I got new glasses recently. And by paying a little extra I got this spiffy feature where they darken in the sunlight. They’re regular glasses! They’re sunglasses! All in one!
It’s an amazing thing.
Unless you go on television.
Last week I was invited to do a guest spot on the Dodger pre-game show for KCAL 9 in Los Angeles. It was a live broadcast. My Dodger Talk partner, Josh Suchon, and I were placed on the field for the segment. It was 6:40 in the evening. Dusk to be more poetic.
They turned on a big spotlight and we were on the air. We answered a few questions. All was going well. Or so I thought.
My glasses reacted to the spotlight as if “Hey, he’s looking right into the sun… from maybe the surface of Mercury”. As a result they got dark. And I mean DARK.
Depending on how charitable you wish to be, I looked either like one of the Blues Brothers or a complete idiot. Aw, who we kidding? A COMPLETE idiot.
I didn’t realize this until one of the hosts from the studio asked me about my sunglasses.
Sunglasses? I'm not wearing sunglasses. (then) Uh oh!
Imagine finding out you look stupid while on live television. I made some joke about my entourage letting me down but again, who we foolin’?
After the show the host that asked the question felt bad. Maybe I was blind or just had surgery or something. I shudder to think what the viewers thought. How can Ray Charles cover the Dodgers? The few times I do get my face on television I try not to horrify people.
It’s been several days. I’m still getting shit from my media buddies in the press box. I suspect it will go on for months (years?). Thank God I'm not currently on the writing staff of a sitcom. Stuff like this is comedy GOLD! Short of walking into the rewrite room wearing a toupee nothing would set off a barrage of vicious insults like this.
Oh, if I were only Jack Nicholson. And by the way, that’s not the first time I’ve said that.
Damn those HMI lights! Damn them to HELL!
ReplyDeleteI personally think the glasses look pretty cool.
Hell it is Mannywood after all?
ReplyDeleteB
I see this being stolen and done on a sitcom soon. Some guy goes to highschool reunion with his glasses and BOOM, everyone thinks he is trying to be cool.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you shudda just broken out in song -- a chorus of "Pretty Woman" should have done it...
ReplyDeleteWV: appown: His real last name before Judd Appatow changed it for professional reasons.
Look on the bright side (oh, sorry), the pseudo-shades may have taken attention away from the sweater-vest.
ReplyDeleteGeorge Pennacchio may have that copyrighted for TV.
Ken Levine - his eyes don't shine.
ReplyDeleteWV: vainge = a form of mange contracted in the lady parts.
Ken, at least your fly wasn't also open -- or if it was, no one mentioned it during the interview...
ReplyDeletewv: buslab -- a mobile Crystal Meth factory...
On the Don King sitcom, an intern would have been at your side with a veritable buffet of eyewear choices.
ReplyDeleteI'm just sayin'.
You thought Blues Brothers, I thought Men in Black. I don't think you look bad, Ken. It's not like you showed up on live tv with your tie caught in your fly.
ReplyDeletewv = cellpi = A calling plan with only 3.14159265358979323846 minutes.
But you also were on the TV Land rerun of the 30-year MASH reunion, and your glasses looked fine.
ReplyDeleteI wondered about Harry Morgan. He was then about 87. Now he's at least 93.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That WAS comedy gold, loved it!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd short too, which is unusual for you.
Funny, I always thought you had a beard.
ReplyDeleteLooking good, Ken. Nothing wrong with the glasses or the way they make you look. Your buddies tease you because 1. they have nothing better to do, and/or 2. they are jealous.
ReplyDeleteWV: efool -- no comment necessary, I'd think.
Every day I wake up and say, "If only I were Jack Nicholson."
ReplyDeleteat least we know for sure who you are in the photo, without having to read a caption (and wonder for a second about left, right).
ReplyDeleteSee, that's the difference between you and unself aware people who wear sunglasses at inappropriate times. They think it's cool, you realize it looks silly. If nothing else, you've got that.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the alternative? You work outside in Southern California. Wear clear glasses. They are a magnifying glass for UV rays. You go blind. You'll be wearing real dark glasses. You won't be able to call games. But you could be umpire.
ReplyDeleteHi Ken:
ReplyDeleteHate to be a hack,
but Ray Charles wants his shades back!
Did you get the anti glare coating with those glasses too? I used to have that stuff and it started to rub off and smear the lenses after a couple of cleanings with a cloth. If you just got the anti glare feature you should be finr.
ReplyDelete