Overcoming Writers Block Part 2

Thanks again to all the writers who have contributed to this post. Again, for pictures I am offering incentives as to why you WANT to break through your writers block.

LLOYD GARVER (FRASIER, HOME IMPROVEMENT, ALF, THE NORM SHOW)

Years ago, I actually took a course about writer's block at UCLA extension. We were taught stuff that you and I pretty much already know: put anything down, keep moving forward, etc. One interesting thing was that many people are afraid to mess up the perfect blank page with what they think is shit (obviously, I'm not one of them), so they have a hard time getting started. This was in the pre-compute days, and the teacher suggested that those people draw on the paper, crumple it up, do anything so that it's not pristine. Then they won't feel like they're messing up a perfect page with their first draft attempt.

For me, if someone is paying me or even waiting or expecting what I'm writing, I have no or little trouble with writer's block. I'm motivated by fear -- "fear of getting in trouble," so I put something down.

Other things that I do if I get stuck -- if I've been sitting at the computer, I try writing longhand. Or I may try dictating into a tape recorder.

I do not use a yo-yo to relax me. (Note from me: I do.)

ALAN EISENSTOCK (MORK & MINDY, WHAT’S HAPPENING, author of nine books)

I've never had writer's block. Like some well-known writers, I have a trick. Hemingway supposedly sharpened pencils to get him going. Faulkner supposedly fucked and drank all night and started blasting away at his typewriter every morning. I've heard that Joyce Carol Oates runs five miles every morning.

Here's what I do.

I tape a copy of my mortgage statement above my computer.

Works like a charm.

PHOEF SUTTON (BOSTON LEGAL, CHEERS)

Sweating blood and hitting your head against the keyboard?
I'd have written sooner but I couldn't think of what to say.

MARC FLANAGAN (TRACEY ULLMAN SHOW, MURPHY BROWN, GRACE UNDER FIRE)

Is not writers block just a romantic notion, an artist in crisis, an excuse to drink absinthe or take some kind of drug...isn't it just a state of depression. I wrote an episode of "High Society", I was working on it as an Exec Prod. Jean Smart (so talented) played a trashy novelist ( a Jackie Collins type) and we tried to tell a story about her missing a deadline because of writers block. The story never took off, the lesson we learned was that writers block is neither dramatic or amusing, perhaps too internal a conflict... as a condition or a narrative device - it stinks.

RUSS WOODY (MURPHY BROWN, DREW CAREY SHOW, BECKER)

Here's some stuff that helps me:

Read--Classic novels, works you most admire; Joseph Heller, Hosseini, Hemingway, Palahniuk, Steinback, the greats. Spend a day or two just reading. Read as fast as you can. Gets the brain working faster.

Also--read books about writing. It can be very inspirational.

Journalize--write in a journal, no limits, no boundaries, no spelling worries, no censors, just write. About dreams, about things/people that make you angry. Write a letter to your dead mother, or mine. Or just write gibberish (to free yourself up). Write five pages of rambling, incoherent thoughts. Something will click.

Read biographies about great writers. Read about how they had blocks and drank themselves into oblivion or beat their wives or cats, or shot someone, or committed suicide. Makes you feel a little less alone. Except for the suicide thing.

Then rent the movies you most love/admire. Just watching them can spark other ideas, inspire, motivate.

But, mostly read. Read, read, read.

MIKE TEVERBAUGH (DREW CAREY SHOW, ALMOST PERFECT,

I walk. The anxiety becomes too much and I have to expend that energy by walking. That's one of the reasons I purchased one of the much-maligned Blackberries. I can type on it and make notes of whatever pops into my head while I'm out walking. I have, on occasion, been very rude to neighbors who see me out wandering around and want to join me. And then I spend the next hour obsessing about whether or not I've hurt their feelings. Anyway, that's what I do.

TOM CLEAVER (Roger Corman classics)

I personally think Hemingway had it right when he said a writer had to sit down in front of the typewriter for an hour every day at the same time, whether anything came out or not. Eventually it gets so boring sitting there, you come up with something. And then the good news is that computers make All Writing Is Rewriting so much easier, so you don't have to worry that everything appearing on the screen is gold.

I also have a rule when working: I can't go fuck off and do something enjyable till there are 5 pages done that day. Hopefully, things get good and the enjoyable thing to do that day is to write. But 5 pages a day will get you through to "fade to black."

JON SHERMAN (RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, FRASIER, SABRINA, blogger)

If by "writer's block" you mean hitting a wall on something, well, then I turn to other friends and/or family (some of whom are writers, some not) and bounce it off them to see what they think. I have one friend who loves it when I turn to him for ideas. Needless to say, he's an actor.

If, on the other hand you mean running out of ideas completely, well, then I would turn to my agency. They appear to have no shortage of (mostly crappy) properties. I was actually pitched "Life's Little Instruction Book" as a series because as one agent said, "every page in it is an episode idea!"

Yeah. Every episode in it is an episode idea. Just like every relative you have works someplace that "would make a great series!"

Except that what makes a great series isn't the idea, it's the execution. If all you needed was an idea, "Hello, Larry" (Following the breakup of his marriage, radio talk-show host moves from Los Angeles to Portland) and "Frasier" (Following the breakup of his marriage, psychiatrist moves from Boston to Seattle to become a radio talk-show host) would have had pretty equal success.

ALLAN KATZ (MASH, RHODA, MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, ROSEANNE)

If you don't care about the quality of what you write, writer's block is never a problem.

STEVE PETERMAN (HANNAH MONTANA, MURPHY BROWN, SUDDENLY SUSAN)

I get into a room with six other people and a clock. We look at the clock, realize that we don't possibly have enough time to write the next episode, let alone have a block about it, and then we write it.

ALEX EPSTEIN (Canadian screenwriter, author of excellent book: CRAFTY TV WRITING)

1. I turn off the wireless internet and force myself to actually focus on the problem. That cures most cases, which are really just letting distractions get in the way.

2. I find talking through the problem with my wife, or another writer, or an assistant, helps quite a bit.

3. Analyze the scene. What does each character want? What is the relevance of the scene to the overall piece? Actually writing down the bones of the situation often makes clear what I need to be writing.

4. Look at other people's work that's similar in genre. If I'm doing a horror comedy, I watch horror comedy.

5. Clean my desk (pay bills, etc.). Likewise, this results in a feeling of accomplishment, reduces angst, and gets the bills paid. The theory is that afterwards I'll be better able to focus on the writing. I'm not sure this is true, but I've got to pay the bills some time.

ME (you know the credits)

Start a blog.

Overcoming Writers' Block

First: A brief announcement. I hope to do another free Teleseminar in a few weeks, discussing writing and answering your questions. Anyone interested in the details (when they become available) just register at THE SITCOM ROOM site. If you've already registered no need to do it again. The last one was a lot of fun. I discussed stuff like this:
A reader asked how you overcome writers’ block. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Different writers use different methods. So instead of just sharing my approach I thought I’d ask a few working writers for their take. One said, “Music, crying, and/or Ativan. Any one, but preferably all.” Here are the others. Many thanks to the contributing scribes.

Note: As you know I like to include photos to spruce things up. But other than this spiffy cartoon I can't think of what to post about writers block. So instead I'll just offer pictures that might serve as incentives -- pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. You know me -- anything to help. Enjoy.

BILL KELLY (ENCHANTED)

I'm not sure I believe in it, at least for myself. To
me, "writers block" suggests a tormented artist
searching for the muse in some wretched Parisian
garret, which is a much more glamorous image then some
lazy slob splayed on the couch watching Love Boat
reruns instead of working (guess which one I am).

I'm not one of those people who "hate
writing". I just hate getting started. And you have
to write 'something', even if it's bad, in order to
have 'something' you can make better.

My work days usually find me trapped between the twin
tensions of my inherent laziness and my increasing
self-loathing that I haven't done anything yet.
Eventually, the self-loathing desperately overtakes me
and I start feverishly working.

Surprisingly, that's the best part of the day.

IAN GURVITZ (BECKER, WINGS, author: HELLO, LIED THE AGENT, writer/director of the feature LA BLUES, blogger)

I think the best solution is to do something else. Take a walk. Go shopping. Sleep. Anything that takes you away from the way you've been thinking about the problem because that road has run you into a wall and to continue to think that way will result in your just banging your head against the same wall, like the marching band during the riot scene of Animal House. Even though you can never really get your mind off it, doing some other activity often lets the mind settle so that whatever part of you that comes up with ideas can make new connections, which often results in a new way through the problem, whether it's a clever solution or deciding that the problem really didn't exist. If that doesn't work, then I would suggest just blasting your way through it and hope a connection hits you along the way. Or working on something else and seeing, over time, whether the story really wants to be written.

In either case, since a story rarely come out fully formed, these moments are simply part of the process and the desire or need to write it will drive you through. That is my assessment of writer's block and it is correct.

ELAYNE BOOSLER (writer/comedienne)

I feel one cannot hope to successfully write anything without first alphabetizing the linen closet.

DAVID POLLOCK (MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, MASH, FRASIER)

I completely give in to writers block and distract my mind by throwing myself into obtaining the answers to obscure research questions distantly related to the project. For example: Why was Schulyer Colfax kicked off the ticket as Vice Presidential running mate for Grant's second term? Who were the ten best righthand hitting Dodger left fielders who platooned with lefthand hitting Gene Hermanski in the late 1940s and early 50s? Which ethnic group was put out of business when the Vietnamese took over all the manicure boutiques. Etc., etc.

CHERI STEINKELLNER (CHEERS, BOB NEWHART, TEACHER’S PET, SISTER ACT (musical heading to Broadway)

Morning Pages (Julia Cameron, Artist's Way). I
don't do the full Artist's Way regime, and I usually
don't even do this - but when I do it usually works,
and is always interesting at the very least. Morning
Pages = free-writing 3 stream-of-consciousness
notebook pages first thing in the a.m., still in bed,
fresh from sleep and dreams, and not yet distracted by
the day's to-do list. It's a habit you need to get
into (and it's easier to get out of, that's for sure)
but it invariably gives more than it takes!

JANE ESPENSON (BUFFY, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, GILMORE GIRLS, blogger)

I always tell people that nothing cures Writers' Block like having a job. If a script is due, if you HAVE to write it, then, magically, there is no block. Conversely, of course, writing projects of your own, spec projects with no deadline and no one waiting to read what you've done --- that gets harder after you've become used to hard deadlines and guaranteed payment. I force myself to complete those only sometimes -- when the idea strikes me as so good that I really feel driven to complete the project. Maybe, in cases like that, Writer's Block is actually acting as a good executive -- keeping me focused only on the best ideas!

ROB LONG (CHEERS, author: CONVERSATIONS WITH MY AGENT, host of MARTINI SHOT on NPR)

I give into it.

(Well, honestly, I've never experienced writers block, if by that you mean the desire to write but the inability to actually do it. I suffer from what experts call "laziness," which is a much different thing. I don't want to write. I can't really concentrate. I surf the web aimlessly. I lie about how much work I've done; I lie to editors about being "five minutes from emailing the piece"; I lie to myself, especially, when I say, "You know what? I'll get up early tomorrow and...")

LEE GOLDBERG (PSYCH, MONK, DIAGNOSIS MURDER, FAST TRACK feature, blogger)

I have never had writer's block...what I've had are scenes I couldn't make work...and that's almost always because the initial conception of the scene or story was flawed. Fix the structural problem and the "block" will disappear.

DAVE HACKEL (BECKER, WINGS, FRASIER)

No magic answer for this one. Mostly I try not to sit at my desk and try. I do anything else. Take a walk, go to the gym, read a book -- anything. I find that that's when the solution to what I'm blocked on comes to me -- when I'm not trying. Guess I can't take the pressure. And if I do sit and try to beat it, the only thing that works for me is to start posing questions to myself, i.e. pitch to myself. And just at it is in a writers' room, I pose everything I can think of from the ridiculous to the ridiculouser and shoot myself down mercilessly. In the end -- a solution comes because, quite frankly, it has to.

JENNIFER FISHER (TITUS, ELLEN, WANDA AT LARGE, HOME IMPROVEMENT)

I put my fingers on the keys and just start stream of consciousness typing everything I’m thinking about at that moment – the complete inner dialogue. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why haven’t you finished this yet? You can’t write. You’re an asshole. A lazy fucking asshole.” You know, all the good self-loathing usually comes to the surface first. And I’ll even write about the fact I have writer’s block and ask myself what it’s about, all the while typing it out. I just let all those voices tire themselves out and usually that unblocks me so the rest can flow.

Either that, or go to a movie so I can later lambaste myself for, once again, procrastinating.

More tomorrow.

Levine on the picket line

After a delightful holiday break it was back to the picket lines Monday. Very big turnout at 20th. Too big.

There was a guy wearing nothing but a speedo, necktie, black shoes and socks. It's shocking to think you’d see something like that in Los Angeles. He held a sign that said Computer.TV supports the writers. Just what we need – some idiot in a speedo supporting our cause. Actually, representing our cause since I’m sure he’ll be the sole focus of any news coverage. And you wonder why the AMPTP has zero respect for us.

Needless to say, the abuse he took on line was biblical. Giving a couple hundred disgruntled comedy writers a moron in a speedo is like giving a dog a pork chop.

Other topics discussed: Roger Clemens (guilty as hell), Hillary (lots of Captain Queeg comparisons), the Golden Globes cancellation (so something good has come out of this strike), NFL playoffs, Jimmy Kimmel appearing on Leno’s show (What a coup! Getting a guy who won’t be on TV again for at least two minutes), and Leno going on Kimmel’s show (because an hour of Jay just isn’t enough), LET THERE BE BLOOD and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – two movies that the critics fawned all over but a lot of people on line hated, it’s time for Dick Clark to finally give up NEW YEAR’S ROCKIN’ EVE (I understand your reluctance to turn it over to Ryan Seacrest, Dick but really...it's time, buddy.), all the possible side deals the Guild is making with indie production companies like UA (hard to believe Tom Cruise is not aligning himself with Sumner Redstone), and Mike Huckabee crossing our picket line to go on THE TONIGHT SHOW and claiming he didn't "know" about the strike. Yeah, right. Which is why they hustled him in and out through the Univision entrance.   It's been in all the papers, Mike!

We’ve been on strike now for two months. 20th is on its fourth giant billboard already. Have we really been out since MR. MAGOO’S EMPORIUM or whatever the hell that bomb was?

20th was flying a frayed and torn American flag. Uh, isn’t that against the law? I’m just sayin’.

In a week or two I'm sure there will be seven AMERICAN IDOL billboards. It returns in a few weeks. FOX is counting on that to get huge ratings and bury the other networks who can’t compete because of the strike. One of the features of this blog is that I review AMERICAN IDOL after each performance show. Despite some flack I take for it, it’s my most popular feature of the year. Traffic goes way up, I acquire new readers, etc. But this season, as long as we’re on strike I don’t want to do anything to help promote a FOX show. So no AMERICAN IDOL reviews until this mess is resolved. Sorry fans. Hope you understand.

On my sportstalk show Sunday night on KABC I was heartened that no one wanted to discuss the AMERICAN GLADIATORS. This month we're in for a blizzard of new crummy reality shows. I hope they all fail.

Back at it tomorrow morning. It’s supposed to be colder. If the speedo cretin is there we can really test the theory of shrinkage.

"Shirking civic duty for 40, Alex."

I’m on call for jury duty this week. In LA county that means every night you call in and see if your group is required to report the next day. If it is you go to the courthouse and join a few hundred others cooling their heels. If you’re called for a trial you are then shuttled into a courtroom where lawyers and the judge question you and determine who will serve on the jury. If, at the end of that day you’re not selected you’ve completed your obligation. The city asks you to perform this civic duty once every year to eighteen months so that’s certainly reasonable. And I think if selected for a trial I get $15.00 a day, which would make me the highest paid non-Letterman writer in America if called. And almost pays for gas to the courthouse.

I’ve had jury duty several times but have never served on a jury. The closest I came was a few years ago in Van Nuys. I was herded into the courtroom with probably fifty others and told this was to be a gang related murder trial that would last four weeks. The woman judge asked if there was anyone who wanted out due to hardship. Thirty hands went up. I didn’t bother. “Planned trip to Spring Training” didn’t seem like it would fly.

One by one the alleged hardship cases filed into the judge’s chamber to plead their case and one by one their request was denied. A woman who was 8 1/2 months pregnant was not excused. Several self-employed people were not excused. Alex Trebek, the one celeb in our group, went in to see the judge. He was excused. What the fuck?! Will the nation’s literacy level go down two points if a JEOPARDY taping has to be postponed?

We were then given questionnaires to fill out. Profession, age, was anyone in our family a policeman, was anyone in our family shot be a policeman? That sort of thing.

The attorneys began individually questioning us. The pregnant woman had to use the bathroom in the middle of her session. She was using the bathroom every twenty minutes. Still, she got selected.

Another woman, who was maybe thirty, was asked if she had ever been on a jury before. “Yes” she said. When was it? About a year ago. Was there a verdict in the trial? Yes. What was the trial? A rape case. What was the verdict? She couldn’t remember. COULDN’T REMEMBER?! A woman couldn’t remember the verdict in a rape trial?! She was selected to the jury.

One man said he had been on a jury but only as an alternate. Was there a verdict in the trial? He said no but there sure as hell would have been had he been on the jury. He was excused.

They finally got to me. We were supposed to state our name, hometown residence, and profession. What I wanted to do was say, “Ken Levine, Los Angeles, the host of JEOPARDY” but I didn’t think it was worth going to jail for that joke. My interview was rather short. First question: “Do you have any trouble with people owning guns?” I said yes, I was a writer on MASH and… Before I could finish my thought: “Thank you. You’re excused.”

Unfortunately we can’t ask questions of them. We can’t say, “So is this trial going to be boring as shit or is it something that might be interesting?” “Will there be visuals?” “Can I stop you if I’ve already seen this on LAW & ORDER?” “Is it okay to wear my FREE THE CHICAGO SEVEN T-shirt?” “Can I still get text messages during the trial?” “At any point can I object?”

Anyway, if I ever was going to be on a jury now would be the perfect time – me being on strike and all. I just have to hope the attorney doesn’t ask if I wrote for MASH or reads my blog.

Love Letters

First, a self serving programming announcement. I will filling in Sunday night co-hosting the Sportstalk show on KABC radio in LA from 7-10 pm pst. You can also hear it here. Name me a better gig. I have to watch the NFL playoff games all weekend.

Feel free to call. 1-800-222-KABC. Surely I'll say enough stupid things that you'll have to correct me on.

LOVE LETTERS by A.R. Gurney is an enormously successful play. Ingenious in its design, an actor and actress sit at tables or stand at podiums and just read love letters. So no blocking or rehearsal or memorization is ever really needed. Actors can easily rotate in and out of the piece and frequently do. This can result in prestigious A-level actor pairings but there have also been productions by Charlton and Lydia Heston and Shirley Jones & Marty Ingells. Since I couldn’t attend either of those I shall wait to see LOVE LETTERS until one of the following pairings is announced:

Nick Counter & Lorena Bobbitt

Lars & the Real Girl

Amy Winehouse & Kenneth from 30 ROCK

James Wood & Sean Young

Paul McCartney & Heather Mills

Hillary Clinton & Barack Obama

Ann Coulter & Al Franken

Woody Allen & Mia Farrow

Sherri Shepherd & Gore Vidal

Kellie Pickler & Randy Jackson

Michael Jackson & Elizabeth Taylor

Billy Bob Thornton & Angelina Jolie

Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman

Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown

Mary Tyler Moore & Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

Regis Philbin & Kelly Rippa

Dr. Laura & Dr. Phil

Liza Minelli & David Gest

Jack Klugman & Lauren Becall

Donnie & Marie

Bill Clinton & (the voice of) Monica Lewinsky

Paula Abdul & Simon Cowell

Lou Ferrigno & Marlie Matlin

Andrew Dice Clay & Amy Grant

Bjork & Bob Dylan

Katie Couric & Walter Cronkite

Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt

Richard Hatch & Tonya Harding

The President of Iran & Rene Taylor

Robin Williams

What if they gave an awards ceremony and no one came?

Golden Globe nominated actors are expected to skip the ceremony in support of the Writers Strike. “Accepting the award for Denzel Washington – Warner Elementary School crossing guard, Harold Rumplemeyer.”

NBC however, insists that the show will go on. But instead of the Grand Ballroom at the Beverly-Wilshire hotel, the ceremony will be held in the back room of the Shakey’s Pizza parlor on Fairfax and Olympic.

Why is this important? Because studios use these bogus awards to help promote their movies. No ratings = no boxoffice spike. And should the Oscars be boycotted by stars then the effect is major.

I’m reminded of the 1980 Primetime Emmys when SAG was on strike. The show was hosted that year by local KNBC news anchor, Kelly Lange. The only actors who showed were Powers Booth and Yoko Shimada, an actress they dragged over from Japan who was appearing in NBC’s upcoming miniseries SHOGUN.

My sincere thanks to SAG for supporting our strike and realizing that our fight is their fight…and everyone’s fight.

Leno and Letterman are back

Letterman and Leno are back.

Letterman now has writers. Letterman can now get the big guests guilt free. Letterman’s quips are as funny and inspired as ever.

And Leno still kicks his ass.

It’s time to call it, ladies and gents. After fourteen straight years of winning night after night after night and now finishing first with his writers tied behind his back -- Jay Leno is the king of late night. CBS will claim it’s still too early to make that call, and the public just needs to become more aware of Dave, but who are we kidding? Give Letterman the Emmys, give Leno the crown. And CBS should save that spin for Katie Couric.

Personally, I question the wisdom of the WGA's decision to grant Letterman’s company a waiver allowing his (and Craig Ferguson’s) writers to go back to work. At a time when the Guild is trying desperately to maintain unity, letting some writers go back to work while everyone else can’t is potentially very damaging. And it’s not like morale is at an all-time high anyway. Despite those stirring chants.

Supposedly the big rationale for the waiver is that it will lift Letterman's ratings, and NBC-Universal-GE will see its long time franchise, THE TONIGHT SHOW finally collapse after 40 golden years and so to avoid that calamity the network will press the other death stars to make a settlement. Considering Letterman's track record that feels a little like Wile E. Coyote sending away for the ACME Strike Solution Kit.

And yet, I shall continue to follow the marching orders. I’ll be out there again Monday with my trusty sign (unless I have jury duty in which case I’ll long to be out there with my trusty sign). I’ll be picketing the Golden Globes (of course I do that every year whether there’s a strike or not). And I hope that any member who, like me, is uneasy with this waiver move will still consider the bigger issues and stand strong with the rest of us.

Oh, and how dumb is NBC? How do they recognize and reward Jay Leno, this juggernaut who has preserved their franchise beyond their wildest dreams? By booting him out in 2009.

These are the people we’re negotiating against. Hang in there members. And Dave.

Walk Hard: the Dewey Cox Story

For whatever reason moviegoers do not want to see WALK HARD. You’d think it was DEUCE BIGELOW 4 or a Tom Cruise Iraq War movie. Frankly I’m surprised. How could a comedy by Judd Apatow (THIS year) that got good reviews and co-stars Jenna Fischer be such a bomb? P.S. I LOVE YOU did better business the first weekend with toxic reviews and Hilary Swank cast as a comedienne for godsakes!

So when I watched WALK HARD I couldn’t help being somewhat distracted trying to figure out what went so horribly wrong. I mean, no less an authority than ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY crowned Judd Apatow as the current smartest man in Hollywood.

Here’s what I thought. There are some huge laughs in it. That alone should attract more people than P.S. I LOVE YOU. There’s probably an hour of funny stuff. How many comedies today can say that? The trouble is the movie feels like it’s three hours. My standard complaint with Apatow movies is that they’re too long but this time the length really drags down the material.

But since the movie was dead on arrival, it had to be something else. Was it the paper thin premise? Spoofing a genre the kids obviously don’t give a shit about? The time period (although that same era didn’t seem to hurt DREAMGIRLS or HAIRSPRAY)? Was it John C. Reilly? Does he just not connect with young audiences (although he was fantastic)? If Will Ferrell played the part would the movie have done better? Did the trailer turn people off? Did they sense repetition? Did the jokes get old even after 45 seconds?

I dunno. It’s a puzzler. But then again I’ll never make ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY’S smartest list. Or sexiest list.

Would love to hear your views.

I will say this: Paul Rudd as John Lennon was HILARIOUS. Maybe if Apatow had done that as a movie...

Juno

2007 was a great year for screen comedies. SUPERBAD, KNOCKED UP, WALK HARD (my review tomorrow), ENCHANTED, RATATOUILLE, THE SIMPSONS MOVIE, WAITRESS, and DAN IN REAL LIFE. They almost make up for GEORGIA RULE and I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY.

And now comes JUNO. Yes, you’ve heard the hype. It’s the critics’ darling, and writer Diablo Cody is being hailed as the new voice of her generation (even though she writes about a different generation), so there’s every reason to go into the theatre expecting a big loud thud. But surprise surprise, it was not a major letdown. It was actually…good. Very good even. One of my top ten favorites of the year.

The subject was teen pregnancy. Juno gets pregnant and (SPOILER ALERT) has a baby.

It was funny, touching, quirky – everything every indie movie says they are but aren’t. The dialogue just crackles although I have to stop short of saying Cody is this remarkable fresh new voice because Don Roos writes in the same style (see THE OPPOSITE OF SEX). But boy can she write. As good as the movie was I enjoyed reading the screenplay more.

Cody did so many things right. She created vivid unique characters, gave them major problems, took them on emotional journeys, had a strong point of view, and was smart enough to construct a simple story. It was easy to follow, tracked, and built to a satisfying conclusion. It sounds simple but so many spec screenplays are so complicated you can’t follow them without a code book.

I could see why director Jason Reitman responded to this material. Anytime you can get to page 50 without having to say, “What the hell is this movie about?” you know you’ve got a potential winner.

Cody was very lucky in that her script fell into the right hands with Reitman. The cast, tone, and look of the film was pitch perfect. God forbid if the Farrelly brothers had made this movie there’d be a fifteen minute water breaking set piece with people slipping on the embryonic fluid. But Reitman stays true to the material and doesn’t try to add his own “special touch”, which is Hollywood-speak for fucking up the picture.

Ellen Page was sensational as Juno. It was so nice not to see Mandy Moore in the role (as a major studio would have insisted). And who knew? Jennifer Garner can really ACT? I think with this film she’ll now start getting the roles Julia Roberts used to get and thinks she’s still young enough to get (sorry Julia, mother and congresswoman parts await).

The only thing I will say is don’t expect JUNO to be some groundbreaking movie that will change the industry and you forever. But seeing a smart original little film with a great script and performances should be enough, right?

Happy New Year!!!

Forget the Rose Parade. Here's the REAL deal -- the annual Doo Dah parade in Pasadena.




Tomorrow: my review of JUNO.

May 2008 be for you...

...what 2007 was for Martin Scorsese, Jordin Sparks, Harry Potter, Tina Fey, Forest Whitaker, Amy Adams, Amy Ryan, Amy Winehouse (when not in rehab), Judd Apatow, John Mayer, the Boston Red Sox, Nikki Blonsky, Dirk Nowitzki, Keith Olbermann, the Dixie Chicks, Jonah Hill, Justin Timberlake, the Sopranos, Will Smith, the New England Patriots, Perez Hilton, the Colbert Report, Whoopi, Fergie, Ellen Page, the Rock, Katherine Heigl, Tom Stoppard, High School Musical (1 and 2), Plain White T’s, Evgeni Malkin, House, penguins, Facebook, Alan Arkin, Seth Rogen, Tony Bennett, Khaled Hosseinl,Jake Peavey, the Florida Gators (football and basketball), Terry O’Quinn, Frank Langella, Mad Men, the Coen Brothers, Don Draper (or whatever the hell his real name is), Transformers, Josh Groban, Homer Simpson, GreatBigRadio.com, Steve Nash, Ugly Betty, Zac Efron, the Ducks of Anaheim, Radiohead, Nikki Finke, Howie Mandel, the Black Eyed Peas, the Colorado Rockies, Jon Stewart, RichBroRadio.com, Adam Levine, Wii, Wifi, Helen Mirren, Spring Awakening, Sean Kingston, C.C. Sabathia, Martin Brodeur, YouTube, Carrie Underwood, A-Rod, Dexter, Tony Parker, the Police, Dick in a Box, Ryan Seacrest, Jennifer Hudson, the Disney Channel, Alec Baldwin, the Huffington Post, Brandon Roy, Drew Carey, Xanadu, Charles Gibson, Miley Cyrus, Corey Brewer, Jason Bourne, Michael Cera, the Indianapolis Colts, Colt Brennan, the Amazing Race, James Spader, Project Runway, the Conchords, the Boss, Bees, Spiderman, Jimmy Rollins, Shia LeBeouf, Neil Patrick Harris, Tyler Perry, Lauren Conrad, Diablo Cody, Halo 3, U. of Hawaii Warriors, Ted Danson, rats that cook, Andrew Bynum, Rihanna, Tim Tebow, Little Miss Sunshine, LaDainian Tomlinson, Jaime Pressly, WhodaguyRadio.com, Buy U a Drank,David Hyde Pierce, the San Antonio Spurs, Alicia Keys, Pushing Daisies, Smashing Pumpkins, the iPhone, Battlestar Galactica, Shrek, Steve Carell, Once, Paul Thomas Anderson, Tom Brady, Michael Clayton, Matthew Weiner, Jay-Z, James Patterson, Randy Moss, and me for this blog, thus elevating my status to pundit from crank.

How Diana became Annie

A reader discovered that my daughter Annie's real name is Diana and wondered how and why she made the change. Annie herself has graciously agreed to answer.

There has been an inquiry about my going by Annie rather than Diana. Most of you probably had no idea that my name was Diana unless you've either a) known me since birth b) are a friend of mine or c) have read my father's book (so that's what like two of you?). There was no "Kafka-esque metamorphosis". It was more of a Bruce Wayne/Batman secret identity thing although now that its been revealed I guess my crime-fighting days are over. So you are all to blame when Two-Face starts reeking havoc again.

Actually my parents always called me "Annie." Other delightful nicknames include Dow Chemical, Porntip and Youngster Fishman. So its not too surprising that I chose to go by Annie instead. Though you're all welcome to call me "Porntip."

My favorite quotes of the year

Sherri Shepherd, new co-host of THE VIEW even topped fellow hen Elisabeth Hasselbeck in stupidity by saying she doesn’t know if the world is flat and hasn’t really thought about it.

President Bush on September 20th said this about the very-much-alive Nelson Mandela: “"I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."

Britney Spears on VH-1: “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

You’ve seen it on YouTube. Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen USA (pictured above) answering a question about why 20% of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. She said, “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere, like, such as. And I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”

And my favorite:

Pam Anderson ended her marriage with latest hubby, Rick Salomon. They were married Oct.6 in Las Vegas in the hour and half interval between her two magic shows. They'd been friends for years. In an interview on Ellen's show Anderson revealed how they went from friends to lovers. "I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love. It's so romantic."

LA is so much better without people

The best week of the year in Los Angeles is always this one, the final seven days of the year. More picketing and jury duty is on tap for me in January but here in the waning days of December I can bask in the glory of the city that Zorro once called home.

First of all, the town is practically empty. Most people from the industry are gone, terrorizing the help in Hawaii and Aspen. There’s very little traffic. You can actually make the fifteen minute drive between Brentwood and LAX on the 405 Freeway in only forty minutes. It’s like you’re flying! Hard to get into restaurants? Not this week. Spago will even make reservations for people they don’t know. And at 7:00 not 10:30. (Unfortunately, their chefs are probably in Aspen and Hawaii.)

Los Angeles is so deserted I heard of a friend who found a parking place at the Grove shopping mall. But that’s still just a rumor.

For industry guild folks, as a nice respite from picketing, there are free movies. In the hopes of snaring nominations from any organization that gives out awards (even the WGA), studios let eligible voters and guests attend contending movies gratis. It’s also their way of giving back to the community. However, the nanosecond the nominations are announced this lovely gesture ends instantly. And they go back to the business at hand – busting the unions.

Most of the city’s attention this week is on the upcoming Rose Parade and Bowl. If you have six friends over to your apartment to play poker, the Rose Queen and her court will come and speak to your group.

The Rose Bowl traditionally pits the champion of the Pac 10 with the champion of the Big 10. It’s always a big deal, “the Granddaddy of Bowl Games”. This year, it’s USC and Illinois (a team that didn’t even win the Big 10) and since the BCS championship game has now become the only bowl that counts, the anticipation and excitement of the Rose Bowl equals that of the WNBA finals.

Every year fans from the Big 10 representative flood into Southern California. They’re easy to spot. They’re always the nicest people you’ve ever met and they’re always wearing school shirts and hats. I’m beginning to think they come to LA for a week with only that one outfit. The Illinois school color is orange so it feels like Halloween.

Highlight of the Rose Bowl festivities is the Lawry’s Beef Bowl. Lawry’s is the greatest prime rib restaurant in the world (a more popular attraction to Japanese tourists than Disneyland). Every year they invite each team and feed them as much prime rib as they can eat. Usually the winning team tops out at around 630 pounds of beef. During the Rose Bowl, you’ll notice half the players sleeping the bench. That’s why.

The New Year's Eve tradition is to watch Dick Clark and experience the year change in tape delay. Unless you have satellite. Then you can watch the East Coast feed in which case you're in 2008 for three hours while the rest of us are still in 2007.

The Rose Parade is Tuesday morning. Today some idiots will start staking out spots along the parade route. Every local channel will broadcast the parade. KTLA gets a 50 share, everyone else gets a 2. Why these other stations still bother is beyond me. KTLA coverage begins at like 3:00 a.m. Five hours of watching people paste flowers on floats and the idiots from today freezing. KTLA will begin replaying the parade immediately upon its conclusion. Then they replay it again. And again. Sometime around January 15th they return to regular programming.

Bob Eubanks has been hosting the parade since the floats were powered by horses. For many of those years his co-host was Stephanie Edwards, a popular local personality who was mostly known for being the carnie for Lucky Markets. She was replaced in the booth by local KTLA morning news anchor, Michaela Pereira. This caused quite a stir. Most people felt that Michaela was horrible and resented her in that Deborah Norville way for squeezing out our beloved Stephanie. (Fans would show their support for Steph by shopping at Lucky but Lucky no longer exists.) Now it’s three years later, Bob and Michaela are back and most people don’t even remember Stephanie Edwards. On to new important causes.

Then on New Year’s evening all the locals will go out to dinner, have to wait 45 minutes for a table since the Illinois rooters got there first, and things will return to normal.

So for my fellow Angelinos – enjoy it while you can!

By the way, happy 90th birthday to my second cousin Manny Thaler. He used to play in Glenn Miller's Band. He's still getting chicks off that gig.

Don't write at Starbucks

I’m writing this on an airplane. It’s actually one of my favorite places to work. It’s generally quiet, the alternative is watching some bad Jane Fonda/Lindsey Lohan movie, and I can now write off American Airlines as an office.

More and more it seems writers are getting out and writing in public. Thanks to laptops and ipods you don’t have to feel isolated sitting in a room, you can feel isolated sitting in a coffee shop or library.

A friend of mine writes in the produce section of Gelson’s market. Another writes on commuter trains. Several work in bars but God knows what those scripts look like.

The only place I think should be made off-limits for working on scripts is Starbucks. It is such a cliché. Starbucks is not for real writers, it’s for posers. I see these “artistes”, hunched over their laptops, determined looks on their faces, clacking away, marveling at their own brilliance and I think “what a bunch of assholes!” And then to draw even more attention to themselves they wear the writer costume – the sweater around the neck, baseball cap indoors, sandals, Blackberrys peeking out of their Levi shirt pockets. I guess their ultimate goal is impress but they obviously never heard the old joke about the Polish actress who tried to get ahead by sleeping with writers.

Visit one of our strike sites. We’re not a super cool bunch. Really, we’re not. But we don’t care. A real writer impresses with his work.

I know there are some very good writers who set up shop at Starbucks and to them I say, just go to Peete's or Seattle's Finest or Dunkin Donuts.

Banging out scripts is hard work. And if getting out in the world, getting a little stimulation and inspiration is going to help, then by all means go for it. I prefer planes, the UCLA stacks library, the Brentwood Country Mart, waiting rooms, and the beach.

Where do you write?

Maui Christmas

Levine family vacations are becoming more precious and rare. Damn those kids for having lives! Soon they’ll want to bring their boy and girlfriends, and my wife – kind hearted soul that she is – thinks our pool man, Chuckie, deserves a trip. But this year it was just the four of us. Annie flew in from Chicago, Matt from Silicon Valley and we all spent a week together at the Grand Wailea hotel on Maui.

Bumped into Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman at LAX. I thanked him for sticking up for the writers and he said, “No problem. That’s why I have to leave the country.”

Not to shirk my strike related duties I did picket the Four Seasons every morning.

As longtime guests of the Grand Wailea we were given preferential treatment. They wanted to put us in rooms on the ground floor right along a busy path. And for good measure one was a handi-capped room. Nothing says “parrr-tyyy” to two twentysomethings like wheelchair access showers. We were finally moved to better rooms next to a family of twelve.

The Grand Wailea caters primarily to families. The Four Seasons is the first four rows of the Laker game.

The weather was spectacular and we were verrrry lucky. The week before they had “Kona” storms – constant deluges. Power was out at the hotel for a day, two in nearby Kihei. And since they employed a card key system it must’ve been fun for guests trying to get into their rooms. Yes, the hotel did have a backup generator but that was used to keep the blenders going. This is high Pina Colada season!

The waves during the storm were ten feet high, went over the beach, past the garden path and landed in the kiddie pool. That must’ve scared the shit out of the little darlings. But the snorkeling was great. You just sat on your balcony and watched the fish fly by.

The art gallery at the Wailea mall still has that sign offering original paintings by Paul McCartney, Tony Bennett, David Bowie, and in much smaller letters – Picasso.

Every time I return to Hawaii I am more convinced it’s the most spectacular place on earth.

Imagine the beauty of LOST without the polar bears, mysterious smoke monsters, the “Others”, abductions, explosions, killer force fields, flying spears, illegal medical experiments, and that annoying couple they buried alive.

Oh no! USA TODAY will no longer print its Hawaiian edition. How will the locals get their pie charts and day old scores?

My stomach thought it was in Mexico for the first two days. But the good news is – who loses weight in Hawaii?

Every lounge singer on Maui thinks she’s Norah Jones. I miss the days when they all thought they were Joni Mitchell.

“Mahalo” means thank you. But I understand that since it’s written on every trash can many tourists think “mahalo” means “trash”.

Celebrity citing at the hotel: C.C. Sabathia who just won the Cy Young award. He didn’t bring it down to the pool so I assume he’s married.

My Red Sox fan, Matt wanted to thank him for choking in the American League Championship Series but settled on saying “mahalo”. Of course, depending on what C.C. thought “mahalo” meant…

I also wonder how many vacationers think “Wifi” is a Hawaiian word.

Two weeks ago Jennifer Love Hewitt was at the Grand Wailea. Those now famous bikini shots of her were taken there. We got the New Jersey B’nai Brith women’s auxiliary league.

Went to Roy’s in Kihei on Wednesday night. Fabulous as always. Even better than my dinner the night before – a banana.

Now that it’s known that the Haleakala volcano is dormant the only way to lure tourists into its crater is to claim they can now get the NFL Network in there.

Someone had a tattoo of the Hawaiian islands on her back. Or eczema.

Did you know: Herman Melville was a pin spotter in a Hawaiian bowling alley in 1843? That’s true. Today he’s considered a great writer. Back then he was just “the Dude”.

The big local story was the U. of Hawaii football team. They’re off to the Sugar Bowl. They should be going to the Rose Bowl and their quarterback, Colt Brennan should have won the Heisman Trophy. They get no respect, even after an undefeated season and dropping Rainbow from their team name.

The Channel 9 weekend weather wahine advised any locals going to New Orleans to see the Sugar Bowl to be sure to bring their winter clothes. Expected high: 68 degrees.

You can’t walk ten feet in any direction without some jogger calling out “on your left!”

Hawaiian sunsets alone are worth the frequent flier miles.

As are the papayas. They taste so much better when not shot with Botox or whatever the US Agriculture Department pumps into them before shipping ‘em to Cleveland.

I stopped off to watch one of the many beautiful weddings at the Grand Wailea too-cute-for-words chapel. The gorgeous bride walked down the aisle, heard the organ music, the applause from her cherished friends and family, and a guy yelling “on your left!”

There is a vineyard on Maui that makes pineapple wine. Next time you’re in a really fine restaurant ask the sommelier which pineapple wine he recommends.

LUST, CAUTION just opened in Hawaii, only three months after its mainland release date. Too much caution, not enough lust.

Attention bargain hunters: One can of Diet Coke at the Grand Wailea café – only $3.61. Hurry! Before they come to their senses!

On Saturday I finally bumped into someone who looked vaguely familiar. Turns out its my lawyer.

As Christmas approached the Grand Wailea got more crowded. The traditional holiday knife fights over chaise lounges didn’t begin until the 21st this year.

Santa himself was in the lobby taking pictures with starry eyed little children and drunk frat boys from TCU who just got out of the hot tub. At least the wee kinder dried themselves off before sitting on Santa’s knee. That heavy woolen suit must’ve smelled like a dead raccoon by the time the tattooed Samoan elves mercifully sprung him.

All in all it was another wonderful week in paradise. My two New Years resolutions for ‘08 are (1) to move to Hawaii and (2) look good in shorts. At least with the first one I’ve got a shot.

Happy New Year and may Hi’iaka, the Hawaiian God of Spirit and Dance always be “on your left”.

Charlie Wilson's War

Saw CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR at a theatre in Maui that specified “shirts and footwear required”. Needless to say, this crowd was not wowed by the film. But to be fair, if anyone was expecting a big star-studded splashy event picture this was not it. CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR was a very well made but sober true story about the Afghanistan-Soviet War of the late 80s. The stars make the tough subject matter palatable for those general audiences who need to be reminded not to attend the theatre barefoot.

I don’t know if I need a spoiler alert since the trailer and every review I’ve seen pretty much lays out the story. This Texas councilman arranges a covert war. We just watch the events unfold. The screenplay by Aaron Sorkin crackles at times, occasionally goes off on riffs of policy and political speak (the same stuff we all zoned out on in WEST WING but followed the story anyway), and is heavy on smart but light on emotion.

Tom Hanks, affable as ever, stars as Charlie Wilson. He pretty much goes back to the accent he employed in VOLUNTEERS (and even dons the white dinner jacket again). Philip Seymour Hoffman absolutely STEALS the picture. Hands down. No one even close. His first scene alone should earn both him and Sorkin Oscar noms.

But then there’s Julia Roberts. There must easily be a hundred other actresses who could have played her part as well or better. You’re getting the name, a really bad wig, and nothing remotely special. You watch her scenes and think to yourself… if only Meryl Streep were playing this… or even Allison Janney.

Mike Nichols got some great performances and it was refreshing to hear a Sorkin script spoken at a pace that real people speak in. CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR is well worth seeing, it’s a story that deserves to be told, and I hope it does well in the boxoffice.

But I dunno, I was expecting more. After all, I paid full price and wore real shoes, not even flip flops.

Merry Christmas

When you think of Christmas you think of togetherness, and pretty lights, and snow.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!(Picture: courtesy of Tom Straw)

A Christmas Story: different versions

Here's one of my favorite scenes from A CHRISTMAS STORY.



Proving that Christmas can commercialize anything, here's A CHRISTMAS STORY CINGULAR AD.




And finally, for those of you who have seen the movie and have a twisted sense of humor -- here's another example of how trailer makers can make any movie look like any genre. Ho ho ho.

My favorite Christmas movie

My favorite Christmas movie is A CHRISTMAS STORY. It was released in 1983, written by Jean Shepherd, Leigh Brown, and Bob Clark, and directed by Bob Clark. TBS or TNT (one of those Turner networks with a T) plays it every year for 24 straight hours on Christmas. And every year our family watches it. Never in order anymore. We see a chunk here and a chunk there but we’ve all seen the movie fifty times so it makes no difference.

A CHRISTMAS STORY is a wonderful character driven comedy with heart, big laughs, and is steeped in Americana. Set in a small town in the Midwest in 1939 it was inspired from short anecdotal stories by Jean Shepherd. If you’ve never heard of Jean Shepherd, he (yes Jean was a he) was a master storyteller. Besides books and articles he had a one hour radio show for years on WOR in New York. On the show he would just talk. That’s it. No calls, no guests, no sound bytes, no music, no Robin Quivers. Just Jean. He would open the mic and for an hour, off the top of his head, would tell stories that were absolutely spellbinding. I remember once listening to him describe movers taking a piano out of an apartment and I was enthralled. You can read more about him here.

Jean narrates this movie (a device that THE WONDER YEARS later stole, I mean “adopted”) that follows a goofy bespectacled kid and his family over one holiday season. That’s all I’m going to say. If you haven’t seen it, you’re in for a treat.

When first released in 1983 just before Thanksgiving, the movie did tepid business. The reviews were generally good. Roger Ebert said it was “Funny and satirical…a sort of Normon Rockwell crossed with MAD magazine.” But it really didn’t begin to catch on until Ted Turner showed it repeatedly on his Superstation. Now it’s a cult classic, and like I said, airs as a marathon every Christmas.

And I’ll leave you with this fun factoid: Where do you think this heartwarming family Christmas tale first appeared? That’s right, in Playboy Magazine.

Happy holidays.