Saturday, July 14, 2012

"Life Without Dick" and other LIFETIME movies

I found a website that lists all of the movies shown on LIFETIME. I imagine most of these are Movies of the Week made specifically for LIFETIME. You’ll notice several recurring themes. These are actual titles; I’m not making any of them up. I gotta watch LIFETIME MORE.

Life Without Dick

A Woman Hunted

Bastard Out of Carolina

Co-ed Call Girl

Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life

Dead at 17

Death of a Cheerleader (which just might be the remake of Dead at 17)

Honeymoon With Mom

Human Trafficking

I Do (but I Don’t)

I Me Wed

I’m With Lucy

Little Girls in Pretty Boxes

Miracle on the 17th Green

My Stepson, My Lover

Nora Roberts Old

Robin Cook’s Terminal

Secret Lives of Second Wives

Single White Female 2: The Psycho (as opposed to the well adjusted girl in Single White Female 1)

The Trophy Wife’s Secret

To Be Fat Like Me

Too Young to Be a Dad

7 Things to Do Before 30

Ambulance Girl (this might be a superhero movie, not sure)

Confessions of a Go-Go Girl

Hostile Makeover

Jack & Jill vs. The World

Love ‘Em, Love “Em Not Weekend

Mafia Doctor

Mom, Dad, and Her

More Sex & the Single Mom

Mother, May I Sleep With Danger

Our Son, the Matchmaker

Sex & Mrs. X

The Hunt for the Unicorn Killer

The Wives he Forgot

Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her

What if God Were the Sun?

Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastechtomy


Unknown said...

I thought the last one was a joke. I started typing the title in the search and the whole thing popped up. Yipes.

My Name is Fred said...

You left off the classic Write & Wrong starring a certain Cheers alum... And the Natalee Holloway Story, which Suspect Joran van der Sloot himself watched the film one evening in 2010, according to his friend John Ludwick, and said that some parts were true while others were not...

Wonder which parts Lifetime got wrong?

Tom Quigley said...

These sound like half the query letters I ever submitted (only half, mind you)... I mean, after reading these, who could have resisted greenlighting SHE-MALE PRESIDENT, TERROR AT THE COSMETICS COUNTER, and THE NIGHT MY TEACHER TAUGHT ME...

Dave Mackey said...

All, of course, BASED ON A TRUE STORY else they wouldn't even be considered for Lifetime.

Johnny Walker said...

Wasn't "Life Without Dick" remade as Transamerica?


Andy said...

From the title "Ambulance Girl" does sound a bit super hero like but it is about a woman who faces a crisis when having spent years organising her recovering alcoholic husband has to deal with him being able to organize himself. It's actually not bad with a decent cast in Kathy Bates, Robin Thomas and Gordon Pinsent.

Paul Duca said...

Andy...AMBULANCE GIRL is the real-life story of authors Jane and Michael Stern, who write about food and pop culture ( ought to check out their book SIXTIES PEOPLE).

gottacook said...

This reminds me of an early-1980s New York Magazine competition (the weekly feature run by Mary Ann Madden for many years, now sadly defunct) - the idea was to come up with TV-movie titles at least as awful as the actual TV-movie title of the 1970s, Ski Lift to Death. Together with she-who-later-introduced-me-to-my-wife, we created more than a dozen entries and submitted them in our names and those of friends, and actually got four or five of them published as Honorable Mentions, including All the Kids a Guy Could Want and Leap Year Luau. (The deserving winner: Give Me Back My Face.)

Rich said...

Also, Queen Sized, with my longtime crush Annie Potts and the versatile Lily Holleman in supporting roles. Pretty good for a Lifetime movie, actually. Didn't go where I thought it was gonna go.

Phillip B said...

In just 2 years in the mid-90s, Tori Spelling starred in 5 of them -

Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?

Co-ed Call Girl

Deadly Pursuits

Awake to Danger

A Friend to Die For

JJadziaDax said...

This is hilarious :) though I will admit to having watched (and really liked) Little Girls in Pretty Boxes which was based on an investigative journalism book looking at eating disorders among and abuse of elite female gymnasts.

cadavra said...

Not that it matters in the general scheme of things, but LIFE WITHOUT DICK and I'M WITH LUCY both did get modest theatrical releases (I worked for the company that distributed them).

Wendy M. Grossman said...

I've read the book Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, which is a sesrching and well-documented look at the problems with top-level women's gynmanstics in the early 1990s or so, and the many injuries and sad stories that resulted. I think the book was instrumental in the creation of the age eligibility rules that have seen the average age of world-class competitors rise.


The Mutt said...

Before Lifetime, when the networks made their versions of these types of movies, they always seemed to have those double titles, like Dawn: Portrait of a Teenage Runaway. I always wondered why.

Mike said...

And you wonder why the Rest of the World hates America?

olucy said...

I once saw this network referred to as Lifetime: Television for Victims. That was years ago. Not much has changed.

But what's I'm With Lucy doing in there? That's actually a cute movie.

Paul Duca said...

Cadavra...I thought THINGS YOU CAN TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT HER was also released theatrically.

Kaleberg said...

Lifetime is the anxious woman channel. It's all about women's fears and anxieties. They vary from year to year. For a while it was my rebound boyfriend, teen aged daughter, best friend, boss at work is or is dating a serial killer. Then there was the problem child year, or was it two years. It's really kind of funny.

HogsAteMySister,com said...

Pfffffffffffffffffftttttttttttt Lifetime.

Anonymous said...

I expect someone has pointed this out already, but BASTARD OUT OF CAROLINA is a well known novel by Dorothy Allison - often taught and pretty well regarded.

Many of the others sound like adaptations of genre romance novels, which are obviously not addressed to men but which have a great deal of meaning to many women. It's okay to dislike them though - many of us loathe sports and war movies :)

Ane said...

Wasn't Bastard out of Carolina directed by Anjelica Huston? I haven't seen it but I hardt ut was great.

Ane said...

Never use autocorrect on your phone ;-) I meant to write "I heard it was great ".

Greg Ehrbar said...

Speaking of Tori spelling, one of our holiday time guilty pleasures is A CAROL CHRISTMAS, starring Tori as...wait for it...Carol.

Special guest star: William Shatner.

cadavra said...

Paul: No doubt, plus BASTARD was produced by and originally aired on Showtime. I just mentioned those two because I had first-hand knowledge of their big-screen lifespan.

Bob Claster said...

And... BASTARD OUT OF CAROLINA has a lovely score by the legendary Van Dyke Parks.

Rebecca said...

Bastard out of Carolina might have a funny name but it doesn't belong in this list (even though it may have aired on LFM). It is based on a semi-autobiographical novel, originally aired on Showtime not lifetime, about a young girl surviving an abusive childhood in Greenville, SC.

My favorite of the list though is "Mother may I sleep with Danger", I'll admit I've seen it, when it was an actual movie of the week starring Tory Spelling!

DBenson said...

Garrison Keillor had a monologue about a guy stuck on his roof waiting for a family member to come out and find him (not wanting to admit to chatty passersby that he'd gotten into a mess). Much of it was given over to a description of a generic uplifting Lifetime movie the guy was sure his wife was watching. It worked.