? If yes, does that take more or less time than 45 minutes?
Is that the plot of the 1950s sci-fi novel “A Canticle for Leibowitz” in which future generations worship the grocery shopping list of a pre-apocalyptic man named Leibowitz?
DeleteMike Bloodworth: Isn't that sort of Anne Washburn's play MR BURNS? (In a post-apocalyptic landscape,groups of survivors reenact what they can remember of popular culture...and the recreations morph wildly over time. The final act is set in the far future...)
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Are we going to get a review of Elvis from you?
ReplyDeleteIn A CANTICLE FOR LEIBOWITZ a post-apocalyptic society builds a religion around a shopping list.
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ReplyDeleteM.B.
P.S. Ken, do you ever write on the toilet? If yes, does that take more or less time than 45 minutes?
the problem is that there's only so many lines you can scrawl on the seat and taking it to the secretary leaves the bowl uncovered.
Watched the pilot on YouTube. I love David Morse, but not sure why he's in a sitcom...
ReplyDeleteLoved the story. Now I desperately want to see the episode produced and aired!
ReplyDeleteKen said: "And no, I don’t have a copy. Why the hell would I?"
ReplyDeleteFor the Smithsonian, of course.
Is that Adam Arkin? He has such a great screen presence. My favorite role of his was as the psychiatrist on The West Wing. He seems like he could be a star but seems to only get bit parts. He would have been the next Clooney if Big Wave was a hit.
ReplyDelete50,000 years from now? Won't be that long before Western Civilization is a course like Ancient History. Age of enlightenment is ending...but you knew that when the show was cancelled. That was clearly the turning point. I don't blame you, but you might blame yourself. And I have a copy of the script. What's it's worth to you?
ReplyDeleteI was about to ask if you had a copy of this script when I saw that you answered my question. But let me rephrase my question. Do you normally keep copies of your own scripts for your collection/archives? I imagine it's easier in the computer age, but did you do that in the typewriter age?
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