Monday, September 17, 2012

Fall Movies Preview Part 1

A blog tradition -- the Fall Movies Preview -- mini-summaries of the films that will be released this season. Disclaimer: Not that this has any particular relevance to my comments but I haven't seen any of these pictures. And probably won't see most of them.

BREAKING DAWN – The eighth chapter of the TWILIGHT trilogy. Very tough shoot for Kristen Stewart because the director is gay and she couldn’t sleep with him.

LOOPER – Joseph Gordon-Levitt must go into the future to kill Bruce Willis who is really him. Trying to save the world from DIE HARD 17.

TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE – Baseball movie with Clint Eastwood that no Democrat will now pay to see.

THE WORDS – Bradley Cooper takes credit for a discovered manuscript only to have the real author, Jeremy Irons suddenly surface. He discarded it originally because he thought, “Who’s going to buy a piece of shit like FIFTY SHADES OF GREY anyway?”

THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER – You never have to dance the Macarena.

ARGO – This looks great. True story of staging a movie shoot to free American hostages in Iran. And even though there was no real movie made, Harvey Weinstein got it nominated for four Oscars.

WON’T BACK DOWN – Maggie Gyllenhaal and Viola Davis take over an inner school in order to make a difference and get some Oscar nominations.

END OF WATCH – Brother Jake Gyllenhaal in a LAPD drama. Why they still make these after THE SHIELD I do not know

DREDD 3D – A reboot of the Judge Dredd comic book. If it didn’t work before with a hot Diane Lane, adding a third D isn’t going to save it.

HELLO, I MUST BE GOING – Sundance darling about a depressed 35 year-old woman who moves back in with her parents and has a steamy affair with a 19-year-old. Sounds like every ABC sitcom pilot they’ve ordered the last two years.

THE MASTER – Writer-Director Paul Thomas Anderson so there’s a chance it could be even more pretentious than THERE WILL BE BLOOD (if that’s even possible). But it could also be a masterpiece like BOOGIE NIGHTS so who knows? Only thing for certain is that he thinks it’s genius.

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA – Animated Adam Sandler movie as he drives another stake through the heart of comedy.

ARBITRAGE – Richard Gere plays the 37th version of Bernie Madoff. What is different about his portrayal? I don’t know. It’s Richard Gere so he probably shows his whistle.

BACHELORETTE – Kristen Dunst, Isla Fisher, and Lizzy Caplan have a night of debauchery before a wedding. HANGOVER meets BRIDESMAIDS.

THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY – Bruce Willis as a secret agent. 0065. Licensed to drive at night.

FINDING NEMO 3D – Why make cartoon characters more lifelike? Just hire real fish actors.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 – This time the couple is terrorized by the ghost of Sam Kinison.

LIBERAL ARTS – Elizabeth Olsen gets caught with an older man. For every pathetic middle-aged guy who lusted after her older twin older sisters, this is a fantasy come true.

BROOKLYN BROTHERS BEAT THE BEST – Stars Ryan O’Nan and and he plays the kazoo.  What more do you need to know?

CLOUD ATLAS – Directed by the Wachowski brothers (or is it brother and sister?), it’s a sweeping tale starring Tom Hanks who looks like Ming the Magnificent in this picture. He wanted to dress like this for VOLUNTEERS but we said no.

Tomorrow: Part 2.

32 comments:

Matt said...

Dredd is much better than the 95 movie, though a lack of Diane Lane must always be mourned.

Very much looking forward to the Wachowski's latest offering (NB: Ken, it's "Cloud" Atles, not "Cold", cheers)

Andrew Kamphey said...

Brooklyn Brothers Beat The Best stars Ryan O'Nan http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1645352/

Anonymous said...

From Jan:

I believe it's "Cloud Atlas." And loved the comment about the Clint Eastwood movie.

Jason Roberts said...

Here is a link to "Brooklyn Brothers Beat The Best" trailer. It looks like a good little indie flick!

http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/do-you-like-your-life-exclusive-clip-from-brooklyn-brothers-beat-the-best-20120914?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

Brian Phillips said...

Also, it's Ken Levine, not Ken Levine. You mispronounce it more times than no.

deanareeno said...

I saw Cloud Atlas this past Saturday, and did a spoilery little write up about it here, if you're interested:

Cloud Atlas (TIFF 2012)

I've read people calling them 'The Wachowski Siblings' now, which doesn't really roll off the tongue. Maybe just 'The Wachowskis'?

Also, don't forget Tom Tykwer directed half of it.

Tony said...

Cloud Atlas is my all-time favorite novel, and I couldn't believe that it was being made into a movie. I'm really looking forward to it.

The NYer did a long profile of the Wachowskis that was partly about how hard it was to adapt (and then fund) this movie: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/09/10/120910fa_fact_hemon?currentPage=all

MikeBo said...

I see the coming year as yet another that I will not be darkening the neighborhood multiplex or even ordering one of these up on HBO's "on demand." Now, on to the real challenge of the morning...trying to figure out the code word that allows me to leave a comment on Ken's blog. Without my glasses I see "9 something something."

Paul Duca said...

Ken...don't forget the major event that happened 40 years ago today--or more accurately, 40 years ago at 8PM Eastern/7 Central.

Mitchell Hundred said...

I saw the trailer for Judge Dredd, and it looked uncannily like The Raid: Redemption. Except there were sci-fi effects that mananged to look cheesy and dated even though the movie isn't out yet. Which, when you think about it, is quite an accomplishment.

cadavra said...

Ken, I know you're being snarky, but a lot of Democrats--including this reporter--will indeed line up for TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE. We don't boycott things because we disagree with someone's politics. That's what Republicans do!

BTW, I've seen LOOPER and it's tremendous.

Sue said...

What Cadavra said!

Johnny Walker said...

Lol.

DREDD was excellent. Low budget, British styled, ultra violence. Not quite as a good as THE RAID, and it is just a comic book movie with very little (nothing?) going on under the surface, but I imagine that's exactly what Judge DREDD fans wanted. There's no attempt at humanising the lead character here, it's DIRTY HARRY in space.

THE MASTER, is probably my most anticipated movie this year. MAGNOLIA was completely pretentious, but THERE WILL BE BLOOD was one of the best movies of the decade.

Mr. First Nighter said...

Dredd is about as popular in America as TinTin. ask Spielberg what the six American TinTin fans thought of that movie. Maybe they'll treat the five America Judge Dredd readers.

Breadbaker said...

I'm also looking forward to Cloud Atlas, which, although not my favorite novel, is certainly among the ten best I've read this century.

By the way, Ken, I too was fed Carnation Instant Breakfast to put some weight on me.

Matt Patton said...

On the plus side, HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA was made by Gendy Tarkovsky, who did the FAIRLY ODD PARENTS, which was actually funny. So it might be funny. Even with Adam Sandler.

brian t said...

Yeah, I don't think I'll be going to see a film named after a Phil Collins album.

(It's "Hello, I Must Be Going" - as if you didn't know that already. 8-)

Anonymous said...

Hotel Transylvania isn't so much a Sandler movie, it's voiced by Sandler and his pack, Kevin James etc... but that is even ok for animation. But the script credits include Robert Smigel and the director is small-screen famous since he renewed Cartoon Network in the 90s with the kind of smarts in his own "Dexter's Lab" and tons of other things he's been involved with. I have a problem with Hotel T. as it reminds me too much of the film version of "Monster Mash" ...

sanford said...

I am a democrat. I will see the Eastwood movie. I love John Wayne movies and he was a conservative. Only republicans care about that kind of thing

Deanna said...

I would TOTALLY pay money to watch someone be haunted by Sam Kinison's ghost!

Charles H. Bryan said...

Hi Ken,

This has nothing to do with the topic at hand -- I just wanted to say that I finished reading "The Me Generation .. by Me" and enjoyed it greatly. I'm a little younger (52), and grew up in Michigan, but many of the references you made were events that I could relate to. It was funny, and touching, and human.

It was also too short. I am seriously hoping that you'll write a memoir of your writing career. I know you've posted many times about your experiences in television but I would pay money for the story in chronological order.

Thanks (as always) for the great reading.

Cap'n Bob said...

Ming the Merciless. I will see The Master just to see how close it is to the life of L. Ron Fatfraud.

ferdinand hegemur said...

cOOL...

jbryant said...

brian t: "Hello, I Must Be Going" was the title of a song introduced by Groucho Marx in the 1930 film ANIMAL CRACKERS, several decades before Phil Collins made use of it. Don't know if that has any effect on your interest in the film, but I thought you should know.

As for liberals not boycotting films starring conservatives -- so our D. McEwan is the exception that proves the rule?

Pat Reeder said...

In a recent interview about her upcoming movie "On The Road," Kristen Stewart said she didn't mind doing her first topless scene because the director was so inspiring. She said, "He puts so much inside of you..."

Probably not the best phraseology for her to use when talking about her directors.

Mike said...

ARGO – This looks great. True story of ...
At the mention of true story, alam bells rang, so I checked:
Shamelessly embellished ... patriotic, Hollywood-saves-the-day yarn ... jarringly false.
So that's another Charlie Wilson's War, Beautiful Mind or U571 then.

BigTed said...

I thought "not fade away" WAS the ending to "The Sopranos."

diane said...

I will also see Trouble with the Curve because it's a baseball movie and it has Amy Adams. And since Mr Eastwood will be portraying someone other than himself, I'd pay to see it.

John the Scientist said...

That's too bad about Argo. I was looking forward t it because I went to school with Tony Mendez's kids. We only found out he was CIA after he retired, though there were other Agency kids in school whose father was already retired.

cadavra said...

Based on the trailer and comments from early screenings, it would appear that ARGO is being played at least partly as a comedy, which would mitigate matters considerably.

Paul Gottlieb said...

Isn't "Taken 2" just a remake of "Ruthless People" but with Liam Neeson instead of Danny Devito?

Seriously, is Liam Neeson really reduced to taking pars that Steven Segall passed on?

all2need said...

Ken, I know you're being snarky, but a lot of Democrats--including this reporter--will indeed line up for TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE. We don't boycott things because we disagree with someone's politics. That's what Republicans do!

BTW, I've seen LOOPER and it's tremendous.