Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Spring Movie Preview Part I

Hello from Florida where my son and I are checking out Spring Training. So no AMERICAN IDOL recap this week. But in its place, here is my annual Spring Movie Preview – what you’ll be Netflixing this Fall.

SEMI-PRO – Number nine in the Will Ferrell “Beating a Good Idea to Death” series of films spoofing professional sports. This time he’s an ABA basketball player. Up next: the competitive world of pillow fighting.

THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL – Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson put on period clothes to prove they’re serious actresses and play the legendary Boleyn sisters, Serena & Venus.

10,000 BC – English speaking guy encounters an Egyptian civilization back when dinosaurs ruled the earth. The Flintstones sounds more factual.

MARRIED LIFE – Set in 1949 when divorce was not in style but killing your wife was.

MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY – Amy Adams drags Frances McDormand around London for a day. Adapted from the 1938 novel “I SAY, ARE THOSE NAZI PLANES FLYING ABOUT?”

FUNNY GAMES – Naomi Watts and Tim Roth are a married couple terrorized by two psychopaths. HOSTEL meets WHO’S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?

DR. SEUSS’ HORTON HEARS A WHO! – Jim Carrey so bring on the Green Eggs because they already have the Ham.

TYLER PERRY’S MEET THE BROWNS – Who cares what it’s about? It will gross $200,000,000 and no one you know will have seen it.

DRILLBIT TAYLOR – Owen Wilson in a comedy so delightful you’ll forget he tried to kill himself. Produced by Judd Apatow so expect penis jokes…but funny penis jokes.

THE GRAND – Woody Harrelson in a poker comedy. Co-stars funnyman Werner Herzog. This I gotta see.

CHAPTER 27 – The killing of John Lennon. Very similar to the movie THE KILLING OF JOHN LENNON. This one stars Lindsey Lohan, hopefully not as Yoko Ono.

STOP-LOSS – Iraq War drama starring Ryan Phillippe, taking advantage of the Iraq-themed film craze that has revitalized the industry.

MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS – Starring singer Norah Jones. Don’t Know Why.

LEATHERHEADS – Romantic comedy set in the now-cliched world of 1920’s football. George Clooney stars and directs so maybe he can give a fresh spin to this tired arena.

Part II tomorrow.

27 comments :

R.A. Porter said...

I am actually looking forward to Leatherheads. The trailer was funny, with crackling (I won't go so far as to say sparkling) dialog. If only it co-starred (almost) anyone but Renee Zellweiger, I'd be a lot more excited by the prospect.

Unknown said...

Stop-less sounds a hell of a lot better than Stop-Loss.

Anonymous said...

Spring training? Spring movies? As those of us who may not always have resided in the sunbelt do not ask often enough, “WTF happened to winter?"

I’m with you on THE GRAND. Isn’t Werner Herzog mostly known for musicals? Verwandlung der Welt in Musik: Bayreuth vor der Premiere, Die really blew me away. And with both Norah Jones and Natalie Portman in it, BLUEBERRY KNIGHTS just can’t go wong. Say what you want about Yoko Ono, when it comes to conserving most of the Earth’s resources, she leaves a light vowel footprint.

Please forgive this Ken. Before it started I accidentally clicked on that spam for the little blue pills, and those smiley faces shouting, “Omigod! No Way!” scared the crap out of me. In the words of, the French philosopher Manon, “Have a great spring.” And help stamp out Bennett Cerf’s disease, the #1 crippler of annoying blog-responders.

Anonymous said...

Will Ferrell is a symbol for everything that is wrong with this country.

Anonymous said...

This year's blockbuster!
I laughed, I cried...
at your line,
"Owen Wilson in a comedy so delightful you’ll forget he tried to kill himself."
How can they not use that in their advertising?
Levine, you're a genius!

TheRadioStation Staff said...

Saw the trailer for LEATHERHEADS and it actually looked promising...

BOB

Richard Cooper said...

Shut up, Porter. Renee is my girlfriend. She had me at Nurse Betty.

Richard Cooper said...

Shut up, rob b. Will Ferrell is my other girlfriend. He had me at More cowbell...

Unknown said...

When I first read the line about Will Ferrell, I thought you wrote "pillow biting."

I can't figure out if that would be an improvement or not.

rob! said...

you know, there's a movie idea i've had in my head for a long time that stars both Scarlett Johansen and Natalie Portman...

...but The Other Boelyn Girl was not it.

R.A. Porter said...

rob!, I think you should pitch us your idea. Not now, let me get comfortable first. Oh yeah, that's better.

This could be the movie that changes the paradigm. I guarantee we could get millions of people to pay money up-front to ensure that movie sees the light of day!

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming your idea for a movie with both Johansen and Portman in it was 'the competitive world of pillow fighting'.

Am I right? I better be.

And you better get it made.

rob! said...

well, its really more of a pitch than a full-blown (er) screenplay, but it involved a warm weather locale, and probably a hunt for treasure or something, which leads SJ & NP to maybe an island.

there they get stranded by a duplicitous charter boat captain(played by, what the hell, Naomi Watts) and are forced to confront their deep, deep attraction to one another.

so, to speak a language studios understand, its Cast Away Meets Raider of the Lost Ark with a dab of Mulholland Drive thrown in.

Anonymous said...

Can there be pillows on the island?
I think the execs are going to push that on you. You better fit pillows into your story.

R.A. Porter said...

rob!, you need to throw in Blue Lagoon to that mix and the studios will greenlight you in a heartbeat. And I think that carlo is right. Maybe this island has domesticated geese and a sweat shop filled with beautiful young women who pluck their feathers for high end pillows.

SJ and NP have to help the girls fight for their freedom, maybe with a little Enter the Dragon-style tournament.

Call it: Pillow Island.

rob! said...

i like all these ideas. must have bee what it was like when all those people hashed out the Casablanca screenplay.

i like the "fight for freedom" angle a lot better than my idea, since it gives the film the aura of respectability, surely a selling point to Ms. Johansen and Ms. Portman.

maybe Zach Braff can put together the soundtrack?

Anonymous said...

Or Shaggy.

Anonymous said...

Yeeeeesh. The guy goes off to Florida for a few minutes, and now I’ve gotta be the website administrator? The first rule is you don’t talk about pillowfight club. The second rule is you don’t talk about pillowfight club. The third ... aw, what the hell, chatter away.

Anonymous said...

You'll never get all these great ideas into one feather-pluckin' movie. It will take several sequels. Not that I have a problem with that.

The first sequel could find Scarlett and Natalie promoted from feather-plucking after they invent a seamless pillow case (title: Without a Stitch).

2nd sequel: The girls vacation at a Catskills resort, where they both fall for a dance instructor (Dirty Pillows). Auditions for the role of the dance instructor will be held at Dodger Stadium unless a larger capacity venue can be procured.

3rd sequel: When Scarlett is accused of being a pillow smuggler, she and Natalie make a video to prove it's not literally true (The Pillow Case).

Anonymous said...

As long as each is filled with pillow fighting goodness, I'm content.

Anonymous said...

OMG, NAZI PLANES? I WONDER WHAT THE FRENCH WOULD DO ABOUT THAT! LOL! WHAT DO YOU THINK KEN??

Anonymous said...

Or....

a weekly series, where has-beens and never-wases board a cruise ship to pillowfight....

Is Jack Jones still alive to do the theme to...."Theeeeee Pillow Fighttttt Boattttt!"

Three words: The Landers Sisters!

Anonymous said...

I just watched "Anne of a Thousand Days" a couple of weeks ago, after not seeing it since 1969. Now that was how to make a movie, with real stars. I can only imagine "THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL" with its young vapid "stars" and MTV-style editing. Sure she's hot but Scarlett Johansen has one look on her face at all times and it isn't one of great intelligence. Unless she airs those babies out in the movie (which I doubt), I'll stick with Richard Burton and Geneviève Bujold.

Anonymous said...

"TYLER PERRY’S MEET THE BROWNS – Who cares what it’s about? It will gross $200,000,000 and no one you know will have seen it."

Levine--you've gotta expand your circle of acquaintances.

Michael Canfield said...

10,000 B.C.
How come cave men are always white, even in Africa?

Anonymous said...

Because otherwise would be *gasp* rascist!!
Haha

Anonymous said...

I saw The Other Boleyn Girl last night, and it was actually pretty good, even though it plays fast and loose with historical accuracy. For instance, I'm almost certain the real Boleyn girls fought with feather pillows, not foam rubber.