Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Summer Movies Preview 3

Wrapping up this year's Summer Movies Preview.  Most of these will come out in August and you know Hollywood only saves the best for Labor Day.  Meanwhile, the M's wrap up a three-game series with the Tigers and I'll have the call on 710 ESPN Seattle, the Mariners Radio Network, Sirius/XM satellite, and MLB.COM. 

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION – Bruce Willis will now star in any film that still allows him to be an action hero. Get a couple of your friends together, buy an M-16 and Bruce will come to your clubhouse and be in your home movie.

SEEING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD – Love story between Steven Carell & Keira Knightley. If you’re saying, “That’s about as likely as a giant asteroid hitting the earth” you’ve just given away the ending.

NEIL YOUNG’S JOURNEYS – “Follow the Cocaine Brick Road.”

ICE AGE: CONTINENTAL DRIFT – Cartoon animals stake out territory not yet tread by the MADAGASCAR cartoon animals.

TED – Mark Wahlberg’s teddy bear comes to life and ruins his life. Directed by Seth MacFarlane so it’s FAMILY GUY meets ALF meets THE BEAVER. Co-stars Mila Kunis so who cares if it’s funny?

RUBY SPARKS – From the people who brought you the wonderful LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Writer creates fantasy girl who appears to come to life. Similar to TED except she says “I love you” instead of “Go fuck yourself.”

KATY PERRY: PART OF ME – It all depends on which part.

HOPE SPRINGS – Like all couples who have been married for 30+ years, Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones clash over amount of Oscars.

THE BOURNE LEGACY – This time Matt Damon has really disappeared. Jeremy Renner takes over as the action-hero. The franchise is in good hands.

TOTAL RECALL – Colin Farrell continues his bid to become California governor by starring in this Sci-Fi remake.

THE CAMPAIGN – Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis are two candidates who rip the shit out of each other. If it’s half as funny as this year’s Republican primaries it will be the laugh riot of the summer.

THE EXPENDABLES 2 -- Stars every over-the-hill actor star from Bruce Willis (of course) to Sly Stallone to Auh-nold. CACCOON with fight scenes.


Mike Botula said...

Looks like another popcorn-less summer where I wait for the DVD. Don't think the security cameras at the local Regal 16 will catch my image. Tennis anyone? BTW, my biggest challenge in the morning is trying to enter the correct security words on your blog as I sign onto the "comments" page.

Elf said...

KATY PERRY: PART OF ME – It all depends on which part.

Considering a significant source of her appeal, shouldn't that be "It all depends on which parts?"

Jim said...

Two thoughts on the this post:

1. Bruce Willis has a gut. Time to put a shirt oon and go back to the Blue Moon Detective Agency.

2. Another unfunny movie by Will Ferrell is coming to a cineplex near you this summer. This sounds like "Anchorman" on the campaign trail. It seems, that all of his movies lately seem to have the "Anchorman" them in a different setting. Just change the premise to a NASCAR race, a 1970s basketball team, ice skating, etc.

Chris said...

Tell us about your weekend with Bill Prady.

Becca said...

Steve Carrell is attractive, but at nearly 50, he should be playing Keira Knightley's dad, not her love interest. Of course, there is a precedent: Anne Hathaway in "Get Smart." His first movie love interest was Catherine Keener, wasn't it? THAT was cool. If he continues the way he's going, his next movie will feature him in a clinch with Ariel Winter.

BigTed said...

From the previews of "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World," there's nothing to indicate Carell and Knightley are each other's love interests. He's looking for his high school sweetheart -- and she apparently makes out with Gillian Jacobs from "Community," not that there's anything wrong with that.

chuckcd said...

Why cloud the issue with facts?

gottacook said...

I saw Bruce Willis in RED, which shows him to be a credible action star (as of 2 years ago, anyway, when that movie was shot). Having a supporting cast of great actors helped, of course; even Rebecca Pidgeon was good in this one.

Jango said...


What on earth is a caccoon?
A new shampoo maybe?