Thursday, January 10, 2008

What do you mean there's no midseason?!

The last time the writers went out on strike it was March, right at the end of the TV season. We were out three months before the AMPTP even knew it. This time our work stoppage has caused a lot more havoc. January is traditionally the time when midseason shows premiere, existing hits resume with new episodes, and the Golden Globes herald in the much anticipated season of self-serving award shows. But not this year. Here in ’08 look for a barrage of reality shows, two or three remaining episodes of your favorite scripted shows, recycled cable series (CBS airs DEXTER but turns it into PG, which I suppose means instead of killing people he just lectures them), and AMERICAN IDOL. We all just take it for granted that TV’s second season begins in January. And it got me thinking – what else do we just take for granted? What else won’t we appreciate until they’re gone? Here are a few I’ve thought of. I’m sure you can provide more.

Vin Scully will always broadcast for the Dodgers.

Email will be free.

The Clintons will always be married.

That Twinkie you ate in 1993 will leave your system.

Major airlines will provide pillows and blankets for free.

Time won’t run out on Jack Bauer.

There will always be Yankee Stadium.

There will always be record stores.

“Paul Harvey…good day!”

Gasoline will always be at the bargain price of under four dollars a gallon.

Major sporting events will be on free TV.

You’ll be able to hear the Beatles on the radio.

Tattoos will always be in fashion.

There will be three new Woody Allen movies a year.

There will always be new games for your Playstation 2.

The Lakers will always finish higher than the Clippers.

Labor Day will mean the Jerry Lewis telethon.

There will always be newspapers.

Roger Clemens will be inducted into the Hall of Fame.

Sharon Stone will think you want to see her naked in a movie.

Splenda is good for you.

Manny will be Manny.

There will be anti-trust laws.

The New York Giants and New York Jets will always play in New Jersey.

HBO will always have better original shows than SHOWTIME.

There will always be one or two groups on tour calling themselves “the Beach Boys”.

There will be Marlins in Florida and Pirates in Pittsburgh.

Your little TV with rabbit ears will always get a signal.

You’ll love it at Levitz.

There will be a SAW VI.

There will be a ROCKY XXVI.

There will be rainforests.

There will be a New Orleans.

There will be a United States of America.


Anonymous said...

David Letterman will always have a Top Ten List.

Tallulah Morehead said...

TVs with rabbit ear anntennaes? The last one I saw was in 1983. For heavens sake, castaways on deserted islands have cable.

I Love Lucy will always be on.

We'll always have Paris. (Sadly, this now refers to Paris Hilton. Bogart and Bergman are lucky. They're dead.)

Anonymous said...

Sad to say, with respect to the last item, a case could be made that the United States already is no more (other than as postal nomenclature, etc.). We'll see whether we get it back again after 1/20/09.

As for what I take for granted: the ability to purchase a real milkshake. Or to be able to obtain anything chocolate at all. (Not to say there wouldn't be a black market...)

Christina said...

This is a depressing post!!

Tim W. said...

Speaking of getting a real milkshake, a friend of my wife lives in Wisconsin. In the town she lives in, she can't get anything but processed cheese. Anywhere. I live in Vancouver and the grocery store a few blocks away sells organic cheese. Several kinds. As well as organic fruit and vegetables, milk, yogurt...

Bitter Animator said...

The good news is that most of us will be long dead and decomposed before we get a chance to miss that stuff.

Every cloud...

Anonymous said...

A word from the UK here Gasoline is $7.69 a gallon. Behold the future it is Europe.

yoo hoo said...

...and nobody doesn't like Sara Lee.

Anonymous said...

RIP, Levitz!

Michael said...

My shot:

The U.S. constitution
The Bill of Rights
Teaching of Science in schools
Scientific Realism
The Atlantic (no longer) Monthly
Locally owned radio stations and newspapers
Porsche 911
Porsche 356 roadster

Anonymous said...

Great post, but why the photo of Golda Meir? Is it because of her slight resemblance to Sylvester Stallone?

Anonymous said...

Tullulah, I have a TV with rabbit ears. Lots of people do. Some of us don't like paying $60/month for hundreds of channels that only show endless reruns. Most cable channels have four or five shows they play on a loop 24 hours a day. I blame MTV, since they started it.

Anywho, in this world of internets and what not, you can literally find anything you want, no matter how obscure it is, so I'm not too worried about things being "gone".

Anonymous said...

You'll always be able to get to LAX from the Valley in 20 minutes on the 405.

Celebrities are just like us.

People will always be quiet when the movie begins.

People will always dress up to go to Las Vegas.

Hard work and obeying the rules will always get you places.

Sitcoms will always have theme songs.

The rest of the world LOVES America.

Anonymous said...

"Great post, but why the photo of Golda Meir? Is it because of her slight resemblance to Sylvester Stallone?"

What a TERRRIBLE thing to say about Golda Meir.

Anonymous said...

I really don't get that list. Is it funny?

The Bumble Bee Pendant said...

Disney World will always make you feel like a kid

MTV will show videos

JessyS said...

As of 2022, 15 things on Ken's list are no longer here. Of course the biggest is that Vin Scully is gone from the air as is Paul Harvey.