Pilot notes can be maddening. And we’ve all received them. Usually they’re of the “can we up the stakes?” or “can we make her nicer?” variety. Whatever they can do to make the show more formula. And if the exec just spent the weekend attending the Robert McKee seminar, look out. He’ll try to turn every show into CASABLANCA.
And this happens more than you think. Often times networks have agendas and the purpose of their notes is to steer you in the direction of those agendas.
Case in point: A project David and I once had at Fox. Now I should point out that this was several years ago and they’ve gone through four or five regimes since then. So the policy back then is not necessarily the policy they follow today.
Our pilot was an upscale workplace comedy featuring three really bright young men. I mean, Aaron Sorkin bright. The network really liked the first draft and had minimal notes. One was, could we do a scene in a restaurant or bar? Just someplace away from their office. Fair enough. We asked if we could adjust one of the scenes we already had and just move it to a bar, and they were fine with that.
Then they said, “Oh, and we want a hot babe. We need a smokin’ hot babe”. We said, “No problem. We’ll need a waitress anyway”. And they said, “Oh, not just for this show. We need her to be a series regular.”
Now this threw us a little. I asked, “To do what?”
And this was their answer:
“We don’t care. We just want a hot babe in the show”.
We busted out laughing. What else could we do???
Now they could have said, “We feel it would provide balance” or “it would be nice to have a woman’s perspective in this show” but we all knew that was bullshit. They just wanted tits! This was Fox. On a creative level this addition made no sense, but hey, I applaud their honesty.
Eventually they passed on the show, felt it was too sophisticated and more of an NBC series than Fox. On the other hand, there was one character they really loved. Guess which one.
One of the joys of being in Hawaii is laying out on the beach all day reading terrific books by authors who don’t exist. If Richard Castle were not fictional, he would be up there among the mystery writer elite.
I just finished his latest, Naked Heat, and loved it.
In case you're unfamiliar, Richard Castle is the character charmingly played by Nathan Fillion on the ABC hit series, CASTLE. He’s a mystery writer following around a real detective, played by Stana Katic, who’s either smoking hot or a stuck-up ice queen depending upon your viewpoint. Not that the latter isn't a turn-on.
The conceit of Naked Heat is that it was written by Richard Castle, as if he really existed. Lots of shows have novelizations but they don’t claim the show character is actually real. Another franchise that did employ this ploy successfully was MURDER, SHE WROTE. There is a series of books supposedly written by Jessica Fletcher, while Angela Lansbury was off making pies with Sweeney Todd.
On the other hand, at least the publishers are admitting that these authors are fictional. One of my favorite statements ever was from football great Terrell Owens who claims he was “misquoted in his own autobiography”.
(And there was the time I was in London visiting the Sherlock Holmes museum on Baker Street when some tourists wanted to know if this was really the house he lived in.)
The fictional author gambit has paid off handsomely for CASTLE. The first book sold 200,000 copies and spent sixteen weeks on the New York Times bestseller list. And the new book is taking off even faster.
But aside from trading on the show’s popularity, what makes this potboiler so surprising is that it’s really good on it’s own. The mystery is clever, the snap and sizzle of the series is all there, but there’s also a deepening of the characters that you don’t find on the TV show.
So I recommend it. Go to Hawaii and read this book.
The only thing is – I feel bad for the real writer. He deserves bestsellers of his own. Wouldn’t it be great if his real name really turns out to be Jessica Fletcher?
Hello from Hawaii. Now that we're only two weeks away from Christmas instead of the day after Labor Day, I think it's finally appropriate to play Christmas songs. Here are some of my favorites and no-so-favorites. What are yours?
Personally, I get a warm feeling when I hear Nat King Cole’s “Christmas Song”, which was written by Mel Torme. One Christmas night I saw him eating alone at Delores coffee shop. It was ironic but sad.
The Phil Spector Christmas album is still my favorite. Putting aside that he killed someone, we thank Phil for a real musical gift.
And Darlene Love's , "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" which is a recent parody of her own work on the album is maybe the funniest Christmas song ever.
I fancy the oldies. Brenda Lee’s “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”, Bobby Helm’s “Jingle Bell Rock”, and the Beach Boys’ “Little St. Nick”.
The Boss’s Xmas ditty is pretty catchy as are the King’s.
Re: “White Christmas”, give me the Drifters over Bing. (Interesting that so many classic Christmas songs were written by Jews.)
Some obscure holiday songs I recommend: “Run Run Rudolph” by Chuck Berry, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Four Seasons, “Monster Holiday” by Bobby Boris Pickett (that one always tears me up), and “Santa Claus is Watching You” by Ray Stevens. Super obscure but worth finding is “Lost Winter Dreams” by Lisa Mychols. And for the motherlode of bad taste fun, try to find Claudine Longet singing “Winter Wonderland”. Before she shot skier Spider Sabich in cold blood she and husband, Andy Williams, were the first couple of the season. Their annual family Christmas special was a must-see. They even have a kid named Noel. Songs I can’t stand: “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano, “Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney, and “the Little Drummer Boy” by anybody. Whey do stations overplay TO DEATH the songs that are the most repetitious? I seem to recall Paul Anka singing Christmas in Japan, which was like a drill to the head. Also, anything sung by kids usually makes me cringe.
I’m only sorry Kurt Cobain left us before he could give the world his Christmas album.
For a more vocal pop sound, you can’t beat Linda Eder’s holiday album. Her version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” would bring a tear to a glass eye. Listen for it the next time you’re in an elevator. Streisand is great but there’s more ornamentation than on the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. Johnny Mathis is a little too sugar plum fairy for my tastes, and you can always count on “Mr. Peace and Goodwill to All Men”, Sinatra. The Carpenters have their fans too. And The Manhattan Transfer's acapella album is gorgeous.
But if I had to pick my all-time favorite Christmas song, the one that most expresses my feelings about the holiday season, it would have to be “The Christmas Song” by the Chipmunks. Sometimes the right song and the right performers just combine for sheer perfection.
Hopefully I can get the strolling Hawaiian minstrels to sing it tonight at the bar.
It’s Christmas time in Hollywood and you know what that means – plastic surgery season!
Yes, it’s the time of year when stars or anyone over 28 can sneak off for a couple of weeks and get that face lift, tummy tuck, botox treatment, and boob job they’ve needed since October. Instead of Aspen or joining me in Hawaii they can spend the holidays locked away looking like raccoons or Mickey Rourke after a fight.
They need to be ready because in January the awards season begins!! A standard rule of thumb: an actress’ skin must be pulled tighter than the red carpet. What they don’t understand is that viewers don’t say, “Wow, she looks amazing!”, they say, “Wow, she looks like Barry Manilow.” Not that the interviewers are any better. One day Joan Rivers and Ryan Seacrest will look as one.
Lip enhancements are still the rage (as anyone who watches REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS knows). Here’s Meg Ryan. AMERICAN PSYCHO producer Clifford Streit said it looked like she installed a vagina on her face. Later, they actually did that operation on an episode NIP/TUCK. Meg would be so thrilled to know she's a trend setter.
There is a high rise hotel adjacent to Beverly Hills that reserves two floors exclusively for celebrities hiding out while recovering from their transformation to the Joker. Can you imagine how many poor room service guys are traumatized for life? “Here’s your club sandwich Ms Cox…AAAAA!!!”
It’s not just women of course who go in for these procedures. Here’s Burt Reynolds turning Japanese I really think so. And have you noticed that every local news anchor is starting to look like Jack Lord, including the women?
One celebrity who doesn’t buy into this nonsense is MODERN FAMILY'S Julie Bowen (pictured right). And despite being somewhat flat-chested, she’s found you don’t need a boob job to be provocative while at an awards ceremony.
But the astounding thing is that it’s not just stars who flock to the knife and suction hoses. In L.A. a large number of elective surgery patients are…are you ready?…real estate agents.
That’s right. You’ve got to look young and glamorous if you possibly hope to move that tear-down in Mar Vista. Why is the housing market in Los Angeles so screwed up? Because there are now 5,000 Liza Minnellis running around with real estate licenses! No wonder everyone makes fun of us!
In the rest of the world Santa asks “What would you like for Christmas?” But here in the land of perpetual beauty, endless award shows, and a tight housing market Santa asks, “What don’t you like about yourself?”
Aloha. Here are some Friday questions from paradise. If the answers seem weird, it’s the pina colada talking.
Mark wonders:
Ken, do you (or anyone else) have a single favorite sit-com scene (from one of your shows or not)? I'm not referring to an entire episode, but rather a single scene (of, say, around three minutes or so) than can stand on its own.
It would have to be the "Chef of the Future" scene from THE HONEYMOONERS. Ralph (Jackie Gleason) and Ed (Art Carney) try to peddle a new kitchen device on live television. This kills me every time. Check it out.
As for shows my partner and I have written, even though it’s longer than three minutes, the last act of Room Service from FRASIER, directed by David Lee.
Jon88 wonders:
Is there anyone on the production team responsible for grammar and pronunciation? Is this job description a thing of the past, a victim of current economics? Hardly a week goes by that I don't hear a "you and I" that should be "you and me." On last week's "Terriers," a character referred to a criminal's fiefdom, but made the first syllable rhyme with "life" instead of "thief." Are there no standards anymore?
Jon, not only is there not such a person on staff, when writers try to assume the role of grammar police, they usually wind up dead in a ditch with stab wounds from all the other writers on staff.
Especially when room writing, the goal is to get the scene down, get the attitudes right, find the best jokes. Number one, if a staff member keeps holding things up because of punctuation, it slows down the process. You try to get on a roll and you don’t want it interrupted by someone insisting a semi-colon is needed. Secondly, you’re writing conversationally. Real people don’t speak in proper English and don’t always know correct pronunciations. Maybe the character in TERRIERS who screwed up fiefdom did so on purpose.
If this bothers you, then you're going to have a problem with every show on network television. For God sakes, stay away from RAISING HOPE.
From Corinne:
Over the course of your career, research would have changed quite a bit. From library and phone calls to internet.
What are the advantages/ disadvantages over time in how access to information has changed things? Does make it harder for plot surprises? Poetic license?
Having the world at your fingertips is a HUGE advantage. And it saves money.
Years ago, each studio had a “research” department. If you needed to know something about the Spanish-American War or who hit the most home runs in 1935, you called the research department. Several hours later, in interoffice mail, you’d receive a smeared Xeroxed article or two that hopefully answers your question.
And your show would be billed $800.
So for that reason alone, God bless Google.
But the best research is still one-to-one interviews. Nothing compares with first-hand experiences. The interviews that were done with nurses, doctors, and soldiers who served in Korea accounted for most of the stories on MASH.
Steven asks:
My question is have you ever noticed when a staff writer on a show uses the same plot device repeatedly in the scripts he wrote and the show's quality suffered as a result? In this situation is it more the responsibility if the writer who wrote the initial draft to challenge himself and write something unlike what he's used to, or do the other producers just have to have more of an input on the final draft to ensure it doesn't seem too formulaic to longtime viewers of the show?
Staff writers are usually assigned episodes to write. A staffer may come in with a story idea that gets developed and he is given the assignment to write it, but generally, the entire staff plots out stories together. The showrunner has his thumb-prints on every story, whether he writes the first draft or not.
Sometimes writers excel in writing certain characters or types of stories so they get assigned more of them. Whenever they did a farce on FRASIER they always went to Joe Keenan. He’s a master at that genre.
That might be what you’re sensing. But on sitcoms, don’t pin too much blame, or heap too much praise on the credited writer.
And finally, bevo has a MASH question.
I recently lost some weight rather quickly (it was planned). My clothes are baggy and very loose as a result.
I started thinking about the MASH episode where Charles is convinced that he is gaining weight because his clothes are tight. Who thought of the story? Was it result of the research efforts that have been discussed previously? How did the last line, which is brilliant, come about?
Since B.J. was a practical jokester, we were always on the lookout for pranks.
I had heard of a story about a guy who pulled a practical joke on his neighbor. The neighbor got a new car. For about a week, the prankster would sneak over and refill the gas tank. The neighbor was ecstatic. He couldn’t believe the incredible gas mileage he was getting. Then the prankster switched it around. He began siphoning gasoline out of the tank. Now the neighbor was refilling every two days and mystified why he got 100 miles to the gallon one week and 4 the next.
We adjusted that story to fit our needs.
As for the brilliant last line, I don’t really remember it. It might be the reference to “Bean Pole Levine”, which was a nod to me (except I pronounce it Le-Vine).
Been traveling a lot lately so I got a chance to peruse the new SKY MALL magazine. It’s perfect for finding that special holiday gift at five times what you should pay for it.
But in the spirit, here are some of the items that caught my eyes this year. Note: all of these are real.
ACULIFE – Self-acupuncture kit. Their slogan should be “Instead of letting us stick it to you, stick it to yourself”. $199.95
SMART BELT BUCKLE – Features a slot to store your credit cards to avoid theft. At $59.95, if you buy this you’ve already been robbed.
THE WATER SQUIRTING REMOTE CONTROLLED CAR -- $99.95. Water not included.
THE LEARN TO PLAY BANJO – For the savvy guy who wants to get laid and knows that women are powerless to resist musicians. $199.95
THE STAINLESS STEEL WALLET – The chief complaint about leather wallets is that they’re not resistant to seawater. Well, your problem is solved! $89.95
THE TEMPLE AND EYE MASSAGER -- Comes in Swedish, Deep Tissue, and Shiatsu models. $149.95
THE REMOTE CONTROLLED TARANTULA – Scurries across the floor on command. It’s the most useful $29.95 item you can ever buy!
ADJUSTABLE SHEEPSKIN SLIPPERS – Ideal for leaving the igloo to get the morning paper. $49.95
THE CHILDREN’S ELECTRIC 1948 INDIAN MOTORCYCLE – For ages 3-6. Chains, helmet, and 1948 trashy biker chick are extra. $149.95
THE ALWAYS COOL PILLOW – Either it means that the pillow is refrigerated or it will never go out of fashion. $69.95
THE DUTCH DOOR LOG CRIB – Just like Lincoln used to have. $249.95
THE SHINE ENHANCING GENUINE BOAR BRISTLE BRUSH – Expensive but costly to manufacture. You try shaving a boar. $79.95
CATNIX WORKSPACE PARTICIANS – Or… “two portable screens you could get anywhere or just make yourself". Flank your monitor with them and cats won’t walk across your keyboard. It's either this or giving away the cat. $37.99
ROCK LAMPS – Perfect for the Flintstones décor that is so popular these days. $39.99
SOCK MONKEY HAT AND MITTENS – It’s the cry for help that keeps your warm! $29.95 each.
If these or any other SKY MALL product attracts your attention, make note of it, and when you get home buy it on line for half of what the SM charges. And with the money you save you can buy that bag of potato chips American Airlines offers for only $3.29.
It was the summer of ‘72. This is another radio story. I was an engineer at KABC/KLOS in Los Angeles. It was a Saturday night. Elliott Mintz hosted a weekend talk show on KABC. He was (and is) very close to Yoko Ono. I believe been her publicist for all these years.
On this particular Saturday night he had arranged for John and Yoko to be his guests. I knew nothing about it. But I happened to be on a break, and as I turned into the long hallway that ran the length of the station I spotted John and Yoko at the side door.
Holy shit! I couldn’t believe it.
So I barreled down the hallway to let them in. John was wearing a jean jacket and sported the familiar round wire glasses, hair parted down the middle. Yoko was wearing a giant black fur. I think it was August.
I let them in and said I’d escort them to the booth. I introduced myself and shook hands with both. John’s handshake was very limp. Yoko’s was very firm.
Like I said, this was a long hallway. What do you say to John Lennon? I didn’t want to just gush and be yet another tiresome groupie. And there was hardly time to engage him in a lengthy discussion.
There was, at the time, a NATIONAL LAMPOON comedy album that was quite popular. One of the cuts was a parody of John Lennon. In it, the Lennon impersonator keeps boasting, “I’m a fuckin’ genius! I’m a fuckin’ genius!”
So, throwing caution to the wind, I asked the great John Lennon, “So what’s it like being a fuckin’ genius?” I know. You’re horrified. What the hell was I thinking?
John smiled at me and said, “Pretty nice, actually!”
We shook hands again and he and Yoko disappeared into the studio. In addition to everything else, he really did have that sense of humor.
I still can’t believe he’s gone. And for so many years.
When you go in and pitch a comedy idea to a movie studio, they’ll usually ask you, “What are the trailer moments?” Sometimes they’ll ask this in lieu of, “What is the story?” But studio comedies are all about boxoffice. High-concept ideas, bankable stars, sequels, franchises.
Some studio people will tell you (but deny it) that sometimes the trailer is more important than the film.
Nancy Meyers makes trailers and then just pads the remaining 89 minutes with filler.
My writing partner and I were once hired to write some jokes expressly to be inserted into a trailer. It was maybe the greatest and shortest gig we ever had. We asked, if the jokes work, will you put them in the movie itself? No.
When you watch comedy trailers, be aware – these are the funniest moments in the film. These are the big pratfalls (trailer makers LOVE pratfalls), the best zingers, and what they hope will be the most memorable moments. Or, in the case of Nancy Meyers, the only moments.
So if the trailer isn’t funny, if the jokes are forced, if the physical stunts are lame, if the best they could do was a gag about shit on Katherine Heigl’s face, then you can bet the movie will be what’s on Katherine Heigl’s face.
But what if the trailer is funny? Knowing that these are the best jokes, you may wonder if it’s still worth seeing because you know all the highlights? Here’s the amazing thing. The laughs in the trailer get the biggest laughs in the theater, even though most of the audience has been exposed to the jokes already. It's bizarre.
However, the same does not hold true for giving away plot twists in the trailer. Spoiler alerts might not apply for jokes but they sure do for stories. And as a general rule, if you can set up the premise easily and clearly in a trailer, then you don’t need thirty minutes of screen time to do the same thing.
Trailers today have become an art… and a science. The amount of creativity and research that goes into previews is staggering. I can’t imagine J.D. Salinger ever went to his editor with a new book he intended to write and heard the editor say, “What are five good blurbs?” But that’s the current feature world. So when you pitch your comedy, make sure someone gets hit in the nuts, at least two people are humiliated, people dance to a 60s hit, the punchline to a joke is “vagina”, and you feature Betty White. Close your sale, and then go write STALAG 17.
THE WALKING DEAD writer/ executive producer/ director, Frank Darabont, recently fired his entire writing staff and intends to use freelance writers to tackle next season’s scripts. This is causing a huge stir in the Hollywood community. Well, not huge perhaps, but it is a topic at more than one Starbucks.
Some writers are outraged. Firing a staff could set a dangerous precedent, especially at a time when jobs are scarce. They have a valid point.
But…
I love the fact that freelance writers might actually get a chance again. It’s good for them and good for showrunners, too.
Way back in the dark ages (the 70s), most sitcoms had very small staffs and relied on outside assignments. These freelance scripts basically served as auditions. No one got hired on staff until they had proved they could write the show. As a showrunner, trust me, that’s a far more efficient method of staffing. Today, you hire staff writers based on spec scripts and often times they don’t pan out. Then you’re stuck with some slug who you’re paying while more deserving writers are shut out.
I know this will sound like crazy talk, but there was a time when you could actually make a living being a freelance writer. Don't scoff. It's true! You could support your family without having to spend seven years on CHARLES IN CHARGE.
The truth is, you don’t need fifteen people sitting around the table to rewrite a script. Depending on who you hire, four can often do the job better. And faster.
The first season of CHEERS, the entire full-time staff consisted of the Charles Brothers, me and David Isaacs. That’s it. When David and I were head writers on MASH, the only other staffers were Larry Balmagia and Ronny Graham. Okay, we almost wound up in Cedars-Sinai hospital, but we got the work done.
And we all collectively discovered some great talent thanks to freelance scripts.
There are WGA guidelines that each series must assign one or two freelance assignments a season, but it’s a joke.Most of the time producers promise these to friends or writer’s assistant.Not that some of these assistants don’t deserve a chance (there are Greg Garcias among you), but others are just being rewarded for loyal service.Again, more deserving writers are being turned away.
Bottom line -- I feel bad when anybody loses their job (and there were some good writers let go in this purge), but I would welcome a landscape where there’s not just six or eight staffing positions open each season but thirty or forty open script assignments.
Will that happen? No. Of course not. More crazy talk. But this is the first step. And as they say, every journey must begin with the first step, even if those walking are WALKING DEAD.
A lot easier than directing them. On FRASIER the key to writing for Eddie was not asking too much of him. Moose (Eddie’s real name) had an extraordinary trainer in Mathilde de Cagny. As long as the stunt was quick and doable, Mathilde could get Moose to do it (always through treats and loving care). If there was some question while we were writing we would just ask Mathilde. More often than not she’d say Moose could do it. The dog was a gamer! With actors we had to ask their managers.
Other writers were more of a problem. One day in the writers room I pitched some bit with Eddie and a sock and one of the writers (who constantly drove everyone nuts) asked, “What is Eddie thinking now?” What is he fucking THINKING??! How do you answer someone like that without being brought up on charges?
Moose passed away at 15, which is like 108 dog years. I'm only sorry he never got to be on INSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO with James Lipton.
Directing animals is another story.
I directed an episode of JUST SHOOT ME called “Sewer”. The B-story had Nina (Wendie Malick) bringing in an orangutan. I forget why but I’m sure it was for a good reason. He was a little harder to train and was in a good part of the show.
On filming night I said to the actors, if he does anything unexpected just go with it and stay in character. We can always re-shoot the scene. Likewise, I told the four camera operators, if you’re on the orangutan and he does something wacky stay on him. Don’t go to your next shot.
Sure enough with cameras rolling and the audience in place, Wendie steps out of the elevator hand in hand with her furry friend, approaches David Spade’s counter, and has a brief exchange with him. The orangutan, who comes up to Wendie’s knees, lifts her dress a few inches, and peers right up between her legs. God love her, Wendie stayed completely in character and reacted with utter nonchalance. The audience went completely nuts. It was a five minute laugh.
After the show had been filmed and the audience released I went back to do some pick-ups. The orangutan’s trainer tapped me on the shoulder and gently told me it was past his bedtime. I said it would only be about another fifteen minutes. He repeated: “Uh, it’s past his bedtime.” I then asked what happens if he stays up after his bedtime?
“He bites everybody he sees.”
“Okay everybody, that’s a wrap!”
I’ve heard stories of actors who were reluctant to work with animals for fear of being upstaged, but I’ve never personally encountered one. However, I think there was a cat who once refused to work with Dustin Hoffman.
It seems that every sitcom is required to do their annual Christmas episode. For ALMOST PERFECT in the first season, we decided to be different and basically refer to it just in passing. There is a brief discussion about what everyone will be doing for the holidays, and decorations are up everywhere, but otherwise, it's just business at usual. So to help you get into (or out of) the holiday spirit, here's the "Risky Christmas" episode of ALMOST PERFECT. Written by Drew Vaupen & Phil Baker and directed by FRASIER'S David Lee. And as always, since I don't know how to digitally edit, whiz through the first 20 seconds to get to the show. Yeah, I know. I should learn already.
How can someone have heart problems, diabetes, several amputations, bladder cancer, and worse, be a lifelong Cubs fan, and still be the cheeriest person you’ve ever met? That was Ron Santo, and that was his gift. Ron passed away on Thursday. He was 70. The man who lived under the darkest cloud provided the most sunshine for everyone else.
Older readers remember Santo as a Hall of Fame-worthy Cubs’ third baseman. The fact that he’s not in the Hall-of-Fame is yet another injustice he endured with dignity and good cheer.
But more people know him as the Chicago Cubs radio analyst on WGN along with superb partner, Pat Hughes. Ron’s analysis was unique to say the least. Some examples:
Ron: “Ohhhhh no!!!!!”
Ron: “Yeah, baby… yeah baby… YEAH!!!!”
He broke down the game with his heart, as well as his eyes. And the genuine passion he had for the game and the team and the fans made his broadcasts not just informative but special.
He mangled the language but so what? I was listening a couple of months ago and he described a certain catcher as having a “mind like a cannon”. The point is, you knew what he meant. Most of the time.
His banter with partner Pat was pure Abbott & Costello. And then every so often he would make an observation and you’d go, “Whoa! I’ve been following baseball my whole life and I didn’t know that”.
He was always great fun to talk to. And our discussions always got around to his son Jeff, who is a filmmaker. Ron would go on and on about his son, so proud. I remember thinking -- this is how every kid wishes his father would think of him.
His number 10 has been retired. Cub fans will see that at Wrigley Field and be reminded of Ron. They’ll also be reminded of Ron whenever they hear someone laugh, or see someone be kind to someone else.
Ron Santo has died. But he has lived and died with the Cubs his whole life. So dying is nothing new for him. And like all Cub fans know, there’s always a “next year”. Happy New Year, Ron.
Aloha from Hawaii, where I never stand down from my “Friday Question” watch. Anything you want to know? Leave your question in the comments section. Mahalo.
Katherine gets us started.
Ken, I was wondering if you could give us a full account of what it was like directing an episode of Frasier. You'd written a lot of episodes for the show, but how was that different (or similar) to directing one? Were the actors welcoming to a first time director for their show, or were they already at the point where they knew their characters well enough and didn't feel like they needed suggestions? And last, as a huge fan of David Hyde Pierce, I'd love to know what it was like working with/directing him.
Directing FRASIER was like getting behind the wheel of a Porsche. You had the best actors, writers, and crew in Hollywood. As long as you didn’t have the cameras pointing at the audience instead of the actors, you were pretty much assured of a good show.
Since I had written and consulted on the show for years, the cast and crew knew me very well the first day I stepped onto the stage to direct. I had also directed a number of episodes elsewhere by that time, so the actors didn’t feel like I was a novice.
I always consider my first task on any show I direct is to make the actors feel comfortable; let them know that they’re in good hands (or at least let them think they are). Familiarity and experience come in real handy in that regard.
And of course, I’ve known Kelsey since his first day on CHEERS.
On the other hand, there have been shows where the cast didn’t know me going in. I had to win their trust. Tony winning director, Jerry Zaks, once gave me a great piece of advice. “To win over an actor, lead him to a joke”. Again, it’s all about confidence and trust.
My first day directing DHARMA & GREG, Susan Sullivan just took me aside and said, “So just who the hell are you, and what have you done?” I listed my credits, she nodded, and we were good after that.
The cast I really owe a huge debt to is the one from WINGS. Even though they knew me, too, they had to endure my first directing assignment. Remember all that stuff I said about instilling confidence in actors? That is hard to accomplish when you have no fucking idea what you’re doing. They were incredibly patient and supportive.
By the time I got to FRASIER I knew the difference between “Action!” and “Cut!”
The key to directing FRASIER was being prepared. I was organized, knew how I wanted to block the scenes. And since everyone in the FRASIER cast was so professional and knew their characters so well, shows came together very easily and efficiently. The fun was finding bits of business to add. And I had the luxury of being able to do that since my time wasn’t spent talking actors out of their trailers.
When things didn’t work, the writers fixed them. When things did work, they improved them.
I’ve said this before, but of all the comic actors I’ve ever worked with – and I’ve been blessed to have worked with some of the very best – the all-time greatest was David Hyde Pierce. I could start really gushing here so I’ll hold back. But suffice it to say, I’ve never worked with anyone who had such amazing instincts, and at the same time was as nice and collaborative as David. I put DHP up there in the Chaplin/Laurel & Hardy/Buster Keaton/Peter Sellers category.
rob! asks:
Sometimes sitcoms/movies have pay-offs to a joke that involve someone being revealed as unattractive/fat/ugly, etc. I can't think of an example at the moment but I know I've seen them lots of times.
My question is, how do producers gently cast those parts? Do they give their casting people specific instructions? OR does someone make a call and just say "Round up the ugly suspects?"
There are breakdown sheets that go out to agents and managers. Casting directors try to be diplomatic in describing the purpose of the role. Yes, it could be viewed as insensitive, but hey, there have been actors who have made a good living playing ugly. Just ask Lon Chaney… and Lon Chaney Jr.
And finally, from Lou H:
How did you handle recurring characters like Paul on CHEERS who had a part every 2 to 4 shows? Is it more "Hey, there are some lines this week that Paul would be the best fit for, let's see if he's available, otherwise give the lines to someone else" or did you first find out his schedule and then write him in as often as you could reasonably do so?
Paul is Paul Willson, who is a terrific comic actor, bravura improv artist, and a decent violinist. We tried to find things for Paul because he always scored. If we had lines for him one week and he wasn’t available we either gave the lines to someone else or saved the bit until he was back.
I always felt bad. Paul finally got an episode in which he was very prominent. It’s the kind of episode that helps launch a character from recurring to regular. Unfortunately, it was the last episode of CHEERS ever filmed. But he was great in it!
For those who read my Patty Hearst kidnapping story and wondered just what was in the damn envelope, I can't say for sure but seem to recall it was a demand for free food distribution in the bay area. Yes, they were terrorists and kidnappers and bank robbers, but maybe, just maybe, they heard me play "Begger's Banquet" and it melted their hearts.
Before I became a writer I traveled around the country like a nomad “spinning biscuits” as a Top 40 D.J. Here’s another incident from those heady and ridiculous times.
It was 1974. I was working at KYA, San Francisco. KFRC was the big station then. Throughout my disc jockey career I always worked at the “other” place. There would be a powerhouse number one station like KHJ, KFRC, and CKLW in town, and I was always hired by K100, KYA, and WDRQ.
But KYA was a great station. We had a terrific program director, Bob Whitney, who believed in freedom and fun on the radio. That made us unique… at times amazing, and at other times, uh, well... strange. Our afternoon jock called himself Jimmy Jet and had a chipmunk-voiced sidekick named Wonder Wings. He also had all these airplane whooshes (the same sound Rocky the Flying Squirrel made whenever he took off) and would play them constantly over records. He was a lovely guy but yikes! (Jimmy is now a commercial pilot, UFO investigator-journalist. I'm not making this up.)
Anyway, I was on from 10 P.M. to 2 A.M. I didn’t have any “whooshes” but I was pretty out there. I also had to read the news at 1:30. The name I was using was Beaver Cleaver, but I couldn’t call myself that during a newscast. At the time there was a late night program on NBC called THE TOMORROW SHOW. Host Tom Snyder would interview a different guest from 1:00-2:00 AM. Whoever his guest was, that was the name I chose for that night. So one night astronaut Neil Armstrong would report KYA news and next night it was Helen Reddy.
I used to take phone requests from listeners. Hey, I was bored. One night I got a call from someone who identified himself as a member of the SLA.
Patricia Hearst, the granddaughter of publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst and great-granddaughter of millionaire George Hearst had recently been kidnapped in the bay area by a radical group that called themselves the SLA (Symbionese Liberation Army). This was the big story of the day. Back then heiresses had to get kidnapped to receive notoriety. They couldn’t just make sex tapes like today.
The SLA made their ransom demands through envelopes left in public places.
I guess they were fans of the show. I was told there was an envelope at the station’s front door. Before I could ask if he would say, "Hi, we're the SLA and KYA is our favorite radio station!" he hung up.
I was a little freaked out I must admit. I wasn't used to actual listeners. I went to the front door and sure enough, there was a manila envelope. I called the station manager (who just LOVED being woken up at 1:00 AM) and he said he would handle it.
I should have called the program director, Bob Whitney. He would have snapped into action and turned this moment into a contest. "Guess what's in the SLA envelope and win tickets to the Lou Reed concert!"
So I go back to doing my show as if nothing happened. Five minutes later a hundred FBI agents storm into the building. My engineer was really peeved. He was very overweight and liked to work with his pants off. Imagine how pleasant that was for me sitting across from him all night. Now he had to wear his trousers. I suspect a union grievance was filed.
Normally, the station is empty in the middle of the night. But now there are agents, sniffing dogs, and SWAT team guys. I’m being interrogated between records. "What did he sound like? What exactly did he say? Did you hear anything in the background?" I have to excuse myself every three minutes to introduce the next KYA People Power hit and read the Gensler Lee Diamond spot. Just another night at the radio station.
Now an FBI agent begins manning the listener lines, hoping maybe the SLA will call back and request “Billy, Don’t Be a Hero”. So imagine Tim Kang from THE MENTALIST cross-examining and scaring the shit out of all the little teenyboppers just calling in to hear their favorite Donny Osmond song.
I finally signed off by saying, “Hey, I had a great time tonight! Would like to thank everyone listening in their homes and cars and hideouts. See you tomorrow night. Rock on! Be cool! And please don’t shoot anybody!”
I never heard from them again. If I ever actually meet Patty Hearst, or if perhaps she reads this blog, there's something I've always wanted to know. Since the SLA obviously listened to KYA, why didn't they also kidnap Jimmy Jet?
I was laughing out loud. It wasn't schadenfreude because I don't know any of the people involved and harbor no one ill will. I think the fact that this was real, not a NOISES OFF "created" train wreck just makes this account of an opening-night-epic-flop an instant classic.
Wow. I guess the moratorium on Leslie Nielsen jokes is over. This is how the Connecticut Post announced his passing. Check out the box with Nielson’s picture and read the caption. A little too soon, don’tcha think?
In case you can't read the fine print: Nielsen died in a Florida hospital. It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Here’s the quote of the year: Disney’s animated feature TANGLED did great last weekend at the boxoffice, and has also received raves from the audience. While taking bows for the higher-than-expected first weekend tally, Chuck Vane, the President of Disney distribution said, “Luckily we had a tool that worked really well for advertising, which is the film itself.” Really?! That must make your job sooo much easier when the movie you’re telling everyone is so great really isn’t a hot steaming piece of shit after all. Once the goal was to produce quality movies that everyone involved could be proud of. Now the aim is to produce useful “tools”.
James Franco and Anne Hathaway are hosting this year’s Oscars. Neither is particularly funny or charismatic. But that’s not important. They’re young. If Justin Beiber didn’t have a homework assignment due the next day, he would have been hosting. Don’t expect Jack Nicholson to get a lot of screen time this year. Especially if Miley Cyrus is there.
The first season of SHERLOCK is now out on DVD. All three episodes are included!
Get ready for all the perennial Christmas specials and reruns. It’s December, the Netflix time of the year.
Having fun trading tweets with John Hodgman over on Twitter. He wants to play Radar if they ever re-boot MASH. I've assured him a role as a Korean. He's accepted. He'll need to bring his own kimshee pot however.
The Rock is over as an action star. You can’t come back from THE TOOTH FAIRY.
If TV comedy is dead, then how come reruns of CBS' Monday night sitcoms beat original programming on all the other networks?
The Black Eyed Peas will perform at next year’s Super Bowl. What? They couldn't find another boomer act? Gerry & the Pacemakers are still touring.
Heading off today to Maui for a few weeks. I’ll continue to post daily on the blog, but I warn you, I might be a little too cheerful sometimes. Aloha.
