Friday Questions

Friday Questions for your weekend pleasure.

Grumpy Gus starts us off:

Ken, how might actors/showrunners feel when a potentially big show is relegated to a network's streaming channel? I'm sure publicly they'll say all the right things ("And thanks to Paramount for making this all happen...") but I can't imagine they wouldn't rather be on a regular network. Will & Grace's reboot got that chance. So did Murphy Brown. Are they supposed to be flattered that they're the jewel offering of this new channel? Wouldn't they rather their show be exposed to a million more eyeballs?

Streaming is the future.  There’s also more freedom vis a vis content and language.  As long as the network doesn’t slice your budget, there are advantages to being on a streaming service.    

A good example is THE GOOD FIGHT on Paramount (formerly CBS All Access). It’s the spin-off of THE GOOD WIFE but with way more bite, way wilder subject matter, and top notch production values.    CBS decided to air some of it on the broadcast network and had to completely declaw it.  

I think it depends more of the show premise itself.  If you have a very mainstream idea, then yes, a broadcast network offers the advantage of potentially more viewers.  But if you want to do something a little edgy or off-beat, streaming should be your destination.  

Michael wonders.  

You have done so many podcasts that I don't recall - have you done any in which you interview a casting agent about their process and experiences?

I did a two-parter with casting director Sheila Guthrie back in July 2018. She was terrific.  You'll learn a lot. 

Here’s part one.    

Here’s part two.


From Marka:

I wonder how shows evaluate themselves after a season. Is it like football coaches going over film game by game at the end of the year and talking about what worked and what didn't? If so is it like we need less of the diner scenes and more in the bus station? Less of this character and more of that? We should stop asking this actor to do this because they're not very good at it? We need to change the apartment set because it isn't working?

If this happens, is it internal or at the instigation and direction of the studio?

Certainly we do it internally, both at the end of the season and constantly during the season.  As you suggested, we assess which shows worked, what our actors’ strengths and weaknesses are, what storylines worked, and what pitfalls to avoid in the future.   

And we tend to be very objective and critical.  

When studios and networks get involved it’s usually because the show is struggling.  Then everybody has an opinion.   It’s a pile-on.

Look, the truth is if you do 22 episodes a year, or even 13 — one will always be the worst.  You just have to hope it’s only one and not six.  

And finally, Daniel Kaufman:

How did Alan Alda become part of the creative team (writing and directing)?  Was he a welcome addition by the other writers or was he seen as an interloper?  I liked his work so I hope the former, but I could see it going either way. 

I can’t say enough good things about Alan Alda and his involvement with the process.  

His influence developed over time.  Even in the first few years when Larry Gelbart was in charge he was writing scripts.  He’s also a terrific director.  As the series evolved, Alan’s involvement grew.  

But I will say unequivocally, his participation was welcomed.  Alan was always a cheerleader.  He strove to make the show better.  He was extremely respectful, appreciative, and generous.  If someone pitched a joke in the writing room Alan was the one who laughed the loudest.

He contributed great ideas, terrific jokes, and always in the service of the integrity of the show.  It was never about “star turns.”   We always looked forward to having Alan in the room.  And often he’d take us out to dinner after a rewrite.  I love the guy!   

What’s your FQ? 

EP219: The State of Television — THIS Minute

Longtime NBC/Fox scheduler/guru Preston Beckman discusses the current television landscape — all the the changes and where things might be heading. TV is evolving quickly. If you want to break in, you need to know who’s out there, what they’re looking for, and where you fit in. Preston Beckman can help guide you.

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Rebel without a laugh

Boy, here’s one I just don’t get.   How does Rebel Wilson have this big career and keep getting gig after gig?   I see she’s hosting some stupid dog show on NBC now.  And I see her on commercials.  

Other than being mildly amusing in PITCH PERFECT, I have never found her funny.  

I know she was a big deal in Australia, but somehow crossing the Pacific she lost something.

ABC gave her her own sitcom a few years back, SUPER FUN NIGHT.  She starred and controlled the writing.  It was truly terrible.   She was given the creative control that few actors ever enjoy.  Why???  Based on what?  

And look at the results.  

But that didn’t slow down her career for some reason.  She did a number of movies where she wasn't funny.  I thought, “Okay, maybe it’s just me.”  So I started asking friends, both in the business and not, whether they liked Rebel Wilson.  None of them did.  Not one.  Yes, it’s a small sample size, but none is none.  

Now she may be a lovely person.  I’ve never met her.  I have nothing personal against her. And it wouldn’t bother me except I know so many talented young actresses who are so much funnier, and they can’t get arrested while Rebel Wilson inexplicably keeps landing major gigs.  

So what am I missing here?  Help me. 

Can Frasier afford his apartment?

There’s a fun article that a number of people have sent me by Gabriella Paiella of GQ called “How Did Frasier Afford His Apartment?”   By doing some research and crunching the numbers she determined that Frasier could not meet the mortgage payments of his condo.   Of her numbers she compiled, the only one that was way off was his salary as a talk show host of a Seattle radio station.  She claims he would have made $27,000 a year.  I was announcing for the Mariners in the ‘90s and can tell you it would have been considerably more.  Probably $100,000 and I suspect even more. 

Ms. Paiella then consulted longtime FRASIER writer/producer, Joe Keenan who reasoned that Frasier invested well.  That sounds legitimate.  No one ever brought this subject up the many times I was in the FRASIER writing room, but I totally buy it. 

You can read the article here.

My alternate answer though, would be: No one in sitcoms could afford their apartments.  

Unless a downsized apartment or house was necessary for the premise (e.g. ALL IN THE FAMILY, THE MIDDLE, or ROSEANNE), viewers gladly sacrificed reality.   Good luck doing THE HONEYMOONERS today. 

Sitcoms, for the most part, have to be inviting.  I contend that the big reason TAXI did not get the love and audience it should have was because it was set in a grimy garage.  People didn’t want to see that every week.   Even though MASH was set in a war zone, it was single-camera, brightly colored, and had scope. 

What could the FRIENDS apartment in Manhattan cost?   Monica would have to be making Courtney Cox money.  And whenever a character is supposed to be single and starting out they invariably live the coolest loft that city has to offer.   If apartments or lofts aren’t big, they’re super fun cozy with lots of levels.  There are landings, and alcoves, large picture windows, and all have high ceilings (which accommodate the stage lights). 

There’s another reason for this besides just the aesthetics.  Larger apartments are easier to shoot.  Since most of these shows are shot before a studio audience, cameras are rolling during the action.  If sets are too small you can’t get good shots of faces.   You’ll notice that apartment sets are wide, they’re never deep.  And if they are somewhat deep (a la FRASIER), it’s easy to roll cameras up into the set.  There are also “ports.”  These are panels in the side walls of sets that slide out so a camera can peek through.   So Frasier and Niles can be way up by the balcony and we could shoot them.  Just a side note:  I think the Frasier apartment is the single greatest multi-cam set ever.  It was created by Roy Christopher. 

The point is a lot of thinking goes into designing these home sets.  Last on the list is whether the character can afford it.  Which is good because none of them can.  

RIP Mark Elliott

Mark Elliott passed away this weekend.  He was 81  (He's shown here on the left with radio great, Charlie Van Dyke in the center.) You may not know the name but you sure as hell have heard the golden voice. He’s done thousands of trailers, God knows how many promos for CBS, Fox, and for many years was the exclusive voice of Disney. (He probably had to say “experience the magic” 7,000,000 times.) 

And Mark had a heart as big as his voice.  A few years ago for my podcast I did a reading of a pilot David Isaacs and I wrote.  Mark read the narration.  You can listen to it here. 

This story will tell you all you need to know about Mark Elliott.

In the mid ‘70s Mark was a disc jockey – a very successful one mind you – on top rated LA station, KHJ. But how many times can play “The Night Chicago Died” without wanting to kill yourself? Mark thought voice over work was the way out.

He started taking classes, knocking on doors. Nothing. No one was interested. And remember, this guy had pipes! If not the voice of God than the guy who fills in for Him on the weekends. At the time his girlfriend was a beautician and one of her customers was a dude who owned a company that made movie trailers. She told him about Mark and he said Mark could call him. It’s amazing how gracious people can be when someone is holding a sharp pair of scissors to their head.

Mark did phone the guy and predictably was told there was nothing for him. He already had announcers he used on a regular basis. But Mark asked if he could check back from time to time and the guy said sure.

Mark called him every single week. Finally, after a full year, the guy said he might have something for him but no promises. He had a director who had no clue what he wanted. He already went through three voice over guys who just threw up their hands and ran. If Mark wanted, he could work with this nut, but there was no guarantee his trailer would be used and if not, he wouldn’t get paid. This would all be work on spec. Hours and hours of it.  Mark said he’ll take it.

Now remember, Mark was a top disc jockey. I’m sure many other jocks in his position would be insulted. How dare they be asked to work for free? They’d be saying, “Do you know who I am, even though I don’t use my real name?” But Mark was willing to do the work.

For the next two weeks, when he got off the air, he drove to the studio and worked ten hours a day voicing a gazillion variations of this trailer. Finally, the director was happy and Mark’s trailer ran.

The movie was STAR WARS. The crazy director was George Lucas.

Almost immediately, Mark’s voice over career took off. A few weeks later he did the trailer for THE GOODBYE GIRL. More offers came pouring in. And the rest, as they say, was all profit. 

I'll miss his laugh, his friendship, and of course his voice.  In this case, silence is not golden. 
 

Wanna break in as a TV writer?

Just a reminder that this Friday on Zoom I will be doing a special session on how writers can break into TV.  Whether you're just starting out or you're a playwright who has decided it's time to make money already, this session is for you.  Sign up!

Weekend Post

This is a re-post from ten years ago.  I used to review bad reality shows, and this was one of my favorites.  PREGNANT IN HEELS.  I imagine you can find it on some streaming service.  Either way, it's a review worth reviewing.  Enjoy.

 

Rosie Pope

In my never ending quest to bring you the absolute worst, most appalling reality shows on television, I present PREGNANT IN HEELS on Bravo. Thanks to reader Matt for turning me on to this argument for why rich people are buffoons and shouldn’t be allowed to have matches much less children.

The show centers around Rosie Pope, a willowy opportunist who calls herself a “Maternity Concierge” to the “million dollar mamas” of New York’s Upper East Side. These rich sheep now have consultants for everything. I imagine these self-proclaimed experts are selected by which cable network their reality show is on.

Here’s Rosie Pope’s qualifications for guiding you through pregnancy and parenting: She’s a maternity clothes designer.

In last night’s premiere episode she handled two very difficult cases. Sarah & her probably gay husband, and power couple Samantha Ettus & Mitch. I’d say SPOILER ALERT but either you’re not going to watch this crap anyway or you are just to see if I’m really describing this accurately (I am).

Sarah and Jon live in a swank loft. She’s eight months along. Their problem is that they don’t want this baby to disrupt their lives in any way. Is there a social worker in the house??? Babies have been called little miracles and bundles of joy. Not before Sarah have I ever heard them referred to as life force sucking parasites. Seriously, Joan Crawford would flinch.

Sarah Dearest asks Rosie to design a nursery that doesn’t cramp their style, a nursery that “isn’t too…baby.” The kid’s due in three weeks. They’ve done virtually nothing to prepare.

And then there’s Samantha & Mitch. She’s a best-selling author and talk show guest, and he’s a big business success as evidenced by some Lucite award he once won. They’re having their third child. But they’re in serious crisis mode because they can’t seem to come up with the perfect “marquee” name for him. Samantha says, “We want our baby to have class surrounding their brand.”

For their first two children they compiled a list of names that major “thought leaders” had selected for their kids and debated over each one. That’s 12,000 names. 12,000 separate discussions. (Little wonder that Samantha has a blog called OBSESSED.) 

But that was very time consuming (life force sucking), so they’ve called upon Rosie Pope – the Lone Ranger of the Stupid Rich – to do the legwork for them for brand, I mean baby number three.

This is so much easier for Jews, by the way. Who’s a recent dead relative? That’s the name. Let’s eat.

Rosie takes Sarah and the lovely Mister shopping. Trying to teach Sarah how to fold up a baby stroller is like teaching a monkey how to be a Benihana chef. Rosie convinces her that she needs a baby toy in the crib and suggests this big pink stuffed teddy bear. Sarah is repulsed. The toy she selects: one wooden alphabet block. At least it wasn’t a wire hanger.

Rosie the Riveting assembles a “think tank” for Samantha & Mitch. Among the luminaries sitting around the conference table are Rosie’s fashion expert assistant L.T., (who looks and acts like Hollywood Montrose in MANNEQUIN but weirder... and with a hairstyle that can only be described as a mare's tail hanging down to his nose so his face really does look like a horses' ass). Sam & Mitch are horrified. Others on the panel include a linguistics expert, a baby name blogger, a poet, and some other woman – I have no idea what she does and it wasn’t worth hitting rewind.

Samantha spelled out some moniker guidelines. It must be easy to spell but not too popular. No decorative names, no names that start with J, E, or R, and no names that end with S. Also, no names that are only two letters. They tossed around names and settled on about ten.

Back at Sarah’s stylish flat, Rosie shows up with a therapist. She delicately confesses she has some “concerns” that perhaps Sarah’s baby might not be born into the most loving and nurturing of environments. I think her unstated real concern is that Sarah will sell the baby for a new iPad2.

Sarah, of course, is livid but after five minutes of whiz-bang therapy Sarah is completely turned around. Edited out was probably the part where the therapist hypnotized her with a shiny object.

Next we see that Rosie has arranged a Focus Group to whittle down the ten names. By now my jaw's on the floor.  Sam & Mitch are very excited and sit in the next room observing through the one-way mirror. Within minutes they’re calling the members of the Focus Group idiots. I would submit that the bigger idiots are the ones who commissioned them in the first place… and probably for a cost of about ten thousand dollars. That’s a lot of money to hear what strangers think of the name Tucker.

Rosie and L.T., her assistant (who RuPaul would say butch-up), go to Sarah’s apartment to set up the nursery. Sarah and her husband leave while the transformation is being done although I would have bet even money it would have been Sarah’s husband and L.T. who leave together.

Samantha & Mitch now have a dinner party of their snooty friends to narrow down the names even more. And who knew? They all have conflicting opinions. Poor Sam & Mitch. This being a parent thing is HARD!  By the way, Samantha also gives parenting advice on THE TODAY SHOW. 

Flash forward three weeks and both women are new mommies. Samantha & Mitch selected the name Bowen, which is the one name that everybody in every group hated. And Sarah & Jon are blissfully in love with their new baby – named Fox. Now they could have used a Focus Group.

PREGNANT IN HEELS. I look forward to the follow-up reality series – EASTSIDE RUNAWAYS.

Friday Questions

Actually, it’s GOOD FRIDAY QUESTIONS.

Sean kicks it off.

I know you’ve mentioned liking “I Love Lucy” even if you don’t love it as much as some. What is your opinion of Lucille Ball’s later TV shows?

Never liked them.  The gags and situations just seemed forced and formulaic.  It’s like the current version of the Beach Boys.  Mike Love and none of the original members singing the same songs.  75 year-old men should not be singing “Be True to Your School.”  And Lucy shouldn’t be carting out old routines she did better in I LOVE LUCY.  

And don’t get me started on LIFE WITH LUCY.  Imagine Willie Mays trying to play centerfield at 70.   ‘Nuff said.

Ben wonders:

How often do you meet with David to write nowadays? What kinds of projects do you do? Are you looking to keep up the same pace as when you were younger or just freelance as needed?

David is currently the Chairman of the Graduate TV Writing Department as a tenured professor at USC.  That’s a full-time job.   We’ve worked on a couple of pilots over the last couple of years.  But he’s busy with USC and I’ve been concentrating on playwriting.   So not that often.  We still see each other socially (or at least we did before the pandemic — and we still Zoom each other).  

Unknown asks:

Someone on Reddit posted the opening and closing to a foreign version of “Cheers” from c. 2011. When another country wants to produce an American product (or vice versa), how much input or consulting does the original crew offer?

Not much.  I believe they redid CHEERS in Spain a few years ago.  They used the original scripts from season one.  So I got a nice royalty.   But my understanding is that no one from the original show contributed any input.    And it was short lived. 

When Russia decided to reboot EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND they brought over co-creator/showrunner, Phil Rosenthal to consult the process.  This resulted is a terrific documentary called EXPORTING RAYMOND.  It deals with the culture clash between the US & Russia and is quite entertaining.   That show became a big hit. 

Most countries will just play the original American series and maybe have them dubbed.  But there have been examples of American shows being rebooted locally.  Germany has done this on several occasions.  I think they redid THE NANNY.  And from time to time countries will hire American comedy writers to either consult or write scripts.  

And finally, from Mark Solomon:

Ken, speaking of writers, I noticed that your daughter and son-in-law, whom I believe have been a writing team for some time, are now Co-Executive Producers of the new Kyra Sedgwick comedy “Call Your Mother.” After watching their episodes air, does your Writer/Producer instinct kick in to “offer notes” to Annie and Jonathan? Would it be something of a bucket list item to someday direct an episode of your daughter’s show?

I would give notes when they were writing specs trying to break in.  But they’ve been working writers for over eight years now and I don’t give any notes.  Most of the time I never see a script.  My first exposure is watching it on TV.   And no, I don't offer after-the-fact notes based on the episode that just aired. 

Besides, their job is to serve the show runner.  Not me.  

And to answer your other question, I have directed Annie Levine & Jonathan Emerson.   Twice.  It was back when they were on INSTANT MOM on Nick at Nite.   And I have to say it was an incredible thrill. 

EP218: The MGM Studio Tour

A personal tour of one of Hollywood’s most iconic studio lots. This episode is filled with stories, history, movie stars — everything but the lion.

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And the answer is...

If you didn’t see yesterday’s post, go back before you read today’s.

NO ONE got the correct answer. 

One day about twenty years ago at about 5:30 in the afternoon I went to Bob’s Big on Van Nuys Blvd. and there at the counter, eating a Big Boy all by himself was Muhammad Ali.  I was going to take a table but chose to sit at the counter a seat away.  We exchanged smiles.  I was still too much in awe to speak to the champ.

A musical I was involved with was being workshopped in New York.  Stephen Sondheim came to watch it.  He sat right next to my daughter, Annie.

When we filmed the “Heeeere’s Cliffy” episode of CHEERS at THE TONIGHT SHOW, we did it immediately following an actual TONIGHT SHOW taping.  During the show I sat in the green room and had a lovely 20 minute conversation with Elizabeth Taylor.   She was great fun, by the way.  

O.J. Simpson had finished a game of tennis at the Beverly Hills Hotel and stumbled upon an outdoor wedding.  So he stood in the back and watched the wedding.  It was mine.  No gift from him though.  

In doing research for an ABC pilot, I was able to join the White House Press Corps for several days and was in the Rose Garden with President Jimmy Carter.  Years later when I was broadcasting for the San Diego Padres I met him at Fulton County Stadium before a Braves game.   He would sit way down by the Braves’ dugout on the aisle and kids would come down to get his autograph.  He was approachable and lovely.  

I was picking up my daughter from a Bar Mitzvah reception at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills and bumped into Robert Duvall.  Him I talked to.  

In 1980 I had an office at MGM and snuck onto the soundstage where Billy Wilder was directing his last film, BUDDY BUDDY.  I got to meet him and spend 15 minutes with him while they were setting up a shot.  Talk about an unbelievable thrill.

Before she became a huge star, Taylor Swift sang before a game at Dodger Stadium.  I then met her in the Press Lounge during lunch.  She could not have been nicer.  I was super impressed with her talent and drive.  She worked very hard to get where she is.  

I met Prince Charles on the set of MASH and asked him what advice he would have for young people thinking of going into his profession?   His people were aghast but he found it funny.  Oprah is welcome to interview me.

So that leaves out… Julia Roberts.  Never met her.  But I’d like to. 

Since game shows are so popular these days...

Here's something I saw on Facebook that might be a fun audience participation post.  

LIST 10 FAMOUS PEOPLE YOU'VE EVER MET OR BEEN VERY CLOSE TO, BUT ONE IS A LIE. GUESS WHICH ONE YOU THINK IS A LIE.

Muhammad Ali

Stephen Sondheim

Julia Roberts

Elizabeth Taylor

O.J. Simpson

Jimmy Carter

Robert Duvall

Billy Wilder

Taylor Swift

Prince Charles

My answer tomorrow.  Thanks for playing.

The Lounge Lizard of Oz

Dr. Oz is just terrible guest-hosting JEOPARDY.  The smarm factor is off the charts.  He's like a high energy Top 40 1960’s disc jockey shouting at you between records.  Except there are no records.  He reads each clue like he’s doing a live spot for a drag strip.  “FUNNY CARS!!!”  

On the one hand you have to give these guest hosts a few days to settle into the job.  On the other hand, if you get a bad one (like Oz) you’re stuck with him for two weeks.   And you figure with so many guest hosts you’re going to get a few duds (although in the case of Dr. Oz, how could you not see it coming?).  

But it brings back memories of writing on shows where an actor is not up to the material (isn’t that a nice way of saying he/she sucked?).   You spend an inordinate amount of time trying to hide him, trying to give him lines he won’t kill or scenes he won’t ruin.  It’s such a dance.  And exhausting. 

More times than not these are actors the network forced upon you.  Forget that he’s an enemy of comedy, he “has a good look.”   And if the show is ultimately on the bubble, do you think you’ll get picked up because you have this network darling?  No. Never.  The bad actor drags down the show, it gets canceled, and who gets blamed?  

You got it on the first guess.  

Casting is the most important decision a producer or show runner will ever have to make.  Everything else can be fixed.  So getting the right people is crucial.  

I look forward to a new JEOPARDY guest-host, whoever it is. 

Weekend Post

 

I was doing ALMOST PERFECT, the CBS mid 90’s sitcom that starred Nancy Travis. In the show, Nancy’s character had a cat, “Charlie”. We used him in about five episodes. Then I get a call from the cat’s owner/trainer/agent. He tells me that Charlie has been offered the lead in the remake of THAT DARN CAT but I was not to fret. Charlie really liked working on the show and with us. So he’ll stay with our show if we would up his fee and guarantee him all episodes produced. Naturally I was touched by Charlie’s loyalty.

I said as much as we too loved working with Charlie and greatly admired his many talents, I would hate to stand in the way of his feature career so I passed on his offer.

Unbelievably, we somehow managed to find another gray cat that could sit in a chair.

But here’s the thing…

A year later ALMOST PERFECT gets cancelled. I’m driving home, feeling really bummed out and I gaze up at a billboard touting a certain movie. My entire cast is out of work and there’s Charlie, the fucking cat, starring in a major motion picture, staring down on me, his Cheshire-like face plastered on a HUGE billboard on the Sunset Strip.

I lost track of Charlie after that. To my knowledge he didn’t catch on in films. That business can be so cruel. He probably returned to television and if there’s any justice he’s doing ARSENIC & OLD LACE in dinner theatre somewhere in Iowa tonight.

The moral: Use a litter box because you never know who you’re going to meet on the way down.

Friday Questions

Considering the madness of January, March Madness wasn’t that mad at all.  Let’s close out the month with Friday Questions.

Bob Paris starts us off.  

This is a question and follow-up to your "perfect episode" entry. After listing two Frasier episodes, the next day I thought about how perfect the "Palestinian Chicken" episode of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM was. The two Frasier episodes were for a broadcast network and the 'Curb was for HBO which has different standards & practices. In your opinion, is it unfair to compare episodes where one may have had network constraints versus another where "anything goes?”

Not really.  Having the freedom to use profanity or more graphic situations does not necessarily give you an advantage.  

Yes, the styles are different, but an elegant comedy might well be funnier and more ingenious than one with the freedom to be more coarse.    

As good as CURB is sometimes, it still can’t compare with “the Contest” episode of SEINFELD, which was subject to standards and practices.  

And I’d put FRASIER up against any cable comedy.

If you want to talk about an unfair comparison, it’s the number of episodes a network series has to churn out vs. cable or streaming.  Larry David can leisurely make 13 episodes of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM over a couple of years.  FRASIER had to turn out 24 episodes a season.  That’s an unfair advantage for CURB.  

From WB Jax:

Friday Question (really to both you and your partner David): Had either "The Flintstones" or "The Jetsons" (both of which I've always considered well-written series) still been going in Prime Time when you were, say, co-producing "Cheers" (that is, if either or both enjoyed a similar longevity to "The Simpsons") would you have been interested in writing for one or the other/both, coming up with rock/stone puns (e.g., Stoneway piano, Rock Vegas, etc.) for the former, imagining future technology for the latter?

I can’t answer for David obviously, but for myself — no.  Writing THE SIMPSONS was a lark, but I like writing for real people who have real problems and real emotions.  I also hate puns in sitcoms.

There are some animated series that are fairly sophisticated, but THE JETSONS and FLINTSTONES aren’t two of them.  That said, I do like THE JETSONS and maybe the first season of THE FLINTSTONES.

Michael asks:

If you were taking over as a show runner at start of season, how much would you try to resolve existing story lines before starting your own?

I believe I’d have an obligation to the fans of the show to resolve the existing story line.  I might do it in an episode or two and move on, but I certainly would deal with it (and not just explain it away in a couple of offhanded lines).  

John Wells took over from Aaron Sorkin on THE WEST WING and tells the story of the transition between season 4 and 5.  Sorkin ended season 4 on a cliffhanger.  Wells, who was still friends with Sorkin (Wells claims there was no animosity), called Sorkin to ask what he had planned to do to resolve the cliffhanger, and Sorkin said he had no idea.  It’s something he would’ve figured out later.  So it was left in Wells’ lap.   That’s the trouble with cliffhangers sometimes.  Know how to get your hero out of them before the cameras roll. 

And finally, from Brian:

Have you gotten a Covid vaccination shot? If so, how did you feel afterwards? I've heard the second one can be rough, but worse for younger people. Please encourage those who haven't had the shot to hang in there and not start going out. Its tough when all your friends are posting pictures from breweries, but stay home until you have the shot(s).

I have gotten my two shots.  I had a low-grade fever after the second shot that lasted no more than a day.  But it was so worth it.  

I urge anyone eligible to get your shots.  Even Trump recommended getting your shots.  So hopefully the mindless sheep who blindly follow him will now get vaccinated.  But seriously, it’s the right thing to do, the smart thing to do, and the safe thing to do.  And in the meantime, wear masks. 

I always found it curious that people who were happy to wear white hoods over their faces don’t want to wear masks.  

What's your FQ? 

EP217: The Worst Podcast EVER

A spoof on bad podcasts. Annoying elements, no editing, discussions about nothing that go nowhere — they’re all here in this simulated brutal but highly recognizable “podcast.” Cringe and enjoy.

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RIP George Segal

Very sorry to learn that George Segal passed away yesterday.  He was 87.  God love him, he worked until the very end.  He was the grandpa on THE GOLDBERGS.

The obit in Deadline Hollywood (the online industry trade website), said that Segal was probably best known for his role in JUST SHOOT ME.   What???  Farther down in the article it mentions he starred in a bunch of movies.  

Here’s a news flash:  He was a movie STAR.  

He was the big romantic comedy lead for several years in the '70s and was also riveting in dramas.  He was in WHO’S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF and received an Oscar nomination for his performance.  He starred in a long list of movies including TOUCH OF CLASS, NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY, WHERE’S PAPA? (a hilarious film), BLUME IN LOVE, THE HOT ROCK, OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT, and a ton more.  

I am honored to say I directed him on JUST SHOOT ME.  He was fun to be around and I endeared myself by asking about some of his less famous films.  To me he was a movie star.  But the great thing about George, and I’m sure the folks at THE GOLDBERGS would agree, he didn’t act like a movie star.  He wasn’t a diva.  Nor did he feel it was a comedown doing a sitcom.  He was the ultimate pro and very much a team player.  Like I said, I was honored.

I would like to think George Segal is not best known for JUST SHOOT ME or THE GOLDBERGS.  He was a major force in motion pictures.  

And it got me to thinking, for all the mystique about Marilyn Monroe.  Had she not died so young, would she best be known as the wacky grandma on MY NAME IS EARL?   Would James Dean's legacy be playing an addled judge on BULL?  

George Segal was a movie star.  Mike Nicols directed him. So did Sidney Lumet, Carl Reiner, Stanley Kramer, Herbert Ross, Paul Mazursky, Melvin Frank.  The fact that I directed him on a sitcom should be a footnote, not what he’s best known for.  

RIP George.  I hope they like banjo music where you are now. 

Actors who became Directors

This is an audience participation post.  You’ll see how.

A recent discussion led to this:

Often times actors on long-running television shows will go behind the camera and direct an episode or nine.   Some are very good at it.  In my personal experience, Alan Alda is a terrific director.  But then the question arose, how many of these actors were able to branch out and direct shows they weren’t attached to?   The number goes way down.  That’s where you come in.  Feel free to weigh in with names of actors who direct other people's shows.

Alan went on to direct movies, but they were movies that he wrote.  

Some actors leave acting to become directors full-time; others go back and forth.  Either counts.  

A few that I can think of offhand:

Adam Arkin has directed a variety of different shows.  He has 47 different directing credentials on imdb, many are multiple episodes (13 GET SHORTY’S, and 10 JUSTIFIED’S among them).   

Tony Goldwyn has 21 imdb director credits.   Yes, he “megged” 9 episodes of SCANDAL, but he also has called “action” on JUSTIFIED, DEXTER, GREY’S ANATOMY, LAW & ORDER, and directed the feature A WALK ON THE MOON (which is a cool movie with Diane Lane — sort of a cross between DIRTY DANCING and WOODSTOCK).  

Nick Colasanto, before becoming Coach on CHEERS did tons of TV directing from BONANZA to HAWAII 5-0 (the original and good one), to COLUMBO.  

And one can not assemble this list without a big shout-out to Ida Lupino (pictured above).  42 different shows in addition to a long acting career.  And if she wasn’t the only woman director in TV at the time she was one of maybe two.   She really deserves Jackie Robinson status.   Oh, and she also had polio.   Her directing skills were in drama and comedy — helming episodes of THE FUGITIVE, THE TWILIGHT ZONE, HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL, THE UNTOUCHABLES, but also BEWITCHED, GILLIGAN’S ISLAND, and THE DONNA REED SHOW.  

Ken Olin from THIRTYSOMETHING directs most of the episodes of THIS IS US.    He has credits on 24 different shows including THE WEST WING.  

Kelsey Grammer has directed several pilots that I know of (and worked on).  

Edward James Olmos from MIAMI VICE directed BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and a few other things.  

Dennis Dugan, who’s acted in many shows including MOONLIGHTING and MASH, has directed  NYPD BLUE, ALLY MCBEAL, and several features.  

Oh yeah, and there’s that Ronny Howard guy.   And Penny Marshall.  And Clint Eastwood.

Okay, so who am I missing? 

JEOPARDY guest hosts so far

The fourth JEOPARDY guest host debuts tonight.  I think there's like fifteen more.  Everyone but Ozzy Osbourne, and there's still a chance for him.  

This is a matter of casting.  It's not just who can read the clues without stumbling; there are a lot of elements to it.  This host will be replacing a beloved icon in Alex Trebek.  The JEOPARDY franchise is huge and a wrong choice could "jeopardize" that.    The new permanent host probably won't be announced until the early summer.  Still time for Ozzy to apply. 

 So here are my thought so far (not that they matter one iota):

Katie Couric -- A solid pro with great warmth.  Part of the job is making the contestants feel comfortable.  Katie was great at that.  There's also a comfort level for the viewer.  They can sense if a host is struggling and JEOPARDY is a particularly difficult show to do.  Lots of moving parts, reading clues, controlling the pace, reacting to unusual occurrences.  The viewer is in good hands with Katie.   However, I never felt like she really wanted the job full-time.  It was a bucket list thing.  And she did raise money for cancer research.  I doubt if Katie will be the new permanent host.

Mike Richards -- He's the Executive Producer of JEOPARDY.  When I heard he was going to host for two weeks I thought this was a vanity call.  But I was very pleasantly surprised.  He's obviously hosted game shows before.  He was incredibly polished, really kept the pace moving, and came off extremely likeable.  My only concern was that he might've been too polished.  He was the central casting "game show host" option.  But very impressive.

Ken Jennings -- Considered he had no prior hosting experience I thought he did an incredible job.  He was warm, good with the contestants, has a sly sense of humor, and can pronounce all those foreign words.  The only drawback is that he does not have a commanding voice and that's important because you hear his voice a lot.  However, I'd be willing to overlook that for his strengths. And the one big strength he has over all the other candidates is his association with the show.  As the GOAT and 74 time champ Ken Jennings is part of the JEOPARDY family.  Every other guest host is an outsider.  To me that's an almost insurmountable obstacle the others have to face.  

So it's early yet.  Ozzy would have to learn what JEOPARDY is.  But for my money, still the one to beat is Ken Jennings.  What do you all think?  

Weekend Post

Here's a photo I found on that interweb thing the kids all talk about.  It's a 1987 photo celebrating the 75th Anniversary of Paramount Pictures.  See how many stars you can pick out.  I think I found Ted Danson, Rhea Perlman, Shelley Long, Danny DeVito, Jimmy Stewart, Gene Hackman, Burt Lancaster, Elizabeth Taylor, Fred McMurray, DeForest Kelley, Cindy Williams, Penny Marshall, Bob Hope, Charlton Heston, Bruce Dern, that idiot Scott Baio, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Don Ameche, Kevin Costner, Walter Matthau, Robin Williams, Charles Bronson, Robert Stack, Peter Graves, Penelope Ann Miller, William Shatner,  Henry Winkler, Robert DeNiro, Robert Evans, Harry Dean Stanton, Olivia deHavilland, John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Tim Hutton, Lou Gosset Jr., Mark Harmon, Faye Dunaway, Gregory Peck, Matthew Broderick.  Who am I missing?   

Only sorry I wasn't there for that.  

Friday Questions

How about some Friday Questions?   What’s yours?

Vincent gets us started.

I just attended a  Zoom webinar where a literary agent said flat-out that he would not work with a writer who was doing anything else but focusing on screenwriting, like writing a novel, acting, or even doing a podcast on the side. Since you have a podcast I assume not every agent feels this way, but would you say this guy's attitude was the exception of the rule vis-a-vis Hollywood literary agents.

I would say yes, that’s the exception.  Agents today tend to like clients who have large social media followings or podcasts.  It helps them stand out and potentially easier to sell.  

The agent might think the writer’s podcast could be adapted for a series as an example.  

On the other hand, I could definitely see the argument that an agent would want writer clients who are devoted strictly to writing.  

But here’s the bottom line: when an agent is considering a new client his only real focus is how that person fits HIS agenda, not the writer’s.   How hard will the writer be to sell?  Does the writer fit the agency’s need for a certain genre?  Is the writer diverse?   How old is he?  Is his style in the zeitgeist?

Bob Sassone asks:

Something that bugs me about sitcoms is the fake car/driving scenes. I don't mind at all how cheesy they look, but why do they usually take out the rearview mirror? Is it just for how the shot looks? And why do so many characters still LOOK in the rearview mirror to talk to someone in the back seat when there's no mirror????

I assume you’re talking about multi-camera sitcoms where the car scenes are filmed on stage in front of an audience.

You’re right that the rearview mirror blocks camera angles.   It’s a creative license thing that most people don’t notice.  

I’m always more worried about the cheesy backgrounds.  For night scenes though someone (I believe on TAXI) created this effect with just lights that looks pretty cool.  

Boomska316 wonders:

Why are finales(season or series) so hard to get right? Is it different expectations between the viewers and the creators?

There are much greater expectations to a series finale.  So let’s concentrate on that.  

To some degree yes.  Especially if the show has set up lots of questions to be answered.  (a la LOST)  The questions better all be answered and to the audience’s satisfaction.  The more time the audience has been waiting, the higher the expectations.  

But the big reason series finales often fall short is because they're too long, sometimes waaaaay too long.  This is a network decision.  The networks want to take advantage of the larger audience they will draw to sell more advertising at higher rates.   The result is often bloated finales telling stories not worth two hours.   

When I think of my favorite sitcom finales (THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, NEWHART) they’re all half hours.  

And finally, from YEKIMI:

Do you tend to get stuff done faster when writing with David or when writing alone?

Without question, faster when the two of us are working.  But that has developed over time.  We now have a rhythm and shorthand and experience so we go at a much faster clip than we did when we were starting out.

Originally, it would take us two weeks to write a half hour script.  Now it takes three or four days, and in some cases if we’re in a crunch — two.

Also, as partner we write head to head.  So we’re both in the room pitching at the same time.  

We also dictate the script to an assistant so that takes less time.  We can just pitch out a whole run in two minutes and then go back and clean it up, sharpen some jokes, make some trims, etc.  

And when the two of us are writing we don’t take breaks every five minutes to check email or see if there’s any breaking news on MSNBC. 

For writers thinking of transitioning into TV

 

EP216: Perfect Shows (in my opinion)

Ken answers a listener’s question and lists all the TV shows and pilots he thinks are as close to “perfect” as possible. 

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Billy Wilder: guest blogger

I'd like to thank Billy for coming back from the Great Beyond to offer the best screenwriting tips anyone could learn, which makes sense since he's one of the best if not THE best screenwriters ever.   Thanks, Billy, I owe you one.

 

A few words about Stage Directions... with the emphasis on "few"

My all-time favorite Hollywood writer/director, Billy Wilder, was once asked if a good director should also be a good writer?  His answer:  “No.  A good director should be a good READER.”  

In other words, follow the script.  

It’s our job as writers to convey our vision as best we can.  And very often that means detailed stage directions.  

But there’s a trap in that.  If the stage direction is too long and detailed no one is going to read it.  That’s just a fact.  Whether it be film or for the stage, when a director sees a page that’s a solid block of stage direction he skips it.  

So the writer has to be incredibly concise and convey the most with the least.  And trust me, that’s hard.  Just know that there’s always more you can cut out without sacrificing your intent.  

I learned that quite a few years ago.  A screenplay of mine was going to get a public reading in New York.  The producer said he had a guy who would go through my script and make suggested trims of the stage direction.  I said I didn’t want anybody changing my screenplay.  He said these would just be suggestions sent to me privately and I could take or leave whatever I wanted.  At that point I said fine.  I was proud of the fact that I wrote sparing stage directions.  Just wait’ll this guy sees he has nothing to cut.

A week later my script arrives.  I was gobsmacked.  It looked like one of those classified reports where 80% of it was redacted.  There were cross-outs everywhere.  At first I was furious.  Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

Then I started going through them one by one, and sure enough I’d say, “Well, yeah, I don’t need that” and “That is a little redundant,” and “that is a faster way of saying that.”  Eventually I used 90% of his suggestions.   And again, I always prided myself on lean stage directions.

Now, whenever I write something I always think of that guy.  What would he do to this paragraph?   As a result, I’m way tougher on my stage directions.   It’s a good lesson to learn.  

Another stage direction tip:  Slip in a little joke or two from time to time.  Reward the reader and give him a reason to pay attention to your instructions.   

Stage directions are vital — they’re your assembly manual.  Make sure they’re easy to read and follow. 

TOMORROW:  Billy Wilder is my guest blogger.

AMAZING drone video

 I usually don't post two videos in a row, but this you gotta see.   My guess is you'll watch it multiple times. 

This is a video done with a drone.  It's all in one shot, no CGI, no special effects.  The sound however was done in post. 

It was shot in a bowling alley in Minneapolis with a racing drone by drone-operator Jay Christensen and director Anthony Jaska.   They needed ten or twelve takes to get it just right, but their perseverance paid off.   As I was watching I wondered how they were going to end it.  They found the perfect way.  Enjoy.

Weekend Post

Pepe LePew should move to Copenhagen.  

This is going to sound like a joke, but it’s real.   There is an animated kids show in Denmark named JOHN DILLERMAND.  The premise is that John has a huge penis.  And I mean, HUGE.  It can perform rescue missions and steal ice cream.   Google this if you don’t believe me.   Or better yet..

Here’s an article about it.  

And here’s the opening: 

But wait.  It gets better.  The show is aimed at children aged 4 to 8.  No, I’m SERIOUS!

Too bad it’s not in the US so Fox News could focus on that instead of the American Rescue Plan that will bring desperately needed relief to millions of Americans.  

How has the show been received in Denmark?  Well, the Woke folks are going bat shit.  Especially in this #MeToo era, opponents believe it sets back equality, sends the wrong message, etc.   On the other hand, proponents say it’s funny, it’s silly, and children do find genitals funny.  

I’d give anything to be able to pitch it to the Hallmark Channel.   

Proponents argue the show is not about sex.  I would imagine most kids 4 to 8 don’t know about sex.  But Danish TV certainly pushes boundaries.  Apparently there’s another children’s show where the lead swears, smokes a pipe, and doesn’t bathe.  

Pepe’s looking pretty good right about now, isn’t he?  

I’m writing to Disney +.  I’ve got to see this show. 

Friday Questions

Let’s continue our March into Friday Questions.

Mark Bosselman starts us off.

Have you ever been starstruck upon meeting a celebrity either by the aura or beauty?

Natalie Wood.  She came into the MGM commissary when I had an office on the lot.  Unfortunately, she was not dressed like the above photo. 

For sheer luminous, radiant beauty — Candice Bergen when she spoke at UCLA in 1968, Suzanne Pleshette on the MTM lot in 1975, and Jacqueline Bisset at MGM in 1980.  

Then, for sheer aura, seeing John Wayne (in costume yet) at Warner Brothers and Sean Connery at the Paramount commissary.  

In baseball, seeing Joe DiMaggio.  

In theatre, meeting Stephen Sondheim.  And Al Hirschfeld.

In life, John Wooden. 

But my all-time is Vin Scully.  There was not a time I was in his presence (and I worked with him and the Dodgers for five years) that I wasn’t in complete awe.  

From Larry:

Carla was often pregnant in “Cheers”, and I know during season 3 it was because Perlman herself was pregnant (as was Shelley Long, though hers was concealed). Were any of Carla’s other pregnancies incorporated to accommodate Perlman’s real-life condition, or were some of them purely for story purposes and she wore padding?

The first season she was actually pregnant.  We saved money on padding.  

Explaining it was tricky though because she had separated from her husband.  So we had to create a “father.”  

Tammy asks:

I've been a Joss Whedon fan for 20 years, so naturally I was very disappointed to learn this week that he'd been creating toxic work environments, both on set and in the writers' room (according to Jose Molina, he would brag about making writers cry). My questions: first, how common are these bully showrunners?

I wouldn’t say it was common, but there have always been a few tyrant show runners, just as there are tyrants in charge of any operation.  

And second, is there really less tolerance for this behavior nowdays, or is it just for the cases that go public? Thanks!

If a tyrant is getting good ratings or bringing in big money, Hollywood tends to look the other way.  Sadly, I would submit that bad behavior is tolerated more in the entertainment industry.   But yes, now there is much less tolerance and awful people who have gotten away with despicable behavior in the past are now getting their comeuppance.  And I can’t say I’m at all upset about it.  

And finally, from Powers:

If you could have written for any of the notable movie comedy teams, who would you have enjoyed writing for?

There are not that many to choose from.

I would have to go waaaaaay back.  First and foremost, Laurel & Hardy (although Stan Laurel wrote all of their material himself).  To this day they make me laugh.  Their physical comedy, reactions, and overall timing is just pitch-perfect.

I would have enjoyed writing a “Road Picture” for Bob Hope & Bing Crosby.  There was a lot of fun banter and great zingers between those two.  

I’d be less enthusiastic about Abbott & Costello.  I loved Lou Costello but thought Bud Abbott was always so mean to Lou Costello I never warmed to him.  

More recently, I’d like to write for Jay & Silent Bob… although no one writes Kevin Smith stuff better than Kevin Smith.  

What’s your Friday Question? 

EP215: Mike Scully’s sitcom writer journey continues

Comedy veteran Mike Scully discusses the change that saved Parks & Rec, working on Everybody Loves Raymond, and the animation process used to make the show he co-created with his wife, Julie — Duncanville. Amy Poehler fans, in particular, will love this episode.

Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today!
https://upstart.com/HOLLYWOOD 

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Final thoughts on WANDAVISION

Okay, I stuck with WANDAVISION until the very end.  All nine episodes.  As some of you know I reviewed it after the first few episodes.  Again, I know I’m not the target audience.  But it seemed to me they took a story that could have been a 90 minute movie and stretched it out to 4 1/2 hours (9 half hour episodes).  To me it was just a confusing mess.  When Kathryn Hahn turned into a witch I should have bailed.  Or when storytelling simply became Wanda shooting red energy bolts into the witch’s purple energy bolts.  

At what point do “epic” air battles between superheroes become boring, even to Marvel Universe fans?   How much suspense can there really be when characters can solve problems with magic?   Or the writers make up bizarre technical gibberish to explain away absurd phenomena?   

I won’t spoil the end except to say the whole series felt like one big shaggy dog story.  

For those who haven’t been following WANDAVISION on Disney +, a Marvel character imagines she’s living sitcoms, and through the course of the series they move from the 50’s-00’s.  And the show reflects the style and dialogue of each era.  So the first two episodes are in black and white.  And there are theme opening titles that reflect each era (which frankly are the best part of the whole series).  The first three episodes are pretty much just these recreated sitcoms.  

We finally learn that it’s all in Wanda’s mind.  And then let the convoluted plot with tanks and force fields and flashbacks to Salem witch trials begin.  Here’s a storytelling tip:  When setting up a fight, let the audience know what they’re fighting for.  But I imagine the thinking was: as long as it doesn’t get in the way of the cool CGI effects, who gives a shit?  

Mike Reiss is a longtime writer/producer of THE SIMPSONS.  To me, his recent tweet summed up WANDAVISION perfectly. 

Hanging out with Queen Elizabeth

 

In light of Meghan & Harry's interview that is stirring up a hornet's nest in Buckingham Palace, I thought I would share my personal brush with the Queen of England. 

In 1991 I was a rookie play-by-play announcer for the Baltimore Orioles. I kept a daily journal that year and sold it as a book. "It's Gone!...No, wait a minute"(my classic home run call unfortunately) was published by Villard and released in ’93. It’s available on Amazon or on a remainder table near you. Thirty years ago this is what happened:

WEDNESDAY, MAY 15, 1991, BALTIMORE

A typical day really, except that the queen of England and the president of the United States attended the game. They saw the A’s win 6-3, although Randy Milligan hit his first home run of the year and then his second.

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and His Royal Highness Prince Philip are visiting the United States and wanted to view something that represented the “epitome of America”. That meant either the Shopping Channel or baseball. So our little ol’ ballpark on Thirty-third Street got the nod. The weather was glorious, the traffic horrendous, and the crowd merely moderate (32,501) to see this historic occasion (The queen was not as big a draw as free wristbands.)

The entourage arrived at 6:30 via motorcade and were whisked into a private reception hosted by club owner Eli S. Jacobs (whom I have yet to meet, by the way). The VIP party, which also included Mr. Bush, baseball commish Fay Vincent (who told me before the game that the role of the commissioner in affairs such as these is “to be seen and then leave”), Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney, Mrs. Secretary of Defense, the Governor of Maryland, the British Foreign Secretary, and a number of the queen’s personal valets, secretaries, and foot stools. They all dined on crab cakes and hot dogs. (What, no crumpets and nachos??).

Everyone lingered over dinner for fifteen minutes, and then the royal party moved on to the Orioles dugout to greet the players of both teams.

I did not get to meet the queen. Jon Miller and I were on the air describing the proceedings. At 7:20 a receiving line of players was rushed through (viewed by the crowd on DiamondVision), and to the horror of the Secret Service, the president escorted Queen Elizabeth (or “Sausage” as Prince Philip calls her) up the top step into the on-deck area in full view of the masses. Personally, I feel Harold Baines would be in greater danger than the queen, but the Secret Service men held their breath just the same. The crowd roared its approval.

From there the royal party repaired back to Mr. Jacobs’ sky box on the mezzanine level just to the left of the press box. They sat comfortably behind bulletproof glass as a high school chorus mangled “God Save the Queen” and “The Star-Spangled Banner” over a sound system wracked by feedback.

They stayed for two whole innings, and I sort of felt bad because they were two very boring innings. Five walks, little action. Really, Your Highness, baseball is not that dull! I wanted her to stay longer, but by 8:45 the motorcade had shuttled her away. I also was hoping to have her stop by our booth and possibly read the “Esskay Meats Out-of-Town Scoreboard,” but that was not to be. See if I vote for her in the next election!

All in all it was a very exciting night. In three previous years in the minors the most important dignitary I ever saw attend a game was the Phillie Phanatic.

The Meghan & Harry Interview

It’s always hard for TV writers to write about how hard it is being a TV writer.  Long grueling hours, endless notes, enormous pressure, pushback from actors, etc.  The reason it’s hard is because most people would see this and go “boo hoo.”   They see that TV writers are well compensated, are in a glamorous business, and most people would trade places with them in a second.  So it’s hard to generate any real sympathy for the plight of a TV writer who drives a BMW and lives in Bel Air.  

I was reminded of that last night while watching the Oprah interview with Prince Harry and princess/SUITS’ star, Meghan Markle.   They both seemed lovely enough, and their life in a fishbowl, trapped in an oppressive lifestyle with tabloids ripping you on a daily basis sounds like hell.  Clearly, it’s taken a heavy toll, especially on Meghan.   And now they’ve given up the royal life to live as simple folks on a giant estate in Montecito, California, one of the most exclusive conclaves in the country.   When Oprah Winfrey is your neighbor you’re not living in row houses.  

So of the millions who watched last night (and I sheepishly admit to being one of them), how many were saying, “I’ll trade ya and when can I be trapped in that castle?”  

I suspect a large number.  

But I also imagine an even larger portion of the audience did care.  There’s something so intriguing about royalty, and privilege, and palace dish.   They’re the real-life Ewings and Carirngtons.   It’s a living soap opera.  Fairy tale weddings and family in-fighting, tragedy, scandals, old world protocol, ceremony, and mini-series.

I’m not sure why I watched.  I mean, I liked her on SUITS, but after weathering four years of Trump trauma on a daily basis, whether Meaghan actually once made Kate cry is of zero importance to me.  Theirs was not a story I followed closely, being more concerned that that deranged psychopath didn’t destroy our country.  

Perhaps what drew me was knowing this was one of the few remaining shared experiences we as a country would have.   This was an event.  As such, people felt compelled to watch it live.  And I bet there’s a lot of talk today about it.  If the CDC would let us gather around the water cooler this is what the topic of discussion would be.   So I wanted to be a part of that.   The reality is — for me and you — Harry and Meghan’s lives do not effect me one iota.   They can be in California or England, have two kids or six kids, feed chickens or go over to Oprah’s for a BBQ.  I don’t give a shit.

And yet I watched.  And I’m offering opinions.   But hey, it was just nice to take a break from Mitch McConnell, COVID variants, QAnon, anti-vaxers, moron governors in Texas and Mississippi and hear about squabbles over flower girl dresses.   And as always, Oprah was a master interviewer.  I devoted a lot of my focus to the questions she asked, how she framed them, how she followed up, how she made Meg & Har feel comfortable enough to be truly candid, and how impeccably prepared she was.   No one does it better.  

And if after watching (because I bet you did), your heart can go out to the royal couple for the ordeal “the firm” put them through, we TV writers really do put in insane hours often doing soul-crushing work.  And the BMW is in the shop half the time.  Show us some love. 

Looking for something fun to do this weekend?

Especially at home?  Joely Fisher & Tim Daly are AMERICA'S SEXIEST COUPLE in the Zoom reading of my romantic comedy play.  It's getting rave reviews and is waaaaay more fun than watching dreary Oscar contenders.  Enjoy.

Weekend Post

 Villains are far more interesting than heroes. Just ask Heath Ledger (if you could). Without Lex Luthor Superman is just another boring jock on steroids.

There are villains you love to hate. And then there is Linda Fiorentino in THE LAST SEDUCTION. If I may coin a word, she is a VILF!

THE LAST SEDUCTION is a 1995 film noir treat, written by Steve Barancik and directed by John Dahl (who sadly has been relegated to television while Michael Bay continues to make features). It's probably available on some streaming service. Linda is the ultimate femme fatale, absconding her husband’s drug money (Bill Pullman as Ralph Bellamy) and disappearing into this small town where she turns Peter Berg into her boy toy for utter amusement. In true noir fashion she lures him into committing murder and the twists and turns come fast and furious.

And all the while you love her sultry voice, her chutzpah, smarts, and delicious wickedness. It’s DOUBLE INDEMNITY meets GOODBYE COLUMBUS.

Oh, and it’s one of the sexiest movies this side of first half of BODY HEAT before it dissolved into a jumbled mess.

THE LAST SEDUCTION and Linda should have been up for a gaggle of Academy Awards but due to a technicality (the movie played first on HBO) it wasn’t eligible. But it did win all kinds of Indie Spirit Awards, which everyone knows is far more prestigious.

THE LAST SEDUCTION. See it with someone you want to have sex with or kill.