BEGIN AGAIN -- my review

Here’s another movie I really liked that hopefully your town has room for even with TRANSFORMERS 4 playing on every other screen. BEGIN AGAIN was written by John Carney who also gave us ONCE.

ONCE was a charming little movie that spawned an Oscar-winning song and Broadway musical. It was an indie darling. BEGIN AGAIN is his follow-up, also about the music scene, and also charming. But unlike every critic I’ve read, I liked it better than ONCE.

I know I’m in the minority of one, but I got so sick of that song in ONCE I could plotz.

BEGIN AGAIN is set in New York and is one of those idyllic “Manhattan is a cool place if you’re young, artistic, in love, and conveniently there are no blizzards, garbage strikes, heat waves, or Lena Dunham characters” movies. So it’s Times Square on warm summer evenings, cafes late at night, nightclubs, views from the Empire State Building, boat rides in the East River, '60s music, clean subway cars, and of course – Central Park. It’s street musicians, ice cream cones, funky apartments, Sinatra, big breaks, dreams coming true, and rain-slicked streets but never any rain.

But I love all that shit. If I lived in Dublin I would feel that way about ONCE... although I still would be tired of that incessant “Falling Slowly."

BEGIN AGAIN'S narrative is very straight-forward and the film is designed to make you feel good the way a well-produced pop song does. It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it.

Are there shocking plot twists? Does it say something new about the human condition? Will it shake some sense into Putin? No. But there are also no diarrhea jokes, angst-ridden super-heroes, or Adam Sandler. If you’re looking for a sweet warm-hearted movie with a few laughs, a couple of heartstring tugs, and music right out of THE VOICE, then BEGIN AGAIN might be for you.

It stars Keira Knightley who is so adorable you’re willing to believe she can actually sing, and Mark Ruffalo as his usual laidback nice guy self who squints more than any other actor in history.

The big surprise was how good Adam Levine was. He has a very natural quality. Yes, he was playing a rock star asshole, but I think he has range. He could play a tech mogul asshole or a Wall Street asshole. Seriously, he can act. I actually liked his acting better than his singing, but again that’s me. And all through the movie I was holding my breath that he wouldn’t sing “Falling Slowly.”

Then there was Catherine Keener – who’s become the Eve Arden of sarcastic middle-aged contemporary indie spirit women, CeeLo Green (yo, he’s funny), and my favorite cameo in the film – Rob Morrow as the record company CEO. He channeled every CAA agent, providing just the perfect blend of realism and character assassination.

You can’t review a music movie without acknowledging the person responsible for the music so kudos to Gregg Alexander. He did an especially nice job of writing to Keira Knightley’s range, which is three notes.

The movie was a little long but that may be because there were like seventeen vanity logos before the damn thing even started. Everyone in the cast included uncredited “cheering girl”, Erika Wester must’ve had a production company.  The title of the movie should be BEGIN ALREADY. 

In fairness, I know this movie has gotten mixed reviews. This will not be the sleeper hit that ONCE was. If I’m Harvey Fierstein I’m not furiously writing the libretto for the BEGIN AGAIN musical just yet. But for a smart, fun, summer diversion I can’t think of many other films to see. And in this marketplace, that’s a ringing endorsement.

My take on the All-Star Game

Yes, this is a baseball post. See many of you tomorrow. But the combination of last night's All-Star Game and my warped sense of humor – it was a blog post that wrote itself.

I love the All-Star Game. I never miss it. I once traveled halfway across the country to see one in person. But who are we kidding that the outcome really means something? Talk about schmuck bait. The winning league gets home field advantage for the World Series. I’m sure the Houston Astros and Chicago Cubs players played extra hard.

Clayton Kershaw should have started the game for the National League, not Adam Wainwright. Cardinal manager Mike Matheny clearly picked his own guy. But if the game really “meant” something he would have started the best pitcher in baseball.

Besides, wouldn’t it have been great to have the first American League batter – Derek Jeter – face Clayton Kershaw?

To me baseball has the only All-Star Game where the defense plays as hard as the offense. Compare that to the NBA All-Star Game where the final score is usually 189-174 and the NFL Pro Bowl Game where… do they still even have the NFL Pro Bowl Game?

Target Field in Minnesota is one of the most magnificent ballparks I’ve ever seen. Bring snow plows most of the year, but if you’re a baseball fan it’s worth a trip.

Nice to see Rod Carew throw out the first pitch. Who says there aren’t great Jews in baseball?

Shame on Fox for not once mentioning Tony Gwynn. Nor Don Zimmer. Nor Bob Welch. Nor Jerry Coleman. 

But they took time out to show Terry Crews sitting in the stands and smiling like a Cheshire cat. Note to Fox: When you feature one of your “stars” and have to identify who he is and what show he’s on, he’s not a “star.”

The home run hitting contest is boring. Three hours of batting practice and rules that seem like they’re making them up as they go along. Here’s how you fix it: Put ESPN’s Chris Berman in a booth just beyond the centerfield fence. First home run to hit him wins.

The Derek Jeter tributes were lovely because the affection and admiration everyone has for him is genuine and earned. Compare that to any Hollywood function honoring Harvey Weinstein.

It was a great moment when Jeter left the game and received a huge standing ovation. However, I feel he deserved a bigger gesture. I would have had Jesus Christ rise and present him with a Chevy Tahoe.

Very cool having the late Bob Shepherd deliver the PA announcement for Derek Jeter.

And Jeter does have a flair for the dramatic. Two more hits last night. Those may be the only two hits on Fox this summer.

Note to field reporters:  Don't ask players what "emotions" they're feeling right now.  It's a stupid question.  What do you think their emotions are?   No ballplayer has ever answered that question without seven cliches -- even the ones who can't speak English.  

Tom Verducci is a welcome addition to the Fox broadcast crew. And Harold Reynolds is… a nice guy. Still, it was just a pleasure not hearing Tim McCarver confuse Barry Bonds with Barry Manilow.

Let the hate begin but I'm a Joe Buck fan. 

God, I’m getting tired of Idina Menzel just belting the shit out of every song. It’s not the home run hitting contest for singers.

Glad Mike Trout won the MVP award. Attention Dodger fans: the best, most exciting outfielder in Southern California is not Yasiel Puig.

Spiffy beards, guys. Half the players looked like the French prisoners chained to walls in THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK. Tell me girls, does that look do it for you?

Late in the game when there were substitutions in the field, Fox never bothered to show them. For many of these guys it was their one moment in the sun. Instead, Joe Buck would have to say “ground ball to Starlin Castro, who’s the new shortstop…”

David Price didn’t get into the game. I was hoping he’d come in with a big “For Sale” sign on the back of his Rays uniform.

Nice that commissioner Bud Selig said his legacy is that baseball is now making way more money. Of course only 30% of Dodger fans can watch the games now, playoffs last until Christmas, and cheater Alex Rodriguez is practically a billionaire, but yeah, owners can all give you change for a ten.

The last time Minnesota had the All-Star Game was 1985, the first year Bud Selig wore that suit. Considering he's worn it every day since, it still looks pretty good. 

Not shown on TV:  A protester jumped from a parking ramp, scaled a ladder, and hung a banner on the Diamondvision Board that said LOVE WATER, NOT OIL.   Instead we saw Derek Jeter's parents for the millionth time. 

If this were a regular game, how many of those calls would be challenged? And overturned?

Has an umpire ever thrown anyone out of an All-Star Game?  

I marvel at how great these athletes are.

Seriously, I can’t get over them not once mentioning Tony Gwynn. Truly disgraceful.

Since each team must have at least one representative there were a couple of All-Stars that wouldn’t even make some of the other team’s major league rosters. All-Star Tyson Ross of San Diego has 10 losses and only 2 wins in his last 10 starts.

Meanwhile, Garrett Richards of the Angels is 10-2 and didn’t make the All-Star cut.

It pissed me off that ballplayers negotiate bonuses in their contracts for making the All-Star team. For the multi-millions they’re being paid they’re SUPPOSED to make the All-Star team. They should give back half their salary if they DON'T make the All-Star tam. 

Once you get down to the end of the game the All-Stars are people most casual fans have never heard of. Charlie Blackmon? Devin Mesoraco? Terry Crews? Oh wait. One of those is the Fox star.

Congratulations to the American League for winning. We’ll see you back at Target Field in November when the Twins get in the World Series and have the home field advantage.  Bring a sweater.

And now that there have been a gazillion tributes to Derek Jeter, if you want to use Idina Menzel, let her sing "Let It Go."  

My current guilty pleasure

… is COVERT AFFAIRS. And I admit I watch it for all the wrong reasons. I like seeing Piper Perabo running in high heels shooting people. This is hardly a reason to recommend a show to people. Especially in this era of extraordinary television drama. When you only have so much time and it seems every other day a friend is alerting you to an amazing drama you’ve never heard of (“Have you you checked out LUTHER?” “Have you gotten into ORPHAN BLACK?”) it’s tough to say, “There’s this show with a hot blonde who drives fast that you really have to see!”

But I watch it every week. I still haven’t gotten around to LUTHER.

Another plus for COVERT AFFAIRS is that they actually go to foreign locations. So Piper is running in Stockholm not the Paramount backlot. You get the theme here? COVERT AFFAIRS is a total visual experience.

It's also TOP GUN for middle-aged men, if you know what I mean.

The other actors do their best to believe they’re in a series where the stories really matter. Christopher Gorham, in particular, plays her blind handler/former lover with just the right amount of conviction and perspective. Sometimes they have him out in the field and those episodes are ridiculous. How bad are these terrorists when a blind man is beating the shit out of them, or worse, chasing them?

There is a subplot that continues throughout the series – the inner politics of the CIA. Fast forward through these. It’s all gobbledygook about who runs DSIT and who runs DSST – people are forever getting promoted and demoted from divisions with letters – and none of it means anything. Kate Machett always seems to be in the middle of these storylines and here’s the best way I can describe her character: She never wears a dress with sleeves.

COVERT AFFAIRS is a familiar format. Female James Bond. In the ‘60s they did it as THE GIRL FROM UNCLE , more recently as ALIAS. Hot bad ass girl thwarts evil organizations and super villains who’ve created Doomsday machines or have plans to fluoridate our water. And they’re usually home for dinner.

Today’s mayhem has been updated to include terrorists, drug cartels, and Eurotrash. There are plot holes (assuming you can even follow the plot) that you can drive aircraft carriers through, but if you’re paying attention to that then you’re watching for the wrong reason. Piper knows Karate moves. Piper swims. Piper looks great in a sleek red dress at some Romanian State Dinner.

The show takes itself very seriously, which makes it that much more fun when Piper overpowers seven thugs who are all as big as the Michelin Man.

This year they’re giving her some heart ailment, I suspect in an attempt to humanize her. So now she’s got to act in addition to wearing tight black leather pants? And so far she’s handled it quite well. In none of her “acting” scenes have they had to go to a double.

I poke fun, but Piper Perabo is very likable and watchable in a very physically demanding role. Action heroes require a unique set of skills. Agility, credibility, stamina, and cool. I remember the old WONDER WOMAN series with Lynda Carter, God bless her – she’d put on that costume and become the world’s sexiest Clydesdale. Piper pulls it off.

So I’m a regular viewer of COVERT AFFAIRS. I’ll never impress anybody by saying I watch it. I’d never include it in the list of great dramas from this Golden Era. But so what? I also watch distinguished Emmy-worthy shows. In fact, just this week MASTERS OF SEX returns with Lizzie Caplan. If only she could shoot a gun.

FRIENDS WITH BETTER JOKES AND CHARACTERS

It all began with FRIENDS, nearly twenty years ago – a sitcom starring a group of fun lovin’ twentysomethings trying to find their place in the world. FRIENDS was an enormous hit (meaning the right demographic watched) so networks have been desperately trying to copy it for years. COUPLING (based on the British version where they hired comic actors and not J. Crew models), HAPPY ENDINGS, A GUY, A GIRL, AND WHATEVER, HIMYM – the list is endless. So many in fact that with the latest one, FRIENDS WITH BETTER LIVES they’re even recycling “Friends” in the title.

And these are just the shows that got on the air. There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of pilots that either died at the script stage or on the stage stage.

This is a concept that in the right hands with the right cast can be a killer series. You’re watching people you identify with, struggling to make sense of their lives, love, sex, future, and the World Cup. As each generation enters that age group there are new sensibilities and issues unique to them to go along with all the other hurdles. It’s an arena ripe for comedy.

It’s also a no-brainer for young scribes who need to write a pilot to break in. I suspect that 80% of the specs today are (a) versions of FRIENDS or (b) moving back in with your parents.

I’ve read many of these “FRIENDS” pilots (both spec and actually developed for networks) and most fall way short. There are a number of crutches that have emerged. Allow me to point some out so you might avoid them yourself.

There’s generally one character who is roaring drunk. That’s where the big “comedy” comes from. Vomiting in the car, doing outrageous stunts, saying appalling things because he has no filter. That’s all well and good, but if you need your character to be shit-faced for him to be funny you haven’t developed him correctly.

There’s always the man-child Seth Rogen character. The comedy here comes from a character who is completely immature and often borderline brain dead. Long a staple of Judd Apatow movies, this character has now become a tiresome cliché. And yet every pilot season – there he is – burping, playing video games, calling everyone “bro”, not bathing, still collecting toys, and annoying everyone he meets until they inexplicably fall for his childlike charm.

At least one of the women will be a hateful mean girl. That’s almost a guarantee. Self-centered, bitchy, demanding, condescending, and supposedly funny. Maybe they were twenty years ago but today they’re a stereotype.

Everyone speaks in pop culture references. In truth, young people today DO speak in pop culture references but not every other sentence. Be judicious. You’re wielding a double-edged sword. The pop references may make the show sound very authentic, but too many may date it beyond recognition long before its expiration date.

And then of course, the issue I’ve harped on before, characters speak in dripping irony, which is not a substitute for comedy. “Well THAT went well” is not a laugh. A great zinger is not “Seriously?”

So here’s what I suggest: Work harder. Dig deeper. You all have friends who have comic characteristics. Create characters that are fresh, derive their comedy from a warped worldview, have a unique style. Have them like things you wouldn’t expect. Make them real, not a sketch. Take time to consider how they relate to each other. How do they clash? How do they bond? Why do they bond? What do they want? Believe it or not, guys want more than to get laid.

And what's the hook?  Why is this particular group of people together... other than 'cause you say so?

One thing about Millineals – they tend to be smart. Sometimes they think they’re smarter than they are. But their dialogue can be organically bright, sharp, and funny. Take advantage of that. It's always best to play characters to the top of their intelligence and it's a big plus when they are intelligent.

Let the comedy come out of character and stress the comedy more. Don’t shy away from it as if getting laughs is “not cool.” You’re in a highly competitive field. For your spec or sold pilot to rise above all the rest you have to be better. A real good way to do that is to be funnier.

Young writers may argue that irony is the style now, and I say, “It’s your script, your career. Do whatever you feel is right. And if you truly believe that, fine.” But I also wonder, is that a cop out? Are you not making the script funnier because you just don’t have the comic chops or might you be lazy? Again, this is all your call.  There are hundreds of other writers out there banging on keyboards just like you. 

Networks are dying for the next FRIENDS. If yours hits the mark it could be a home run -- a walk off home run. I want to see you get every advantage, avoid every pot hole. It’s your age group, it’s your time – crush it. Just give me all the credit when you’re a success. Best of luck.

How my partner and I met, part 2

Part one was yesterday.

Following summer camp, David and I went back to our respective jobs… although his was still waiting for him. During my two-week stint keeping America safe the radio station changed program directors. I came back. The new guy hated me. I was gone. That’s the thanks I get for keeping the Viet Cong out of Colorado.

So I moved back in with my parents in Marina Del Rey and sent around tapes trying to get another disc jockey job. Turns out a lot of program directors hated me.

But in the interim I called David and said I wanted to try writing a script. Would he want to write it with me? I’ll never forget his answer: “Who is this again?”

We met the next night at the Hamburger Hamlet on Sunset and decided to give it a try.  Sadly, not only is that Hamburger Hamlet gone, but with the closing of the one in Van Nuys a couple of weeks ago, all of them are gone.   (RIP Lobster Bisque.) 

There was only one problem with teaming up. Neither of us had a fucking clue what to do. I had to go to a bookstore in Hollywood and buy an old ODD COUPLE script off their remainder table for $2 and use that as our guide. I didn’t even know the format. Int. Madison Apartment – Day… oh, that’s how they do it.

We had an idea to write a pilot about two kids in a dorm, thus drawing upon the only life experience either of us had had up to that point.

We’d meet on the weekends at David’s apartment on Arch Drive in Studio City (don’t look for a shrine or anything). To get us revved up, first we listened to a side of the Woody Allen stand-up album (still one of the most brilliant comedy albums EVER). Then we’d sit down at the kitchen table to write. No outline. Nothing. We didn’t know from outlines. Or structure. Or technique.

But so what? We were having a blast.

David took down the script in longhand in a college binder. I was the typist when it was finished.

After several weeks of writing I said to David, “What page do you think we’re on here?” David leafed through the binder and guestimated about 35. I held up the ODD COUPLE script and said, “Y’know, they start wrapping it up pretty quick.”

This gave us pause. We stopped writing, came up with an ending that would have cost $10,000,000 in 1973 money, wrote it in about ten minutes and that was that. We were officially writers. Ten minutes later we were in El Toritos’ pounding down tequila.

To the surprise of no one but us at the time, the script didn’t sell. But we had a great time writing it. And equally important – we made each other laugh.

There were a few funny things in the script. Enough that we decided to keep writing together.

And now I have a play that will be produced this fall at the Falcon Theatre that ironically is right around the corner from that El Torito's. 

How my partner and I met

Thanks again to David Isaacs for posting earlier this week.  A dear reader asked how we met.  It's not exactly a meet-cute and it involves the army. 

Anyway, here’s how we met. Summer 1973. Jack in the Box rolled out their first Breakfast Jacks. DEEP THROAT was charming theatergoers. SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS debuted on NBC. It was a great time to be alive.

David had recently moved to Los Angeles from South Florida where he had dreams of being in the industry. Doing what he didn’t know but he felt there were more entertainment opportunities in Hollywood than Ft. Lauderdale.

After the usual litany of odd jobs (security guard, etc.) he finally landed at ABC – in the film shipping department. He would send out film cans of shows to Hawaii and other network outposts. This is a department that no longer exists in any form. But that’s due to technology, not David.

I was a Top 40 disc jockey doing the all-night show at KMEN in San Bernardino. I was on from midnight to six every goddamn night trying to be funny after every record even though my only listeners were ten 7-11 clerks and half of them were tied up in the back after being robbed.

And for good measure, every other day I would get a memo from the program director saying, “JUST SHUT UP AND PLAY THE RECORDS. YOU’RE NOT FUNNY. JUST PLAY THE GODDAMN HITS!”

Neither of us had a bright future.

I was in an Armed Forces Radio Reserve unit back then. My draft number was 4, which meant if eligible I’d be drafted in one nanosecond. So I managed to get into this unit, although it meant a commitment of six full years.

After completing regular Basic Training and Advanced Training my obligation was 16 hours a month and two weeks every summer. It was during one of those summer camps that I first met Pvt. Isaacs.

Through a friend of his he was able to transfer into the unit upon his arrival to California. He had no broadcast training nor any desire to become a broadcaster but this was the army, so he was approved immediately by the unit. It’s amazing they didn’t try to recruit him.

So now I’m in Ft. Carson, Colorado, in the barracks, enjoying my first Breakfast Jack and hoping to see DEEP THROAT for a third time when I notice a guy reading the biography of George S. Kaufman (famous comedy playwright from the 20s-50s). Kaufman was an idol of mine (read MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER and YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU) and I was surprised to see someone reading it on an army base. Actually, I was surprised to see anybody on an army base reading any book.

So I introduced myself, we seemed to hit it off, and we discovered we both had this love for comedy.

Tomorrow: How we decided to team up and become a writing team.

Friday Questions

It’s the rolling craps edition of Friday Questions (7-11).

Covarr asks:

What is a laugh spread?

This applies primarily to sitcoms filmed in front of studio audiences. When a joke gets a laugh the actor with the next line holds so the laugh can play out. Otherwise the audience won’t hear his next line. You put all these pauses for laughs together and you get the laugh spread.

You’ll hopefully get two to four minutes additional minutes of laugh spread. That way you’ll have time to play with in editing to cut out things that didn’t work, trim some things to pick up the pace, etc.

On the BIG WAVE DAVE’S pilot, our laugh spread was ten minutes, which was fantastic until we tried to edit 32 minutes down to 22.

Eduardo Jencarelli has a credits question:

When multiple writers get credited on the same script, they usually get divided by usage of the "&" ampersand, but I've seen cases where the actual "and" word is used, and sometimes even both with three writers or more.

Ex: Written by Ken Levine & David Isaacs

Ex2: Written by Ken Levine and David Isaacs

Ex3: Teleplay by Jane Espenson and David Benioff & D B Weiss

Is there a criteria involved in separating multiple writers which requires using both cases? Is there a reason? Were they writing separate scripts that got joined together somehow?

In short, an & means the writers wrote it together. An “and” means two writers wrote it separately. Okay, what’s the difference? The WGA allows for only two writing entities (a team counts as one entity) on any teleplay or story credit (unless there’s a waiver). So let’s say David Isaacs and I and Jane Espenson wrote a script together. If the credit was

                                        Written by
                                       Ken Levine
                                              &
                                      David Isaacs
                                             And
                                     Jane Espenson

Then David and I would split half and Jane would get half herself. We had this problem on ALMOST PERFECT when there were three partners – me, David, and Robin Schiff. How would we all get paid equally? We had to get a waiver from the WGA, which they would only grant if the studio paid 150% for the script so we each made essentially half of a normal script assignment.

And in the case of “and,” this occurs when another writer is assigned to rewrite the first and changes enough to warrant credit according to WGA arbitration rules.

An interesting note: You would think a writing team (with names separated by an &) would automatically split their salary 50/50. But that’s not always the case. Again, you have to notify the Guild you’re doing this but you can divide the money any way you choose. Why wouldn’t a team split everything evenly? There’s a husband/wife team that splits their take 90/10. That way the husband makes enough to qualify for health insurance (which covers his wife) and the two share in the money anyway. Pretty clever, no?

From Donald:

I saw 22 Jump Street and laughed, as far as that goes. But a preponderance of the jokes were all pop-culture based; specific references to other movies, TV shows, actors, etc. What's your take on this? Is it lazy? Isn't there a concern that these will date the film?

In their case, I guess that's not a concern. I imagine they wanted to make as much money in its initial release as they could and so what if in ten years the movie is a relic?

Pop culture references are easy laughs but do date a project. At the moment it is a style that is in, and if the jokes are funny and the movie is enjoyable what the hell? 

But it can become a crutch and as a comedy writer, if you're big strength is pop culture jokes you’re going to have a fairly short career. References change and newer, younger writers will have a better handle on them than you, at which point you become merely a reference.  Plus, it is lazy writing. 

The best comedy writing, the most enduring comedy writing comes out of character. Reference real life, not the Kardashians.

And finally, Rod queries:

Have you ever directed a hald hour comedy that did not involve a studio audience and multi cameras? It seems to be popular right now, with Modern Family, The Middle, and The Goldbergs, to name 3. Thanks

Not an entire episode but single camera scenes in numerous show. For DHARAMA & GREG I did a whole crowd scene at Ghiradelli Square and a car chase. For other shows I’ve had blizzard scenes and chase scenes on Paramount’s New York street, horseback riding scenes at Griffith Park, a dog chase scene through the woods, and news crews stand-up reports on the streets of New York and the Paramount, 20th, and Radford streets of New York.

My next directing assignment will be in a couple of weeks. It’s another multi-cam show – an episode of INSTANT MOM written by Annie Levine & Jon Emerson. Please don’t add a skydiving scene.

What’s your question? Leave it the comments section. Thanks!

My take on today's Emmy nominations

This is the year that the Emmys officially went off the rails. There are too many shows on too many networks and delivery systems for the Academy to recognize those shows and artists who are truly deserving. And the categories have so blurred that shows got snubbed by other shows that didn’t even deserve to be in those categories.

It’s now just a joke.

The fact that Tatiana Maslany was not nominated for her extraordinary work in ORPHAN BLACK means the entire exercise is a complete and utter sham. She plays nine characters – all brilliant, all distinctive, intermingling with each other, and at times even impersonating each other – and yet she was ignored. Meanwhile, Michelle Dockery, who plays the stiff weepy Lady Mary on DOWNTON ABBEY did get a nod. So did Kerry Washington for SCANDAL, a show that’s good pop fun but hardly a legitimate drama. The Academy should be ashamed. Imagine the Oscars not nominating Brando for THE GODFATHER.

Actors who are series semi-regulars got nominated for best “guest” stars. Robert Morse, who has been on MAD MEN since the beginning is a “guest” star? Beau Bridges and Allison Janney who are series regulars on MASTERS OF SEX  also qualify for this category? So appearing in like 8 episodes of 10 constitutes “guest” star?

Among the many other deserving actors who got passed over this year were Andy Samberg, Liv Schreiber, Matthew Rhys, Kerri Russell, Tim Oliphant, Walton Goggins, and the list goes on.

And how many episodes is a series vs. a mini-series? THE GOOD WIFE got snubbed for Best Drama while MAD MEN and BREAKING BAD did not. THE GOOD WIFE made 22 episodes. MAD MEN made seven. BREAKING BAD made eight.

MAD MEN got a nom for Best Drama but not one writing nomination. In other words, it’s dead. So if it’s dead, why not give the nomination to a more deserving show like THE GOOD WIFE, WALKING DEAD, JUSTIFIED, THE AMERICANS? Or (considering this absurd Academy) 2 BROKE GIRLS?

TRUE DETECTIVES, an AMAZING show, only made seven episodes and the two stars will not be returning next year. That’s a “series” and not a mini-series. But AMERICAN HORROR STORY, that also did just a few episodes with a revolving cast is considered a mini-series. Again, the Oscar equivalent: Best Motion Picture – the nominees are THE GODFATHER and a four-minute Pixar cartoon.

Readers of this blog know I love ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK. But I’m sorry folks, it’s not a comedy. It’s a drama with comedic elements. Newcomer SILLICON VALLEY is a comedy. LOUIE, (that’s nominated) used to be a comedy. If by “comedy” you mean the show that’s really funny and makes people laugh the most – then BIG BANG THEORY or VEEP should win. But since it’s this Academy they’re probably both dead. Meanwhile, THE MIDDLE (which was funnier than MODERN FAMILY this year) and MOM were both no-shows.  I guess they made the mistake of going for jokes in a comedy and not brutal beatings. 

Similarly, Taylor Schilling as Piper in ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK is wonderful but it is not a comedic role. For her to even be nominated as best comedienne against Julia Louis-Drefus is her only real laugh this year. And also in that category is Lena Dunham playing the least funny woman on television. The gold standard for comedy should be Lucy not Sela Ward.

As I said, the problem is that the nominating process is now way too unwieldy. Too many shows, members not getting certain channels or delivery systems and not bothering to devote a gazillion hours to screeners, shows being selected on the basis of buzz, shows being selected because of familiarity (DOWNTON ABBEY sucked this year. It was great the first season or so, but now is a faint carbon of its brilliant self), and shows are entered in categories in which they don’t belong.

If the Academy doesn’t address this, if it doesn’t set strict guidelines for what constitutes series, mini-series, guest performances, genres, etc. the awards will become so meaningless and the public will so little care that they might as well disband the whole practice. Not only is this year’s Emmy nominations a sham, it cheapens the accomplishments of past winners and lessens the honor of recognition to those among the chosen this year who do deserve it.

I’ll be reviewing the Emmycast again this year. If you think the nomination were absurd, just wait until you learn the winners.

Here’s a complete list of the nominees.

Coming soon!

Or at least later this morning.   The Emmy nominations have been announced and since I had no plans to get up at 5:00 AM for the presentation, I will take my car to the shop as planned, and then later this morning will compose my thoughts on the nominations.   So if you're interested, check back later. 

Great movies you're not watching

Hi kids! This is Charlie Chaplin (THE Charlie Chaplin), writing from the great beyond. Thanks to Ken for letting me guest blog today.  I really love his blog except when he writes about baseball or Patty Heaton.  But I digress.   I realize a lot of you don’t know who I am (or was). I was a silent movie star. You may have seen my little tramp character. Ken has posted a photo. I was really funny back in those days. Lots of sight gags. Like I said, we had no sound. We couldn’t do sparkling dialog like in STAR WARS. I also introduced “pathos” (sadness) to comedy. For the five cents you’d pay to see one of my movies you expected more than just hilarity.

I wasn’t the only big comedy star back then (although I was sleeping with more women). Buster Keaton was a genius. Somehow he could make inanimate objects come alive. And many of his stunts were truly death defying. Again, people were paying a whole nickel. You had to really wow them.

Harold Lloyd was another funny chap (we didn’t use “dude” then). You may have seen the famous scene where he is hanging from a large clock on the side of a skyscraper? (Ken, please provide a photo of that too.) Amazing. And he only had strength in one hand. Most people don’t know that. So all of his stunts were really incredible.

Personally I think these guys were nuts to risk their lives for the sake of a laugh, but we had no WIPE OUT so they were providing a real service. I just saw Buster recently and he said if he had it to all over again, he would have just gone up for romantic leads.  In that case, lose the pork pie hat. 

Anyway, we also had Stan Laurel & Oliver Hardy – two very funny gentlemen who made the transition from silent to sound with relative ease. Stan was the comic genius – writing and directing all their pictures – but Ollie was maybe the funniest comic actor of our day. Even now, whenever I’m feeling a little low I just drop a few bricks on Ollie’s head and laugh and laugh. The guy kills me. And I’m dead.

Other funny folks came along. The Marx Brothers (although they were always a little to Jewish for my taste), W.C. Fields, Abbott & Costello, Carole Lombard (and Katherine Heigl calls herself a comedienne), and Cary Grant (Good luck, Buster, going up against that guy for romantic leads. You were better off being dragged by moving trains.).

So why am I here? To remind you that most of our movies are still available to see. In fact, with the internet, they’re even easier to access. If you’re interested at all in comedy you will be exposed to a whole new world. All the hilarious sight-gags you see in Judd Apatow/Seth Rogen/Tyler Perry movies – we all invented them a gazillion years ago. And we did our own stunts and baked our own pies.

But most young people don’t watch us anymore. And why is that? They’re just a click away. The reason is that all of our films are in black and white. First of all, lemme say it’s not like we had a choice. Don’t you think I would have used 3D and CGI and THX if I could? I would have crushed it on Blu-Ray. But black and white was all we had. And drugstores took forever to process the film. 

So what is so off-putting about b & w? Just because we’re not in color, we’re not worth watching? Jokes are only funny in pastels? Only old or dead people are in black and white movies? Comedy wasn’t invented until 2002? Seriously, what is it? All this amazing, inspiring, uproarious material and you kids have no interest because we’re all in gray. I’ve got news for you. Buster Keaton WAS gray.

I invite you to all to set aside your bias and discover the exciting wondrous illuminating world of black and white.  You'll thank me as if I tipped you to BREAKING BAD.  Black and white, my friends.   Black and white.   Sound – eh, that you can live without.

Thanks, Ken.

When great actors collabrate

It's always awesome.  Brando & Pacino.  Newman & McQueen.  And now this:   Wow!

The infamous "Leather Binder" incident

First of all, if you didn’t read yesterday’s post, that headline will mean nothing to you. Check out David Isaacs’ guest entry from Monday.

Okay. Now that you’re up to speed…

It is true I ripped a leather binder completely in half in one motion. This was one of those incidents you hear about where someone has a huge rush of adrenaline and lifts a Buick. This temporary strength came out of anger, and I’m usually not that angry a guy. Kvetchy – most certainly, but blue blind rage -- no.

Note:  I am not naming the actors involved.  My prerogative.   Nor will I deny or confirm the many conjectures I know are coming.    Sorry, I'm taking the high road. 

We were showrunners of this particular train wreck and were down on the stage for a runthrough. One of the cast members, a lovely person, innocently did something the star objected to. So the star stopped the runthrough and in front of everybody just tore this poor individual a new asshole. It was completely uncalled for and reprehensible.  The actor was completely mortified.  And again, he did nothing wrong.  You can imagine how uncomfortable this was to witness first hand.  An arctic breeze goes up my sphincter just thinking about it.   Had this happened today I would have stepped in and stopped it, even if it meant facing the wrath of the star myself. But I was younger and more inexperienced. (This is why you hire seasoned pros to run network television series.) 

So I just seethed. The star’s behavior had been horrible for quite some time, but ripping into a fellow cast member was, for me, the final straw.

When the runthrough was over we returned to the room. The star had given us these leather script binders for Christmas (as if that was on anyone's wish list to Santa –a stupid leather binder with the star’s name on it – I would have rather received a stocking of coal). And I don’t know what possessed me, but I grabbed that binder and just tore it in half. (It felt great, by the way.) At the time I was doing it I had no idea this was a feat of Herculean strength. I might as well have been ripping a sheet of construction paper. Even after I did it (and the writing staff was hiding behind chairs) it didn’t seem like any big deal.

My partner wisely decided that I should have the night off. Rewrites on that show routinely lasted until 3 or 4 in the morning. But clearly, I was not going to be of much help that night.

I should mention that a few weeks later a similar incident involving the star so outraged David that he flipped over our giant heavy wooden conference table. Scripts and pens and dishes of m & m’s all went flying. I sent him home that night.

I should also mention that in all the many years we’ve either been on staff or run shows, those are the only two incidents of meltdowns that we’ve ever had. But then again, we never worked for Roseanne.

Final thought: Ripping that binder is not something I’m particularly proud of (which is why I rarely bring it up). And even though it’s easy to get very emotionally attached to a project, creative issues should not be cause for losing your mind. But people treating other people terribly and getting away with it because they can – that’s what gets my adrenaline a’pumpin’.

And now for my next trick…

Guest blogger: David Isaacs

Never let it be said I don't provide equal time.   When a reader asked for David's comments regarding our writing partnership he graciously filed this: 

In answer to a question to Ken about writing partnerships, one reader, curious to hear from Silent Dave, asked if I could chime in on the subject. So here goes.

After reading Ken’s take on the subject I would second, as I more often than not do, his points on having a successful writing partnership. The freedom to trust one’s own voice, and yet hold respect for the other guy’s opinion are cornerstones of any good writing team. “My way or the highway” is an attitude that will sink a partnership very quickly.

I will occasionally pitch or joke or make a story point I feel saves the day… sometimes it does and I’m the hero for that moment. However, it can happen that my brilliance is a met by my writing partner “with the jaundiced eye of rabbinical scholar”. In other words, he has a problem with it. That can be a sobering moment, cause when I said it I didn’t expect a lukewarm reaction. So now I have to defend it, not to mention that I’m a little resentful that it’s about to be picked apart by the ungrateful bastard. Still, I started writing with this obsessive prick because he was about the funniest person I’d met to that point in my life and if he doesn’t find my line amusing or my story fix cogent, there could be something about it I’m missing. So, for the sake of the script itself, maybe I should hear what the jealous SOB has to say. Now I may not ultimately agree, but once again, for the sake of the script, which is everything, it might be better to try another alternative. One we can both agree on. Some would say that is compromising, and I wouldn’t disagree on principle, but strangely, for us anyway, putting our heads together almost always results in a better line or story fix.

You usually team up because you both figure two heads are better than one. So why abandon that when things get tough?

Work with another person as long as Ken and I have and you are bound to run into problems and life situations that test your partnership. We’ve had some -- a few shouting matches along the way, and some chairs and tables have been turned over. Things got so tense once that I saw Ken, who no one is ever going to mistake for The Rock”, rip a LEATHER script binder in half in one motion. That was one scary, superhuman feat. I thought at the time, if he could do that to a cow skin he could crush my head like a grape. Luckily he was angrier at the actor than me.

Through it all though, we never took things personally for very long, and that, I think was the key. We both always recognized the value of the other guy to the bigger picture of turning out good work.

I wish you could have seen Levine tear that binder. It was fucking mythological.

Thanks, David.  Note to other writing teams:  rip a leather binder in half.  You'll get your way a lot more often after that. 

From the "Chutzpah Hall of Fame"

Here's another baseball post for people who don't like baseball. It's about one of the most outrageous characters I've ever met.

This goes back to my minor league days. For the three years I broadcast in the minors for Syracuse and Tidewater. You meet a lot of colorful individuals on that circuit but none even close to the announcer for Louisville (who was replaced by a guy named Joe Buck). This guy, we’ll call him “Louie” had a big booming voice and a style that only can be described as carnival barker. Having crossed into middle age, Louie was still a big skirt chaser, although in those days he generally wound up getting girls in big skirts.

One day Louisville is in Des Moines. He meets some woman at the hotel and they arrange to rendezvous in the lobby at 11 PM after that night’s game.

Unfortunately, the game drags on.

The visiting broadcast booth is right next to the main area of the press box with an open window between the two. Reporters can easily hear the visiting broadcasters.

It’s 10:40. Going into the 8th. The game has at least a half hour to go, then there’s wrapping up the broadcast, shutting down the equipment, and getting back to the hotel. No way will Louie make his 11:00 tryst.

As the two teams are changing sides and the pitcher is making his warm up tosses, the reporters start to hear play-by-play coming from Louie’s booth.

“Bottom of the 8th, Jones up, swings at the first pitch. Fly ball to right. Krellman makes the catch. One out. Next up is Smith. He swings at the first pitch and hits a grounder the first. Two quick outs…” etc.

Louis begins MAKING UP the play-by-play. Sure enough, “his” game is over in ten speedy minutes and he’s out the door. Louie belongs in the “Chutzpah Hall of Fame” for that one stunt alone.

But there were many others. Among them: getting thrown out of a game by an umpire for ragging on him from the press box, getting thrown out of an NBA game and costing his team a technical foul when he did same thing during his brief tenure as the San Antonio Spurs announcer, getting fired from the Minnesota Twins for illegally promoting a drag strip nightly on the broadcast he had ties with, getting canned from a Cleveland sportstalk station for accusing a team of “Jewing down” a player’s agent, and last I heard he was doing TV weather in a small Midwestern town and was arrested for fondling some woman’s breast in a carwash.

As a writer, if you were to put Louie in a script your producer would throw it right back in your face saying he was waaaaay too implausible. And he’d be right…except in minor league baseball. Guys like Louie made all the nine hour bus rides, make up doubleheaders, and dinners at Shoneys worth it.

How to get back at network censors

Battles between show runners and network Standards & Practices (i.e. Censors – despite what their business cards say) are common. Personally, I never had a major run-in with them. They have been annoying and at times infuriating, but that’s just part of the process. Most of the time you can work things out. They tend to be reasonable.

But we had an incident in the mid 80s when we were doing MARY (the Mary Tyler Moore comeback vehicle) that at least gave us a chance to get back at them… in some small, admittedly immature, but mirth provoking way.

Our S&P person was a middle-aged spinster. Picture: Aunt Bea from THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW. In one episode we had Mary innocently say “yin yang” in a speech. "Aunt Bea" called and said we’d have to lose that. Why? She said it was a euphemism for penis. Well first off, I had never heard it used in that context and secondly, we weren’t using it in a suggestive manner. “Yin yang” is the Chinese symbol for opposites. Plus, Mary Tyler Moore was saying it. We were not going to have America's sweetheart do a dick joke.

Still Aunt Bea was adamant. She had a list of euphemisms for penis and none of those words were allowed.

She had a list? An actual list?

I got an idea. I said to her it would be very helpful to hear the list so we’d know in the future what words to avoid. Would she please read them aloud to me?

I then put her on speaker phone so the entire writing staff could hear as Aunt Bea went down the list. Just imagine your dear sweet grandmother saying, “willy. wang, dong, baloney pony, Captain Winkie”.

We were dying.

She was clearly uncomfortable too. But when she finished I asked if there was a list for breasts. As a matter-of-fact there was. I had her recite that list to the gang. “Hooters, kazonkas, sweater meat”.

She reeeeally wanted to hang up after that list. But there was yet another list we really needed to hear. “What about vagina?” I asked.

She took a deep breath. And then from “cha-cha” to “hoo-hoo” with every “man in the boat” in between, she rattled off the terms. Dropping the “C-bomb” and a few that were so ugly that I could only picture Andrew Dice Clay saying them.

I thanked her, she hung up, and we howled for twenty minutes.

We got very few S&P notes after that. And to be fair, we always tried to take the high road on that show anyway. We weren’t looking to slip in dick jokes. .

Here’s how far television has come: For a full list of those CBS euphemisms for “penis” watch any three episodes of TWO AND A HALF MEN.  And for "vagina" watch any ten minutes of any episode of TWO BROKE GIRLS. 

I always miss Dave Niehaus on July 4th

Dave Niehaus, the longtime Seattle Mariners' broadcaster who passed away a few years ago had many traditions.  One was to wear a hideous red,white, and blue sportsjacket every July 4th.  One year, when I was his partner, we were in Detroit for Independence Day.  We split duties on radio and TV that day and of course Dave wore the jacket for the opening.   I asked if I could wear it when I came on TV.  He said sure, I appeared on camera in it and could not have looked more ridiculous.  Wouldn't you know, they picked it up on ESPN and it led off every edition of Sportsnight that evening.   For weeks I took shit from the players. 

But God bless, Dave.  He loved his country, team, and family.  And I miss him everyday.  

I don't have a shot of him in the notorious jacket, but that was the shirt he wore with it.  Also in the picture is Kevin Cremin, our producer-engineer (who is still there today). 

Enjoy the fireworks tonight.

4th of July memories

Since the 4th of July is a day to celebrate Americana and (in my case) a chance to sell some books for your summer reading, here are two brief excerpts from THE ME GENERATION… BY ME (GROWING UP IN THE ‘60s), my humorous/nostalgic/Pulitzer Prize ignored memoir of growing up during the California myth. You can get the Kindle version here. The paperback here. And the audio version (voiced by yours truly) here. It’s the perfect way to support this blog and relive happier times in this great country.

July 4, 1964

Fortunately, we were back home from Hemet in time for Independence Day. They still had 4th of July parades in Woodland Hills. Not exactly lavish affairs -- a few Jaycee Booster Clubs, school marching bands (playing nothing but “Stars & Stripes Forever” and “Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini”), anyone who owned a horse, ice cream trucks, local dignitaries (“Hey, there’s Mr. Neider from Neider’s Auto Body!”), some elementary school classes, local politicians (“We have a councilman?”), and majorettes from as far away as Reseda. The twirling batons proved to be more dangerous to crowds than today’s maple bats.

But for me the REAL reason to stake out my spot on Ventura Blvd at Shoup Avenue was that the grand marshal was always Buster Keaton. Buster was probably 150 by then but still, there he was. Mostly forgotten today but Buster Keaton was a comic genius in the era of silent films and early talkies. His flair for physical comedy was so inspired that even today I don’t think there’s a single comic who can remotely touch him. If I couldn’t still see George Washington in person at least there was Buster Keaton.

I miss those parades. If you still have one where you live, go. Wave a flag. Cheer. Just duck when the baton twirlers go by.

July 4, 1967

We got a dog that summer. A poodle-terrier. My mother named her.

Babette.

That name would not have been my choice. I don’t remember why we got a dog. We never had a pet before. But I was thrilled. And Babs turned out to be a fabulous dog and companion. If someone in the house were sick, she’d sit all day at the end of his bed. I worried that our family, unaccustomed to caring for pets might not take the best care of her – and my early fears were justified.

Our house was only two blocks from the Woodland Hills Park. On the 4th of July, they would shoot off fireworks. We always invited a few people over for a barbeque and fireworks show, comfortably viewed from our backyard. A neighbor was lying on a chaise lounge. He set his martini down on the ground. Babette approached and lapped up the entire contents in mere seconds. Ten minutes later she staggered out onto the lawn and passed out for twenty-four hours. We have a dog for one month and get her completely shit-faced. Nice.

Have a safe and sane 4th of July.

The writing process on MAD MEN

Actually, I'm doing Friday Questions on Thursday this week since tomorrow is the 4th of July and most people have other things to do.   The first FQ is answered with the assistance of Matthew Weiner.

It comes from Ted:

I love Mad Men, and I've always thought that, like The Sopranos, the sharp writing comes from a staff in a room. But Matthew Weiner does a lot of publicity for the show, and he doesn't seem to mind if you think he creates every word, character, and storyline. So what's the truth? Is Mad Men room-written or not?

No. Matt comes up with the general arc and direction of the season. The staff works together with him on breaking stories and then write individual scripts. Matt then takes his pass at every draft. That’s not to say that a lot of the original writer’s draft doesn’t make the final cut but everything passes through Matt first. And that's in addition to the scripts he writes by himself. Hey, he’s the real deal, folks.

To confirm all this I double-checked with Matt, who added this:

I have had a lot of writers come through the show. And the story process in that room is very collaborative and essential. I do not and more importantly can not do it by myself.

Thanks, Matt. Also worth noting, whenever he’s interviewed he always makes a point to mention and thank his staff and crafts people and it’s very often not published.

Jose asks:

How would an actor find out that they're fired from a show for bad behavior? From who and how would they get the news?


Like if it was a young actor on a cable show who didn't take his job seriously and they just had a supporting role that could easily be written out of the show without them appearing again.

Uh..Jose, are you by chance on a cable show and feeling a little insecure??

When actors are fired it should be the showrunner who tells them but often times that thankless task gets pawned off to the agent or manager.

Most times it’s not because of bad behavior per se. Actors are often fired for reasons that are not their fault. They tested poorly. The network has someone they like better. Or the network has a deal with an actor and needs to stick him somewhere.

A few years ago a showrunner was ordered by the network to replace an actress with another of their choosing.  The new actress was terrible.   After several of her episodes aired the showrunner walked into a gym and there was the actress he fired on the treadmill.  She sees him and calls out across the entire gym, "Yeah, BIG improvement!"  

Shows also get rewritten and parts are dropped.

So in most cases, it’s like being the victim of a sniper. You never hear the bullet coming.

But there are also times when the actor knows he’s not cutting it. Getting fired is usually painful but it can also be a relief.

As for bad behavior, we really need to define just what that is. Some actors have a maddening process that drives everyone around them nuts. Is that bad behavior or bad work habits? If the performance is ultimately great it’s just the process; if it’s not you shoot him week four.

The only incident of real bad behavior I encountered was a guest actor who made a totally inappropriate sexual advance on an actress. When I found out about it later in the day I walked right down to the stage and fired him on the spot.

So be careful Jose. Work real hard, take your job seriously, and no hanky-panky with series regulars.

Here’s a question that all America wants answered. It’s from Ian:

How does Phoef Sutton pronounce her first name? I suspect it's something like "fuff," but I'm dying to know for sure.

It’s pronounced “Feef”, just like it’s spelled.   And as you can see, Phoef is a guy. 

Warren Z. wonders: 

If you were to write for a show like Modern Family, where every episode is based around a theme (sometimes loosely, sometimes not so much), would you start by determining the theme, and then work out each of the storylines from there? Or would you figure out the plots first and tweak them, if you need to, to fit a particular theme?

Theme FIRST. Always. It’s the spine. This also applies when creating a series, movie, play, novel – any dramatic enterprise. The best stories are ABOUT something.

To not have the theme first is like an artist painting something at random and then deciding what it looks like.

What's your Friday Question and what day would you like me to answer it on?  

How to improve the World Cup

The World Cup is in full swing and has become an international sensation.  But that's not enough.

Here in America (i.e. the center of the universe) we have been a little slower to the dance than other nations. This is because we didn’t invent it (although maybe in the Book of Mormon we did). And yet, we’re trying to get aboard. There’s a professional domestic league and some teams are doing quite well. In Seattle the Sounders are outdrawing the Mariners. And U.S. children have embraced soccer.  Since they’re not allowed to use their hands they can text during games.

But the World Cup has begun to catch on here.

Sorta.

It’s on all the time and GAME OF THRONES is over. But it’s not the huge juggernaut that it is in other countries. And as we all know, for anything in the world to matter, the United States must be suitably excited. So here are some of my minor suggestions for how we could better involve the most important nation in the history of the planet:

First: ESPN – hire a host who has an eye problem. We appreciate sporting events way more if we can be distracted from them. Guys are just kicking a ball around. Zzzzzzz. But whether the host will be able to go on camera – THAT’S drama. And if he doesn’t, who goes on instead? Talk about watercooler gold. Will the substitute host be a man or woman? Or better yet, will they switch off? Who will score better ratings? Now you’ve really raised the stakes.

And then, for the finals, have Tina Fey and Amy Poehler anchor coverage.

Never schedule a match between two neutral countries. The matches must always be between countries we love and countries we hate. I realize this is difficult because we now like so few countries but there’s always Canada and nations that offer great vacation packages.

Involve Ryan Seacrest. Suddenly the World Cup becomes important.

We don’t have to watch the whole game. Cut away during the slow parts (i.e. 99% of it). Produce five-minute heartwarming profiles on players who have overcome adversity. We root for individuals. So give us a goalie with one testicle and we’re yours.

Invite stars from our various primetime shows and cutaway to them incessantly during the game. There are crowd reactions aplenty as it is, but they’re just rabid fans wearing the bright colors of their country. Who gives a shit? But is Kaley Cuoco having a good time? That’s the stuff that draws us in.

We Americans don’t love low scoring games. Extend the goals another thirty feet. If a team is losing by 6 goals with 2 minutes left but still has an excellent chance to win then we won’t switch over to SAY YES TO THE DRESS.

Cut the game time down from 90 minutes to 9. They kick the ball back and forth. We get it. In fact, why not just skip right to the shootout? That’s when things start happening.

And finally, you must let us win. I know it tarnishes the integrity of the competition somewhat , and you other countries could argue that winning means nothing if you don’t earn it, but we don’t care. We just need to win. Even though Team USA lost in an earlier round you still found a loophole to advance them. You need to do that again now that they lost to Belgium. The U.S. needs to triumph over some countries (or at least appear so). If we can win the World Cup that means we can have a victory parade and citizens won’t shoot each other for a couple of hours.

Yes, we know the World Cup is getting massive ratings around the globe, and that’s all fine and dandy, but what good is being in the finals if you can’t get endorsement deals from Nike and Odor Eaters? Why play in a championship game if Bruno Mars doesn’t do your halftime show? Yes, you may have to throw the final game, but we’ll take care of you.  It’s so hot in Brazil. Wouldn’t you rather spend summers in Seattle? There are commercials, guest appearances on ELLEN and a roster spot on the Sounders for all of you.

And as for the nations themselves, if the US is watching, you can charge ridiculous TV rights, enough to balance the budget of every country participating. And all you have to do is throw the games, change your format, and cater only to us. I’d say it’s a win/win. Tell Ryan Seacrest to pack for Brazil. Otherwise, it's back to ELLEN in the daytime and WHEEL OF FORTUNE at night for all us yankees.  Let us know who really won.

Writing alone or with a partner?

The process of writing has come up a lot these last days.  Of course it's hard to find appropriate visuals to go along with that.  So, as longtime readers of this blog know, I resort to Natalie Wood.  She looks cute in short hair, doesn't she?   Anyway, here’s a Friday Question that became an entire post. It’s from RyderDA after last week's announcement that my play is being produced by the Falcon Theatre:

Your new play "A OR B?" is by you and not the longstanding team of Levine & Isaacs. In a successful partnership, how do you know when to "go it alone" and when to take a project on as a team?

I can only speak for my partnership, of course, but here’s how we worked it out:

When we write scripts together we always do it head-to-head. Done it since our first spec and we continue to work that way today.

But early in our career, when we got on staff on THE TONY RANDALL SHOW and MASH and started getting numerous script assignments, we decided that once each year we would work differently. I would write one act alone and he would write the other. We’d then combine them and do a polish together before turning it in. The point of this exercise was to give both of us confidence that we could write by ourselves. All these years we’ve worked together, we’re partners out of choice not dependency.

We’ve also believed that partners need to give each other room. Over the years one or both of you might want to pursue other interests. One cockamamie writer I know wanted to become a baseball announcer. I don’t think he would have done that had the other partner not felt secure that he could take on assignments on his own while the goofy one was in Syracuse waiting out rain delays.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both writing alone and with a partner.

For me, it’s way more fun and more social writing with someone else. First of all, the burden is not all on you. The key is finding someone you trust, of course, but it takes a lot of pressure off when your partner can come up with the big jokes or story fixes. And if your car is in the shop, you always have a ride.

The downside is that everything has to be talked out and agreed to beforehand. When I write by myself I like the freedom of just trying something – writing a run without having any particular conviction. Just riffing. Often times I’ll end up discarding it. But I enjoy the luxury of just being able to try something without having to justify it. And along the way, some good things will result, things that might surprise even you. I’m writing more from an instinctual and subconscious level. There’s a lot more trial and error. For example: in writing my play I keep a separate file of scenes and dialogue I’ve discarded. The play is about 90 pages. The reject file is 50 pages (and counting). So with the added experimentation comes a lot of Sunday strolls down dead-end streets and over cliffs.

There’s also the danger of losing your objectivity. This is another area where a partner really helps. When I write something on my own I always give it to a few writers I really trust to get their input. When David and I write a script together, if we’re both happy we’re confident enough to turn it in.

To return to your original question (finally), how do you know when to do a project alone or with your partner – I think it depends on a number of factors.

Is this subject matter you’re both passionate about, or does one partner have a real feel for the subject matter while the other couldn’t care less the meat packers union in the mid 1930’s.

Do you feel confident tackling this project without the help of your partner?

Is the story something deeply personal to you?

There are times you have to be pragmatic. You may not make a sale on a project unless both partners are involved. If you’re a team you’re a known entity.

Availability: Are both partners in town, or is one across the country about to call that night’s Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs game?

Do you need to get the script in quick? Two can write faster than one.

Is your partner driving you crazy and you just need a break before you kill him?

Do you think your car is going to need a lot of time in the shop? In other words, do you drive a Jaguar?

I’ll end with this: David and I recently wrote a pilot script we had sold to a cable network. David is currently a fulltime professor at USC, has a number of outside TV projects; I have my play, books, blog, directing, radio projects. We hadn’t written a script together in well over a year. And yet, when we began it was like we had just finished our last script the day before. The pace and shorthand we have developed with each other fell right back into place. We had a great time writing the script. No matter how many other projects I have, there’s no way I’m giving up that process. That’s the fun part.