Debunking Robert McKee

Aloha and mele kameekeiiemaaakaaa (I think that’s how you spell it). Here are some Friday questions you’ve posed over the last couple of weeks.

paul get us started:

I just finished reading Robert McKee's Story, about screenwriting for film. One of the interesting things he instructs is about how in each scene there must be a change of value, from positive to negative, or vice-versa. Do sitcoms follow the same rule?

No. Because it is a made-up, bullshit rule. We try to make sure each scene moves the story forward and is as fresh and funny as possible. I’m not saying that Robert McKee doesn’t provide a valuable service in stressing the importance of story structure, but his dogmatic theories and over-analysis do as much to strangle the process as aid it.

I’d love to be in the room where Chuck Lorre is pitching out a scene and a writer says, “There’s still no change of value yet in this scene”.  Talk about a "big bang"...

Ed Blonski asks:

What is your favorite "era" to write for?


Was it the 50's for MASH? Contemporary for Cheers & Fraiser?


The reason I ask is because I miss the sitcoms or dramadies set in the 30's & 40's. Such as Tales of the Golden Monkey, Hogan's Heroes, Remember WENN, and the Waltons.


Any possibilities that we would see something like that again on TV?

I tend to prefer writing contemporary because there’s more to draw upon, but it depends on the project. The problem with period comedies is that to be authentic a lot of the references will be too obscure.

We had that issue with MASH but honestly, just ignored it. We were sprinkling in Adolph Menjou jokes. We knew most people wouldn’t get them but oh, those that did really got some boffo laughs.

There have been some historical sitcoms including THANKS and BEST OF THE WEST. And so far audiences have had a tough time connecting to them (despite the fact that both were terrific shows). But you know this business – someone with clout will do a period piece comedy. It will be a big hit. And the next year there will be eight of them.

Care to guess how many GLEE-type musical shows are being developed this year?

From Alex:

Back in college I had a Korean friend who hated MASH because, in his words, the Koreans were always played by Japanese actors. I know that wasn't literally always true but a lot of times it was.


So I'm curious if there was any particular reason for this. And secondarily when it comes to casting and the character is presented as a specific race or ethnicity, how much effort is put into the actor matching that.

On MASH we always tried to cast Koreans first. But there just were not that many of them. We were forced to widen our net. What became really tricky was when ywe had two actors vying for a role. One was Korean, the other was not, but the non-Korean was a better or funnier actor. It depended on the case, but sometimes we opted for authenticity and other times we just went with the better performer.

John wonders:

Ken, What's the longest you've ever held a story idea, because the premise/key scene was good, but overall just didn't feel right of flow correctly for whatever reason and required retinkering before it was strong enough to film?

There are movie and play ideas in my drawer that have been there for twenty years. What I do, when I think of a notion, I write it down and file it. Often something will come along months or years later and I will say, “that’s the element that was missing!” And suddenly the project takes shape. The key is to always be on the lookout for ideas, or interesting characters, or stories. You never know when that “aha” moment will hit.

Sometimes movie or play ideas come to you whole cloth. Other times you have to be patient.

For series, at the start of each season, we’ll usually spend a few weeks just spitballing ideas, coming up with possible stories. Some work out, some don’t, some get held over until later seasons.  It took two years to get "Point of View" off the ground at MASH.

And finally, from sjml:

Ken, I notice that the overwhelming majority of How I Met Your Mother episodes are directed by the same person, Pam Fryman.


How common is it in sitcoms to have this level of continuity in the director's chair? Do you think it can adversely affect a show's tone to have too many directors?

It’s more common now that there are fewer sitcoms. Directors used to like the variety and flexibility of working on different shows. Now they’re happy to just lock up a series.

Especially if a show has a very distinctive format, like HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, it’s a big advantage to have the continuity of one director. And in the case of that show, they have one of the very best in Pam Fryman. I love her so much I had her direct a pilot of ours… and I’m a director myself.

The main thing is the director has to get along with the cast. The crew may love him, the writers may love him, but if there’s friction with the cast, it’s just not going to work.

But when there is a director that everybody is comfortable with, it does make the process easier. A certain rhythm is established.

That said, sometimes it’s very helpful to have a different eye and sensibility once in a while. On the MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW they had a series director, Jay Sandrich. There was one script he absolutely loathed; to the point where he refused to direct it. So the producers got Joan Darling instead. And she did a pretty spectacular job on “Chuckles Bites the Dust”.

What’s your question, bruddah?

FRASIER starring Lisa Kudrow?

Peter Casey, one of the creators of FRASIER, has been kind enough to share with us the complete story of how that classic series came to be. Part one was yesterday.  Here’s the final segment. Again, thanks Peter. GREAT stuff and it’s nice to have a couple days off.

As I mentioned earlier, Roz was the least developed of all the main characters in the pilot. We hadn’t really come up with a definitive take on her, so as a result, we told our casting director, Jeff Greenberg, to bring us the whole rainbow coalition of actresses to read for the part. We saw every age and ethnic background. We read dozens of actresses. One thing we felt pretty sure about was that we wanted the character to be ballsy and salty. She was supposed to be someone who Frasier was smarter than, more educated than, but was completely inferior to in the setting of the radio station. That was her stomping ground and she was the alpha dog there.

After all the casting sessions we had narrowed our choice to two actresses; Peri Gilpin and Lisa Kudrow. Lisa didn’t exactly fit the mold of what we were looking for in terms of a strong-willed character, but she was really funny. Her quirkiness made lines that weren’t intended as jokes hilarious. So we brought both of the ladies to NBC for the executives to see. Both read, and in the end it was decided to cast Lisa.

Shortly thereafter we had the first reading of the script. It was the first time we gathered the whole cast together. Paramount and NBC executives were there. Agents and managers were there. And apparently the guardian angel of comedy was somewhere in that room, too, because the reading was hysterical. Huge laughs. Everyone felt we were embarking on something very special. As is always the case, the script was long and there were jokes that either needed sharpening or were just plain duds so we set about re-writing. This is how each day of the pilot production went; the cast would rehearse, the writers would come to the stage in the afternoon for a run-thru, then we’d go back to the offices to re-write and cut.

By the third day of rehearsals it was becoming apparent to Jim Burrows, Kelsey, and the three of us that things weren’t going so well with Lisa as Roz. Although she remained funny in her quirky way, we found that each day we were re-writing the character less strong because Lisa just didn’t play forceful. More importantly, what Jimmy noticed was that Kelsey was pulling back in scenes with her because if he went all out like he usually did, he completely overpowered her. This was a big problem. We didn’t want the star of the show to have to compensate like that in every scene with one of the regulars, so with great regret we called Lisa and told her we were going to have to recast the part. We felt awful because she was a really, really lovely person with whom to work. And I know she was heartbroken that it had come to this, but she handled it with a lot of class. (Our consciences were assuaged the next year when she was cast in FRIENDS)

Jeff Greenberg contacted Peri, who was having lunch at a restaurant, and told her to report to Paramount the next day to play Roz. Jeff said he could hear her scream from across town without needing the phone.

So, finally our cast was set. From that point on through the rest of rehearsals things went smoothly. We re-wrote Roz back to her original character and Peri made it work wonderfully.

Our art director, Roy Christopher, had created amazing sets for us, and he would be rewarded that first year with an Emmy nomination. Frasier’s condo was stylish and contemporary with multi-levels and lots of doors and hallways to provide us with a multitude of exits and entrances. It had a piano (which both Kelsey and David could play) for a big prop and a balcony (equipped to rain when needed) and that gorgeous Seattle skyline (day and night). The radio station was modeled on the KABC radio studios in Los Angeles which we had visited while doing research. Café Nervosa was completely Roy’s creation and was designed so our character could sit and play a scene at any table in the café (after all, you rarely get the same table every time you go into your favorite haunt)

The night we filmed the pilot was magic. We’d had a dress rehearsal that afternoon with an audience (the first time we’d let the public see the show) and it had gone better than we could’ve hoped. They were laughing from the beginning to the end. And when Jimmy Burrows finally called out, “That’s our show!”, the audience rose to their feet for a standing ovation. We all said we should’ve filmed that show because that evening’s audience couldn’t be any better…but they were. Again, big laughs in all the right places and again a standing ovation. Two things about that filming have stood out over the years for me. First, Jane Leeves had invited her friend, Valerie Bertinelli, to the filming. Valerie must’ve really loved the show because you can hear her laugh all the way through the show on the soundtrack. Second, all the NBC executives were in a glassed-in booth above the back of the audience during the filming. At one point during Frasier’s first scene with his father, Martin makes a sarcastic remark about his ratty chair fitting in with Frasier’s expensive furniture because “it’s eclectic.” It’s a great callback joke from earlier in the scene and the audience just erupted. I turned around and looked up to the NBC booth to see their reactions. Not only were they all laughing, but all I could see of Warren Littlefield, the president, was the soles of his shoes because was tilted back in his chair he was laughing so hard. I nudged David Angell, pointed to Warren’s shoes and said, “We’re in.”

Our biggest struggle after filming the pilot was cutting it down to time. We were something like six minutes long, which is a lot. We cut and cut and cut some more. We cut things we liked and we cut things we loved. Still, after 6 or 7 passes at the show we were still a minute long. We felt we had cut it to the bare bones. Any more cuts could damage the show so we went to Paramount with our dilemma. Thankfully, they agreed with us and asked NBC to give us some extra time. After viewing what we hoped would be our final cut, NBC agreed to give us that extra minute which was a very big favor. So, how do they come up with that extra minute of programming time for us? Don’t think that all they have to do is cut a commercial or two. Are you crazy? That’s money. No, to give us that extra minute, they asked the three other comedies and one drama on that Thursday night to each cut 15 seconds out of their programs. It’s not something that’s done very often and it’s not something the network likes to do, but for that pilot of Frasier they felt it was worth it.

Well, that about covers the creative process that went into FRASIER. I want to thank Ken Levine, funnyman, baseball announcer, and longtime friend for inviting me as a guest on his blog. And I would also especially like to thank you, the fans of FRASIER. You’re the reason we ran for eleven wonderful years and the reason you can still see the show in syndication. I wish I could buy each of you a grande nonfat double espresso latte with caramel, but then I’d have to create another hit series.

GOOD NIGHT, SEATTLE!!!!

How FRASIER came to be

Aloha, while I’m in Hawaii, I have a guest blogger. Be nice to the substitute teacher, kids.

A number of readers have asked about the creation of FRASIER. Instead of giving my version, which has ME responsible for the whole thing, I asked Peter Casey, one of the show’s creators if he wouldn’t mind telling you the real story. Not only was he gracious enough to say yes but he filed a wonderfully detailed and comprehensive account. There’s even stuff that I didn’t know… and I was there.  For you long time readers, yes, this is a re-post... from four years ago.  Since very few people read the archives, and the surf's up, I thought it was worth re-sharing.  Enjoy!

Ken

Hello, everybody from beautiful Los Angeles, California. Peter Casey here, co-creator of FRASIER. I want to thank Ken Levine for offering me this space on his blog and I especially want to thank those of you who showed such interest in the creation of FRASIER.

As best I can recall, and these days that’s a real iffy proposition, we (David Lee, David Angell, and myself) were approached by Kelsey Grammer in the spring or summer of 1993. He wanted to know if we would be interested in creating a new tv series in which he would star. He felt that CHEERS was coming to an end and it was time for him to have his own show. At the time, the three of us were working on our first creation, WINGS. The previous season on WINGS, Kelsey and Bebe Neuwirth had been guest stars on a very funny episode written by Ken Levine and David Isaacs. We had worked for a number of years with Kels on CHEERS, and he apparently enjoyed the WINGS experience and hoped that we could re-unite.

David, David, and I had always felt that the Frasier character was the most interesting and complex on CHEERS. However, we were skittish about doing a spin off of one of the most popular sitcoms of all time. When we had created WINGS, most of the reviews were favorable, but the phrase, “CHEERS in an airport” was mentioned a few times and not in a favorable fashion. We frankly feared that anything we created for Frasier would pale in comparison to CHEERS. Kelsey wasn’t particularly interested in continuing the character of Frasier either, so we came up with a new concept. Kelsey would play this very high-brow, eccentric multi-millionaire publisher (think Malcom Forbes) in New York who was paralyzed from the waist down in a motorcycle accident. He would run his publishing empire from his bed in his fabulous Manhattan penthouse. His live-in nurse would be a very street smart, dedicated Hispanic woman (we pictured Rosie Perez) who would be a thorn in his side, but bring out the humanity in him.

Kelsey liked it, Paramount hated it. They said we were crazy if we didn’t capitalize on the popularity of CHEERS and the huge audience that would tune in to the finale. They ultimately persuaded Kelsey they were right and when he told us he was willing to do the CHEERS spin-off, we reluctantly agreed.

Okay, we’d do a CHEERS spin-off, but there was no way it was going to stay in Boston. NBC was enamored of this scheduling stunt called the crossover. A crossover is when a character from one series “crosses over” and appears as that character on another series. We did it on WINGS with Norm and Cliff and also with Frasier and Lillith. It was logical because Nantucket is not that far from Boston and we were struggling some in the ratings. It gives the show a temporary bump in the numbers, but you frankly don’t feel good about yourself. You’d like your show to succeed on its own merits and not need a boost from another show. We only did those two on WINGS, but we felt if Frasier stayed in Boston, NBC would be demanding guest appearances from all the CHEERS cast throughout the first season. How could we form our own identity and make people forget we were offspring of CHEERS if those characters were constantly visiting Frasier? So, we decided to move Frasier out west.

Our original city was Denver, but soon after that decision the state of Colorado voted in a law, with which we disagreed, that was very unfavorable toward gays. So we decided to move Frasier even farther west. Kids, it doesn’t get much farther west than Seattle. Ultimately, it was a much better choice. Seattle was pretty cutting edge at that time. It was the center of the grunge scene, the coffee revolution was taking off, it had a great arts community, and their restaurants were exploring new and exciting cuisines. All in all, it was fertile ground for Frasier and an inconvenient schlep across the country for the CHEERS gang. We didn’t have a problem having Lilith visit because she was his ex-wife and they shared a son. It was organic. The other characters would take some fancy footwork, but after the show established itself that first season, we didn’t have a problem doing one CHEERS character a season.

The original concept was for Frasier to work in the radio station surrounded by a group of wacky, yet loveable characters. (The term “wacky, yet loveable” is music to the ears of the network execs. “Stern, yet despicable” gets you shown the door) This idea came from a story idea at CHEERS which we were never able to make work where Frasier sat in for a local Boston radio host. We didn’t want to have Frasier in a private practice because we felt like it would look too much like the BOB NEWHART SHOW. Yet, the more we worked on the radio station concept, it sounded like WKRP IN CINCINNATI. What to do? Well, like a lot of writers we went to our own lives for material. David Lee’s father had recently had a stroke and David, being an only child, was helping his mother by taking on a lot of the responsibility of arranging the care for his disabled dad.

One day David came into the office and pitched the idea of Frasier having to care for an ailing, aging parent, something many people Frasier’s age were facing. We could keep the radio station, but now add a home life. David Angell and I both liked this idea immediately. We had seen very little of Frasier’s home life in CHEERS so this seemed to open up the possibility for lots of stories. Frasier didn’t have much of a family history so we pretty much had free rein to create what we wanted. (It was only after we were in rehearsals for the pilot that Kelsey mentioned that he had said his father was a research scientist in a episode of CHEERS which was produced after the three of us had left the show. At that point we pretty much said, “Screw it. We’re not changing our concept . We’re moving on”)

To create Frasier’s father we wanted to have someone very different than Frasier. Those differences create conflict; conflict creates humor, so we came up with Martin, a down-to-earth, no-nonsense ex-policeman. (We took Martin’s career out of my life. Both my father and grandfather were San Francisco policemen) Initially, some people said how do two such sophisticates as Frasier and Niles come from a guy like Martin? We told them the truth…David Lee is every bit as different from his father as the Cranes.


Niles wasn’t in the initial concept for the show. He came about through one of the greatest strokes of luck in tv history. Our assistant casting director at the time, Sheila Guthrie, came into our office one day with and 8x10 headshot of David Hyde Pierce and said, “Have you guys thought of Frasier having a brother because this actor really looks like he could be related to Kelsey.” We said we hadn’t thought of that (because we had just done a show, WINGS, about brothers), but was David any good as an actor? She said he was wonderful and left us some tapes of a failed series DHP had been a regular on called THE POWERS THAT BE. We watched the tapes and were blown away so we began creating the character who became Niles. After we had a good outline of the character we arranged to meet David at our offices. We pitched him the character and the series concept (what we had at the time) and asked if he was interested. He said he was so we had the studio set about making a deal with him.

Shortly thereafter, we felt we had a good enough concept to pitch to NBC so a meeting was set up with Warren Littlefield who was president of the network at that time. We went to his office in Burbank. In the meeting were the three of us and John Pike and John Symes representing Paramount Studios, and Warren, Perry Simon, and Jamie Tarses representing NBC. This was immediately encouraging to us because quite often the network will populate these pitch meetings with lots of lower level executives who tend to clog up the room and they frankly never laugh at anything unless the boss does. This was actually a small, influential group for us to pitch to. For years we had told NBC we would never do a family comedy situated in a living room. It wasn’t our style. We were more into the “gang” workplace comedy style of a CHEERS, or TAXI, so when David Lee started the meeting by saying, “You’re not going to believe this, but from the guys who said they’d never do a family comedy…” Perry Simon literally fell off the couch onto the floor. Funny reaction, the ice was broken. We proceeded with our pitch and something amazing happened. The network people never interrupted us. Usually they are constantly butting in with questions or their own suggestions to make it better, but they just listened to us. It was the best pitch I’ve ever been a part of. Each time we’d introduce a new character, we’d reference it with an actor we used as a template. So when we pitched Niles, we said think of David Hyde Pierce. That’s when something else amazing happened. At the mention of DHP’s name, Warren said, “We love him. If you can get him, he’s pre-approved.” This was huge. It meant we didn’t have to go through the tedious process of reading dozens of actors for the part, then bring a couple of them to the network to read for their approval. If the network rejected them, we would read dozens more. With this, if a deal could be struck with DHP, he was in. When we pitched the character of Martin, we said to picture John Mahoney. Warren said if we could get John, he was also pre-approved. Awesome. Martin’s home care worker was based on the therapist from our other idea for Kelsey, so we said to picture Rosie Perez. Warren asked if we ever pictured her as English because NBC loved Jane Leeves. If we went that way, Jane would be pre-approved. Whoa. That’s darn near the whole cast without having to jump through the network casting hoops. The only character we were vague about was Roz because quite frankly we didn’t have a handle on her yet.

When we finished the pitch, there was silence in the room for about a minute as Warren, Perry and Jamie let it sink in. Then they looked at each other and nodded and Warren said, “Go do it”. Incredible. Not a single network note. No changes. They loved it.

About halfway through writing the pilot script, Kerry McCluggage, the new President of Paramount Television, told us that he had spoken with John Mahoney regarding playing Frasier’s father. Kerry had a relationship with John dating back to Kerry’s days at Universal Studios where John had done a dramatic series called “The Human Factor.” John said he would like to meet with us and discuss FRASIER. We said that was great and could Kerry set up a meeting. He told us he had, but there was a catch. John wasn’t coming to meet us. We were going to meet John and that meant the three of us were flying to Chicago because that’s where John lived. The plan was we’d fly in the morning, arrive in the afternoon, have dinner with John, then return to LA the next morning. We were on a roll with the script so we weren’t thrilled about having to break our momentum. On the other hand, dinner in Chicago with John Mahoney sounded pretty cool so we went. It was late January or early February, cold, with snow on the ground, but what did we care? Paramount put us up at The Four Seasons and had provided us with a car and driver. We met John and Kerry at a restaurant called Shaw’s Crab House. Being a member of the Steppenwolf Theatre Company, John was quite a local celebrity, so restaurant patrons were constantly stopping by the table or waving across the room. John was absolutely charming with everyone. Over dinner we pitched John the series concept, went into the character of Martin and his relationship with Frasier, and outlined the plot of the pilot episode. John was definitely interested, but he wouldn’t commit until he had read the pilot. Fair enough. We returned to LA the next morning and resumed writing with renewed enthusiasm picturing John Mahoney as Martin Crane.

It took us another week to finish the script, so two weeks total. I have to say it was one of the easiest scripts I’ve ever written. Everything seemed to flow naturally. This gave us a very good feeling about the project, but of course you never know how others are going to react to it. We sent it over to the Paramount executive offices and the response was overwhelmingly positive. Kerry McCluggage immediately FedEx’d it to John Mahoney. The next day we received an enthusiastic “yes” from John. Months later in LA, John told me he’d read through a two foot stack of pilots before the FRASIER script arrived and our script was so superior that it was the only project he wanted to do. So we had the main male roles cast and we felt great about them. Now it was time to cast our female leads.

As I said earlier, Warren Littlefield had endorsed Jane Leeves for the part of the home care worker. While we were writing the script we still hadn’t made up our minds whether she should be Hispanic or English. We didn’t make that decision until we literally reached the point in the script where Frasier hears the doorbell ring and goes to answer it. At that point there was no more stalling. Our first instinct was to try English so that’s what we did. Daphne turned out to be quite a quirky fun character and we really enjoyed writing her in the pilot. When Kelsey read the script he wasn’t as enthused and was evasive about his reasons. We had Jane come in and read for us and she was fantastic. We loved her immediately and called Kelsey to see if he could come over and read with her. He was kind of grumpy about the whole idea and he arrived at our offices in a bit of a dark mood. We pulled him aside and asked what the problem was and after some hemming and hawing he said that he worried that having an English housekeeper with Frasier would look like the old sitcom “Nanny and the Professor” which he was not a fan of. We felt the Frasier/Daphne relationship was nothing like that and pleaded with him to read with Jane. Finally, he begrudgingly agreed, but said it would be just the two of them in the room. David, David and I would have to wait outside. He went in, closed the door, and we were left in the outer office sweating. About one minute later the door flew open, Kelsey strode past us saying, “She’s in,” and left. We talked to him later and he told us his worries about “Nanny and the Professor” dissolved immediately when they started reading together and that Jane was really funny. Yahoo! We had almost our whole cast and hadn’t been required to take a single network casting meeting. That was going to end in a big way when we tried to cast the character of Roz.

Tomorrow, the concluding chapter of Peter Casey’s look back at the creation of FRASIER.

Stupid pilot notes

Pilot notes can be maddening. And we’ve all received them. Usually they’re of the “can we up the stakes?” or “can we make her nicer?” variety. Whatever they can do to make the show more formula. And if the exec just spent the weekend attending the Robert McKee seminar, look out. He’ll try to turn every show into CASABLANCA.

And this happens more than you think. Often times networks have agendas and the purpose of their notes is to steer you in the direction of those agendas.

Case in point: A project David and I once had at Fox. Now I should point out that this was several years ago and they’ve gone through four or five regimes since then. So the policy back then is not necessarily the policy they follow today.

Our pilot was an upscale workplace comedy featuring three really bright young men. I mean, Aaron Sorkin bright. The network really liked the first draft and had minimal notes. One was, could we do a scene in a restaurant or bar? Just someplace away from their office. Fair enough. We asked if we could adjust one of the scenes we already had and just move it to a bar, and they were fine with that.

Then they said, “Oh, and we want a hot babe. We need a smokin’ hot babe”. We said, “No problem. We’ll need a waitress anyway”. And they said, “Oh, not just for this show. We need her to be a series regular.”

Now this threw us a little. I asked, “To do what?”

And this was their answer:

“We don’t care. We just want a hot babe in the show”.

We busted out laughing.  What else could we do???

Now they could have said, “We feel it would provide balance” or “it would be nice to have a woman’s perspective in this show” but we all knew that was bullshit. They just wanted tits! This was Fox. On a creative level this addition made no sense, but hey, I applaud their honesty.

Eventually they passed on the show, felt it was too sophisticated and more of an NBC series than Fox. On the other hand, there was one character they really loved. Guess which one.

Who is Richard Castle really?

One of the joys of being in Hawaii is laying out on the beach all day reading terrific books by authors who don’t exist. If Richard Castle were not fictional, he would be up there among the mystery writer elite.

I just finished his latest, Naked Heat, and loved it.

In case you're unfamiliar, Richard Castle is the character charmingly played by Nathan Fillion on the ABC hit series, CASTLE. He’s a mystery writer following around a real detective, played by Stana Katic, who’s either smoking hot or a stuck-up ice queen depending upon your viewpoint.  Not that the latter isn't a turn-on. 

The conceit of Naked Heat is that it was written by Richard Castle, as if he really existed. Lots of shows have novelizations but they don’t claim the show character is actually real. Another franchise that did employ this ploy successfully was MURDER, SHE WROTE. There is a series of books supposedly written by Jessica Fletcher, while Angela Lansbury was off making pies with Sweeney Todd.

On the other hand, at least the publishers are admitting that these authors are fictional. One of my favorite statements ever was from football great Terrell Owens who claims he was “misquoted in his own autobiography”.

(And there was the time I was in London visiting the Sherlock Holmes museum on Baker Street when some tourists wanted to know if this was really the house he lived in.)

The fictional author gambit has paid off handsomely for CASTLE. The first book sold 200,000 copies and spent sixteen weeks on the New York Times bestseller list. And the new book is taking off even faster.

But aside from trading on the show’s popularity, what makes this potboiler so surprising is that it’s really good on it’s own. The mystery is clever, the snap and sizzle of the series is all there, but there’s also a deepening of the characters that you don’t find on the TV show.

So I recommend it. Go to Hawaii and read this book.

The only thing is – I feel bad for the real writer. He deserves bestsellers of his own. Wouldn’t it be great if his real name really turns out to be Jessica Fletcher?

One of these pictures is not of Hawaii

Three of these photos I took myself.  One I did not.  Can you guess which one?

Okay, you can play Christmas music now

Hello from Hawaii. Now that we're only two weeks away from Christmas instead of the day after Labor Day, I think it's finally appropriate to play Christmas songs. Here are some of my favorites and no-so-favorites. What are yours?

Personally, I get a warm feeling when I hear Nat King Cole’s “Christmas Song”, which was written by Mel Torme. One Christmas night I saw him eating alone at Delores coffee shop. It was ironic but sad.

The Phil Spector Christmas album is still my favorite. Putting aside that he killed someone, we thank Phil for a real musical gift.

And Darlene Love's , "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" which is a recent parody of her own work on the album is maybe the funniest Christmas song ever.

I fancy the oldies. Brenda Lee’s “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”, Bobby Helm’s “Jingle Bell Rock”, and the Beach Boys’ “Little St. Nick”.

The Boss’s Xmas ditty is pretty catchy as are the King’s.

Re: “White Christmas”, give me the Drifters over Bing. (Interesting that so many classic Christmas songs were written by Jews.)

Some obscure holiday songs I recommend: “Run Run Rudolph” by Chuck Berry, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Four Seasons, “Monster Holiday” by Bobby Boris Pickett (that one always tears me up), and “Santa Claus is Watching You” by Ray Stevens. Super obscure but worth finding is “Lost Winter Dreams” by Lisa Mychols. And for the motherlode of bad taste fun, try to find Claudine Longet singing “Winter Wonderland”. Before she shot skier Spider Sabich in cold blood she and husband, Andy Williams, were the first couple of the season. Their annual family Christmas special was a must-see. They even have a kid named Noel.
Songs I can’t stand: “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano, “Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney, and “the Little Drummer Boy” by anybody. Whey do stations overplay TO DEATH the songs that are the most repetitious? I seem to recall Paul Anka singing Christmas in Japan, which was like a drill to the head. Also, anything sung by kids usually makes me cringe.

I’m only sorry Kurt Cobain left us before he could give the world his Christmas album.

For a more vocal pop sound, you can’t beat Linda Eder’s holiday album. Her version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” would bring a tear to a glass eye. Listen for it the next time you’re in an elevator. Streisand is great but there’s more ornamentation than on the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. Johnny Mathis is a little too sugar plum fairy for my tastes, and you can always count on “Mr. Peace and Goodwill to All Men”, Sinatra. The Carpenters have their fans too. And The Manhattan Transfer's acapella album is gorgeous.

But if I had to pick my all-time favorite Christmas song, the one that most expresses my feelings about the holiday season, it would have to be “The Christmas Song” by the Chipmunks. Sometimes the right song and the right performers just combine for sheer perfection.

Hopefully I can get the strolling Hawaiian minstrels to sing it tonight at the bar.

Anna Faris: I sexted my dad

That's just one of the actual Huffington Post headlines I read recently.    These are the stories we really need to follow. 

Taylor Momsen Promote Masturbation

James Franco Watched Man Have Sex With Gigolo

Liv Tyler Doesn't Know How To Date

Mila Kunis: The First Thing I Ate After Wrapping 'Black Swan'

Black & Blue Christmas

It’s Christmas time in Hollywood and you know what that means – plastic surgery season!

Yes, it’s the time of year when stars or anyone over 28 can sneak off for a couple of weeks and get that face lift, tummy tuck, botox treatment, and boob job they’ve needed since October. Instead of Aspen or joining me in Hawaii they can spend the holidays locked away looking like raccoons or Mickey Rourke after a fight.

They need to be ready because in January the awards season begins!! A standard rule of thumb: an actress’ skin must be pulled tighter than the red carpet. What they don’t understand is that viewers don’t say, “Wow, she looks amazing!”, they say, “Wow, she looks like Barry Manilow.” Not that the interviewers are any better. One day Joan Rivers and Ryan Seacrest will look as one.

Lip enhancements are still the rage (as anyone who watches REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS knows). Here’s Meg Ryan. AMERICAN PSYCHO producer Clifford Streit said it looked like she installed a vagina on her face. Later, they actually did that operation on an episode NIP/TUCK. Meg would be so thrilled to know she's a trend setter.

There is a high rise hotel adjacent to Beverly Hills that reserves two floors exclusively for celebrities hiding out while recovering from their transformation to the Joker. Can you imagine how many poor room service guys are traumatized for life? “Here’s your club sandwich Ms Cox…AAAAA!!!”

It’s not just women of course who go in for these procedures. Here’s Burt Reynolds turning Japanese I really think so. And have you noticed that every local news anchor is starting to look like Jack Lord, including the women?

One celebrity who doesn’t buy into this nonsense is MODERN FAMILY'S Julie Bowen (pictured right). And despite being somewhat flat-chested, she’s found you don’t need a boob job to be provocative while at an awards ceremony.

But the astounding thing is that it’s not just stars who flock to the knife and suction hoses. In L.A. a large number of elective surgery patients are…are you ready?…real estate agents.

That’s right. You’ve got to look young and glamorous if you possibly hope to move that tear-down in Mar Vista. Why is the housing market in Los Angeles so screwed up? Because there are now 5,000 Liza Minnellis running around with real estate licenses! No wonder everyone makes fun of us!

In the rest of the world Santa asks “What would you like for Christmas?” But here in the land of perpetual beauty, endless award shows, and a tight housing market Santa asks, “What don’t you like about yourself?”

My all-time favorite sitcom scene

Aloha. Here are some Friday questions from paradise. If the answers seem weird, it’s the pina colada talking.

Mark wonders:

Ken, do you (or anyone else) have a single favorite sit-com scene (from one of your shows or not)? I'm not referring to an entire episode, but rather a single scene (of, say, around three minutes or so) than can stand on its own.

It would have to be the "Chef of the Future" scene from THE HONEYMOONERS. Ralph (Jackie Gleason) and Ed (Art Carney) try to peddle a new kitchen device on live television.  This kills me every time.  Check it out.



As for shows my partner and I have written, even though it’s longer than three minutes, the last act of Room Service from FRASIER, directed by David Lee. 






Jon88 wonders:

Is there anyone on the production team responsible for grammar and pronunciation? Is this job description a thing of the past, a victim of current economics? Hardly a week goes by that I don't hear a "you and I" that should be "you and me." On last week's "Terriers," a character referred to a criminal's fiefdom, but made the first syllable rhyme with "life" instead of "thief." Are there no standards anymore?

Jon, not only is there not such a person on staff, when writers try to assume the role of grammar police, they usually wind up dead in a ditch with stab wounds from all the other writers on staff.

Especially when room writing, the goal is to get the scene down, get the attitudes right, find the best jokes. Number one, if a staff member keeps holding things up because of punctuation, it slows down the process. You try to get on a roll and you don’t want it interrupted by someone insisting a semi-colon is needed. Secondly, you’re writing conversationally. Real people don’t speak in proper English and don’t always know correct pronunciations. Maybe the character in TERRIERS who screwed up fiefdom did so on purpose.  

If this bothers you, then you're going to have a problem with every show on network television. For God sakes, stay away from RAISING HOPE.


From Corinne:

Over the course of your career, research would have changed quite a bit. From library and phone calls to internet.

What are the advantages/ disadvantages over time in how access to information has changed things? Does make it harder for plot surprises? Poetic license?

Having the world at your fingertips is a HUGE advantage. And it saves money.

Years ago, each studio had a “research” department. If you needed to know something about the Spanish-American War or who hit the most home runs in 1935, you called the research department. Several hours later, in interoffice mail, you’d receive a smeared Xeroxed article or two that hopefully answers your question.

And your show would be billed $800. 

So for that reason alone, God bless Google.

But the best research is still one-to-one interviews. Nothing compares with first-hand experiences. The interviews that were done with nurses, doctors, and soldiers who served in Korea accounted for most of the stories on MASH. 

Steven asks:

My question is have you ever noticed when a staff writer on a show uses the same plot device repeatedly in the scripts he wrote and the show's quality suffered as a result? In this situation is it more the responsibility if the writer who wrote the initial draft to challenge himself and write something unlike what he's used to, or do the other producers just have to have more of an input on the final draft to ensure it doesn't seem too formulaic to longtime viewers of the show?

Staff writers are usually assigned episodes to write. A staffer may come in with a story idea that gets developed and he is given the assignment to write it, but generally, the entire staff plots out stories together. The showrunner has his thumb-prints on every story, whether he writes the first draft or not.

Sometimes writers excel in writing certain characters or types of stories so they get assigned more of them. Whenever they did a farce on FRASIER they always went to Joe Keenan. He’s a master at that genre.

That might be what you’re sensing. But on sitcoms, don’t pin too much blame, or heap too much praise on the credited writer.

And finally, bevo has a MASH question.

I recently lost some weight rather quickly (it was planned). My clothes are baggy and very loose as a result.

I started thinking about the MASH episode where Charles is convinced that he is gaining weight because his clothes are tight. Who thought of the story? Was it result of the research efforts that have been discussed previously? How did the last line, which is brilliant, come about?

Since B.J. was a practical jokester, we were always on the lookout for pranks.

I had heard of a story about a guy who pulled a practical joke on his neighbor. The neighbor got a new car. For about a week, the prankster would sneak over and refill the gas tank. The neighbor was ecstatic. He couldn’t believe the incredible gas mileage he was getting. Then the prankster switched it around. He began siphoning gasoline out of the tank. Now the neighbor was refilling every two days and mystified why he got 100 miles to the gallon one week and 4 the next.

We adjusted that story to fit our needs.

As for the brilliant last line, I don’t really remember it. It might be the reference to “Bean Pole Levine”, which was a nod to me (except I pronounce it Le-Vine).

What’s your question?

Shopping at the Sky Mall

Been traveling a lot lately so I got a chance to peruse the new SKY MALL magazine. It’s perfect for finding that special holiday gift at five times what you should pay for it.

But in the spirit, here are some of the items that caught my eyes this year. Note: all of these are real.

ACULIFE – Self-acupuncture kit. Their slogan should be “Instead of letting us stick it to you, stick it to yourself”. $199.95

SMART BELT BUCKLE – Features a slot to store your credit cards to avoid theft. At $59.95, if you buy this you’ve already been robbed.

THE WATER SQUIRTING REMOTE CONTROLLED CAR -- $99.95. Water not included.

THE LEARN TO PLAY BANJO – For the savvy guy who wants to get laid and knows that women are powerless to resist musicians. $199.95

THE STAINLESS STEEL WALLET – The chief complaint about leather wallets is that they’re not resistant to seawater. Well, your problem is solved!   $89.95

THE TEMPLE AND EYE MASSAGER -- Comes in Swedish, Deep Tissue, and Shiatsu models. $149.95

THE REMOTE CONTROLLED TARANTULA – Scurries across the floor on command. It’s the most useful $29.95 item you can ever buy!

ADJUSTABLE SHEEPSKIN SLIPPERS – Ideal for leaving the igloo to get the morning paper. $49.95

THE CHILDREN’S ELECTRIC 1948 INDIAN MOTORCYCLE – For ages 3-6. Chains, helmet, and 1948 trashy biker chick are extra. $149.95

THE ALWAYS COOL PILLOW – Either it means that the pillow is refrigerated or it will never go out of fashion. $69.95

THE DUTCH DOOR LOG CRIB – Just like Lincoln used to have. $249.95

THE SHINE ENHANCING GENUINE BOAR BRISTLE BRUSH – Expensive but costly to manufacture. You try shaving a boar. $79.95

CATNIX WORKSPACE PARTICIANS – Or… “two portable screens you could get anywhere or just make yourself". Flank your monitor with them and cats won’t walk across your keyboard.  It's either this or giving away the cat.  $37.99

ROCK LAMPS – Perfect for the Flintstones décor that is so popular these days. $39.99

SOCK MONKEY HAT AND MITTENS – It’s the cry for help that keeps your warm! $29.95 each.

If these or any other SKY MALL product attracts your attention, make note of it, and when you get home buy it on line for half of what the SM charges. And with the money you save you can buy that bag of potato chips American Airlines offers for only $3.29.

The night I met John Lennon

It was the summer of ‘72. This is another radio story. I was an engineer at KABC/KLOS in Los Angeles. It was a Saturday night. Elliott Mintz hosted a weekend talk show on KABC. He was (and is) very close to Yoko Ono. I believe been her publicist for all these years.

On this particular Saturday night he had arranged for John and Yoko to be his guests. I knew nothing about it.  But I happened to be on a break, and as I turned into the long hallway that ran the length of the station I spotted John and Yoko at the side door.

Holy shit! I couldn’t believe it.

So I barreled down the hallway to let them in. John was wearing a jean jacket and sported the familiar round wire glasses, hair parted down the middle. Yoko was wearing a giant black fur. I think it was August.

I let them in and said I’d escort them to the booth. I introduced myself and shook hands with both. John’s handshake was very limp. Yoko’s was very firm.

Like I said, this was a long hallway. What do you say to John Lennon? I didn’t want to just gush and be yet another tiresome groupie. And there was hardly time to engage him in a lengthy discussion.

There was, at the time, a NATIONAL LAMPOON comedy album that was quite popular. One of the cuts was a parody of John Lennon. In it, the Lennon impersonator keeps boasting, “I’m a fuckin’ genius! I’m a fuckin’ genius!”

So, throwing caution to the wind, I asked the great John Lennon, “So what’s it like being a fuckin’ genius?” I know. You’re horrified.  What the hell was I thinking?

John smiled at me and said, “Pretty nice, actually!”

We shook hands again and he and Yoko disappeared into the studio.  In addition to everything else, he really did have that sense of humor.

I still can’t believe he’s gone. And for so many years.

He was a fuckin’ genius.

Trailer moments

When you go in and pitch a comedy idea to a movie studio, they’ll usually ask you, “What are the trailer moments?” Sometimes they’ll ask this in lieu of, “What is the story?” But studio comedies are all about boxoffice. High-concept ideas, bankable stars, sequels, franchises.

Some studio people will tell you (but deny it) that sometimes the trailer is more important than the film.

Nancy Meyers makes trailers and then just pads the remaining 89 minutes with filler.

My writing partner and I were once hired to write some jokes expressly to be inserted into a trailer. It was maybe the greatest and shortest gig we ever had. We asked, if the jokes work, will you put them in the movie itself?  No.

When you watch comedy trailers, be aware – these are the funniest moments in the film. These are the big pratfalls (trailer makers LOVE pratfalls), the best zingers, and what they hope will be the most memorable moments. Or, in the case of Nancy Meyers, the only moments.

So if the trailer isn’t funny, if the jokes are forced, if the physical stunts are lame, if the best they could do was a gag about shit on Katherine Heigl’s face, then you can bet the movie will be what’s on Katherine Heigl’s face.

But what if the trailer is funny? Knowing that these are the best jokes, you may wonder if it’s still worth seeing because you know all the highlights? Here’s the amazing thing. The laughs in the trailer get the biggest laughs in the theater, even though most of the audience has been exposed to the jokes already. It's bizarre. 

However, the same does not hold true for giving away plot twists in the trailer. Spoiler alerts might not apply for jokes but they sure do for stories. And as a general rule, if you can set up the premise easily and clearly in a trailer, then you don’t need thirty minutes of screen time to do the same thing.

Trailers today have become an art… and a science. The amount of creativity and research that goes into previews is staggering. I can’t imagine J.D. Salinger ever went to his editor with a new book he intended to write and heard the editor say, “What are five good blurbs?” But that’s the current feature world. So when you pitch your comedy, make sure someone gets hit in the nuts, at least two people are humiliated, people dance to a 60s hit, the punchline to a joke is “vagina”, and you feature Betty White. Close your sale, and then go write STALAG 17.

Today's Wal-Mart Chanukah special!

Perfect with Latkas!!  Happy Chanukah!

WALKING DEAD fires their entire writing staff

THE WALKING DEAD writer/ executive producer/ director, Frank Darabont, recently fired his entire writing staff and intends to use freelance writers to tackle next season’s scripts. This is causing a huge stir in the Hollywood community. Well, not huge perhaps, but it is a topic at more than one Starbucks.

Some writers are outraged. Firing a staff could set a dangerous precedent, especially at a time when jobs are scarce. They have a valid point.

But…

I love the fact that freelance writers might actually get a chance again. It’s good for them and good for showrunners, too.

Way back in the dark ages (the 70s), most sitcoms had very small staffs and relied on outside assignments. These freelance scripts basically served as auditions. No one got hired on staff until they had proved they could write the show. As a showrunner, trust me, that’s a far more efficient method of staffing. Today, you hire staff writers based on spec scripts and often times they don’t pan out. Then you’re stuck with some slug who you’re paying while more deserving writers are shut out.

I know this will sound like crazy talk, but there was a time when you could actually make a living being a freelance writer.  Don't scoff.  It's true!   You could support your family without having to spend seven years on CHARLES IN CHARGE.

The truth is, you don’t need fifteen people sitting around the table to rewrite a script. Depending on who you hire, four can often do the job better. And faster.

The first season of CHEERS, the entire full-time staff consisted of the Charles Brothers, me and David Isaacs. That’s it. When David and I were head writers on MASH, the only other staffers were Larry Balmagia and Ronny Graham. Okay, we almost wound up in Cedars-Sinai hospital, but we got the work done.

And we all collectively discovered some great talent thanks to freelance scripts.

There are WGA guidelines that each series must assign one or two freelance assignments a season, but it’s a joke.   Most of the time producers promise these to friends or writer’s assistant.   Not that some of these assistants don’t deserve a chance (there are Greg Garcias among you), but others are just being rewarded for loyal service.   Again, more deserving writers are being turned away.  

Bottom line --  I feel bad when anybody loses their job (and there were some good writers let go in this purge), but I would welcome a landscape where there’s not just six or eight staffing positions open each season but thirty or forty open script assignments.

Will that happen? No. Of course not.  More crazy talk.  But this is the first step. And as they say, every journey must begin with the first step, even if those walking are WALKING DEAD.

What's it like writing for animals?

A lot easier than directing them. On FRASIER the key to writing for Eddie was not asking too much of him. Moose (Eddie’s real name) had an extraordinary trainer in Mathilde de Cagny. As long as the stunt was quick and doable, Mathilde could get Moose to do it (always through treats and loving care). If there was some question while we were writing we would just ask Mathilde. More often than not she’d say Moose could do it. The dog was a gamer! With actors we had to ask their managers.

Other writers were more of a problem. One day in the writers room I pitched some bit with Eddie and a sock and one of the writers (who constantly drove everyone nuts) asked, “What is Eddie thinking now?” What is he fucking THINKING??! How do you answer someone like that without being brought up on charges?

Moose passed away at 15, which is like 108 dog years. I'm only sorry he never got to be on INSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO with James Lipton.

Directing animals is another story.

I directed an episode of JUST SHOOT ME called “Sewer”. The B-story had Nina (Wendie Malick) bringing in an orangutan. I forget why but I’m sure it was for a good reason. He was a little harder to train and was in a good part of the show.

On filming night I said to the actors, if he does anything unexpected just go with it and stay in character. We can always re-shoot the scene. Likewise, I told the four camera operators, if you’re on the orangutan and he does something wacky stay on him. Don’t go to your next shot.

Sure enough with cameras rolling and the audience in place, Wendie steps out of the elevator hand in hand with her furry friend, approaches David Spade’s counter, and has a brief exchange with him. The orangutan, who comes up to Wendie’s knees, lifts her dress a few inches, and peers right up between her legs. God love her, Wendie stayed completely in character and reacted with utter nonchalance. The audience went completely nuts. It was a five minute laugh.

After the show had been filmed and the audience released I went back to do some pick-ups. The orangutan’s trainer tapped me on the shoulder and gently told me it was past his bedtime. I said it would only be about another fifteen minutes. He repeated: “Uh, it’s past his bedtime.” I then asked what happens if he stays up after his bedtime?

“He bites everybody he sees.”

“Okay everybody, that’s a wrap!”

I’ve heard stories of actors who were reluctant to work with animals for fear of being upstaged, but I’ve never personally encountered one. However, I think there was a cat who once refused to work with Dustin Hoffman.

A non-Christmas Christmas show

It seems that every sitcom is required to do their annual Christmas episode. For ALMOST PERFECT in the first season, we decided to be different and basically refer to it just in passing.  There is a brief discussion about what everyone will be doing for the holidays, and decorations are up everywhere, but otherwise, it's just business at usual.  So to help you get into (or out of) the holiday spirit, here's the "Risky Christmas" episode of ALMOST PERFECT.   Written by Drew Vaupen & Phil Baker and directed by FRASIER'S David Lee.  And as always, since I don't know how to digitally edit, whiz through the first 20 seconds to get to the show. Yeah, I know.  I should learn already.

Ron Santo

How can someone have heart problems, diabetes, several amputations, bladder cancer, and worse, be a lifelong Cubs fan, and still be the cheeriest person you’ve ever met? That was Ron Santo, and that was his gift. Ron passed away on Thursday. He was 70. The man who lived under the darkest cloud provided the most sunshine for everyone else.

Older readers remember Santo as a Hall of Fame-worthy Cubs’ third baseman. The fact that he’s not in the Hall-of-Fame is yet another injustice he endured with dignity and good cheer.

But more people know him as the Chicago Cubs radio analyst on WGN along with superb partner, Pat Hughes. Ron’s analysis was unique to say the least. Some examples:

Ron: “Ohhhhh no!!!!!”

Ron: “Yeah, baby… yeah baby… YEAH!!!!”

He broke down the game with his heart, as well as his eyes. And the genuine passion he had for the game and the team and the fans made his broadcasts not just informative but special.

He mangled the language but so what? I was listening a couple of months ago and he described a certain catcher as having a “mind like a cannon”. The point is, you knew what he meant. Most of the time.

His banter with partner Pat was pure Abbott & Costello. And then every so often he would make an observation and you’d go, “Whoa! I’ve been following baseball my whole life and I didn’t know that”.

He was always great fun to talk to. And our discussions always got around to his son Jeff, who is a filmmaker. Ron would go on and on about his son, so proud. I remember thinking -- this is how every kid wishes his father would think of him.

His number 10 has been retired. Cub fans will see that at Wrigley Field and be reminded of Ron. They’ll also be reminded of Ron whenever they hear someone laugh, or see someone be kind to someone else.

Ron Santo has died. But he has lived and died with the Cubs his whole life. So dying is nothing new for him. And like all Cub fans know, there’s always a “next year”. Happy New Year, Ron.

Directing FRASIER

Aloha from Hawaii, where I never stand down from my “Friday Question” watch. Anything you want to know? Leave your question in the comments section. Mahalo.

Katherine gets us started.

Ken, I was wondering if you could give us a full account of what it was like directing an episode of Frasier. You'd written a lot of episodes for the show, but how was that different (or similar) to directing one? Were the actors welcoming to a first time director for their show, or were they already at the point where they knew their characters well enough and didn't feel like they needed suggestions? And last, as a huge fan of David Hyde Pierce, I'd love to know what it was like working with/directing him.

Directing FRASIER was like getting behind the wheel of a Porsche. You had the best actors, writers, and crew in Hollywood. As long as you didn’t have the cameras pointing at the audience instead of the actors, you were pretty much assured of a good show.

Since I had written and consulted on the show for years, the cast and crew knew me very well the first day I stepped onto the stage to direct. I had also directed a number of episodes elsewhere by that time, so the actors didn’t feel like I was a novice.

I always consider my first task on any show I direct is to make the actors feel comfortable; let them know that they’re in good hands (or at least let them think they are). Familiarity and experience come in real handy in that regard.

And of course, I’ve known Kelsey since his first day on CHEERS.

On the other hand, there have been shows where the cast didn’t know me going in. I had to win their trust. Tony winning director, Jerry Zaks, once gave me a great piece of advice. “To win over an actor, lead him to a joke”. Again, it’s all about confidence and trust.

My first day directing DHARMA & GREG, Susan Sullivan just took me aside and said, “So just who the hell are you, and what have you done?” I listed my credits, she nodded, and we were good after that.

The cast I really owe a huge debt to is the one from WINGS. Even though they knew me, too, they had to endure my first directing assignment. Remember all that stuff I said about instilling confidence in actors? That is hard to accomplish when you have no fucking idea what you’re doing. They were incredibly patient and supportive.

By the time I got to FRASIER I knew the difference between “Action!” and “Cut!”

The key to directing FRASIER was being prepared. I was organized, knew how I wanted to block the scenes. And since everyone in the FRASIER cast was so professional and knew their characters so well, shows came together very easily and efficiently. The fun was finding bits of business to add. And I had the luxury of being able to do that since my time wasn’t spent talking actors out of their trailers.

When things didn’t work, the writers fixed them. When things did work, they improved them.

I’ve said this before, but of all the comic actors I’ve ever worked with – and I’ve been blessed to have worked with some of the very best – the all-time greatest was David Hyde Pierce. I could start really gushing here so I’ll hold back. But suffice it to say, I’ve never worked with anyone who had such amazing instincts, and at the same time was as nice and collaborative as David. I put DHP up there in the Chaplin/Laurel & Hardy/Buster Keaton/Peter Sellers category.

rob! asks:

Sometimes sitcoms/movies have pay-offs to a joke that involve someone being revealed as unattractive/fat/ugly, etc. I can't think of an example at the moment but I know I've seen them lots of times.


My question is, how do producers gently cast those parts? Do they give their casting people specific instructions? OR does someone make a call and just say "Round up the ugly suspects?"

There are breakdown sheets that go out to agents and managers. Casting directors try to be diplomatic in describing the purpose of the role. Yes, it could be viewed as insensitive, but hey, there have been actors who have made a good living playing ugly. Just ask Lon Chaney… and Lon Chaney Jr.

And finally, from Lou H:

How did you handle recurring characters like Paul on CHEERS who had a part every 2 to 4 shows? Is it more "Hey, there are some lines this week that Paul would be the best fit for, let's see if he's available, otherwise give the lines to someone else" or did you first find out his schedule and then write him in as often as you could reasonably do so?

Paul is Paul Willson, who is a terrific comic actor, bravura improv artist, and a decent violinist. We tried to find things for Paul because he always scored. If we had lines for him one week and he wasn’t available we either gave the lines to someone else or saved the bit until he was back.

I always felt bad. Paul finally got an episode in which he was very prominent. It’s the kind of episode that helps launch a character from recurring to regular. Unfortunately, it was the last episode of CHEERS ever filmed. But he was great in it!

What was in the envelope

For those who read my Patty Hearst kidnapping story and wondered just what was in the damn envelope, I can't say for sure but seem to recall it was a demand for free food distribution in the bay area.   Yes, they were terrorists and kidnappers and bank robbers, but maybe, just maybe, they heard me play "Begger's Banquet" and it melted their hearts. 

My role in the Patty Hearst kidnapping

Before I became a writer I traveled around the country like a nomad “spinning biscuits” as a Top 40 D.J. Here’s another incident from those heady and ridiculous times.

It was 1974. I was working at KYA, San Francisco. KFRC was the big station then. Throughout my disc jockey career I always worked at the “other” place. There would be a powerhouse number one station like KHJ, KFRC, and CKLW in town, and I was always hired by K100, KYA, and WDRQ.

But KYA was a great station. We had a terrific program director, Bob Whitney, who believed in freedom and fun on the radio. That made us unique… at times amazing, and at other times, uh, well... strange. Our afternoon jock called himself Jimmy Jet and had a chipmunk-voiced sidekick named Wonder Wings. He also had all these airplane whooshes (the same sound Rocky the Flying Squirrel made whenever he took off) and would play them constantly over records. He was a lovely guy but yikes!  (Jimmy is now a commercial pilot, UFO investigator-journalist.  I'm not making this up.) 

Anyway, I was on from 10 P.M. to 2 A.M. I didn’t have any “whooshes” but I was pretty out there. I also had to read the news at 1:30. The name I was using was Beaver Cleaver, but I couldn’t call myself that during a newscast. At the time there was a late night program on NBC called THE TOMORROW SHOW. Host Tom Snyder would interview a different guest from 1:00-2:00 AM. Whoever his guest was, that was the name I chose for that night. So one night astronaut Neil Armstrong would report KYA news and next night it was Helen Reddy.

I used to take phone requests from listeners.  Hey, I was bored. One night I got a call from someone who identified himself as a member of the SLA.

Patricia Hearst, the granddaughter of publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst and great-granddaughter of millionaire George Hearst had recently been kidnapped in the bay area by a radical group that called themselves the SLA (Symbionese Liberation Army). This was the big story of the day. Back then heiresses had to get kidnapped to receive notoriety. They couldn’t just make sex tapes like today.

The SLA made their ransom demands through envelopes left in public places.

I guess they were fans of the show. I was told there was an envelope at the station’s front door. Before I could ask if he would say, "Hi, we're the SLA and KYA is our favorite radio station!" he hung up. 

I was a little freaked out I must admit. I wasn't used to actual listeners. I went to the front door and sure enough, there was a manila envelope. I called the station manager (who just LOVED being woken up at 1:00 AM) and he said he would handle it.

I should have called the program director, Bob Whitney.  He would have snapped into action and turned this moment into a contest.  "Guess what's in the SLA envelope and win tickets to the Lou Reed concert!"

So I go back to doing my show as if nothing happened. Five minutes later a hundred FBI agents storm into the building. My engineer was really peeved. He was very overweight and liked to work with his pants off.  Imagine how pleasant that was for me sitting across from him all night.   Now he had to wear his trousers.  I suspect a union grievance was filed.

Normally, the station is empty in the middle of the night.  But now there are agents, sniffing dogs, and SWAT team guys. I’m being interrogated between records.  "What did he sound like?  What exactly did he say?  Did you hear anything in the background?"   I have to excuse myself every three minutes to introduce the next KYA People Power hit and read the Gensler Lee Diamond spot. Just another night at the radio station.

Now an FBI agent begins manning the listener lines, hoping maybe the SLA will call back and request “Billy, Don’t Be a Hero”. So imagine Tim Kang from THE MENTALIST cross-examining and scaring the shit out of all the little teenyboppers just calling in to hear their favorite Donny Osmond song.

I finally signed off by saying, “Hey, I had a great time tonight! Would like to thank everyone listening in their homes and cars and hideouts. See you tomorrow night. Rock on! Be cool! And please don’t shoot anybody!”

I never heard from them again. If I ever actually meet Patty Hearst, or if perhaps she reads this blog, there's something I've always wanted to know.  Since the SLA obviously listened to KYA, why didn't they also kidnap Jimmy Jet?

You've got to read this Spiderman review

The Spiderman musical opened for previews this week on Broadway after many postponements, several injuries, and millions of dollars up in smoke.

Here's the New York Post's account of opening night.  

I was laughing out loud.  It wasn't schadenfreude because I don't know any of the people involved and harbor no one ill will.   I think the fact that this was real, not a NOISES OFF "created" train wreck just makes this account of an opening-night-epic-flop an instant classic.

Leslie Nielsen jokes? Already?

A few odds and ends today…

Thank you all for the nice comments on my 5th anniversary post.  Look, I'm blushing. 

Wow. I guess the moratorium on Leslie Nielsen jokes is over. This is how the Connecticut Post announced his passing. Check out the box with Nielson’s picture and read the caption. A little too soon, don’tcha think?

In case you can't read the fine print:  Nielsen died in a Florida hospital.  It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.  

Here’s the quote of the year: Disney’s animated feature TANGLED did great last weekend at the boxoffice, and has also received raves from the audience. While taking bows for the higher-than-expected first weekend tally, Chuck Vane, the President of Disney distribution said, “Luckily we had a tool that worked really well for advertising, which is the film itself.” Really?! That must make your job sooo much easier when the movie you’re telling everyone is so great really isn’t a hot steaming piece of shit after all. Once the goal was to produce quality movies that everyone involved could be proud of. Now the aim is to produce useful “tools”.

James Franco and Anne Hathaway are hosting this year’s Oscars. Neither is particularly funny or charismatic. But that’s not important. They’re young. If Justin Beiber didn’t have a homework assignment due the next day, he would have been hosting. Don’t expect Jack Nicholson to get a lot of screen time this year.  Especially if Miley Cyrus is there.

The first season of SHERLOCK is now out on DVD. All three episodes are included!

Get ready for all the perennial Christmas specials and reruns. It’s December, the Netflix time of the year.

Having fun trading tweets with John Hodgman over on Twitter.  He wants to play Radar if they ever re-boot MASH.  I've assured him a role as a Korean.  He's accepted.  He'll need to bring his own kimshee pot however.  

The Rock is over as an action star. You can’t come back from THE TOOTH FAIRY.

If TV comedy is dead, then how come reruns of CBS' Monday night sitcoms beat original programming on all the other networks?  

The Black Eyed Peas will perform at next year’s Super Bowl. What? They couldn't find another boomer act? Gerry & the Pacemakers are still touring.

Heading off today to Maui for a few weeks. I’ll continue to post daily on the blog, but I warn you, I might be a little too cheerful sometimes.  Aloha.