Sunday, December 30, 2007

My favorite quotes of the year

Sherri Shepherd, new co-host of THE VIEW even topped fellow hen Elisabeth Hasselbeck in stupidity by saying she doesn’t know if the world is flat and hasn’t really thought about it.

President Bush on September 20th said this about the very-much-alive Nelson Mandela: “"I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."

Britney Spears on VH-1: “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

You’ve seen it on YouTube. Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen USA (pictured above) answering a question about why 20% of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. She said, “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere, like, such as. And I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”

And my favorite:

Pam Anderson ended her marriage with latest hubby, Rick Salomon. They were married Oct.6 in Las Vegas in the hour and half interval between her two magic shows. They'd been friends for years. In an interview on Ellen's show Anderson revealed how they went from friends to lovers. "I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love. It's so romantic."


Anonymous said...

Oh geez, I'm going to have to defend George Bush here. Not that it's something I'm eager to do, but your quote from him is unfairly presented out of context.

President Bush was making the point that when people look for noble leadership in Iraq they don't find any. And the reason why the don't is because Saddam Hussein did an effective job of killing so many of his opponents -- particularly the principled and democratic ones.

So Bush, rather awkwardly, came up with this metaphorical statement about how Saddam had wiped out all Iraq's potential "Mandelas."

Here's the complete statement in its original context:

"Part of the reason why there is not this instant democracy in Iraq is because people are still recovering from Saddam Hussein's brutal rule. I thought an interesting comment was made when somebody said to me, I heard somebody say, where's Mandela? Well, Mandela is dead, because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas. He was a brutal tyrant that divided people up and split families, and people are recovering from this. So there's a psychological recovery that is taking place. And it's hard work for them. And I understand it's hard work for them. Having said that, I'm not going the give them a pass when it comes to the central government's reconciliation efforts."

It's simply unfair to assert that Bush actually believes (or believed) that Saddam actually killed Mandela.

And Mandela further proved his continued existence by repeatedly and fervently stating his opposition to Bush's Iraq policy throughout this year.

Anonymous said...

In other words, Huffman, we mustn't George by what he says, because he meant something other than what he said. The problem is, you look at his quote as provided by you, and he still says Mandala is dead, and he still isn't. And Bush is still an ignorant idiot, as his every act and utterance during the 7 disastrous years of his illegal usurper's administration has proven repeatedly.

I guess when Rick Salomon plays Poker, he plays "Poke Her".

And let's not forget Miss Shepherd also said that no one came before Jesus, that Jesus preceded, apparently, all of civilization. I guess no has ever mentioned that pesky old Moses to her, or explained to her abysmally stupid self what "BC" stands for.

Bitter Animator said...

As an outsider looking in, I find it weird that Bush is seen as a buffoon to point and laugh at. I mean, yeah, the things he says are often ridiculously stupid (though John's explanation does shed some light on that Mandela quote) but I can't help feeling, given his position, the appropriate reaction should be less mirth and more absolute terror.

But, actually, it's probably we outsiders who have more reason to be frightened.

Anonymous said...

Much has I've spent half of my life trimming the Shrub, I'm going to have to back JPH on this. Bush did a pretty good job of defining selected departed as having been a potential Mandela. Or a he puts it, "metaphornication."
Like "Carl Rove" and "Turdblossum."

What I liked better was WH Press Secretary Dana Perino's amplification of the President's retort, "Where's Mandela? Well, Mandela's hosting that TV game show 'Deal or No Deal.' To which we say, Mr. Mandela, NO DEAL!"

(My own favorite quote that just got in under the wire was from my cousin Barry's roomate Shelly Moscowitz, when he was informed yesterday that I had posted his Lawry's Restaurant crown chipping incident here for all to see: "It's like pouring seasoned salt on a wound.")

This is a true story that I don't know if you will find worth including -- but it just may provide hope that you too might have a similar brush with mediocrity.

Around 1988 we received an invitation to go down to the Dallas Zoo on a Saturday morning, because our kids were two of the winners in the zoo's "draw your pet" competition. The only others to show up, sitting on a bench, were George and Laura Bush and the twins, who apparently were also "winners."

After sitting for awhile with nothing happening, my own wife Laura stood up and said, "I gotta go see what they drew." She came back from the fence where the children's drawings were being displayed and said, "We're toast, they drew Milly's puppies."

With the Sr. Bush president at the time, I went over and made a lame joke, "If my kids actually win anything for this, will there be an IRS audit?" She smiled really sweetly. He just said, "Yup," with a resonably effective skunk eye take. I did think that with all their celebrity/notoriety, they must have been a together enough family to get both kids dressed and down to the zoo at around 8 o'clock on a Saturday morning. What, the other families were too busy? And I don't care what you say, I think those twins have moxy."

Anonymous said...

Oh, and since the Daily Show is still on "hiatus"...

Responding to calls that the US send an FBI forensics team to help investigate the Pakistani government claim that Ms. Bhutto had been killed by a sunroof, the President declined. But he is sending Ralph Nader.

Anonymous said...

JPH is right. I'm no Bush fan, but he was obviously speaking metaphorically, and the quote makes perfect sense to me. If you can read that and still think he's literally talking about the one and only Nelson Mandela of South Africa and is so stupid he thinks that particular Mandela is dead, then you either need to brush up on your figures of speech or else rein in your Bush hatred because it's retarding your communications skills to a level even lower than Dubya's.

BTW, Doug, you left the word "judge" out of your first sentence. Simple typo anyone could make, but I shiver at the thought of what you'd say about Bush if he did it.

Bitter Animator said...

Doug doesn't have an arsenal capable of taking out the world at his disposal. That gives him a little more leeway with typos.

MrCarlson said...

What about, Allison Janney on Ellen, when she was asked if she was going to take anything from the set of The West Wing, she replied "I want the President's balls" :D (she was refering to the paper weights on his desk).

Anonymous said...

..and this morning, I'm on eBay looking for "Poker for Dummies."

Anonymous said...

Please don’t think I’m dropping another name again. (One New Year’s Eve – or in France, “New Year’s Yves" -- I was actually in Manhattan and excited to be part of a ball-dropping experience. Then I realized I had only become a little less tense.

Two friends in Boston, John Gates and Bill Keith had a grip/electric company, Boston Light and Sound. In 1977, their company was hired for the Jimmy Carter Inaugural festivities. They sent out a press release with this lead sentence: “Bill Keith and John Gates of Boston Light and Sound are proud to announce that they have been chosen to light all five of President Carter’s balls.”

But enough with the MandelaMishigas already. Sometime you should try turning out 100% A material diurnally! Now if someone can just help me figure out if we’re supposed to haul out that ram’s horn and blow it at midnight tomorrow – or does the new year begin at sundown? (See what I mean?)

Anonymous said...

"Is our children learning."

"Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."

The Bush defenders will probably leap to his defense saying that's not what he meant. He just misspoke. Okay, if you're saying he's not really stupid and ignorant, then how about: "Brownie, you're doing a heckuva' job."

I rest my case.

Anonymous said...

The Bush Mandela quote is a figure of speech called synecdoche. (sih-NECK-duh-kee)
"Mandela" stands for "peacemakers."

Anonymous said...

The Bush Mandela quote is a figure of speech called synecdoche. (sih-NECK-duh-kee)

I thought that was a city in New York state.

brian t said...

Nader going to Pakistan? Well, I can see how those limos are unsafe at any speed, especially when fired at and bombed. Is he going to recommend they redesign the sunroof?

Anonymous said...

"I did NOT have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinski"

Anonymous said...

michael, the so-called "Bush defenders" are not, so far as I can tell, defending Bush per se. Just that one statement -- as a careful reading of their responses should prove. I see no problem giving W a pass when he's merely unclear. There's plenty of incoherence to call him on, with more surely to come.

Poor Miss South Carolina -- every beauty pageant contestant in history has known they'd be safe as long as they ended their answer with some blather about "children" and "the future." But there's a limit, babe.

Anonymous said...

Not only is Bush an inarticulate speaker with a poor por vocabulary (some of which he makes up himself), he also has a very poor speaking style. I chuckle when I read in a new book about him that he looks foreward to going on the speakers tour after his term is over and "earning big bucks, like Clinton and Regan". Someone should tell him both of those gentlemen were master communicators.

Dwacon said...

Poker debts paid with sex?

Whatever happened to the old standby, broken kneecaps?

Then again, that could happen with sex in some instances...

Anonymous said...

What about Bush's latest press secretary, who recently revealed she wasn't sure what the Cuban missile crisis was!

Buttermilk Sky said...

"I don't want the federal government making decisions for doctors and customers." GWB explaining why lazy, greedy children should not benefit from the S-CHIP extension. Then again, as long as we have medicine for profit, maybe "doctors and customers" is the correct terminology.

Anonymous said...

But, actually, it's probably we outsiders who have more reason to be frightened.

We're the ones he's spying on BA, but sometimes pointing and laughing is better than crying in despair.

Dana King said...

Two things:
Why do most Bush supporters leave anonymous comments? (Happens on my blog, too.) Are they ashamed?

I'd pay money to watch George W. Bush try to pronounce "synecdoche"

Anonymous said...

dana, are you referring to the posts in this thread? Because I've just looked it over again and I don't see one post that can be definitively interpreted as pro-Bush. The closest I suppose is "anonymous" with his definition of synecdoche. But then again, maybe he was just offering up the definition. I think everyone who defended the Mandela quote also went out of their way to make it clear they were merely defending the quote, not the man.

I remember when I was in college, I wrote a letter to the editor of the school paper in response to a piece that decried South African apartheid as the most evil thing ever perpetrated in the history of mankind. While I made it clear that I fully agreed that apartheid was evil, I made the mistake of taking issue with the notion of ranking evils as though they were songs in Casey Kasem's countdown ("Dropping to number four this week, Hitler and the Nazis with 'Tomorrow the World'"). For my trouble, several letters in the next issue lumped me in with Jerry Falwell and other then-current right-wing bugbears, conveniently overlooking that I said nothing in support of apartheid and, in fact, included it in the evil "Hit Parade." So I think I understand why anonymity can look like an attractive choice. Personally, I prefer to take responsibility for what I say. If I'm not willing to do that, I don't post.