Part 1 was yesterday. How many of these will you be seeing?
TAKEN 2 – Last time it was Liam Neeson’s daughter who was abducted. This time it’s his ex-wife. How high a ransom can you get for an ex-wife?
NOT FADE AWAY – First project by writer/director David Chase since THE SOPRANOS so I can’t wait. All I ask: please have a goddamn ENDING!!
THE PAPERBOY – Nicole Kidman urinates on Zac Efron thereby assuring her an Oscar nomination if not win. Tom Cruise is probably saying, "If she did that when we were married we'd still be together."
SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS – The U.S. Dream Team.
HERE COMES THE BOOM – Kevin James mixed martial-arts movie. Haven’t we seen enough of these?
ALEX CROSS – Tyler Perry as an action hero. Madea goes badass!
FRANKENWEENIE – Just too easy. I’ll leave this one to you.
THE BIG WEDDING – Robert DeNiro and Diane Keaton play exes who have to make nice at their son’s wedding. Also stars Katherine Heigl so obviously not a comedy.
CHASING MAVERICKS – Gerard Butler in a surfing movie. As long as he has his shirt off expect an A+++ Cinemascore rating from women.
THE SESSIONS – Helen Hunt as a therapeutic sex surrogate (reprising the job she had in MAD ABOUT YOU) who is hired to help a paraplegic lose his virginity. Won the Audience Award at Sundance. But it’s subject matter right in the festival’s wheelhouse.
BUTTER – Jennifer Garner in butter carving contest at the Iowa State Fair. Sounds a little frankenweenie to me.
WUTHERING HEIGHTS – What? Again? And not in 3D?
ATLAS SHRUGGED: PART 2 – Because the reviews of ATLAS SHRUGGED: PART 1 weren’t horrendous enough.
MIDDLE OF NOWHERE – Marriage tested by a prison sentence. Man must decide between his loyal wife at home or Butch in cellblock D.
NOBODY WALKS – Lena Dunham movie so critics will fawn all over it even if it’s worse than ATLAS SHRUGGED: PART 2.
LIFE WITH PI – An Indian boy and a tiger are stuck in a lifeboat. Based on either a novel or Crusader Rabbit.
SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK – The Jacksonville Jaguars game plan.
LINCOLN – This Steven Spielberg movies takes the radical position that our 16th president was not a vampire slayer.
The finale tomorrow.
Hollywood keeps complaining about how they are going out of business from people pirating movies. Looking at this list should give them a clue as to why they are REALLY going out of business.
ReplyDeleteOo, Life of Pi is an excellent novel. Hope the movie matches it.
ReplyDeleteI usually enjoy your posts, but find the last two less satisfying. We learn very little about the movies--other than your pithy and sarcastic remarks--because you haven't seen most of them. What gives?
ReplyDeleteWhat, no Abraham Lincoln mixed martial arts movie? Creativity and concern for historical accuracy is just dead in the film colony.
ReplyDeleteBased on these comments, it's obvious what is really the clue: Hollywood keeps giving people not only what they want, but what they deserve. Any smidgeon of writing similar to something that might be called "creative" winds up catching stupid so-called remarks.
ReplyDeleteNobody needs to actually watch these movies; we've seen them all before. That's the point.
JT,
ReplyDeleteThis is a feature I've been doing for six years. It's designed to be a humor piece. Especially after last week when I had a couple of somber pieces, I wanted to lighten things up with some laughs this week. There are numerous fall previews that just faithfully give you thumbnails of the movies. ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY for one. Check 'em out. Sorry this series doesn't work for you. Come back Thursday.
Thanks for your response. Still a fan, and the series still generally works as a fun and light-hearted segment. Was looking for your opinion of those movies worth the time and money to see...
DeleteI loved the novel Life of Pi to bits, but the problem with filming it is that it's very much internally narrated. Mind you, I also have a near-infinite amount of faith in writer-director Ang Lee, but goddamn am I worried that he'll screw it up.
ReplyDeleteVery excited about Pitch Perfect! And the thing I like about the Taken trailers is that it looks like victim of the first film (Maggie Grace) gets to start kicking ass and taking names in this one.
ReplyDeletewasn't FRANKENWEENIE originally a short film?
ReplyDeleteHow high a ransom can you get for an ex-wife?
ReplyDeleteWell, this IS Famke Janssen we're talking about..,
Thanks for the laughs, Ken. There are actually a few here I'll go see - Atlas Shrugged, Pt. 2 ain't one of them.
ReplyDeleteCHASING MAVERICKS – Gerard Butler in a surfing movie. As long as he has his shirt off expect an A+++ Cinemascore rating from women.
I usually give Butler an A+++ - but of course I'm only there to study his acting technique...
More reasons to stay home and watch Pawn Stars reruns.
ReplyDeleteWait...excuse me...Tyler Perry as Alex Cross?
ReplyDeleteThat's worse than the Haggle woman butchering Stephanie Plum.
Oh wait...Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher?
I'm going over here in the corner and just shiver for a while.
I have to wonder whether the folks making movies based on Atlas Shrugged actually read the books? They are episodic, each chapter pretty-much self-contained, so it should have been made for TV. Three series of 10 episodes, each based on a chapter, would nake more sense.
ReplyDelete@Johnny Walker: I guess they're cutting out the sentimental epilogue then.
ReplyDelete(Spoken with tear in eye) "If it wasn't for Honest Abe...".
I would rather they'd made Chasing Mavericks with Jeffrey Dean Morgan.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a complete biopic; I believe most of it is set during his presidency.
ReplyDeleteJohnny Walker...
ReplyDeleteI'm not a Lincoln scholar, but from what I have read, he evolved beyond this position, which is what made him such a fascinating man and probably the best president the U.S. ever had. I suspect if Lincoln's later speeches and actions had kept in line with what he said in 1858, he would not have been despised to the extent that he was - especially in the South.
My favorite version had Anna Karenina (Greta Garbo) teaming up with The Green Lantern (Frederic March) to defeat Lex Luthor (Basil Rathbone), athough Zasu Pitts was sort of disappointing as Wonder Woman.
ReplyDeleteLIFE OF PI looks like CASTAWAY with a tiger instead of a volleyball.
ReplyDeleteAnd hey! SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS is Martin McDonagh! How can it not be terrific?
The Big Wedding has actually moved to a spring 2013 opening -hope you can wait that long.
ReplyDeleteActually, Ken, you have to admit that at least one of your comments was, indeed, pithy. The one about the Zac Efron movie.
ReplyDeleteWasn't it Woody Allen who once said, "Lots of pith?"
Seven Psychopaths have the greatest potential to be disappointing because I have such high hopes for it. Hopefully it will fufill its promise as the rest of the movies this fall look bad.
ReplyDeletePaul Duca, that is correct.
ReplyDeleteFrom Bananas (1971)
ReplyDeleteFielding Mellish: That's very wise, you know...? That's, I think, pithy.
Nancy: It was pithy. It had... great pith.
Fielding Mellish: Yeth. Pith.
FRIDAY QUESTION...
ReplyDeleteWhen an actor goes from Guest Starring to Starring in a series, who makes that decision? And do agents/managers often push for their client to get bumped up to starring role?
Also, I watched a show the other day with Guest Stars being listed as "Special Guest Star/Guest Starring and Also Staring".... what exactly is the difference between the three?
Not sure I'll see any of these in the theater, but I won't miss the Lawrence of Arabia special nationwide showing on October 4th. This is the 50th anniversary of it's release - doubt I'll be around for the 75th. Digital remaster from the 1988 restoration, should be spectacular. Or what used to be called a spectacular.
ReplyDeleteSo Lincoln is the go-to President for every conceivable film genre and plot construction in the last decade? Is it because both Dems and Repubs can agree with him?
ReplyDeleteSo I guess making BJ pantomimes behind home plate is all you can do at a Cubs game really...http://deadspin.com/5944189/some-jackass-made-blowjob-pantomimes-behind-home-plate-at-wrigley-for-nearly-an-inning-before-getting-ejected
ReplyDelete