Friday, December 05, 2008

The Daffy Definition Kontest

PUNHARRI: The ancient ritual of killing bad jokes

I think we have another contest. You guys have come up with some great definitions based on your comment verification codes. For those who don’t read the comments, you’re missing out. Some great stuff in there. (And don’t think I’m threatened because some of you sons a bitches are funnier than I am.)

But your definitions are just too good not to be rewarded. So in the spirit of the Komedy Kontest, I’m hereby starting another competition. The best word verification daffy definition. Since it’s luck of the draw what the combination of letters will be for you I think it’s only fair to keep the initial entry period open longer than the Komedy Kontest. So phase one will end at 9:00 PM PST on Thursday. That gives you six days.

Like before, I will have someone else select the top five and you guys will vote for the final winner. Better to hate someone you don't know rather than me.

Yeah, yeah”, you’re saying, “But what the hell do I WIN? It better be GREAT!”

It will be hard to top the Komedy Kontest grand prize -- a signed AfterMASH script – but I think I’ve done it.

The winner of the Daffy Definition Kontest will receive…

Are you ready?

A signed copy of MIDNIGHT, one of our very best unproduced pilots! Talk about rare! Talk about special! Talk about a show that should have been made! This one is it! And it includes the official Paramount Studios script cover, just like the one rejected by CBS.

Some Kontest rules:

Enter as many times as you’d like.

You must give your name.

You’re on the honor system. But judges have the right to throw out any entry they feel is not legitimate.

Please do not comment on other entries until the final five are chosen.

Decision of the judges is final.

You must be a citizen of some country in order to apply. Doesn't have to be the US but some country.

You are not required to listen to my Sunday night radio show from 7-10 PST on Talkradio 790 KABC even though it streams live on the internet.

Best of luck, everyone. Let the punharri begin!

788 comments :

«Oldest   ‹Older   601 – 788 of 788
Anonymous said...

Solly - an aporogy.

Anonymous said...

somingla - A compulsive disorder in which one stays awake until the wee hours of the morning coming up with definitions of bogus words randomly generated by a computer.

Anonymous said...

dumbox - What an annoyed blog reader might call someone afflicted with somingla. (see above)

Anonymous said...

mantoe - Real name of actor Randolph Mantooth.

Anonymous said...

trush - Yiddish for 'plumber's crack'.

Anonymous said...

spinat - artificial spinach dessert topping.

Anonymous said...

reedup - Slogan from Snoop Dogg's literacy campaign.

Anonymous said...

extrava - not quite a ganza.

MirrorJames said...

Straz: Someone who thinks it will make them cool if they give themselves a wankish name like Straz.

Anonymous said...

defleu - what you must open in order for desmoke to go up dechimney.

Anonymous said...

rerci - How Scooby-Do says thanks in France.

LouOCNY said...

awspu - what happens when you realize you should have worn that adult diaper

LouOCNY said...

perpe - trying to figure your volume of urine per visit to the bathroom

Anonymous said...

vskilsiv - tzxcvsde yuiop lkyx wityl!

Anonymous said...

unsotia - The process the Angels will go through if they fire their Manager.

Anonymous said...

wings - Early seventies music group that sucked the soul out of Paul McCartney.

Anonymous said...

fuluking - a sexual practice involving[REMAINDER OF DEFINITION REDACTED]

Anonymous said...

lascow - 1: The final bovine. 2: The official cow of the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Anonymous said...

eximo - A former Inuit.

Anonymous said...

habilene - Abilene Kansas Housing Authority.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'll stop now. (this is like crack. Not that I know what crack is like.)

Anonymous said...

sperro: too obvious?
1: type of watch worn by Micky Mouse

2:small bird armed with primative javalin type weapon

Anonymous said...

Resseril - (n.)

A suppository form of Xanax.

Mary Stella said...

How will you ever narrow the list down to five finalists, Ken?

Mary Stella said...

gedbul: High energy drink while you cram for your high school equivalency test.

Mary Stella said...

nonitely: Sex only a couple of times a week.

Anonymous said...

cupate - CUE payt (v.)
The highly developed skill of surreptiously picking one's nose and disposing of the harvest in a busy workplace or restaurant.

Anonymous said...

asickin: Protest by determined, if less than healthy, individuals

Anonymous said...

Mensiva: Organisation for the intelligent yet forgetful.

Kirk said...

motigu: what you get when a car ejaculates

Kirk said...

dervato: veto in German

Kirk said...

gonskin: the aftermath of a circumcision

OutOfContext said...

ennit: Michael Caine trying to get you to agree that his "phing" is magnificent.

OutOfContext said...

Calom- yo-yo dieter

OutOfContext said...

Scrent:
Mother-in-Law

OutOfContext said...

latenta:
An unexpected complaint when disaster has been averted and something accomplished that exceeds your expectation.
A nitpicker.

OutOfContext said...

pronone:
A noun which indicates a nihilist.
Christopher Hitchens.

OutOfContext said...

Anact:
A series of sequences inserted in a script because Michael Hauge or Robert McKee says it should be there.

OutOfContext said...

Redlos:
Result of a game played at the Great American Ballpark.

OutOfContext said...

suricing:
Something that is implied to be under the surface of a cake.

OutOfContext said...

exogat:
(archaic) an unconcealed weapon.

Anonymous said...

androgi: An ambiguous Dodgers Fan

Anonymous said...

disso: What I usually get when I hit on a girlo

Anonymous said...

curaterd: What is the telethon you are least likely see on TV

Anonymous said...

Tomano: Ray Romano's latest line of vegetable products

Anonymous said...

UPLARES:

What you yell when told Lare insulted you.

Anonymous said...

vasore: An excuse a woman gives for not having sex

Anonymous said...

TIONALLY:

If you don't think RA-, you'll probably react EMO-

Anonymous said...

Ovello: Shakespearean-inspired Sequel to "The Vagina Monologues"

Anonymous said...

kinglyte:

The head of state in a teensy-weensy little-bitty country.

Kirk said...

sabutl: giving the child star of THE THIEF OF BAGHDAD equal time

Anonymous said...

oustice - Getting your case kicked out of court.

Anonymous said...

undism:

The sun worshipping practice of naked dyslexics.

Kirk said...

tomwmari: the day after the day before a wedding

Kirk said...

guffis: a pack of talking Disney dogs (as distinct from "plutoes", a pack of Disney mute dogs)

Anonymous said...

obbeabi - A lame enthusiasm used on a date during backseat convolutions. How about a, "Hell yeah!" for Pete's sake! - No honey, I didn't call you Pete.

Eric Curtis said...

exers: People who do not understand what the close button is for in their Internet browsers.

Anonymous said...

mensian - A person who thinks they know everything - just ask them.

Eric Curtis said...

hedsoids: Medical condition that pops up from straining ones brain too hard trying to write a funny definition.

webbie said...

sanoncy--serial anonymity

webbie said...

makel -- mayk-el
What Superman's father does in the loo.

webbie said...

colebut: You've heard of "cottage cheese thighs"? A little north you will find a larger part of the anatomy that looks like a bowl of cole slaw.

Anonymous said...

exilli - What the Governor of Illinois will soon be.

(ok, I'm back. It's a slow day at work.)

Anonymous said...

talitick - Afghani bedbug.

Anonymous said...

Comeezi - W's pet name for Condeleeza Rice.

Kirk said...

poidshe: the mummified remains of the character Rachel Welch played in One Million Years,BC, recently unearthed in the La Brea Tar Pits

Kirk said...

bedea: according to Greek mythology, where Jason's wife slept.

Anonymous said...

suckpio - latest model of the C3PO android, and sure to be the most popular.

Anonymous said...

brogal - when your brother is like a sister to you

Anonymous said...

suries - collective name for female children of Scientologists.

Kirk said...

stali: Uncle Joe's sister

Kirk said...

oppert: a cheerful surgical nurse

Kirk said...

sectr: a downsized typist

Anonymous said...

Gampalin

The allure which got Sarah Palin nominated as a vice-presidential candidate. That wink! Those gams! Oh my!

Congratulatory huzzah at the Republican convention. (A derogatory term thereafter.)

Anonymous said...

Sysms

Spasm in all body systems resulting in a horrifying display of projectile body fluids from all orifi. Watch for it on the next House.

Michael Brownlee said...

Wrenati: Cult-like group dedicated to realizing architect Christopher Wren's Utopian designs for London by setting fire to buildings they dislike in the hopes something better will be built.

Michael Brownlee said...

Feehor: Sound Secret Service agents hear coming from President Bush's bedroom when Laura's in a bad mood and has taken the plunger handle to bed with her. Again.

Nathan said...

Dyablize:

To make diaobolical (usage restricted to Jimmy "J.J." Walker)

Nathan said...

Squetsh:

Well, I never! I thought this was a Family Blog. How dare your blog spell obscenities at me

Anonymous said...

cerob-an injury to the brain, causing significant losses in the cerebellum.

Anonymous said...

whisha-What a genie on "The Sopranos" grants

Cap'n Bob said...

Well, since so many of you are tuffing the ballot box, here goes.

desse. That part of de test that involves a lot of writing.

Cap'n Bob said...

gonde. What Ghandi was after he was shot.

Cap'n Bob said...

reductur: someone who is losing weight by covering his mouth with duct tape.

Cap'n Bob said...

mismsa: a Mensa reject.

Cap'n Bob said...

nimum: a small cloud.

Cap'n Bob said...

spode: not a full episode.

Cap'n Bob said...

inaut: Eskimo for "I know it."

Cap'n Bob said...

calinsit: excercising while sitting.

Unknown said...

Inster - the scandal-ridden Tennessee town which gave us the word "InsterGate".

Anonymous said...

exterful

Acronym for "exquisite, terrific, wonderful." Used only in an ironic sense: "That was the most exterful show I've seen since AfterMASH."

Anonymous said...

!@%?$#&**!

Man. Y’all gotta check out the wv’s on the Cartoon Network. I think this one was from Al Capp.
Daffynition: Kiss my stimulus package???

Anonymous said...

INGUINGS: a technical term for what is colloquially known as "the innards."

The doctor shook his head sadly, and announced, "It doesn't look good. The inguings will have to come out."

PS the posts on this contest are hilarious! Kudos to all!

and, Group therapy for all!

DougJ said...

minchili - new canned chili product for infants and toddlers. Brought to you by Hormel Foods... and Pampers.

Anonymous said...

gasho - Truckstop hooker.

Anonymous said...

sinapha - Bollywood crooner.

Anonymous said...

yanter - a really annoying canter.

Anonymous said...

elvishal - Elvis-shawl. What Elvis would be handin' to the ladies if he was still alive.

Anonymous said...

rerubs - a raincheck at the massage parlor.

Anonymous said...

interat - /in-ter-rat/ (n.) The rat that fills in when the rat in your garage goes on maternity leave.

Anonymous said...

backfusn - /bak-few-zhen/ (n.) The resultant mess in Einstein's trousers when he found out what the military wanted to do with the atom.

Anonymous said...

eorsub - /eyor-sub/ (n.) What sank Pooh's battleship.

Anonymous said...

Morqu - /mork/ (n.) The real name of Mindy's roommate before 9/11 made Muslim names unpopular.

Buttermilk Sky said...

oblus: First-year Latin word (oblus, oblis, oblium, oblorum, obladi, oblada)

Buttermilk Sky said...

Czdkven: Zeljko Ivanek's name before he changed it

Anonymous said...

junsk: Foul Smelling or misshapen genitalia on the male or female anatomy.

usage: "I had to think of a reason to leave when we got naked and I found her junk was junsk.

Anonymous said...

imbat:

blin as a bat

Anonymous said...

wingyru:

the pang of regret one feels reaching up into your hair and realizing that that flock of birds you just walked under left you a 'gift'.

Ben Scripps said...

blobst - /BLOB-st/ noun: what Jeff Probst became after eating one too many banished "Survivors".

Ben Scripps said...

khaliga /KAL-ig-ga/ proper noun: Iraqi-based stand-up comic of the 1980's, known for smashing cous-cous with a giant sledgehammer.

Anonymous said...

sprop: The small tab of aluminum you are left holding after trying unsuccesfully to open a can of soda

Ben Scripps said...

qualit /KWAL-it/ nou: wel -mad an constructe , wit a fin attentio t detai . Usag : "A For , Qualit i jo numbe on ."

Anonymous said...

taftiou: What you get for loaning our 27th President money

Anonymous said...

fules: people who pay fifteen cents a gallon more for gas rather than make an inconvenient, time consuming U-Turn to get to a cheaper gas station

Anonymous said...

agalaphy: that numb, pins and needles sensation you feel when your girlfriend falls asleep for hours with her head in your lap

Anonymous said...

allast: A medical condition used to describe the sound Etta James makes immediately after biting her tongue.

Anonymous said...

quillypo: the common practice of using suction to remove unwanted fat from an 18th century writing instrument

Matt said...

Flapiti: The unfortunate effects of gravity on an aging woman's bustline.

Matt said...

entdrosi: clinical term for the debilitating effect caused by prolonged exposure to According to Jim.

Matt said...

andethe: An unrecorded moment of a historic event; refers to Julias Ceasar's follow-up question upon being stabbed.

Matt said...

cometl: Yiddish term for a celestial body.

Anonymous said...

blessec: a brand of pickles brined in holy water

Anonymous said...

QUADSQUA: What 6 year old police get around in.

(Byron Jones)

Anonymous said...

conabbl: one who eats prisoners

Anonymous said...

recusub: voluntarily disqualifying oneself as an underwater vessel

Anonymous said...

Barfura: the failed Italian sports car designed for Bulimia patients

Anonymous said...

scroute: a nasty rash caused by excessive nut scratching

Anonymous said...

cylia: the reproductive organs of baseball's winningest pitcher

Anonymous said...

crying: OK I give up. What the hell language is this, Tagalog? Give me a break!

Anonymous said...

Bugatepi: the "B" side of the Tokens hit "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

The Milner Coupe said...

Skedro - Where Spiccoli ended up.

H Johnson

The Milner Coupe said...

Mingspin - How ancient publicists got everybody to dig those stupid vases,

H Johnson

The Milner Coupe said...

Depeas - what our two year old does to any plate containing the vile green vegatable.

H Johnson

Anonymous said...

hydreo -

The long awaited merger of Oreo and Hydrox brand cookies. They'll be just like regular Oreos and Hydroxes in that you eat maybe three of them and forget about them until that good and stale.

Anonymous said...

somsi -

Some don't.

Anonymous said...

butat -

Afghan Pornography, which is very similar to American pornography except for the whole hating Jews thing.

Anonymous said...

gnaval: The proper name for your gbelly gbutton.

Firepix1979 said...

confi- what an inmate is when relaxing in an easy chair

Firepix1979 said...

curagal- what every guy hopes to do to his woman after getting married

Anonymous said...

DOCKERMS

High school slang for boy's pants after watching the girls' cheerleading practice.

Anonymous said...

unringo: What the rest of the Beatles should have done with their drummer.

Or, What Ringo Starr wants his fans to do with their idol worship

Anonymous said...

outaxion: The last dollar you owe the IRS.

Anonymous said...

messess: A quick summary of the current Bush Administration.

Anonymous said...

freminsc: Where one goes to sign a truce between frenemies.

Anonymous said...

vishy: What Colonel Klink thought things around the camp were

Anonymous said...

Vises: an extreme anti-Emacs sect.

Anonymous said...

Rebay: What you should ask for after watching a Michael Bay movie. For instance, "That movie sucked, I hope the movie theater rebays me for watching that garbage".


P.S. Good luck everyone.

OlatheDem said...

malaw: justice handed out by mothers south of the Mason-Dixon line

OlatheDem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

thicars: a pair of trousers that make your bottom appear larger than it actually is.

US translation: pants that make your fanny look big.

blogward said...

querval (adj.): Surprisingly attracted to someone of the same sex but in no way gay.

blogward said...

morthas (n.): What homies in North-East England call Muthas.

blogward said...

resspo (n.): the independent contractor to do all the government's repossessions.

blogward said...

supresse (n.): The independent contractor to do all the government's cover-ups. (Yes, I know).

blogward said...

abilmbo (n.): traditional exclamation at limbo dancing failure.

Toby O'B said...

bessru - alien race which considers Joe Besser their god

Anonymous said...

OFFEILIS

Latin term for the prick civil servant whose manner connotes not only that he's better than you, but one of the perks of the job is to screw with you and waste your time.

Anonymous said...

PRODDI

The death of children in the manufacture of ridiculously high-priced shoes--not really over-priced considering the high cost of skinning third world children.

blogward said...

morsenad: .- -. -..

Anonymous said...

ZANDIST

Follower of Zan, the first comedy writer. The talkies crucified him. His legend rose again when television briefly got funny again thanks to All in the Family and Maude.

New disciples arise in each decade but are killed off by TV execs who think people like reality more than laughter. And why have jokes (and Boston Legal) when you've got a hot crimefighting drama starring Gary Coleman and that kid from Webster?

Anonymous said...

WEEDUAI

Injury sustained playing on the Wii that results in a permanent divot in a household member's cheek.

Tom Quigley said...

Difiebr: De thing your breakfast cereal's made out of dat keeps you regular.

Anonymous said...

fumphr: the sound made by the instrument of the little drummer boy with a cleft palate.

Anonymous said...

problar: a type of body armor that will probably stop bullets.

Anonymous said...

tornness (n): the state of being able to strike Norman Mailer in the head with a hammer.

Cap'n Bob said...

extern: an outgoing intern.

Cap'n Bob said...

storio: a really hip tale, man.

Cap'n Bob said...

catel: a feline blabbermouth.

Cap'n Bob said...

rewook: doing some badly-needed editing.

Cap'n Bob said...

sesserso: a word that causes Sylvester Pussycat to expell a quart of spit.

Cap'n Bob said...

viter: Brooklynese for "Did you invite her?"

Cap'n Bob said...

sahol: Nickname Gunga Din had for the British, a blend of Sahib Asshole.

Anonymous said...

refef- a referee who is seeing double

Nathan said...

raphysac:

a large bag designed for the disposal of annoying child entertainers.

Anonymous said...

COUSHION

Russian Casting Director slang for whoever's under you on the casting coush.

Anonymous said...

Undstes

Farsi for any undergarment worn about the loins equipped with alligator clips. It's what makes terrorists so consistently pissed off.

Anonymous said...

NEGLOS

A flower arrangment featuring bamboo.

Also, the source of the misunderstanding that led Samuel L. Jackson to beat the snot out of his Japanese gardener.

Anonymous said...

Trula

True Love that last six and one-half minutes.

Anonymous said...

SAUKERSE

A German dish featuring cabbage, sausages and the tears of generations.

What? Too soon?

Anonymous said...

Riester

A post-modernist rooster. It still crows at dawn, but, you know, like ironically.

Anonymous said...

INGEIN

A wrinkly ingenue.

Anonymous said...

ICHCROM

The best new tech company to invest in! They're developing sexbots so realistic they throw all your stuff on the front lawn when you upgrade to a new model. Best of all, the machines are environmentally friendly. They run on semen, tears and the stench of failure.

Anonymous said...

HESAC

Tarzan's scrotum.

(and very apparent if you watch those old movies)

Anonymous said...

PROCK

Half prick, half jock. He's big so instead of a physical confrontation you have to pretend to be his friend and then slowly destroy his self-esteem until he's suicidal.

Of course, that makes you a little prick.

Anonymous said...

SADJOLS (pronounced Sad Jowls, but with a drunken slur)

What the brilliant Orson Welles called himself later on in his career (from his Love Boat appearance until his merciful death.)

Anonymous said...

pulonsta: Gangsta rapper with excessive onanistic tendencies.

DougJ said...

redimons: whipped cream for the boudoir...

Had to make it to 800!

Anonymous said...

Slubrugg:

n. Any piece of carpet contaminated or stained by a splotch of semen; commonly found in hotel rooms.

slubruggaphobia is the fear of slubruggs.
slubruggrat is a child raised in this hideous environment.

«Oldest ‹Older   601 – 788 of 788   Newer› Newest»